Just read your update. One problem is that you assume that you worship the same God. That's not what church means. Everybody who attends has issues that don't disappear just because they step onto that property on Sunday morning. It has nothing to do with your Christianity. The sooner you get over that, the sooner you'll be able to avoid being swept under by this. It's not their fault that you have these expectations of Christian lifestyle, based on what you think it should be. Unless you're friends or have some other actual interactive relationship, no one should be expected to stop and speak to you just because you're in the same place. It's not even rude not to speak. In fact, I think that it's rude to pretend to like someone if you don't. These people are not your friends, and that's okay. You just have ot work on yourself to protect yourself from getting caught up in their waves. It really doesn't have to affect you in this way.
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Um, yes, you most certainly can "fire off like that at church people". Why would you expect people at church to be different from anywhere else? People are always exactly who they are. You shouldn't necessarily use ALL your words (lol--like I tend to do), but you should keep them from running all over you.
You've only cited one specific incident, so I can't reply to anything else. I think that it is more than appropriate for you to have removed yourself from her personal space and not let her put her arm around you...and ignored her feigned concern for you. Hold your head--and even your nose--up and make her have to get your attention to say anything at all to you.
If it means so much to you, play their game with them. Example: When this woman puts her arm around you, you can look her in the eye and tell her in a voice that only the two of you can hear, "If you don't get your f---ing hand off of me, I'll cut it off." She won't know what to do, and you'll get a good laugh for later! They only do it because no one lets them know that it's unacceptable. Be the one they won't even look at because you're not impressed and won't be manipulated. Go to church and commit yourself to service, and don't let those knuckleheads distract you.
You have to establish your own boundaries. This is a great challenge for church-goers--you figure out why you're really there. It's a relationship just like any other relationship. Maybe you've just been attending and serving in regular old fashion. Now, it's time for you to step it up. Why are you there? People go to church for different reasons, and what you do there shows you who you are. It's not meant to be an escape to get away from he rest of the world. It's meant to give you glaring lessons in how to build yourself up to deal with what goes on in the rest of the world. Nobody gets a pass because it's church. Don't bash anyone over the head (unless you just gotta), but you must hold people accountable for how they treat you. This doesn't mean that you are to punish them; there's a difference. If someone feigns an interest in your well-being, say aloud, "You've never expressed that interest before. What made you think of me?" and look at that person like you expect an answer. It's not mean, and they know from this that you are a thinker and won't just fall into their foolishness. They'll either have a different approach with you or leave you alone altogether. You can't be afraid, though, to adhere to your boundaries. Once you get firm on that with yourself, it won't be so hard for you to hold them with others.
If all else fails, just slap them...one by one...no words needed.