Meddling & Gossiping Friend

Wow... she crossed so many lines that she stepped over the line, wiped it and destroyed it, kept going and can't see it any more. ::shock face::

I would have a really, really hard time trusting her and not allowing this to affect the friendship. I would probably confront her because it's just so strange and let her know that it wasn't okay, and that if she ever has any questions or concerns that she should ask you directly.

After this I wouldn't share much of anything personal with her and I'd probably cut back on spending time with her. If only to make a point that this was wrong and to give her a chance to think about what she did so that she can try to make it up to you.

Well, obviously she isn't being a friend or " christian enough" to be called a friend. How obsurd. I wouldn't associate myself with people who act that way or talk that way about me. Especially when they can't say it to my face. Honesty goes along way. At least now you know her true colors..

Jealously can be so ugly.

I'm sure you want to lash out but right now, for the sake of your daughter, don't...just not yet.

I would let her know gently that you are aware of what she has said and that she has breeched your confidence. Tell her you thought you were better friends than that and ask her if you can trust her anymore. Of course she will say "yes" and of course you will not tell her anything else.

Let it go for a month or 2...pretend all is good, but just don't hang out with her anymore. This will give your kids a chance to still play but under your discretion.

We've all been burned by friends. But i know its still not fun knowing that. gl!

She's not a friend.

You need to drop her from your play list...if she asks why - you can simply state "we don't seem to have the same values, morals and integrity.....we're obviously not on the same page..."

I would just drop her, like a hot potato and move on. You've learned a lesson....go with your gut on what you tell people....

If you confront her about it she will most likely deny it and then she will continue gossiping about you...hopefully, your true friends will know what you are made of!!

GOOD LUCK!!

This is shocking and unaccptable behavior to me...IF she in fact said what she said.

I suggest to avoid hearsay and address the issue with her directly. Tactfully offer to take her out to lunch or invite her to your home when the kiddies are not around...and then suggest that you have been hearing rumors about you not being able to afford the schooling you take your kid to, and does she know anything about this?

A piece of advice a friend once gave me...the most snide and jealous of those are also the most arrogant, and often a direct, yet tactful, confrontation regarding their own behaviors will often catch them off guard, in a way that benefits you. It is a way of establishing boundaries with them (making the person aware that you are not ignorant about what is going on, and not too timid to confront them head on, so she best be careful about what she says about you), while also getting information direct from the horse's mouth (even if she lies to you, at least you respected her enough to talk to her about the matter directly, and you can go from there).

You're right to wonder what else she is gossiping about, now that you know about her lack of character. I had a friend like that. Our kids got along and we did alot together. She made unkind remarks about others, similar to the remarks your friend made. I could see that she did it from her own insecurities and overlooked it to a point, and would challenge some of her comments. She'd apologize and seemed sorry for being rude, but in the end, she kept doing it so I quit hanging out with her.

"Gossiping" & "friend" shouldn't be in the same sentence, period. In any event, I suggest that you talk to her about it. I'm sure you'll be able to tell whether or not she was talking about you, by her response.

Personally, I would verify the gossiping & then probably cut the friendship. Either she's jealous, a busy body, or just plain toxic, or all three. If she's talking about the private school thing with others, then she's probably talking about other aspects of your personal life, and you, in general. Doesn't sound like a friend to me.

Hmm. I have quite a few Christian friends and family members. They have always said "going to Church doesn't 'make' you Christian" And a majority of them talk the talk and walk the walk. My exMIL was like your friend, however her idea of going on Sunday was to see who was wearing what, who was doing what and how she could 'out Christian, out best ' them.
Look up "bean dip" and if this gossipy friend does this to your other friend again have her 'bean dip' the gossip.
Also www.etiquettehell.com has some great comebacks, ways to deal with this.
Personally I think a persons religious orientation is no one else's business in cases like this. JMHO though

I say, don't give her this much energy into your life, turn it around, ask her why she didn't feel she could just ask you about your school of choice? Be honest and upfront with her, you thought you two were close friends but now you feel betrayed and hurt at her "gossiping" behind your back. And if she has the backbone to "stab" at you with other people she is not your friend, nor will she ever be, as well as she was JUDGING you about not be Christian enough, HER ACTIONS are speaking louder then her words.
Funny how the green eyed monster rears it's ugly head, too bad for her though as she definately planted the seed of doubt with you forever, sad really.

Um...my non-Catholic daughter attended a neighborhood Parochial school for two years. When we applied they told me that they'd had Muslim kids attend there, too. So "not Christian enough" is a ridiculous excuse for not "getting in". Aside from her being mis-informed about THAT, she's also quite a gossip and very jealous of you. If you go through with the playdate, and decide *not* to confront her, you'll have to look her in the eye, chat with her, pretend that nothing's wrong, even though you're upset at her. Will you be able to do this? Can you put your feelings in a box and put them away during this and any future playdates for the sake of your kids (since they most likely have no idea what's going on and will continue to want to play together)? Can you personally distance yourself from her without it affecting the relationship of the children? Or is it time to cut ties altogether? Decisions you have to make. Personally, I'd let her go. Unless my kids were the *very* best of friends, we'd stop the playdates and find other friends. If she asks why you're being so cold, just tell her flat out "You were gossiping about me and I don't appreciate it". Maybe she'll learn her lesson: you don't gossip about your good friends.

Jealousy can show its ugly face in so many ways. It is terrible that a person that you thought was your friend will do this. I had someone just the other day tell me that there is no friends when the story is good. I think for the most part that is true. People make up terrible stories about anything!! I can bet that you make her insecure in some way. I would just casually mention it to her and watch her sweat. If you watch a person close enough you can learn to see the same traits when they are lying.

I have found that my friends who I thought DIDN'T talk about other people were the worst at it. Call her out on it and move on - unless you don't want to be friends. I don't handle that well - the adults gossiping thing. i gossip to my husband, but that's it. Otherwise I don't say it unless I'd say it to someone's face.

As far as I know, you can be an alien from Pluto and attend a Christian private school! You don't have to be "Christian enough" (if there is such a thing--isn't that like being a little bit pregnant?)

I'm sort of wondering why the mutual friend would have told you all of this. Unless it was SO inappropriate that she felt you needed to know because associating with this hypocrite was reflecting badly on you.

And you're right--a friend doesn't "do this" and it ISN'T any of her business. Maybe she needs to be told that--point blank--to her face. Gossipers tend to hate that.

I would decline her offer to goto playdate together. If she asks why, just explain that information has come to your attention that she has been inquiring about your personal information (personal affairs) & that if she needed to know anything, she could've & should've come to you w/those questions rather than going to a personal friend. Tell her it is not her business to know these things nor is it her place to ask anyone else about you & your private business. And just tell her that b/c you felt betrayal of trust regarding this, you feel you can no longer be friends or allow your children to play together. If she tries to pretend it didn't happen by asking you "What things...what are you talking about???" You could mention what you've been told from your friend, things about your church attendance, etc. You could also approach her directly & just ask bluntly, "Have you been asking so & so about us?" or perhaps "Some things have come to my attention that you've been asking about my family's personal business..." & take it from there.