We live in a fourplex. We're having issues with our neighbors next door to us. In order for us to get to our unit, we'd have to pass by their unit first. My husband wants to "talk" to our neighbors about keeping their area clean, having their children clean up after themselves, etc. We've had our kids clean up/sweep the front area when it gets messy or right before garbage day. It's a routine we've had when we were living at our previous place. Every time we come home, the walk way is full of tan bark, the neighbor's toys, bikes, scooters, balls, etc. My husband made a comment one day, knowing that their door/windows were open and said, I can't believe this, it's messy AGAIN. I don't understand why they do not have their kids clean up after themselves. The next hour, we saw their older son putting their bikes away.
Every week, it's messy, we're getting pretty tired of it. My kids are getting tired of it, because they're the ones that have to sweep up the area when it's not their doing. The neighbors see that my boys are cleaning up. Yesterday, my husband was so upset, he told me that I'm tired of coming home to a messy walk way, toys everywhere, make too much noise. They were the cause of letting their children put toys into the plumbing system, causing the plumbing to back up/flooding in the units.
Last month, the neighbor saw my husband outside cleaning and said that we unplugged their cord for their light in their garage. My husband was confused, responded, how is that, if each unit has their own covered garage and how would you know if we unplugged it. The neighbor responded that, they were looking through a hole and saw that it was unplugged. My husband opened our garage unit and that "hole" that they were speaking of, was not there before and there was no plug. My husband knocked on their door and asked them, if they considered checking their garage light bulb. It may need to be changed. The couple both looked dumd founded. Ever since then, they give my husband mean looks. I continue to say hello and good bye, but get a mean look or a fake look. There are other issues that have been coming up, but I would say, the main issue at this moment is cleaning up after themselves. We find that it's unpresentable and can cause injuries when they leave their items outside.
I don't want any negativity around us, especially since we're neighbors. I'm not sure if I should contact the property manager with our concerns or if my husband should talk to them first. Suggestions, PLEASE! Thank you!
I'm not much of a writer when you have too many details to describe in a short period of time. Maybe, if I took the time to write a novel on my current situation, it might give people a better idea on how my neighbors are, what they actually do, what we do, how we actually handle it, etc. We have no issues with the other 2 units in our complex.
I was in a bit of laughter when I read that WE were the ones that were bad neighbors. This is actually the first time I have ever been told this. We've been called the opposite for years.
After reading all the different responses. It looks like there are many, many different neighbors out there. A few that sound like our current neighbors and some that are similar to what we've been experiencing.
Passive is definitely not a word to describe my husband. He is straight forward and blunt. No excuses, no sugar coating, etc. His approach is straight forward, BUT many people cannot handle that type of confrontation. My husband has actually spoken to them politely(because he knows that I'd be upset if he used HIS own approach). He has spoken to them about locking their limos in our driveway, the bikes that have been laying out for days, their garbage that travels on our side, toys that are laid outside for days. But how NICE can you get AFTER a few notices by your neighbor explaining the issues?
As for me, I can be passive at times( I'm working on this- my husband has reminded me not to be too passive and actually it has rubbed off on me a little). I found it interesting that some say that they WANT to be aware of the situation, but once confronted in a mature, polite manner, why is it that the neighbor who confronted you - gets talked about BECAUSE you brought it to their attention? But there are some people out there that actually do want to know and appreciate it with no worries. Just saying...
Seeing the mess - brought up to 2 concerns- hazardous and unpleasant to look at everyday.
Our current neighbors do not care about anything. No common courtesy. I think the reason why they had their son clean up their mess is because they have seen my children clean outside. We have taken video and pictures of the property.
Anyhow, thank you to all that have responded. Appreciate it. Your suggestions/comments have helped me make my final decision on this matter.
I'd complain to the property manager.
If anyone trips and falls over their stuff who gets sued?
If the place were on fire would people have difficulty evacuating if sidewalks are cluttered and blocked?
They can mess up their own area all they want but they can't impede ways of public access.
Tell the manager about the hole too and have him patch it up.
If worse come to worse you might need to move.
I would hate to think my neighbors were angry and bitching about me without letting me know I was bothering them first. They overheard you and came out to clean up. Obviously, they didn't want to upset you. But you're describing a lot of passive aggression on your part, and that would anger me if I were them. You'd get mean looks from me if you stood outside my house bitching about my family without actually coming to me first and talking politely to me. If I thought someone was irritated with me but I had no idea why, at first I'd be embarrassed and then I'd be mad - if I'm upsetting you, have the guts to talk to me or shut up about it, but I'm not a mind reader.
We live in a quiet neighborhood on a narrow street - not a lot of traffic - and cars access the street from either direction. People in our neighborhood park on both sides of the street, facing whichever direction they come in from. We had been living in our house for years and parking at the curb, facing the wrong direction because to park the right way would require a three point turn near where the kids play - it was safer just to park facing the other direction. Several neighbors did that for years. One day, the police knocked on my door and told me a neighbor had reported all of us. I have no idea who it was or why it bothered them. I had always felt welcomed by my neighbors and comfortable in my home - that ended that day. The officer thought, while our parking was technically illegal, it was a ridiculous complaint and told me so, but I agreed to comply. Now, I have to do a three point turn where the kids play and pray I don't hit anyone, but more than that it left me feeling very disrespected - I've liked all my neighbors and couldn't imagine who would report me without simply talking to me first. Neighbors regularly ask other neighbors to do things to accommodate - I've never once argued with anyone here. It really disappointed me that whoever it was didn't have the respect to at least talk to me before calling the police. If I had known it bothered anyone, I'd have been happy to comply, and if they'd understood my reason for doing it, it may have changed their mind, too.
I think you've handled it disrespectfully and sanctimoniously. I think going to the property manager without talking to them first is rude and childish. I think the negativity you have, you created. Families have different values - You want a clear yard, they may value their children's right to have things where they want them and play with them. I think you have a responsibility to either talk to them (not "confront," but talk to) or let them be.
Talk directly to property management. Since they are giving you & your husband the stink eye, they won't be friendly towards you.
If there is an emergency (fire, earthquake) and people rush outside and trip all over those items.... that's a hazard. They created it. They need to clean it up.
Take pictures (discretely) of what the mess looks like everyday, send an email.
EDITED TO ADD: The other thing that occurred to me when I read your post was that in a few years, they might have nightmare children (compared to yours). If they aren't teaching them now to be responsible, polite, considerate... they are setting themselves up for a royal headache. (In a few years, when they want the kids to pick up after themselves, it won't happen, because well... why is it important NOW? Never has been before.) I hope that doesn't happen, but that's where they look like they could be headed.
I wouldn't directly say anything. If its their property, then its ugly but not in your control. If their stuff is spread out over their property line then feel free to pile it back on their side. It sucks... Sorry.
So basically, you're saying that rather than speak directly to the neighbors about your concerns you/your husband are relying on them overhearing nasty comments about their habits that aren't up to your standards.
You're upset that their standards aren't up to your own regarding the property that they're responsible for.
It sounds as if you're making your children responsible for cleaning up your property AND some of theirs. You're even making your children clean up the neighbor's things.
You're upset about their noise levels, but don't explain how they're noisy. Normal children noises? Noises within the lease contract that are out of your control?
Is their messiness simply bothersome to you or are they actually breaking part of their lease?
You and your husband need to stop making nasty, passive aggressive comments and either speak to these people like the neighbors they are or go to the property manager/landlord. You're not being good neighbors.
If it is on "their" property, they can do whatever they want. It might not be what your husband likes but he has no control. However, if it is on your property then you have some control.
I think they way you have handled it so far is passive aggressive. You don't want bad feelings BUT your husband made nasty comments hoping to be heard. At this point, I'm not really sure what you should do. I guess talk to the property manager. However, if it is not impeding anyone and it is on their property (so to speak) your husband is going to have to get over it. Might have been nice if ya'll had just talked to them nicely about the situation.
You say you "don't want any negativity" but it is negative to make loud comments expecting those to make others change their ways. And you present the idea as if your only choices are "confront" or go to the landlord. How about talking with them without thinking of it as confrontation?
Please make another effort and consider doing it yourself -- your husband has already had one run-in with them and they are less likely to respond well to him than to you right now.
Put on a big smile. Put on your nice voice. Go over and say, "Hey, I know we've had some issues with the plug and things in the common walk area, but I'd really like to talk things out positively and constructively." Then have real and specific ideas to offer, not just comments like "Your kids are messy! " that will only make them defensive. Defensiveness does not produce any good results. Offer ideas: "Would it help if our two families together asked the landlord to replace the tan bark (do you mean what we call "mulch" in our area?) with something that won't spread around on the walkways" and so on.
Your husband might have thought he was being helpful when he said they could change their garage bulb -- but how did he present that? There is a world of difference between "Well, you wouldn't need a plug-in light if you just changed your bulb!" and "Oh, I noticed your overhead bulb is out -- did you check the wiring? If it's the wiring, let the landlord know because, hey, it's his job to fix it for you. And if it's the bulb, I've got an extra one here if you want it." Vast difference in approaches. Which would you want to hear if you were the one in their position?
If you and they can't communicate in a civil way, then yes, ask the landlord to speak to them especially about items left in common walking areas, which could present a safety issue. It's up to you whether you want the landlord to say that you complained or just to say, "I (the landlord) noticed these items consistently in the walking areas and you need to remove them because they present a tripping hazard."
In the end, shared living like yours will always have these issues. It just will. Eventually aim to get into a space that doesn't have the shared spaces so you don't have to deal with others' kids' stuff in the way.
Either speak to them directly or put up.
No nasty through the open windows comments. That's just a recipe for bad feelings and hostility!
We are currently VERY well-versed in the less-than-ideal neighbors. It's a couple with twin boys a year older than our oldest. We thought it was going to be great for our son to have 2 boys so close to his age to play with and help with the transition (he was very reluctant about moving out of our old house that he had lived in for almost 5 years).
It has turned out to be a nightmare from the start. Our very first night in the house, she comes over at 8:15 and says, "I know it's your first night in the house and all, but our kids go to bed at 8, and I can't keep my kids in bed because they keep hearing your kids." Say WHAT? I'm sure you can see the reaction that induced. However, I was very pleasant and apologize for the noise and explained that bedtime for us was usually around 8 as well.
Already put off the neighbors (well, her, anyway), a few days later, our kids were all playing in the common courtyard (it's a duplex), and one of their kids kicked my son. No reprimand, no words, nothing from the parents. She just came out and told the boys it was time to come in.
Believe it or not, a few months after we moved in, I was a meeting, and she came over to complain at 8:15 again. My husband said, "Yeah, we hear you, too" and slammed the door in her face. Ever since then, she won't look at us and actually scurries into her house and out of our way whenever she sees us. We actually think it's funny and aren't offended at all.
Simply put, she's crazy. He's pleasant, and their kids are never outside, so it's not too much to worry about. Many things have happened over the last 18 months.
However, in a situation like yours, I would absolutely have gone to the neighbors in a pleasant, unconfrontational way to address the issue right from the start. Having gotten no response, I would've indeed taken pictures and sent them to the landlord and kept on top of it until it was taken care of.
In no way would I make my kids clean up ANYthing that's their responsibility, except maybe some garbage because it helps them see that it's important to do their part to keep things clean (of garbage). However, I think you should immediately stop anything else because honestly, it would breed resentment in me, so I can't imagine how my kids would feel. With my luck, my kids would start throwing their stuff in frustration (haha).
Address it with the landlord, stop cleaning up after them, stop making snide remarks, and ignore them.
Take their stuff and throw it in the trash. Just kidding. We usually tell our kids that if they leave their toys out that they could be stolen. Usually that gets them to move. Your husband could go to their door and tell them that there's been some theft in the area (lie) and advise them to make their kids put away their stuff.
If that doesn't work, explain that their stuff being left out could cause someone to fall and sue them. Just a crazy thought.
