Middle Child! - Chula Vista,CA

Well, I just want to jump in to tell you that in MY experience it is the last child who gets the proverbial "screw". I have noticed that within my children's friends when they are friends with a "last" there is a huge difference. The parents of the lasters will barely do anything or go out of their way in the least for them. They are never allowed to come over or do anything b/c the family is always doing something for one of the elder's activities. They never reciprocate for playdates or anything else either. And get those parents talking about the older siblings and they will practically GUSH telling you about their very special activities and social lives (moms of girls esp!!!) but when you mention something going on at the last's school or sports or whatever and the conversation shuts down. Something to think about. Maybe parents are so busy over-compensating the middle they forget about their last??

I was a middle child. I always told myself I would never have an odd number of kids for that reason. I was miserable. Some advice I would give as a survivor of middle child syndrome is:
Dont let your middle child hear you discuss who is going to take them. I would always hear my parents say you take her I have to do this or that. I know they did not mean anything by it, but as a little child I heard I dont want her you take her. I always felt like I was the odd man out.
My older sibling love to cook. My younger good at sports. I was ok at both. Neither were my passion. When I wanted to cook with them I was usually told to find something else to do. When I wanted to practice outside with my dad and younger sibling I was usually told to find something else to do as they were working on new skills. Again, I am certain this was not intended to make me feel bad, but as a young child I took it as I was not good enough at anything important.
It just seemed like I didnt fit in anywhere. So I dont know if that insight will help you or not. Just please watch what you say and how you say it, you never know when children are listening. So many times little ones will take things the wrong way and if not told any different will get hurt.
Good thing is I survived and went on to have 4 children! I know I made mistakes but those few things I mentioned I was very careful about. Hope this helps.

... also important.... is that you explain to your Eldest child (because she IS old enough for you to speak to her like this)... is that, she cannot just boss her middle sister. Teach the Eldest... how to manage, herself, too. Otherwise, she will become an older child/teen/adult... and it won't be pleasant being around her. AND it is causing 'stress' in the middle child.
AND you teach your Middle Child... HOW to, speak up/say no/say stop it/to say she wants to be left alone etc. Teach her skills TOO.... so that she is not just at the short end of the stick under her eldest sister's persona.

I have an older sibling... that is SO overbearing.. .and well, as she got older, NO ONE wanted to be around her, much less me. It was awful. I did NOT like growing up with her. At all.
But, IF she ... was taught to be patient/understanding/empathetic toward her younger siblings... it would have been a WHOLE lot more pleasant. AND less stressful.
So you see... it is not just about the middle child feeling sandwiched... but ALSO teaching your Eldest... how to be more palatable..... too.
No one likes, an overbearing/bossy sibling.
Because, an overbearing eldest sibling that is not corrected.... and the bossed middle sibling... will just grow up.... and become adults, and still have these same problems. SO... teach your Middle Child as well... how to be her own person... how to speak up... do things with her for bonding and forming a good rapport with her... and teach her, how to stand up to her overbearing sibling and not be a .... door-mat... .which then causes her frustration and stress.

My response to your question in terms of what hurt me as a middle child would be this...My mom sat me down when I was about 10 and told me that since I am the middle child there was a good chance that I was going to grow up to be retarded, like my Aunt (her sister) was. THAT HURT! Not that you would ever say anything that stupid to your middle daughter, but I would say NEVER SINGLE HER OUT as being the MISFOURTUNATE "MIDDLE CHILD".
Being in the middle is a blessing, you get to learn from the older sister and help shape and teach the younger sister.
A suggestion I would offer is don't always do things in order of age like the oldest goes first or the youngest goes first, if that were the case, she'd never be first. Also make sure that you aren't always comparing her to her older sister in terms of her progress in school, with activities such as sports, etc.
One last suggestion is that you and or your husband take her out on dates regularly. Not just her, but all of your children. It keeps the lines of communication open between you, your husband and each of your daughters. As they get older they will be used to spending time with you and won't find it ackward or uncomfortable to spend one on one time with mom and dad.
Thanks for asking...
T., a very blessed middle child!

If your middle child is speech delayed take her for help with that problem. It'll open up worlds for her to be able to say what she means.
Help your 6 year old find what she is passionate in life about sewing, artwork, dancing whatever it is she will need lots of support to master it. The mastery is the clue. She needs to be seen and encouraged. Once she wins her own respect she won't be a classic middle child anymore.

dont baby her cause of her speech delay. treat her like she is normal but realize this can cause her problems. I was a middle and I was the bossy one. :) each kid has to learn to handle life on their own and no special treatment. respect who she wants to be. as an individual. other than that dont treat her diffrent cause she is the same. the babies always get babied and the oldest have it the hardest cause parents are making more mistakes with them. that is just how it is. we all got treated the same but the baby after we moved out got nicer clothes cause mom and dad could afford it then. so goes life. let the middle child learn to set her own boundries with the oldest.

ps I didnt know there was a middle child way of acting I thought it was just a kids way of acting nomatter the birth order. middle child syndrome I wonder if I have it :)

I'm a middle child although I had 2 brothers and we were spaced out age wise, so don't think for me it was a problem. I have 3 girls too (8 1/2, nearly 7 and 41/2). My middle one is very much the calm between the oldest and youngest and will always do something for an easy life ie. swap with the youngest who's moaning about something. She is the most confident and will always make friends in a new place. But underneath the happy face we have learnt she still needs plenty of hugs and re-assurance from us, as she is a bit of a worrier. We have also learnt she really does crave time with us individually, so just taking her out to the shops on her own, means a lot to her! Our eldest goes to bed later than her, so she also loves being treated as a big girl and staying up late with her big sister. Her speech was also delayed as the eldest did all the talking until she was 3. But now you wouldn't know, as she is a chatterbox.
Have a lovely Christmas with your 3! :-)

We have something similar in our house. I work to make sure that our middle child doesn't feel "behind" her sister and explain that she's doing just great for her age and doing much more than I was at her age. I couldn't ______ by the time I was ____. She often gets a hoot out of that.

Our middle child is very much "Mom's helper" and often is very eager to please. I make sure I commend her for her help.

As for the leader older child, we remind that one not to interrupt or to try to "trump" the younger one. So if the middle child says, "I got a sticker on my school paper." The older one often says, "Mom! I got 100% on my spelling test." My DH and I remind the older one that we are talking about the middle child right now, and that she needs to react appropriately to what her sister just said, like "good job" or "that's great". And when the middle one is done talking about her day, we'd all be very happy to listen to how someone else's day went.

We let our kids earn special mommy or daddy alone time by doing some simple chores. More often than not, the middle child gets things done regularly and has earned time away. Usually it's just a trip to the grocery store, but she gets to pick out an extra cereal or snack or a run to Home Depot with Dad where she gets popcorn or a sucker.

Also, we let our middle child select some new clothes at the beginning of the school year and remind the grandparents at Christmas that she could use a new _______. Hand me downs are not as fun as new clothes. So we do our best to let HER pick a few new items or replacements. Often this gets a negative reaction from the older child, who is quickly reminded that she gets everything new.

Finally, we expect each child to "mind themselves" that means no "mothering" each other. This has helped improved tattling on each other, putting hands on each other, etc. When each child simply takes care of themselves it makes life much easier for everyone. Try to ensure that you don't expect your 9 yr old to "watch the little ones"...we all do it. But maybe just the littlest one, if she needs help. The only times our kids are allowed to tell on each other is if someone is going to get hurt or something broken due to naughty behavior.

I'm with you mama. It's not easy - esp when you have to deal with it 24/7!

Happy Holidays

I'm a middle child, my sister is 5 years older than me and my brother is 8 years younger than me. We lived in a 3 bedroom house and my parents were of the belief that the oldest should have their own room. I had to share a room with my brother who I was further in age from. To me this made no sense since I was the same gender as my sister and closer in age. I always felt like my sister was liked more because she was their first born and that my brother was liked more because he was their only boy and their baby. I just kind of felt like the extra. Take things like that into consideration. I always told myself that if I was in a similar situation with my own children, I would rotate who got their own room every 6 months - year. I only have 2 children though. Don't make the middle one feel like the extra, especially if it's because they are the same gender and you were hoping for the opposite. I kind of felt vindicated as an adult because I proved to be their only child who has stayed a part of their lives, the other two went off to do their own things and treated them poorly.