Middle Child Syndrome - South San Francisco,CA

I think middle children definitely experience things differently. That sounds odd, but I believe it. The first child is the special one- first children always are. They do things first, get a lot of attention, etc. The baby, well, is the baby. ALL of the attention, she's so cute, etc. The middle child is always being compared with either the oldest or the youngest. Plays with someone older or younger, has to do things with the older one or the younger one. It is a tough spot.

Try and do something with just you two so he feels like an individual, not just in the middle of everyone else =)

I am the middle child, and I do not believe I have middle child syndrome. I'm more of the level headed, logical one in the family.

It could just be his temperament mixed with his age.

I am the middle of three girls and am actually more of a people pleaser which is probably the more traditional role of a "middle child". I don't think your son's behavior has to do with his place in the birth order, but may be more his general personality, age, trying to get your attention. I agree you shouldn't compare the two boys, but understand that may be a little difficult. Do your best. Try to remember they are two separate boys with two personalities...both with their own gifts, talents and even challenges.

Yes, three boys. My middle child is difficult, snaps, goes crazy, is aggressive etc. To the point where I am having him assessed for allergies, adhd, ODD etc. I think part of it is being a middle child in three very close-together children.

Oh I hear ya!!! My oldest is a girl...Yep articulate and mindful...The baby of the family...just a joy and even personality. My middle guy ah well......just like yours. He is sooooo sensitive...mischevious.....and has a temper. His birthday is next week and we are spoiling him for once :) I also have it worked out that the kids see my parents 1:1 so each kid gets their individual time. I never understood the middle child thing until I had three.

I am the middle of three children, and I believe I have "middle child syndrome" but it doesn't come in the form of anger or defiance. Mine came in the form of feeling like I got lost between the oldest and the youngest. Your son may also feel like this and expresses it with his aggression, frustration and/or defiance. You need to make sure that he doesn't get lost. For example, my older sister and I are only 11 months apart. Mom always bought her new clothes and then I got hand-me-downs. I solved that by not gaining weight while my sister did. That way, her hand-me-downs didn't fit me and mom had to buy me clothes as well. Also, when my sister moved out of the house and took all her bedroom stuff with her (we shared room) that's when mom noticed that all of the stuff in the room belonged to my sister - I literally had nothing because she bought everything for her and since we shared the room, she just didn't notice that she never bought me anything. These things made me feel sad and unimportant. I would do my best to get good grades, but come report card day, my parents were paying attention to my sisters' report cards because their's were not that good and again I was swept under the rug. Just be sure that you don't sweep him under the rug; don't always assume he can just share with the oldest or the youngest - he needs his own stuff too!

Im wondering the same thing (pregnant with my third)

I grew up in a family where the oldest has the most issues/hanf=g-ups/awkwardness, im the youngest with a fairly normal life but certainly NOT as put together as my middle brother who........finished college with his masters while working AND caring for my paralyzed father, saved every check. Was a celibate monk for almost 5 years before purchasing a house cash and getting married. He is a man of God and abstains from all intoxicants and bad behavior.

To me the middle child turned out better this time around in this situation, but my mother died when i was 8 and maybe that added a different dynamic.

Anyhooo, im hoping its not true, My middle child is already a little spitfire

Hi K.

I only have two, but my second one is just like your second one, so I don't think it is an influence of the third ( or birth order). Just love them all for who they are and it will work out. Mine are 12 and 14. They both love each other and get along even though they are extremely different.
It is inevitable to compare, but only do it in your head (never out loud) Just try to always think of the good things (like how loving he is) when you try to compare them.
Good luck!

I am a middle child and I do believe I follow that syndrome

Hoewever I am more level headed them either my older sister or my younger brother...I do feel I have a better sense of humour and maybe that is the attention aspect of it.

I do have a temper but ill chaulk that one up to German and Polish genetics.

In general yes I can relate to the following:

The middle or second born child or children often have the sense of not belonging. They fight to receive attention from parents and others because they feel many times they are being ignored or dubbed off as being the same as another sibling. Being in the middle a child can feel insecure. The middle child often lacks drive and looks for direction from the first born child. Sometimes a middle child feels out of place because they are not over achievers and like to go with the flow of things.

Being a middle child would mean they are loners. They really don't like to latch on to a person in a relationship, there fore they have trouble keeping one due to lack of interest. Not liking to take the limelight for anything, they are not over achievers and just simply work enough work to get by, and typically that goes with school as well as a career. They are however very artistic and creative. If forced to use abilities they will work well, but do not work well under pressure. They often start several projects but rarely keep focused long enough to finish a project. The best career move for a middle child would be along the lines of using their creative. Going into a writing or journalism career, and into a career that they could freely express themselves would be good. Anything that would have hours that are flexible, and projects that frequently changed would be good for a middle born child. Since relationships are not of high importance to a middle child, often times they are alone. However, the best possible match for a middle child would be a last born.

I'm the oldest of 3 and I have 3 kids. Growing up, my sister, who is the youngest, was the most rebellious and difficult for our parents. My boys are 7, 5 and 2, and so far I'm still waiting for a calm and easy going child! However, the oldest and youngest are my most challenging regarding undesireable behavior. And of course they are challenging in their own unique ways. My oldest is quiet, but passive aggressive. My youngest is loudly and openly defiant. My middle son is no angel, but tends to be more obedient and cooperataive (even if he is loud!). So no, I don't believe in "middle child syndrome" (which doesn't just include negative acting out behavior. It also encompasses goofy attention-getting antics.)

Well I am the middle child in my family. I don't and didn't have this middle child syndrome. I was the quietest and easiest of my sisters. Oldest was wild when she was young and wild when she was a teenager and a hot mess not that she is 36. My younger sister was sneaky and mouthy as a child but is now a childrens pastor! I never gave my parents a problem. I hated being in trouble even as a toddler.

I have 3 boys and one more on the way. My odlest is easy going and knows how to control himself if he has to. He was the perfect baby/toddler. Never got into anything or gave me a reason to repeatedly say NO NO. My middle is wild man. He is high strung and gets worked up over the smallest thing. He got into and climbed everything as a toddler. He still gets put in time out regularly. He is mouthy and defiant and has a hard time listening. My current baby is wild and climbs everything. He is crazier than my middle ever was.

Dont' compare them. Your other ones will never measure up and it's not fair to them. You know this already. Just be the best mom you can be to each of your kids. I try to be the mom each kid needs wich may not be the same mom as that others need(make sense?). I dont' believe in middle child syndrome. What do you call it when you only have two. My middle has been the same kid long before his little bro came along. He was almost 5.

Get him into a gymnastics class you'll see a great improvement in his behavior if he goes twice a week.

My first son was super hard! Not happy, calm, easy going. It took us 4 years to get up the courage to have another one and our second son is so laid back, relaxed, just chill! It is soooo nice! Not sure if we will have another but I was from a family of 3, me being the youngest and I was the harder one. My mom said all of us were pretty easy but I was more of a challenge.

I have 3 children(5,4,and 2) (the older 2 are girls and the last one is a boy)
My middle child is more sensitive. She gets her heart broken easier than the other two.(I'm very sensitive myself. ;) ) I don't think its a middle child syndrome.I think all my kids have different personalities. My oldest usually listen,can get a attitude,but is a good,loving big sister. My middle is sensitive,caring also,but has a hard time listening or paying attention. My last,is now getting a temper(unless its the terrible 2's) but can be laid back and loving too. I think all kids are different and really I have to tell myself that and not compared them to the other ones.

I guess all I can say is LOVE THEM all the same. You can't have all of your kids to be or act the same..... :)

I think birth order can play a role because of the way people react to us but I certainly don't think it's a major factor in personality development. But then I think heredity is at least 50% responsible for some basic personality factors that are then developed by our environment. I am a middle child but even my siblings would say that I have more characteristics of a first born when we read those birth order descriptions. I'm glad you realize that comparing him to his brother is not a good thing. I think our families can hold us back by categorizing us at a young age. I think he just is who he is.

I think it all depends on how you treat him. I am the oldest and never had the special "first child" treatment. My mom favored my little sister "the middle child," so that may be why she was never rebellious or acted out. My sister always was and is the calm, selfless, and mature one that everyone loves and gets along with. In birth order theory, the middle child is known to be the master negotiator, and that perfectly describes my sister!

My brother was the typical middle child.

My 2nd daughter is the typical middle child.

I believe in it to an extent because I've SEEN it, but I wouldn't define it the way some other people would.

My BFF has only 2 kids, and I'm ALWAYS asking her if she's sure she didn't have a 3rd, because her youngest fits 'middle child syndrome' PERFECTLY. It might just be the 2nd birth order, more than the middle.