Family Lifestyles are so very different that I find it hard to answer some of these requests. This is one of those. Are the two girls close? Do the compete with one another? Does the 14 year old feel left out- or not measure up? does the older girl outshine, etc..Does the 14 year old feel she is falling thru the family cracks between the oldest and the baby.. ?
The code.. and spending one on one time may be just the answer in that case. And it sure cant hurt. Bonding with her, and knowing that she can talk with you one on one. And those talks being special and kept private. Not shared with the older sister.
I would also think about spending a day in child court. Let her see the "Real" effects of children that are abused by a parent. What happens in court with DCS etc. That this is a Very Serious "game" she is playing. That it can have long lasting effects on her Dad if it were to go to court. I dont know what type of Career he has, but it can affect that also. Children dont think about those things when they are doing things for attention. Nor do they consider that DCS could take her out of the home if a "overZelous" case worker were to beleive that she was being hit by her father. This things are not to be taken lighty.
I say this not to Scare you to death, but I worked in the courts in another county as a Guardian-Ad-Litem and know how hard it is to wade thru what is true, what is not, what is child anger.. rebellion.. what is parents innocence, what is parents lies, when is a child too afraid to tell the truth, etc. So Talk to your daughter and try to explain this to her.
As far as the sneaking out, and not coming home: Went thru that with my daughter and we were not strict enough on her at the time..She is now 21 years old with a 15 month old son. In that regard, my advice: Come down hard!! Lock windows, put alarms on the doors if you have to.. Arrange to have her picked up at school if necessary: Show her that your not allowing her to "Run Wild", etc.
At 21: My Daughter Regrets the Rebellion and wishes we had locked her up.. which is not to say that we did not think we were doing everything we could at the time. We were young parents and trying to balance Love, Control,etc.
Im 45 Now: And if she were 15 Now.. you could Forget It..LOL..She would not Stand a Chance when it came to what she put me thru.. Ahhh.. the beauty of hindsight!! LOL.
I wish you the Best!! Love Her, Talk to Her, Try to Figure out why she is Acting Out..(other than 14years old).. and if she has outside interests..(sports, animals,babysitting, church, etc).. try to steer her time in another positive direction..
Another thought.. It could be that she Needs more time with her DAD.. and Not with her Mom.. was she a DAddys girl? perhaps that is the Key.. could she be wanting His attentiion? or Needing His attention.. more than yours at this time in her Life?? Hince.. He Hit Me..?? Hmmm a thought...