Middle of Night Visits

Updated on March 18, 2009
M.S. asks from Salt Lake City, UT
8 answers

My 28 month old soon occasionaly wakes up at night and wants to come to bed with us. Last night he was persist about it and so I finally let him but then he wanted to watch movies and I needed the sleep so badly that I let him. How do I handle this? I know this is not the right thing to do but I need to get some sleep.

What can I do next?

  • Add yourAnswer own comment
  • Ask your own question Add Question
  • Join the Mamapedia community Mamapedia
  • as inappropriate
  • this with your friends

More Answers

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

M.S.

answers from Denver on

whatever you do, do NOT let him watch movies, etc. because if he figures out you will let him, even if only occassionally, he might just decide to make it a nightly habit. it is early, so you still have time to fix this problem...

you need to take him back to bed, every time he comes in... this may happen a dozen times, depending on how stubborn he is, but you have to out-last him. he will eventually figure out that nothing will be gained by getting out of bed. also, pick a parent... if you take him back tonight, your husband can take him back tomorow... just don't change it up on any given night because then it becomes more of a game. don't turn on any lights, don't respond to any requests for juice, water, etc. just walk him back to bed and tell him is a calm voice it is time for sleeping, and that he needs to sleep in his own bed.

you might also try putting a gate in the hallway for a while, my daughter had a phase of this, but now she might open the door, see that she can't go anywhere and then goes back to bed because it is dark and boring.

it is harder in the short run to do this, and you may lose some sleep over the next few nights, but keep your eye on the long term goal here... good sleep for everyone. remember, while you are tired and losing sleep you also want to remember that this night waking and getting up and watching tv. is not a habit you want your son developing either.

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

D.M.

answers from Denver on

Listen to Deb K. and Megan S. it wil save you lots of trouble down the road because you just taught your son that persistent whining will eventually get him what he wants.
There were good suggestions from the other moms. Picking a weekend day on the calendar, letting them sleep on the floor next to you (which can be a comfort without being too comfortable) but their own bed must be the attractive alternative. Stay strong. This will pass. Hang in there.

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

A.M.

answers from Boise on

I have to disagree with the other requests a little...Don't feel guilty that you let him watch movies that one night! You need your sleep too, so sometimes (infrequently) you have to do whatever you can. You'll be a better mom if you aren't completely exhausted and irritable.
I love sleeping by my 4 year old, and he hates sleeping alone. I'm sure he feels that since Mom and Dad aren't alone, why does he have to be?!
You might want to pick a weekend to let him have a fit that you made him go back to his room, but it amazingly only takes about once or twice and they get it. There are times my son gets to sleep with us and other times I tell him before he goes to bed that he can't come to bed with us. He actually remembers that when he wakes at night and doesn't get up! If he does, he goes back to his bed.

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

D.S.

answers from Grand Junction on

I let my kids (6 & 4) on the weekend's watch a movie and sleep in our bed. But, they know that only on the weekend. Or if dad has to go out of town I let them. I love it. It's a bonding thing too. He's old enough. Pick a day on the calendar circle it and tell him this is the night that we will watch a movie together and he can fall asleep in your bed. Keep up with the calendar thing crossing off days as they go. He will be looking forward to it.

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

D.L.

answers from Billings on

Don't feel bad for the movies! Sleep is vital, especially for the care-giver/parent. I've done the night movie thing, and the night large meal thing, and the 'ok, but play QUIETLY' thing. It gets you through the rough patches, with sanity intact. The key is to not let it become a nightly habit.

I asked my little boys (ages 6 and 4) what they thought would help with your son waking up in the night (I thought maybe there would be some hilarious children's world response, that grownups would never think of). They both said that going in and cuddling with Mom is the answer.

Their suggestion may be in part because we co-slept with our babies until they wanted to be in their own beds.

I'd also suggest to check for signs of teething (if yes, give a little kid tylenol at bedtime); to make sure that he's not hungry; and try to fit in a little extra snuggles with bedtime songs and stories. (If you don't do bedtime songs and stories, you might consider starting. It really helps our kids get mentally switched into "sleep" mode.)

These phases come and go, so just hang in there. :)

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

A.E.

answers from Salt Lake City on

I am very grouchy when I am tired so this is what I've done. If they are scared or just want to be by me I let them lay on the floor next to my bed. If they are not quiet or stay still then they have to go back to their rooms. With my daughter I put a child lock on her door so she can't open it and come out. I know her room is fairly safe so usually she will play with her toys or look at picture books and then fall asleep (she may be on the floor or right in front of the door, but at least I can deal with that). In fact yesterday she had a late nap and I just let her play in her room at bedtime. When I checked on her later she was asleep with the light on but was totally fine playing on her own in her room. I personally don't like to allow them to watch tv or movies after bedtime but have done that during the day if I need a quick nap.

Good Luck

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

D.K.

answers from Denver on

Unfortunately you will set him up for a habit if you do not just get up, put him back, even if he protests and walk away.
Kids wake, the difference is keeping him on track to just going back to sleep. Even if it means putting a baby gate on his room so he cannot get out of it.
If he knows all he has to do is be persistant he will never give up and you all will be sleep deprived.
TV will just stimulate him big time and make it harder to go back to sleep.
Just take him back to his bed, firmly but kindly tell him it is time to sleep. Nothing else. If you have to put the baby gate on his room and tell him HE IS NOT TO GET OUT OF HIS ROOM. Praise him when he does it well and stays put, make a big deal out of. Put a bedrail on his toddler bed if he is in one to define boundaries.

Growth spurts, teething, bad dreams can wake kids up in the middle of the night. However it is teaching them they are not to get out of bed that is crucial. It will maybe be a few upset nights but worth it in the long run.
DO NOT LET HIM sleep with you or watch TV as then he will never stop!
It isn't easy, my kids are 4 and 7 and good sleepers but there are still nights someone gets up because of the wind, bad dreams, to pee and it is hard being woken up in the middle of the night, I know! :) Hugs, it is a phase and as long as you stay consistent and firm it won't last long.

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

A.P.

answers from Denver on

I've found that my son gets up in the middle of the night at stages. I now call them learning growth spurts as they are so excited about new developements that they find it hard to sleep. I also found if you let them lay with you, play or watch a movie it becomes a habbit you then have to break. It's best to put them back in bed, over and over again if needed. It will cause a few nights of not resting well, but will keep you from getting up in the long run.

For Updates and Special Promotions
Follow Us

Related Questions