MIL Issues **Edited**

i get your issue! my MIL wanted to buy my boys a trampoline for xmas this past year and asked my hubby's opinion. i told him flat out no way. he relayed it to her and thankfully she bought something else. if she had bought it, i would have been more than mad. i think your hubby needs to have a simple discussion with her, as he drops off the dinosaur. "sorry, mom, but there's not room for it in the house, nor lots of gifts. however, there's this great exhibit at the zoo that Tucker has been dying to see and we're both too busy to take him. could you be a help and take him?" do that a few times and she will get the hint. if she doesn't, then she's too dense and work around her.

just a little on part of it...
There can only be a fight if you let her draw you in.
You expressed your wishes that you simply did not have the room and he isn't interested in those things yet...

now, that she gave it, simply tell/ask her:
We wanted to thank you for such a thoughtful gift and thinking of ds. But, Hubby wants to ask you first before He donates it, if you would like to keep it at your house because, "your husband" is going to donate it because he is tired of stepping over, moving it out of the way, or something like that.

she used good manners by asking you.
You showed good manners by telling her what he liked after she asked.
She showed bad taste by giving it anyways.
You showed good manners by letting your son accept it.
The best way to stop bad manners is to not feed it.
Donate what you don't like or need and politely let them know how much you appreciated the thought and you just hated to donate it.

It seems like you're not worried about the gift, per se, but that your MIL disregarded your wishes about the gift. That seems like the bigger issue. I wish I would have been up front from the beginning with my family members when I had problems years ago. It's so much easier to draw boundaries immediately, rather than give the silent treatment now and keep dealing with similar behaviors years down the road. Another option: why not ask your MIL to keep the toy at her house and he can play with it when he's over there? Sounds like you clearly stated you didn't have room at your house. Best wishes...that family drama can be so draining!

I do understand your frustrations. Have you tried just giving a list of things he wants, and saying that anything else won't be needed/used? For my son'e 1st birthday I didn't want a ton of stuff just given to him b/c he didn't need it and we didn't have room for it. So I told everyone no gifts needed, only books or clothes if they felt the need to get him something. For my parents and inlaws, we asked if they wanted to get him something, then they could give however much they wanted to go towards his new carseat that he needed. They loved helping out with that big purchase, and they also bought him clothes so he'd have a gift to open. If your MIL still gives elaborate gifts (or even not-so-elaborate) that you didn't ask for, then I think it's a good idea to tell her she can keep them at her house. Then she'll realize she's spending a lot of money on things that aren't getting played with often and that are taking up HER space. Maybe she'll get the hint.

Ah, typical MIL control behavior. Been there.

Tell her we don't want your money...we want your time. Either donate it or take it back to her house if she refuses to listen.

Good luck!

I absolutely agree with you with the part about spoiling him with love and affection but not gifts. My sister is exactly like that, she always buys presents for my two daughters but when they want to even talk to her she will dismiss them and tell them she is busy. she has never, EVER offered to watch the or even play with them in my presence.
the total time my daughters have spent alone with her aunt would be (I'm not making it up) about an hour tops. well she is the one missing those relationships when they grow up, my daughters are 7 and 1,
stand your ground! Good luck!

I understand you are annoyed w/her, but I'd drop it! It's just a gift! I don't think she is buying him stuff to make you mad, but probably just b/c she does not see him that often, and well, that's just what gives some people joy!

If you feel like she is disregarding your opinion just speak w/her. I don't think not answering the phone is the way to go....although I'd like to stop answering my phone at times! =)

My SIL does this to my mom QUITE a bit!! It really hurts her feelings! My MIL buys my children some "silly" things, and I just say "thank you" and when she leaves I do what I want....please just appreciate that she even buys him things....I hope this has helped!

There are just some people in this world that don't know how else to act other than fighting... I wouldn't enable it... but I also wouldn't ignore her more than a few days just so I could calm down. I probably wouldn't mention the dinosaur just because if she likes to fight that gives her the fuel. Grandparents like to spoil, most of them, and be thankful, I know some grandparents that have nothing to do for their grandchild, and even though your son is young and won't remember it hurts when they get older and find out that their grandparent doesn't care... Just accept it as what it is, a gift...
Kill her with kindness, it drives negative people crazy...

Yeah, I understand the "she didn't listen to my wishes" thing. But it wasn't a BB Gun or something that could HURT him, or like buying a little girl a miniskirt that goes against your family's values. Some people (one set of my grandparents included) really loved me, but didn't know HOW to show love but to give us stuff. I remember my grandma almost passing out when I was 12 and said "I love you too, Grandma---you could just give me a hug" (teasing her because of how nervous she was with touchy-feely stuff). It annoyed my mom too, but as an adult I had conversations with my grandma about family history and the truth is that she grew up with nothing. She felt bad about not having "stuff" to provide for her children. She went overboard with us. It's a common thing. I would never in a million years spend that money on that dinosaur, but DUDE is it awesome and I wouldn't get angry if someone bought it for my son. It's annoying when people don't listen, but this wasn't a "core value" kind of disregard, it probably REALLY IS just a gift.

First of all, don't play games. If you talk to her on Saturdays, then keep talking to her. Since she and your husband seem to have a stressed relationship, it's best not to feed the fire.

As far as the gifts, let her spoil your son. It relieves her guilt about not seeing him often and you don't have to keep the toys. I'm sure some resale shop or charity would love the toys. If she asks where they are you just respond with "He got tired of it, so we sold/donated it for someone else to enjoy." A gift here and there is not going to spoil your child.

Enjoy that she is generous. I'm not saying take advantage. Some people have a need to give to be happy. My mother does this also but the stuff she brings into my home is junk. It normally ends up in the trash after she is gone. When she asks about it I tell her it broke/was too small/ etc...

I hope this helps!