MIL Stresses Us to Buy

As nicely as you can, just say "big ticket items are for the lucky parents". If she brings it up again, just repeat it. And repeat it, and repeat it. Then if she does it yet again say "I think that's something for the grandparents to buy" That should work.

Good luck!

No you are not being unreasonable and the mother or grandmother should be buying the real big gifts.

A gaming system is to big of a gift. I sent my nephews games for their system, but it is the parents place to buy the system.

It is not her place to tell you what to buy others. If she wants him to have a specific item, she ought to take it upon herself to do it. What we decide to give to others is up to us. I would just do what you were planning to do and ignore her. If she insists on bringing it up just tell her politely, that you already have him taken care of. You don't owe her an explanation of any kind. If she continues bring it up, say, "hey that would be a perfect gift for you to give to your grandson seeing how we already have his gift for him." Good luck! I agree with you. What you doing for the gifts is completely fair. Try not to stress out over it. Enjoy the season.

No, your MIL is being pushy and overbearing. Next time just politely tell her you appreciate her input but your Christmas shopping for the family is already done. However this is really something hubby needs to address with her, not you.

Someone has a screw loose! First I would make sure you and your husband are on the same page. Sounds to me he can be swayed pretty easily. Once you're on the same page that you've ALREADY sent the child's gift, there's not much else to do - especially since your SIL doesn't talk to your husband and your child gets nothing from her??? If your MIL brings it up again (and it sounds like she will), simply smile and say - oh, we've already sent _____ his gift. If she pushes it further, simply look at her and say "why would you ask me that?" We often think that just because someone asks us a question, we have to provide an answer. You don't! Whenever someone asks you an innappropriate question, simply ask - why would you ask me that? Works every time. It is frankly nobody's business what you buy for who - period!!!!! good luck with this one & let us know what happened.

Simple - It is no one's business what gift you buy for someone else. And as long as it isn't a box of fireworks, the child and his mother whould be greatful for anything you send. It is the gesture that is important not the value.

I would completely ignore your MIL on this issue or simply tell her no. Let her work herself up in a tither and ruin her own Christmas. Don't be bullied. Also, tell your husband to help make your holiday anjoyable and just deal with this so you aren't in the middle.

By the way, we spend about $40 for gifts for family children, if that. Buying a playstation, if you aren't a parent or grandparent seems absurd to me.

You are not unreasonable, for some unfathomable reason, MILs tend to be nightmarish, there are some good ones out there, but where are they, really. You are not unreasonable at all, chuck it to her "being a little out there".

How utterly awkward and completely inappropriate for your MIL to do. Tell her flat-out that you will not be purchasing your nephew such an extravagant gift; that is for his mother to do if she sees fit. What nerve!! And yes, completely fair to send him what you are spending on the other children you are related to. Sheesh.

You are right.

Does your Husband know about this?
TELL him. That is HIS Mom.
She is being so.... rude.

DO NOT, give in.

You are being perfectly reasonable. Your MIL is out of line to repeatedly pressure you to buy a gift for someone else. If she brings it up again, I'd say. "Mom, I can see that it must be really important to you to see that little Billy gets a Playstation, so I'll share with you that we will NOT be giving him that gift. Now that you know we are firm on our decision, you are free to buy it for him yourself."

em24d,
Are you kidding me? Your MIL is out of her mind. It's not your place to buy that kind of gift for a nephew. If she is that concerned ,let her go buy it ! Where is the child's father and how old ,exactly, is this kid ? I would never dream of buying a gift that expensive for a child that was not my own. Some may see that as selfish, but, my pocketbook says different,, esp. if you have more than one neice or nephew. I wouldn't feel bad about it. It's not the gift that matters at the end of the day, it's the thought behind it. it small gifts are not appreciated ,I'd consider not giving and just enjoy the time as family . That may be viewed as unacceptable to some, but, even my own Family isn't doing the gift exchange this year with each other because too many of us just can't afford it and we value our time together more than anything that can come in pretty paper and bows. This is a reality for most families this year, whether we like it or not . You can also consider other options , but, the choice is yours. Merry Christmas ,C. S.

This is INCREDIBLY rude of your MIL to hint or ask that you purchase a big ticket item.

My sister bought my boys a PSP2 from my cousin at her garage sale and it was still $100 and I thought that was too much....so I paid my sister for it. But it will still be from "her" as she's unemployed.

Bottom line? your husband needs to speak to HIS mother about this. HE needs to tell her that this is unacceptable and you will not spend more than $X on your nephew. If she wants to purchase this big ticket item for him, she is more than welcome to. Other than that - she should but out

You are NOT being unreasonable. Parents or grandparents can get the
huge present. Stick to your guns.

Are you being unreasonable? NOPE.

Kinda off topic, but MILs are royal pains in the tush! What works best is simply telling her thanks for the idea, but his gift has already been sent. If she noses around to find out what was given then you are more within your right to tell her she's out of line and gift giving is a personal choice and again thank her for her idea. LOL!

You and your husband need to work within your budget. If the suggested item is within your guidelines, fine but if it's not, it's fine not to get it. Really!

And you're right, it's none of your MIL's business what you get for the nephew.

And it is rude of your SIL to exclude your child because she doesn't speak to her brother. Why punish the kid?

Wow - so much for fiscal responsibility! Your MIL is definitely out of line. Secondly, unless you are doing really well financially a videogame system from an aunt/uncle is inappropriate. Why does your MIL think that's the right type of gift? That kind of significant gift comes from parents or grandparents in most middle class families. In our extended family we actually pull names out of a hat since there are so many cousins. If we have 2 kids we pull two names and we spend $50 per kids. That's it. And now more than half are out of college and some are married with their own kids - so I actually don't know what we're going to do this year.

But the fact that SIL isn't even talking to her brother, your DH, is even more mystifying. Does you MIL think that this big gift would help bridge the falling out? Is there a possibility that you're misinterpreting her "hints"? Maybe she's instead hinting that you could buy a game that goes with the playstation? (Just grasping at straws!) Ignore her - there's obviously something awry here. Your MIL's wacky behavior is a symptom that there's some really odd thinking in this family - so it's either genetic or learned and it could explain why the SIL doesn't speak with her own brother.

Good luck with this! Funny, our pastor talked about how we marry our inlaws when we marry our spouse... true words.

Of course you are not being unreasonable - your MIL is! What you get or don't get your nephew is none of her business! Tell her that you can't afford to buy him a playstation, that you are sending some money instead, and if she is so concerned about him getting a playstation, she should get it for him herself! Good grief, she needs to chill out!

Tell her that you already sent his gift and that asking for such a large item from you is unreasonable given your current financial state on what you are able to give everyone. Or, say for his birthday, you can contribute $20 to the playstatoin fund, and grandma and the child's mom can all go in on the gift together.

If she continues to push the issue, simply tell her you are done talking about it, change the subject or tell her to have a nice day, gotta go and hang up the phone.

We have a $50 limit when it comes to our child and our niece. And when we have #2 I do not expect my SIL to do $50 for each child. If your MIL wants her grandson to have a PS then she can fork over the loot. My MIL knows if she wants someone to have something she gets it. or we will chip in for the limit and that is it. MIL needs to bespoken to by hubby and get off this gift train. gl

I would NEVER spend that much $ on my nephew - I love him to death, but seriously - that is a gift that his parents should get him!! Or his grandparents if she is so inclined to suggest such an expensive gift to you. We are on a tight budget this year. I spent between $10 and $20 on each of my nieces and nephews depending on what I could find that I thought they would like for a good price. Luckily I went when they were having good sales, and got things that would normally be higher prices.....I only spent $50 on each of my own kids this year. People need to understand that money is tight, that is just the way that it is. And even if it wasn't, I don't think spending that much money on a gift is appropriate. Especially for a nephew that you probably don't even see since your husband and his sister aren't speaking.....just my $0.02

Agree with all. Tell you MIL to mind her own business and if she's so worried to buy the gift herself! How rude of her to push that on you!! You have your own child to buy gifts for. I think you did just fine sending him money. Let her or his parents spend the big $$ on him!!!!

Definitely NOT being unreasonable - Your MIL and SIL are being pushy, rude and selfish.

Next time MIL starts about the playstation, tell her shopping for the nephew is done, but thanks for the suggestion. Maybe that's a gift SHE'D like to get him? And then move on to another topic.

Oh, and good for you for rising above the pettiness and still sending your nephew a gift, even if his aunt isn't sending your baby one!

She is being rude to insist you have to buy a particular gift. If she is saying that is all the boy really wants and his parents aren't buying it and wants to know if you want to go in on it, that is different. If that is the case and you have already said no she needs to drop it. If you haven't responded, maybe you should.

Maybe you could help them find a deal on one and then say "Mom, if you are still looking to buy Johnny the playstation, I found it for a great price. Here is the store and information".

Well, yes, I do think she's wrong to pressure you about it - a play station seems like an expensive present for a nephew. Does your husband have a special relationship with his nephew ? Has he set an expectation with the child in the past that he is the uncle that's going to come through with the awesome gift every year? I ask this because I put myself in that position with a niece and sort of grew to resent it and had to carefully, slowly tone it down once there were a lot of other kids and grandkids to buy for. But for the child's sake, I would do it slowly. I'm also a little concerned, though, that you sent a money gift to the child and it sounds like you told your husband about it after the fact (I could have that wrong) - I don't think that would be fair to do especially if they've had a special relationship. And however you guys feel about the sister, should not affect the nephew if they've had a special relationship. And what the sister does for your child wouldn't affect me either, that's her moral decision to make and what goes around comes around, as they say, I wouldn't take it out on her child. Good luck sorting it out!

i'm with you on this one. you send as much as you think you should, or can afford to. none of anybody's business what you get him.

If MIL wants him to have a PlayStation let her buy it. I would never spend that amount on a nephew, plus we do not have that kind of money. Your not being a prude your being smart.

Ugh! I would not be able to handle the repeated hints. I would just have to flat out tell her that I could not afford to buy it and I do not spend that much on gifts anyway. It is a big priced item, so it is for parents or grandparents and no one else. I would tell her I sent what I felt was appropriate and it's over and done and I do not wish to discuss it further. Your husband should actually be the one to talk to her, but if he doesn't, you have every right to put an end to it.

Are your inlaws really broke and need you to help out? If your nephew is old enough for a playstation and you have a baby that has no idea what Christmas is, maybe it would be nice to chip in for your poor nephews Christmas present. Other than that you shouldnt let them force you to join in if you arent into it. It sounds like your husband needs to deal with this issue, it is his family that is asking you to sacrifice.

Hmm not sure prude is the right word. Why doesn't your husband tell his Mom you aren't buying this gift for the nephew? I wouldn't tell her what you are spending either.

I agree completely with what everyone else said!

Your MIL is OUT OF BOUNDS. Tell her you are not going to be pressured into doing anything that is not good for your family finances. Do not go into details. None of it is any of her business. Unless she wants to help you out financially by buying it herself and putting your name on it it won't be happening.

You are totally within reason. I could never afford to buy for other kids when mine were little... so I didnt. So you are ahead of me. MIL needs to MHOB. But thats another post, lol.

No, you are being more than fair! MIL is totally wrong for "hinting" and showing such obvious favouritism to her other grandchild. I hate when they do that! I have the same situation with my kids. Both my own mother & my MIL claim to be totally impartial - but it's so obvious that my sister's and SIL's kids are favoured above mine. It hurts. Just let it go. Ignore MIL and do what feels right to you! Best wishes!!

I can relate! My husband doesn't have a relationship with his only sister. His sister lives 45 minutes from our home and has to travel through our town to visit her husband's family. She never stops by, never calls, no Christmas cards, no birthday cards to my children. I've stopped sending Christmas cards to her and I stopped sharing Christmas gifts the year she stopped by our house (on the way to her husband's family) and called us to let us know that she delivered the gifts on our doorstep! I told my husband, "Tell your sister if she doesn't have the decency to at least come into our home to exchange gifts, I do not want to exchange gifts with her." And we haven't ever since! His sister hinted to us, when we were newly married, that we needed to chip in to buy some expensive gift for HER MIL and FIL. I said, "WHAT?" They are NOT our family and I told my husband we will not be manipulated to do such a thing. Your MIL is manipulating you and you are are NOT a prude for saying NO. It sounds like you and your husband do not have a good relationship with your husband's sister and yes, it's her responsibility to purchase this expensive gift. I would remind your MIL that Christmas is not about gifts and not about who gets what and you and your husband are adults and will decide for yourselves what to give...and to who! She is out of line and I would have no problem at all telling her so.

You are not being unreasonable.
Let her know you have already sent him something, and suggest maybe she get it for him. Leave it at that.
If she persists, change the subject.
If that doesn't work, you could also mention that you don't have the financial resources to do something like that. She likely thinks you do have the money or doesn't have a clue as to how much those things cost.
Still pestering you about it? Some people don't get clues- flat out tell her that what you have already sent is a done deal and to not bring up the subject again.
Again? I asked you to not bring it up anymore.......
Again? ignore it, ignore it, ignore it, ignore it, pray for Christmas to be over! Sorry....