This is a follow up to the previous thread about MIL emailing me. I took all advice from this board and my mom and therapist, and did not respond to her. Instead, I asked my EH to please ask her to stop emailing me. He said he would and he did. Well, that request did not come without controversy. SHE LASHED OUT AT ME again via email and the tone was so angry. She seemed more mad that I told him she had been emailing me. I never mentioned it to him before.
She said, if you didn't want me to email you, you should have been a woman and told me yourself (I did 3x and even threatened to report her for harrassment, FYI GMAIL does not have a block feature. However, I like to know what people are thinking so reading them let's me know that, I just don't respond to her. also I have too many business contacts and ventures in the works to be forced to change my email addy because of immaturity. Fingers are crossed that since she's been exposed I won't hear from after her last angry rant).
Then she said, he doesn't know my business and doesn't need to know that I'm emailing you.
She's right. He didn't know she has been UNDERMINING HIM and looking out for herself.
She sent her angry message on Christmas day. I asked him when he told her he said a week ago! But I didn't let her ruin the spirit, it was truly a fun time with family and watching our daughter play with empty boxes.
It appears no matter how much I try to be an adult and civil, it's just not good enough. My mom said it seems like she just wants to argue back and forth about things she has no business interfering with.
One great thing came from this situation: My EH and I actually were able to talk because compassionately he asked me what was going on and to tell him because he didn't know I had been dealing with her in that manner. From that we talked about other things, and no...withdrawing my divorce petition wasn't one of them, but we didn't talk about that. It was a healthy conversation.
BUT, I did tell him I didn't appreciate him telling people he can't see his daughter when he has on a trial visitation that he didn't honor, and the fact he hasn't asked Probate court for visitation. He didn't respond and I said, we both know why you are hesitant to go down there. I didn't have to mention Child Support...So, he agreed he needs to watch his tongue and take responsibility for his actions. Saying is one thing, and doing is another. Seeing is believing with him so from that point forward I will give him the benefit of the doubt until he proves me wrong.
However, he did say he was going to have a long talk with her because it's long overdue and he was disappointed that she had been going behind his back meddling and causing friction.
So, I feel a great sense of relief knowing that he got a wake up call (sort of) as to what she's been doing and I asked him to re-evaluate when our problems really escalated.
We will see what happens. But I feel good about speaking up and not trying to manage the stress myself. It was getting to be too much.
Do you think it was wise to tell him? I told him also that it's her approach, it's all wrong and selfish. Reminder she re-appeared in his life and he has been trying to please her and build a bond, so with our marital issues and his emotional struggles, I didn't want to bring it to his attention, but I finally had had enough and it was time. He wasn't upset I waited, he was really more confused to learn she had been emailing me. He had no idea.
I struck back!
Yes it was very wise. You should have been talking to him when this started, why did you keep it from him? Good luck I hope the MIL stops harassing you.
Yes, I do think it was best to tell him. I'm happy for you that you were able to rise above this woman's nonsense and enjoy your holiday.
Absolutely. She can't hide in that spot any more!
It's best that you filled your ex in on everything and it is wonderful that you were able to have a direct conversation with him. It's a great start. Divorced parents can still be great parents and parent together. Best of luck!
Never keep secrets or have hidden relationships.
Evildoers love the darkness and can only be held in check by being exposed.
Sounds like a good thing that you told him. Kudos!
I'm coming in after the fact and missed all the advice you got initially so forgive me if I'm rehashing but hopefully you've now created a rule to block her email address so you can't get anything else from her. In addition to the block, you could create a rule where the email message is sent back to her, to him or just deleted, and you'd never have to hear from her again - unless she changes her address. Then you block that one too.
You did the right thing. And it seems that it worked itself out - he's more willing to actually work with you, not against you. And now he knows just how sneaky his mother is, and probably came to the realization that she *may* have had a part in undermining your marriage. I'm not saying that she did or didn't - but I gotta figure all that stress she put on you had to contribute somehow.
I'm glad that things are looking up, and that it looks like you'll be able to comfortably co-parent, if not live together!
Best of luck!
Gmail doesn't have a block function, but you can set up a filter that send emails from certain senders directly into the trash. At least you won't have to read her nasty email any more...
You did the right thing. There is nothing wrong with taking care of yourself. That is what you are supposed to do!!! Ignore any future emails or if she emails again--forward it back to her without reading and put in subject line--I will forward to police if this harassment doesn't STOP. That will shut her up.
Good for you!
M
I also think you did the right thing. My advice is pretty much the same as other posters, from now on (and I would let her know what you choose to do) either don't read her emails, or have them automatically forwarded to your EH as well as anyone else who would be or has been affected by her actions. You may even want to reply to the last email copying those mentioned above with this information.
