Miscarried...

I know the pain you are feeling. I didn't miscarry, but had a stillborn daughter. Get a new doctor. At the very least you should have been informed of what to expect, offered counseling and told how long to wait before trying again.
D.

Hi S.,

I am so very sorry for your loss! I have never miscarried, but I have a friend who has, and I just want you to know that there are doctors who care out there. My friend that miscarried has the same doctor I do, and her baby's heartbeat was only 48 at 6 weeks. He explained to her that things were not well and that she had a 50/50 chance of the survival, but to come back in in a few days. The next visit, the baby's heart was not beating and she had to have a DNC. She told me that the doctor came in the room and sat and cried with her. His wife had had 4 miscarriages, and the sympathy he had for her really touched her heart. He gave her in depth information on what to expect and when to try again. While this was happening, I was 8 months pregnant, and he was my attending doctor also. This same doctor saved my son's life by delivering emergency c-section when he realized he wasn't tolerating my labor. He remains professional, but you can tell he truly cares about you and the children he delivers. Oh, a note of encouragement...my friend that I speak of has since delivered a beautiful baby girl and it wasn't long after her miscarriage. :) If I were you, I'd talk to your physician if you worry about leaving their office, but otherwise I would call around and schedule meetings with prospective doctors to talk about what you need from them and to get a good idea of their bedside manner and personalities to see if they match your ideal. They are out there! God bless you through this difficult time, and I know He will give you peace. ..

Much love..

A.

I am so sorry for your loss. I know how hard it is to lose a baby. I have had 4 misscarriages. 2 were D & C's and 2 were let go until they came out on their own. I also have a 11 year old and a almost 4 year old. I have had several dr's along the way and they were all different. Some cared and some did not. If you don't know what to expect then you need to take it upon yourself to ask. I understand how hard it is at this time to do that. The dr should have told you want to do next but sometimes they don't. You could always try a different dr or maybe a midwife. You need to find one that cares which is hard these days but they are out there. As far as when to try again I was told to have at least 1 period before trying again. There is alot of good info out there on the internet but you should really call your dr and ask. I would make a list of questions before calling. That way you get the answers you know for sure you want and sometimes they say things that trigger other questions so get those answered as well. They might want to schedule an appt. to go over all of this so be prepared for that. I hope that I have helped in some way. Please hang in there. You are not alone.

I miscarried in Aug. My Dr's were sypathetic but professional. I was told that my body was taking care of the situation and that I would be monitored until my HCG levels dropped below 3. Throughout the 3 weeks that it took for my HCG levels to drop, they maintained their sympathetic attitude. I also had a US to assure that the uterus was empty. I was told that when I felt emotionally able to try to conceive again, it was OK medically. They answered my questions and were there if need be. I also did a lot of research on my own and joined a mothers group to be able to discuss things.(online) My husband and I were not planning to conceive at that time, but we were upset by the miscarriage none-the-less.
I am sincerely sorry for your loss. I do not know why your Dr is treating you like she is. Maybe that is her way of maintaining professionalism. The previous Dr's that I had sent me home after the birth of our third child with a HgB of less than half the normal range for a female. It was hurtful because I had been with them for over 10 years.I was severly dissappointed in the practice. My trust in them was gone. I moved on and am happy with the choice that I made. If it is really bothering you, make an appt to talk to her about it; air your feelings and get it off of your chest. That would be one less thing that you are concerned with right now.

Good luck to you and your family.

Hi S.,

I have miscarried as well and I know you are hurting. Whether you plan it or not you have lost a child and you will never forget it. God bless you through this time.

Your sadness is not hormonal. Yes, hormones are still racing but this is an incredibly big thing in your life and you can not make light of it. Be careful with the antidepressant because one of the major side effects of antidepressants is depression. It can have a rebound effect and just appear out of nowhere.

Yes, to answer your question, the first doctor I had was so friendly with me and then after I had my first child, it seemed I was just her paycheck. I did not let her deliver my next child. We are now personal friends with the doctor who did. I agree that a midwife is a wonderful idea. Most of my friends have had home births or either a hospital birth with a midwife and they truly love what they are doing and the people they are helping. (My husband is a very large man and I am very petite. It was never an option to deliver at home...or I wold have loved to.)

You do need answers so call the doctor ask the questions and if you don't get the treatment you need, seek out someone who cares. S., my thoughts and prayers are with you.

Regards,

M.

I can SOOOO relate! It took me several months to get over how I was treated after my miscarriage my Dr. He didnt even come in before my DNC and wish me well or ever check on m y afterwards. He did see me like 4 weeks later and talked to me about it all but at the point I was so over him and had already decided to change I just said nothing and changed to a different Dr.
I have to say, I had to premature babies since then and I was also treated awfully like I was whining or something because I was in a constant state of contractions for months with both babies. Most Dr.s are just so busy they dont have time to be kind anymore. Im sure they are out there. If you find one, hang on to him/her!!
My best advice is just do what helps you get through the tough times and time will help the pain. I had to clean. I cleaned my house for a month straight and I was very attached to my son so I stayed with him alot. My husband was great so that really helped. Y ou need support from your hubby. Tell him so if you arent getting it.
Im sorry for your loss but y ou will have another baby when the time is right. Your body and something alot more powerful is in control of that.
I have two wonderful children now that I am thankful for every day because of my loss and fighting to get them here healthy and safe.
Goodluck and feel free to PM me if you need to.
K.

First I want to say I'm really sorry, you must have a lot of pain you are dealing with.
Have you thought of going to a midwife? I have only used midwives through my pregnancies, check ups, etc, and love, love, love, them. They have hugged me when I was sad, and I have seen joy in their eyes when holding or catching my babies. They have counseled me and spent time to really truly get to know me.
Maybe you should consider one, they can also help with pregnancy issues ob/gyns aren't willing to look into.
Good luck and take care.

Hi S.,
I have had 2 miscarriages. One before my first daughter and one after my 2nd daughter. The first one was easy to accept. I was so trusting in God that I knew He knew better. Anyway, this second one- it was a little tough. I am sorry for you. I also see this as a way that we are protected from some severe genetic disorder (not that you can't deal with this) and from losing a child at 30 wks or 1 yr. I mean some can learn to handle this. I guess what I am saying is that you do have a grieving process to go through. I love my doctor. She did not call to follow up. She did do the d&c. But she did not call either time. Nor did the pa. The hospital did their courtesy call. I did not see this as a cold doctor.

Do not fault your doctor. Did you call your doctor to say you had one? Have you gone in to have a follow up? Doctors are trying to help and they can't be your friend (unless they have been that before you were a patient). I mean they can talk to you and such but you need to voice this-- they can't read your mind. I am not a doctor. Have you asked the nurse on call or doctor on call for advice? You are one of the patients they are taking care of. Of course, a miscarriage is a loss. A big loss. It is not to be taken lightly but you need to let your needs be known to the doctor, the nurse--the group. I think anti-depressants are not the answer. I think talking to your doctor- making a call or appt is the way to go. They are not all the same. They are human. You can't generalize. Can people generalize stay at home moms? I just want you to reach out to your doctor or the pa he/she uses. They are there. They also want to know if you do feel depressed. This is very key.

All of my sympathy to you and your husband. I think until someone experiences a miscarriage, they don't realize how tramatic it can be. I was with a group of doctors and thank goodness had the good one with me when I lost the baby. But, another one had detected the fact that it may be dead and bluntly told me so, which sent me into a tailspin. I am still amazed at how cold and businesslike his attitude was. Give yourself a chance to grieve and heal. My doctor told me to wait 3 months before trying again. Just remember though, when you go to Heaven, that special little baby will be waiting for you ~ whole and perfect. That is what kept me going all these years. Our little baby boy, Nicholas will be there and so will yours! Find someone close whom you can talk to and don't keep your feelings bottled up. Good luck and God bless you.

Hi S.

I am so sorry for your loss. I suffered through two miscarriages and know that they are quite common, but it is such an incredible loss and you should first understand that and allow yourself and your family to grieve at that loss. I am also so sorry that your Dr has been insensitive to your loss. We had a wonderful dr through both miscarriages who encouraged us to try again. She did not call after the miscarriages, I do remember that and I do think that that is part of their way of letting you move forward. And that is what you must do from here. Move forward. Look at that beautiful little girl of yours and realize how fortunate you are to have her. If you want to have more children, wait a few months and go for it!

I am so very sorry for your lose! I have seen dr groups like this before and this is one of the reasons I stay away from them. I had a severe uterus problem and was told I would never carry a baby full term by 3 different specialists! It was with a Chiropractor's help that I had my prog and estrogen levels tested. If they are not in the right ratio, it will lead to miscarry. I was low with prog so I started using the natural KAL prog cream, I appied it once a day until 32 weeks. My pregnancy was great and I stayed with the chiropractic care all the way through. Once 'my group' of other drs found out I was preg in the the beginning, they had to gall to say I would loose it soon. They can be so heartless!! I used a midwife and didnt see any drs (other than the chiro) with my pregnancy. We were better for it! Dont give up honey, I would look into another dr and some natural approaches. Best of luck and god bless:)

I am sorry that you have lost your little one. I have been in the same situation. I was told that my fetus at 7 weeks had no heart beat and I was going to lose the baby. There was no sympathy or anything from the medical doctors and she told me and just left the room like it was no big deal. I talk to someone else about it later who told me that the doctors see this kind of thing so much that it is not really a big deal to them. I read that 1 out of 3 pregnancy ends in a miscarriage. I dont think that your doctor was being unsympathetic, I just think that they handle and think about things differently then we do. We have an attachment to our children and even when we lose them early like in a miscarriage, it still feels horrible. I still think about mine, and I know women that have had more then one and I dont know how they deal with that but I know for me I prayed and kept a positive attitude and had my son a year ago. It helps to talk and to grieve.

Hello, S.
I am sorry about your miscarriage. I am a mother of four and I have had my difficuties concerning my last two kids doctor. Yes! He is an excellent doctor. But I just felt like He didn't care about me. So I asked him about it. I asked him ,If something were to happen to a patient or an unborn baby that he was under what are your methods and process for getting that mother or her family through it. I think that the question stun him because he stop for a minute a sat down and talk with me for a while . I told him my concerns and he sai he was so sorry and that he does this on a everyday bases and its sometimes repitious to them. ut he said that if I ever have any concerns stop him and bring him back to reality! We both laughed and I haven't had any other concerns about him. I even have friends that he has delieverd their babies. I said this to say S., that they are human also and sometimes doing so much on a day to day bases something slips through the cracks. JUST MAKE SURE IT NOT YOU! DEMAND YOUR TIME AND YOUR ANSWERS TO YOUR PROBLEMS. That way no one loses out. I hope this helps you.

I tried for a few years and had to resort to IVF to get pregnant, which is very expensive, stressful and emotional. I miscarried on my first attempt at IVF, so it was very difficult. My doctor simply said, "I'm sorry." I think the nurse may have given me a hug, but mostly I was left alone to recover. It was a real shocker because I didn't know I miscarried. The heartbeat simply stopped. I don't remember anyone calling me afterwards. But they did give me instructions, since I was under their care during the IVF process. I did have to have a D&C and go back periodically to monitor my hormone levels. Those were difficult appointments too, since it just brought back the pain being in the doctors office--same place I got the news. I think it was 3 months later I got pregnant again via IVF--with twins!

So my sympathies are with you. Hang in there...

I am so sorry for your loss.
In my past experience with 2 miscarriages and 2 different drs offices, what you have experienced is normal.
I let 4 1/2 years pass from the 1st miscarriage to even seeing the OBGYN because I felt angered at the whole experience. I tried a new dr when I found out I was pregnant this summer. The office itself was not sympathetic, but the nurse I had was great. (I had to keep returning to the office to check levels).
I did find I was more aggressive in my question asking this 2nd time around.
Hope this helps. Please feel free to contact me directly if I can answer any other questions. P.

There are too many doctors out there for you to be unhappy and stay with yours. If you are not satisfied and feel like you have been left on your own, find a new one. I truly feel you should be comfortable with the whole group of practioners , especially ob's and pediatricians. There just too many out there that you can go to. Check with your insurance to see who else is in your network. Ask around with your friends and see who they recommend, just watch out if they say, oh, I love this one but don't like the others in the practice. When you are having a baby, you don't always get to chose which of the docs or midwives (who are usually much more sensitive the your needs and take more time with you) you see for appt's and delivery so you should feel comfortable with them all. It is possible to find that. If you are on the Southside of Atlanta, I recommend. Women's Medical. out of Piedmont Fayette, offices in Tyrone and Fayetteville.
Good luck, and warm wishes through this tough time. I am sorry you have had to go through what you did last weekend.

hi S.,
i'm so sorry that this happened to you...i think that your doctor, or the nurses there, should've given you more information and sympathy...while it is work to them, they shouldn't treat it as an everyday occurrance with patients...you said that you thought they knew you would miscarry...at that visit, (i'm assuming you saw them recently), did they tell you what to expect? unplanned or not, they should give you the info. you need, and the courtesy of a phone call. if you are really attatched to the office, i'd talk to the doctor, but if you aren't, i'd look around for a more personal office...i'm sure the moms at mamasource would give you a wealth of information!

S.,

I'm so sorry to hear about your great loss. It does not surprise me that your doctor has acted this way; sometimes they become desensitized but this does not mean that you should put up with this. I would absolutely find a new doctor or see a midwife for your checkups; most of them are more understanding, loving and kind and do not treat their patients with 'conveyer belt' mentality. Or ask around for references and get a doctor with a heart. I hope that you are able to find comfort in your family and friends. If you will be trying again soon, I would maybe not start the antidepressants now, but instead try to talk about all your feelings with those you love and want to listen and support you. I have not been through this myself, but I hope you get some advice as to what to expect and how to take care of yourself and what your options are to carry full term with your next pregnancy.

Much love,
C.

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S.,
I am so sorry for your loss. I know that you are probably numb to those words, but I wanted to give them anyway.
My first pregnancy ended this way, and when I called my doctor's office, they acted like it was nothing... My doctor did meet with me about 2 weeks later to make sure that there were no problems, and when he found that I was ok, he tried to soothe me a little, and encourage me, but he was not what you would call compassionate, or able to emphasize with my situation. He just listed off many facts about miscarriages - which he thought would be comforting to me at this time...

So anyway, my impression is: many doctors do not have good bed-side mannor, but they are able to preform the tasks at hand when there is an emergency. And I would prefer that he have a strong grasp on the phyical ramifications of what is going on with my body, especially when I have other people, like the people on this website, to discuss the social and psychological ramifications of what just happened to my body. So... what you need to decide is whether or not you trust him to know what to do when you do get pregnant, and if not, find someone who will. But you will be searching for a long time if you are looking for someone who can do both - have the book and real knowledge of what happens internally with a pregnancy, and have the sensitivity of a friend or confidant.

I hope this helps - sorry if I was a bit of a downer...

I also hope your pain subsides soon, but I know it will take a while.

Very Sincerely,
S.

I'm so sorry about your loss. I had a miscarriage 2 years ago, I was 7 weeks. I started spotting that morning and miscarried late that night. I called my doctor to see what I needed to do, but honestly there was nothing I could do at that point. I also felt as though he knew what the outcome would be. My doctor and nurse were both very supportive when I went in to the doctors office the next morning, especially the nurse because she had went through the same thing. He saw me right away and didn't make me wait. He took the time to explain everything and answer all my questions. I don't think your doctor not calling you is because she is heartless. I think doctors do become emotionally numb to situations, only because they see a lot of sad things in their line of work. Also, People react in very different ways and I know from experience that even some of your closest friends don't know what to say in a situation like miscarriage. A lot of people don't understand the emotional pain that you go through when this happens. I got so tired of hearing "this happened for a reason". I just wanted people to understand why I was grieving and even though my baby was only 7 weeks, I still lost a child. I personally had a very hard time dealing with my miscarriage, because my husband and I had been trying for a while to get pregnant. I wanted to be pregnant again immediately! You will know when you are ready to start trying again...just try to be patient (I know that's hard)and just keep your faith. Most importantly, allow yourself to grieve. We started trying again a month or so after and luckily, 5 months after the miscarriage we were pregnant again and now we have the most beautiful little girl. I still think about our first baby, and I still get emotional about it. But time heals all wounds. I will be praying for you and I wish you the best of luck!!

I'm so sorry for your loss.

I am very sorry to hear of your miscarriage. It is very hard emotionally. I too, had a miscarriage and my Dr.'s were at the Women's healthcare on N Houston. Let me know who your dr.'s were. I was treated so cold when I had my miscarriage, the doctor never even called to see how I was doing, never even responded to my several concerns after the D and C. When something when terribly wrong this dr. from this practice never would even address my problem which turned out to be really bad. Life threatening. Its too bad that you had the same experience I did. Please let me know who this was. I have a feeling its the same doctors.

I'm sorry you had a miscarriage, and I think your doctor(s) should definitely be sympathetic when giving you the news and talking to you, but I wouldn't expect weekend phone calls (or anytime) to check up on you or anything. She definitely SHOULD have asked what your plans are, if you're going to try again, etc. and advised you on that. OB-GYNS see miscarriages every day along with horrible birth defects, stillbirths, women finding out they have STDs that only cheating husbands could have given them, couples finding out horrible results from amnios, etc. not to mention ovarian cancer, cervical cancer, vaginal cancer, breast cancer, etc. This doesn't mean that you're not hurting or that your problem is any less -and you certainly have every right to be upset about miscarrying -but from the doctor's perspective it's probably just part of a day's work when you take into account all of her and the practice's patients and what problems and ailments must be going on with a lot of them at any given time.

I'm sorry to hear about your miscarriage. I suffered a miscarriage myself a couple of years ago. So I know what you're going through. I have a great doctor who also knows me and my family by name. But she did not call to express sympathy either. I think its just that are really busy and that they recognize people grieve differently. I didn't want to hear from anyone when it happened. And I didn't want to talk about it until probably a month later. If there is something that you want to discuss with your doctor, or if you have questions about what to expect, you should definitely give her a call. I hope this helps.

M.

With the experience that I have had in the past with working in an OBGYN, a doctor does not call to express sympathy over a miscarriage. I know you have been going to the doctor for a while and etc. but that is not a practice that they normally do. You have to understand that even though this is a very emotional experience to you and I am sorry for your loss...a doctor is looking it in the medical way. Doctors must form a sense of detachment in the medical field because they are subjected to many medical issues that if they used pure emotion they would not be able to cope and stay in the medical field. So, please rest assured that they doctor in no way is trying to add to the pain that you are going through right now.
I would advise if you wish to speak to her about where to go from here to make an appt to see her to discuss these things. She may not have spoke with you about all of this because she knew you had just suffered a loss and a lot of people don't wish to talk about things like that when a loss has just happened.
I hope this helps.

I'm very sorry for your loss. I had a similar situation years
ago and my Doctor was excellent and compassionate. He's gone
on to be with the Lord now. Through his compassion, caring
and attentiveness this taught me alot about Doctors and their mannerism. I went through three Gyn-Ob's until I found that
perfect nitch in my new Doctor. By all means get a new doctor.

Sheila

A lot of people, even doctors, don't understand how devastating a miscarriage is. I've had two and most people weren't very sympathetic. I was simply told it was your bodies way of taking care of an unhealthy pregnancy. I would think a doctor would view it in a clinical rather than empathetic way. If your doctor is otherwise a good doctor I would not hold it against her. I think it takes personal experience in order to understand how much a miscarriage hurts. I am so sorry for your loss and wish you luck with future pregnancies.

Hi S.,
I am so sorry to hear your news.
I have had 4 miscarriages and l have a 4yr old girl. My last one ws 2yrs ago and l cannot tell you horrible l was treated by my ob/gyn and the hospital staff. I never had anyone to talk to apart from my husband. I would wait 3 months or so for your body to get back to normal its had a big shock. Plse dont get stressed out it will happen eventually. If you need to email me just to talk send me a message. I know how hard this is for you...
I would look for another OB/GYN. I have a lovely ob/gyn called Dr Kimberley Huffman she works out of Marietta and Woodstock her number is ###-###-####.
Take care and keep in touch it does help to talk to other mothers who have experienced what you have.
J.
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