Missing Money

Mom, I'm sorry, but I have to tell you what I automatically thought, honey. He's gambling again.

When are you going to do something about this? Are you just going to live with his deception?

So sorry...

Dawn

If you can't entirely trust him to not take money, maybe you should postpone the wedding for a while.

Missing money issue aside...

If you do not trust your fiance you should run like HE$$ and get out of the relationship. Why set yourself up for failure with someone you can't or don't trust?

Are you both living with your parents? Please don't marry this dude, think about your child.

I'm just so sad for you, that you have even a moment of doubt about your fiancee. You are marrying a man, and you can't be sure if he didn't steal form your father?

I can't wrap my head around that. The ring would be off my finger.

Okay, based on his history, I'm inclined to think he might have taken it... :( (I thought I remembered issues from the past and went back and double checked.) You're absolutely right. $40 doesn't just get up and walk away. The other ladies are also right. The fact that he didn't actually answer the question is a bit concerning. It's a diversionary tactic. It's designed to make you feel guilty for even thinking it's a possibility without actually addressing the issue. :(

Did he actually say "no I didn't take the money" or did he just say "why would I take money from your father...."? Liars tend to not answer the question, but act indignant. Any chance someone else at the pizza place (pickpocket) might have stolen the money?

Since you don't have proof that your fiance stole the money, you can't be sure that he did. But beware.....

Sorry the $ is missing. But you have much bigger issues. If you are not 1000% certain that your fiance did NOT take the money, you really, really, really should seriously consider being with him. TRUST is everything in a marriage.

Are there other things going on where you don't trust him???

I would need more background on the fiance to answer this. He is either a person you know you can trust or he isn't. If in the past he has been dishonest, or has ANY reason to steal money - then your gut feeling is probably right. If he is the most honest guy in the world - then I would question why you would doubt him. Given that both you and your parents see him as a suspect makes me believe you are probably right. It is inexusable for your fiance to steal money from your family. If he did steal it, you deserve the shitstorm for bringing this this kind of guy around your family. Get rid of this guy!

The person you should be able to trust, more than ANYONE in this world, is your fiancee/husband. There should be no doubt in your mind of their integrity.

The fact that he has a history regarding misuse of money, and that you don't trust that he's telling you the truth, AND that he danced around a straight, honest answer like a tango master, tells me that he is the most likely suspect.

And it also tell me that you need to break off the engagement as soon as possible.

I know that's not what you want to hear. And you probably think that you can help him to deal with his problem. But consider how the majority of relationships with addicts and pathalogical liars end. Divorce. Do you really want to go down that road?

- Money from an ATM can, and often does, stick together.
- Money falls out of wallets. Did your father stop anywhere in between his house and CVS?
- Check your fiance's wallet or money clip when he's not looking... see if there is unaccounted for $$

Do you honestly think your fiance took cash out of your father's wallet? If so, break the engagement immediately and don't look back.

The best way to approach it is to retrace steps. You know you put 5 bills in there, then took 1 out. So there should be 4 $20. That is all you know.

The next question would be did anyone else have access to the wallet?
- your Dad. Anyone else?

Is it possible that the bills, being new, were stuck together? Or is he like my Dad and has a ton of receipts in his wallet and the bills are lost in the receipts?

All you can stick with is what YOU know YOU did. You asked your fiance and he gave you an answer. Yet you are questioning it. If you can't trust that answer, you should think hard about having a future with him.

I have looked into lying and if he answered with a question. My bet he took it. sorry

Please don't take this the wrong way. I am not trying to be aggressive in my answer.

You have a lot going on in this relationship. Between your fiancé gambling, to his family feeling so disrespected by you, and all the in-betweens, I'm not sure this is a healthy relationship for you.

If he is lying about this, what else is he lying about? And I don't mean to say he is lying about the money, but it seems as though you think he is.

Perhaps his "lying" has played a part in the way his family views you. If that is the case, this is even more unhealthy than you could imagine.

You need to find your strength and your voice in this relationship.

Is there a reason you don't/can't leave? If you even want to.? Financial, nowhere to go, etc...?

How do you feel about him taking the money? If he did. Would it be the breaking point for you? Or would you still stay with him knowing you can't trust him?

Is there any way you can test him? I hate to recommend that, but maybe that will answer your question of doubt.

Maybe mark a few bills with a dot in one of the corners and lay them out somewhere he would find them, but not so obvious. Or buy something at a garage sale that looks antique and tell him that your mom has had it for years and that one of hers friends had mentioned to her that it was worth a few thousand dollars and then have him put it in the garage. See if it suddenly disappears. You can even mention to him one day how you had left the garage door open for a few hours without realizing it because your mind was going in 5 different directions with the hectic day you had. Then you can ask him where he had put your moms antique piece.

I know, crazy idea, but if it would help ease your curiosity about his honesty, why not.

Hope things get better for you.

"i called my fiance and asked him, not that he would admit it if he did," ???

Are you serious? He would not admit it if he did steal?

There is not one person in my daily life, that I cannot trust. Sometimes when I first hire a new employee, it may take me a few days or weeks to get a feel for them and to totally trust them, but if I get the feeling through their language and actions that something is not right, I do not keep these people in my life and definitely not around my child or loved ones.

It is time to quit being frightened about getting rid f this boyfriend. He is wasting your time and energy and stealing from you loved ones.

Be strong and protect your family. Drop him forever. The only thing you need to do is imagine if your own children had a boyfriend like this in their lives...

You have posted a number of times in the past that you don't trust your fiance regarding money. Please work through this before you marry him. Financial problems in a marriage are bad enough. Not trusting your spouse because of them often means the end of a marriage.
Good luck.

If you don't trust him, you need to end the relationship. Why would you marry someone you don't trust. It will not last and if it does, it won't be happy.

Please take some time

maybe you need to go back and make sure it didnt fall on the ground when you pulled the $20 out. ATM money is very straight and they tend to stick to each other. I am sure he didnt steal it. I think you dropped it accidentally.
or... could your dad not like your finace and be using something like this to get you away from him? i know, i hate to think of a father doing something like that too, but you just never know these days.... good luck!