Mom and Tampons....

Ya know, we seem to get several teens a year posting this question.

My mom was the same way. I saved my money, walked to the store and bought my own. Crazy as it sounds I kept a lot of dimes around and bought them at the bathroom vending machines....you name it I did it.

Just my experience, nothing, no one would have changed my mom's mind. She saw them as a sexual device, seriously!!

My girls have always had access to whatever they need, no way I would put them through that!

I think talking to your doctor is a good idea. She should be able to communicate to your mom that tampons are a safe option for a 14 year old girl.

You also need to make sure that when you talk to her about it, you are assertive - don't act passive and weak, but also don't be aggressive or accusatory. Clearly, calmly and patiently outline why you think tampons are a better option for you.

If your mom continues to refuse, tell her (calmly) that you would like to go to the store yourself and purchase tampons with your own money. Tell her that you want to be up front and honest, and don't want to lie to her about it or use them in secret. Ask her to support you so you don't have to hide it or continue to use the pads that make you uncomfortable.

Yes, K., talk to your doctor. Ask her to check you to make sure you are okay for tampons. Then ask her to show you how to use them and tell you what you have to be careful of and why. It will be a little embarrassing. I think that your grandmother and your mother call them "gross" because putting in a tampon entails touching yourself and knowing how your body is made down there. That's why they mention "married women".

Maybe you can't convince your mom. But you can use tampons. I would do that. That might not be the most popular answer here - teens should obey their parents in most things. But you are NOT living in yesteryear... sports and pads do NOT mix. I doubt that your mom and grandmother ever did sports when they were girls.

Your doctor should tell you not to leave in a tampon too long. They won't get lost - just make sure you bear down like you're having a bowel movement and pull on the string to get it out. Don't buy extra-absorbent ones because of the worry of toxic shock syndrome. Use a little vaseline on the end of the tampon to help it go in. You can find the place that it goes (the vagina) by peeing on a mirror and using the hole UNDERNEATH where you pee. (You have 3 holes - where you pee from, the vagina, and where you poop from.)

It might hurt to put in a tampon, but that's a bit normal the first time. You have to push it past your pubic bone, at an angle. The doctor can show you AND tell you which tampons to try. Ask the doctor to write it down for you. Don't try to do it before you go to the doctor.

After all this is done, THEN ask the doctor to tell your mom that your body is fine for using tampons. You might be surprising your mother, and she might not like it. But you have a right to talk to the doctor about ANYTHING, and you have the right to privacy about what you are going to say to the doctor. It would be nice if you can talk her into letting you use tampons. If she says no, go to your dad. Move heaven and earth to get your way on this. And if heaven and earth don't move, well, your call, K.. Just make sure you listen to everything your doctor says, read the insert in the box so that you know what you are supposed to do and not do, and make sure you comply.

Good luck.

I would definitely bring it up with your doctor and have the doctor talk to your mother about it. Your doctor can also talk to you about how to use tampons safely and maybe give you an idea of what to get.

When I was a teenager I felt the same way and my mother was exactly the same. I got a job at 15 and went to the store and bought my own tampons.

You absolutely should talk with your doctor and have her speak with your mom. I see no reason why you should not use tampons even without your mom's blessing once you have discussed this with your doctor. Seriously, there is no reason in the world beyond her discomfort with the topic that she should prevent you from using them. They are over the counter and you can just buy them.

I am sorry you don't have your mom's support on this one. My mom got me tampons at my first period.

I suspect that your mom and grandmother (being from older generations) just didn't talk about these things. I know my own conversations with my mother were very very limited. And because of this, your own mother is uncomfortable or doesn't know how to talk with you about it either. Women who have been led to believe that certain aspects of their body/sexuality are "dirty" or "gross" may not ask enough questions themselves to know the facts and may hold onto old, inaccurate information they may have been given themselves, by others who also didn't know all the facts.

Yes, you can ask your doctor about this. And there really shouldn't be a reason why you can't use tampons. They make a variety of absorbencies and "styles", some with plastic applicators, some with cardboard applicators, some with no applicators... You may want to try a few different kinds to see which are most comfortable for you (both to insert and to wear). For someone new to tampons, I would suggest a plastic applicator style to start.
Ask any questions you have about it at your doctor's appointment, and feel free to share with your doctor that your mom doesn't want you to use them and isn't very forthcoming with information. It is important for your doctor to know that you aren't getting much support at home, so that perhaps s/he can clarify safety issues with your mom.

Playing sports and being active are primary reasons women choose to use tampons. They also feel cleaner and many women like the fact that there isn't any particular "odor" when using a tampon, vs. using a pad.

It is your body, be proactive in taking care of it.

I was raised by my aunt and she was sort of the same way. I think she had a problem with me growing up. Talking to your doctor is probably your best bet.

I find tampons a lot let gross than pads.
I think it is a great idea to talk to your doctor. My daughter has been wearing tampons since she was 11 without a problem.

Yes, do talk to your doctor. My daughter starting using tampons at 12, and that seemed young to me (I hadn't even had my period at that age), but she didn't want to miss out on swimming or any activities at sleepaway camp, and wanted to try them. It didn't thrill me at that young age, but she used them that summer, and at 13 she started using only tampons. Do speak to your doctor and have the doctor speak to your mom. Your mom is not of a generation to still carry these myths around - I'm only 5 years younger than your mom. My friends and I all used tampons, even in our teen years and have allowed our daughters to use them.

Yes, talk to your doctor. Tell her your school schedule, sports, etc. and ask for the best option for you, the safety, etc. Then ask if your doc can tell her what SHE recommended considering your sports lifestyle, why it would work, and the medical facts re. tampons. They have changed SIGNIFICANTLY since your mom was young, and info from a medical professional will probably help to reassure her.

I know this is bad advice but I would just buy some and use them. I do not think anyone will change your Moms mind. I am not telling you to go behind your Moms back all the time, but this is something that will I prove your life monthly. I always say respect your Mom, but honey, I am with you on this on. Tampons rock!

Tampons are, IMO, much less gross than pads - a bloody diaper versus a cotton plug? No contest.
Start with talking to your doctor. Ask her to talk to your mom.
My mom was anti-tampon because she was paranoid about toxic shock syndrome. It happened to a friend of mine, but she was not changing the tampon every couple of hours the way you're supposed to.
Once I had an after-school job, I bought my own.
If your mom won't budge on tampons and you don't have money to buy them yourself, see if she would consider a Diva cup. It's not phallic shaped so it shouldn't trigger sexual connotations in her mind. It fits inside, so you don't have the bulk and chafing issues that pads cause.

Dude! Tampons are gross, have you ever looked at one when they come out? They're super gross. But they are the best option for someone who is active like you are.

I suggest you visit with the doc about them and then do some chores and other stuff to save money to buy your own supplies.

My Mom never encouraged us to use tampons and only bought pads for me and my older sister. I know my Mom used them herself and I had swim class in the 9th grade and hated having to bring the dreaded "note" that I couldn't swim for the next few days to my male instructor during that time of the month. Talk about embarrassing! I took it upon myself to buy my own box and follow the instructions and pictures to get it right. I never told my Mom I was doing this and then she found the box and questioned me on it. Why did I have it? Where did I get it? I just expalined to her that my friends use them and I want to be active like them and not have to "sit out" on the fun things like swimming. She was okay after that, but wished I had come to her.
My sister never used them and when her daughter started her period, it was a fiasco because my niece wanted to use them and my sis had no idea, so I ended up coaching her over the phone(I lived in another city at the time) when she was at my Mom's house to help her find an easy way to figure it out. Yes my Mom is the one my niece turned to for help and she did not hesitate.
So I guess my advice would be to definitely talk to the doctor and have them talk to your Mom with you. You might be surprised at her reaction. She may be ok with it. Or the doctor can explain to make her be okay with it. Don't be afraid! Your life will be filled with these types of decisions. You are doing the right thing for you!

Yes, absolutely, you have your doctor tell her that it is alright for you to use a tampon at your age. There are slender versions made for such a thing. I had to have my mom's gyno tell my mom the same thing at your age. Good luck!

You should be able to do what makes you feel comfortable and your mother should be able to understand that. And you should talk to your doctor about it when you see her, AND ask her if she will discuss it with your mom, just to reassure her that being involved in sports makes wearing a pad cumbersome and to let her know it's okay. My mother never used tampons because she was under the belief that somehow it was more "natural" and "healthier" to let the discharge flow out rather than it being absorbed by something inside, and maybe she was worried about Toxic Shock Syndrome, who knows. But I took it upon myself to start using them once I turned 18 and was in college and was able to make more decisions for myself without my mom there to poke her nose into everything. Once she found out that I was using them, she was surprised - it was like she expected me to start getting sick or having problems, and I was like, umm, noooo....millions of women use them every day!

Just remember that you need to change them OFTEN - every 2 to 3 hours or so. Good luck!

Actually, tampons are cleaner . There was a recent study or something and they found more bacteria on pads then on the tampons. Maybe that could help sway your mom.