Mom Diagnosed with Lung Cancer and I Still Cant Quit Smoking.

Sounds like a psychiatrist/therapist could help you, as you have several issue that need addressing. I have several relatives who are addicted to nicotine. My mother and her two sisters. Their mother died from lung cancer and that didn't stop them either. Please get help....if you want it.

When my daughter was in second grade, I took her to the wake of a woman who died of lung cancer. Why? Because the woman's only daughter was in her class and my daughter wanted to support her friend. A month before she died, a friend spotted her at the gas station and asked whether she'd be joining her daughter's class for the day's field trip. None of us had seen her for a long time, and the woman responded that she couldn't go because she was too sick, and then she pointed at the scarf on her head. My friend realized the woman had cancer and said to her, "I'm so sorry!" "Why are you sorry?" the woman responded. "You didn't make me smoke these" and she held up a brand new carton of cigarettes that she had just purchased from the gas station mart. A month later, she was gone and her daughter had no mother.

By the way, my mother kept her smoking from me my whole life, too. I am very grateful for that. Thank you for not showing it to your daughter or forcing her to live with it. But that being said, I always knew. It was the big elephant in the room -- it was the biggest secret everyone knew but no one admitted. She always smelled like smoke. She only smoked in one room, but the house always faintly smelled of it. And she couldn't hide it any more 6 years ago when she was diagnosed with stage 3 lung cancer (a 3.5" mass) and heart disease that required 4 bypasses. I'm very, very lucky to have her in my life today -- she survived. But my sister-in-law, my age, died two years ago from lung cancer. My 76 year old mother survived, but my 41 year old sister-in-law did not, and she also left behind a 10 year old boy and three step children.

I have no advice, other than your smoking is bigger than you are. This is not just a nicotine addiction, it is an eating disorder on top of it. You will not get beyond it without professional help. But your age does not necessarily give you an advantage. I pray your mother comes through with flying colors, but you have a choice -- maybe you don't have a choice in stopping by yourself, but you have a choice to get help. Please get professional help from a licensed psychotherapist. This is bigger than you, and your family deserves to have you.

I am sorry your mom has lung cancer.
I am sorry you can't kick your addiction to nicotine.

I am sorry that you are obsessed with being thin as well. Sounds like you need some therapy to get past your "issues" for lack of better words. If you harbor obsessive behaviors - smoking and being thin - you might have a better chance with therapy.

Nicotine is a drug. It is addictive - that's why so many people have such a hard time quitting. Addictions work on the mind and body....

Hypnosis or acupuncture as well. My girlfriend quit smoking with Chantix and she has anxiety problems as well. I wouldn't poo-poo ANY options open to me.

You are fooling yourself if you honestly believe you are keeping it from your children. They can smell it when you walk in the door, in the car, etc. most kids are NOT oblivious to it...they just CHOOSE NOT TO ACKNOWLEDGE it...

Any way - Chantix, hypnosis or acupuncture might work for you...and not JUST with smoking...but your obsession with being thin...

therapy sounds like your best bet.

to me, i quit when i started keeping it away from my child. that was my #1 priority. much more important than smoking. first, no smoking in the house. then, no smoking in the car. eventually i stopped running outside. the last to go was at work, the hardest because all of my friends at work would always go out as a group on breaks. i didn't know what to do with myself. maybe if you got some really great books, or learned to crochet, or something, that might help.

i know it's hard. but it is also 100%, completely, ultimately, YOUR choice. no one else's. once you realize that you will be good to go. with everything else going on, i'd still suggest therapy. it's not stupid to admit you need help.

My father could not quit smoking. He died of pancreatic cancer when he was 45 and I was two years old. Love your child more that how much you love smoking. Love your child more than anything else and make that love be strong enough to get you through the very difficult path of quitting.

Oh, and on the thin thing. Smoking will age you and make you look years older that you are whether you get cancer or not.

I've had 4 family members and 3 co-workers die from tobacco related cancers.
Most smoked, one chewed.
In some cases the lung cancer and emphysema caused long drawn out deaths despite chemo and radiation and dragging oxygen tanks with them while taking a breath became more and more difficult.
In other cases cancer was only discovered after pneumonia which would not clear up and it seemed like they went from a bad cold to dead within 5 months.
The chewer came down with mouth and throat cancer and it took him 2 years to die - he kept chewing until his lower jaw was removed but the cancer had spread and he was buried with his favorite tobacco in a pouch in his pocket.
They were good people and they are missed and sometimes I get angry when I feel we lost them before their time.
They told great stories and laughed and their dying left such huge holes in peoples lives.

Addiction physical/emotional/habitual is a powerful thing.
You have to figure out why YOU smoke and then deal with each issue and knock it down until you have no more reasons left.
If you fear weight issues, then take control of your diet - keep a food diary, count calories, know what you eat, improve your eating habits until you know where your weight comes from.
When you reach your daily calorie limit - stop eating and drink water, regardless of whether you are smoking that day or not.
If you smoke during certain social situations (I had a friend who mostly smoked when he went to bars to play darts and hang out), then replace those situations with other activities (my friend greatly reduced his smoking when he quit going to bars).
Some quit smoking when they pray for the strength to fight the demon tobacco/nicotine - if religion will help you - use it.
If you smoke X packs a day, then gradually whittle the number down to lower numbers.
This works for some people but others must quit cold turkey - not buy it, not be near it, don't have it in the house, not go near others who smoke - they live with the craving every day but every day they make the choice that today is NOT the day they will pick it back up again - maybe tomorrow - but NOT today - and they never allow tomorrow to come.
Figure out how much you spend on the habit and every time you get the urge, save that money up for a fun goal - a special treat for yourself - a spa day, a trip/cruise, a piece of jewelry, etc.
Many people don't quit the first time they try or the second or the third but they refuse to quit the quest and maybe the fourth or fifth time is the charm.
You'll have the power to quit when you take control of your free will and not let the addiction rule you any longer.
Good luck.

it's so hard. even after i 'quit' i cheated for years. i tried to quit off and on forever, like most people, before i was able to give it up for the most part. it was probably 6 or 7 years after my last break that i no longer wanted them.
i don't really have any advice. i just kept trying until it stuck.
but hon, don't kid yourself. you're not keeping it from anyone. when you're a smoker you think you're being subtle and smart about it, but everyone knows. kids too. really.
i wish you the best of luck. keep trying!
khairete
S.

I have anxiety and Chantix did not affect it in the least. Don't be so quick to overlook this miracle drug. The side effects that you read about happen to far fewer people than what is put out there. Plus, sometimes you have to weigh the risks....is it better to get lung cancer or have a little anxiety? I don't say this lightly either. Unless you are the one diagnosed with the cancer there is NOTHING that you can do to imagine how it feels-even if it is a family member. I can best compare it to almost like a claustrophobia in your own body. You want out but cannot escape. And you feel powerless.

The miracle of Chantix is that it makes the cig taste horrible. You light up but then snuff it out. It basically cuts the pleasure feeling. It was the only thing that I was able to quit with. I would also see if you can take Zoloft for your anxiety. I am shocked at how well this has controlled mine. I only take 25 mg but this is enough to keep away anxiety and depression.

It is a mind thing, and let me just tell you, giving up smoking was the best thing I ever did --and I loved, adored, cigs!

I also didn't gain a single pound. I got myself on a new healthy eating/exercise plan and just moved forward.

You will only quit when you are ready. Are you ready to turn your life around and come up with a more effective and healthy way to cope with life?

You are not alone, really seriously you are among many who cannot quit.I myself still sneak a few, it is tough -I am around a smoker all the time and I just throw in the towel...it is an addiction and from what I hear to break it is similar withdrawing from herion. I have my days where I am fine not smoking and then the smells trigger the craving and anxiety. And I was also always worried about weight, and often years ago used it as a desert.
That said, the best outlet is definitely exercise, and the best way is to substitute something (hopefully not too fattening). I was hynopotized many years ago, (not a good subject) and sometimes Nicorette seems to help. I am glad that I was able to stop during my pregnancies and sometime after that.
If your mom is ill, it is an especially stressful time and do not get down on yourself. You can suck on sugar free candies if to just cut down because you probably in all likelihood will want one but even completely cutting down will be better for you. And use that old age on yourself "one day at a time"
there is nothing wrong with you, you are a human being. I have seen lots of people who never smoked have other types of attachments, vices, etc. Yes, food is one of them, but your metabolism only changes slightly with becoming a non smoker. And you will have more energy to exercise.We are people and we fail and we succeed and just keep getting back up You WILL Do it! And I am so sad for you. My dad had lung cancer. And I do not want you to say one more time what the hell is wrong with me. It is tough.
HUG

Dead people don't have to worry about being thin or FAT. I don't think you are stupid, so SNAP OUT OF IT...for your sake and the sake of your family!

I smoked until I divorced my husband (this past year).

Including when my son was in the pulmonary unit at Children's Hospital for 6mo. After doing a quick test to make sure he's not allergic to it, and a longer test to see if he's reactive to it (no to both)... His doctors told me NOT to quit then (or rather, not to stress about quitting, if I felt like it, sure).

Why'd they say that?

Because my son was dying, and he needed his mommy. Not a stressed out / in-withdrawal / freaked out mess. Just followed simple rules that I'd already done his whole life ((wear a smoking jacket, tie up my hair while smoking, sanitize & was my hands -the sanitizer removes the resins-, the soap & water the rest-, and brush my teeth/ mouthwash)). Took all of 1.5 minutes per smoke break. No worries. And THAT wasn't for him. It was for other kids in the area sensitive to smoke (my son wasnt). But, as I said, that's what I did anyway.

Honestly? Smoking saved my sanity during the 6mo my son was sick. I had the BEST support group of other parents outside. I thank God for them whenever I think of them. And... Even though I've quit... I still take a pack & some Nicorette up to the smoke shack every month (for broke parents, or stranded parents, who are hurting), as a way of saying thank you.

A year and a half later...
- My son is healthy.
- My ex is my EX (apparently getting divorced is less stressful than staying married)
... And I haven't smoked in 6 months or so (July... I don't actually count how long that is).

Am I giving you permission to smoke?
Nope. Not my place. If my sons doctors had said quit, I'd have handcuffed myself if need be. Mercifully... They didn't.

You'll quit when you quit.

When you need to.

When you can.

How you need to.

I'd rather gain weight than go through having cancer. I think you'll just have to MAKE yourself do it, Rt. Start with halving the number of cigs that you smoke every day. Only allow yourself to have those. Next week, drop two cigs out of that. Once you get used to that (hopefully a week), drop one cig out of that number for a week until you are smoking 2 cigs a day. Then try to drop them.

You need something to do with your hands rather than smoking. Get some play dough and walk around with it in your hands (or some clay). Try to walk, even if it's in a mall (keeping warm) and don't sit around the house. That will help with your weight. Drink plenty of water so that you are flushing out your system. If you don't overeat while you're cutting down on your smoking, and if you get exercise and drink water, you won't "balloon up".

I hope you will make yourself do this. Sometimes we just have to bite the bullet and do what we don't want to or don't do what we want, in order to live longer. You owe it to your kids, mom.

Dawn

What about hypnosis? I've heard it can work for some people.

I've talked to you before about your mother's issues as well as yours, and now I see you have the additional problem of smoking. There is SO MUCH that can be done with cellular nutrition. I have a good friend who actually FORGOT to smoke when he changed things up, and he hasn't been sick or had any respiratory problems since. You have to be open to learning more though. Lots of people in your area and here in Massachusetts who have benefited from a little education about cutting edge work. There is hope but you have to reach out for it.

May of this year, my cousin died of lung cancer and was down to 3 cigarettes a day.

I photographed her mother and each of her siblings on her death bed at her side. Two hours later she died.

You have to find another coping mechanism.

Two of my friends swear by this guy, Allen Carr:

http://www.theeasywaytostopsmoking.com/books.aspx

I'm so sorry about your mom. My mom died from lung cancer 13 yrs ago. Ironically, having lung cancer was the only thing that stopped her smoking. Once she found out about the cancer, she quit that day and never smoked again. She died 6 months later. I hope that is not the case for you.

Good Luck.

Awww man! I feel so sorry for your situation because I totally understand it. I'm not a smoker. My father was a person with a very addictive personality. He smoked, and when he was diagnosed with cancer and couldn't smoke anymore (due to his throat cancer) he switched to achoholism. Once he got over the cancer he started smoking again, along with the alcoholism he ended up dying of a stroke. He also had an addiction to salt and ate a bag of chips in its entirety every single night.

As his daughter I've struggled with the desire to do each of these, moreso the alcohol and the chips. I know it sounds funny but in only a weeks time I can have a full on addiction to either one or both. I have to be very very careful. I've never allowed myself to get to any degree of addiction. It's a battle every single day.

I watched my father struggle with trying to quit for years and fail. Even with 5 children to care for he couldn't kick the habit. He went as far as getting a metal earring put in the grissle of his ear ( in a very painful spot) to try to remind him not to smoke. He also went to a psychiatrist, who was finally the person who was able to get him to stop for an extended period of time. Being addicted to smoking is akin to being addicted to anything else, you will always be an addict. You need to see someone to help you quit. Then you need to keep seeing that person or go to support groups to keep you accountable.

I wish you the best of luck and I applaud you for your outreach and honesty. You can kiss smoking good-bye and you need to, especially for your children! You can do it!!!

I would try therapy. My husband smoked for years and was able to quit after going to a therapist a few times. He had a really rough childhood, pretty much raised himself and started smoking at 14. He felt like it was an old friend that helped him through tough times. After getting it all out he had an easier time of letting the smoking go.

Find the right person and switch if you don't feel comfortable with them. If you really have anxiety, obsession to be thin AND a smoking addiction there is likely a lot going on in your brain that needs to be worked out.

Stop focusing on your Mother and start focusing on you and why you are doing these things. Also stop saying you CAN'T stop. Tell yourself and everyone else that you ARE going to stop and you are taking active steps to do so. Good Luck, you can do it!

I would try going to a hypnotist.

It sounds like a psychiatrist could help you. You have issues that contribute to your need to smoke that go beyond the physical addiction.

Cut back on the number you smoke every day. If you smoke a pack then take 2 out and only smoke 18. Do that for a week and then cut out another 2. It's easier to taper back a bit at a time than to stop cold turkey.

As far as you keeping it from your daughter and friends? They know. Believe me a non smoker can smell smoke no matter how much you think you are getting away with it.