Mom Needing a Balance

Hi K.,

Maybe finding something to do from home instead of working out of the home. Many moms do it including me. Good luck A. busymomsworkathome.com

Unfortunately us Full time working Moms, hardly ever have alot of time to ourselves. I am fortunate in the respect that though my Husband helps in all things, it makes it easier. He is not a student but his job can end up being a 24/7 day. We alternate our cook nights, and bath nights for our daughter, for as far back as I can remember. Ex; If I cook, he is bathing the baby, then I will read her a book at bedtime, while he's doing kitchen clean up, and then he comes in last to give her, her last good night. Then the next night we swap duties. Dinners are not extravagant just healthy (he keeps his simple (hamburger helper, or something). Niether of us rarely have much time to spare during the week, unfortunately you and your husband will have to find your balance to make things run smoother on every one. On my off cook nights I try to do a load or two of laundry. Once a week, we do gymnastics, and we will go to subway or something cheap and somewhat healthy. The weekends are hectic. You eventually get used to it. However, any outside help for like cleaning house every few weeks, can help a lot from having to spend your weekends cleaning, and gives you more time with the family. I have been a stay home Mom too, and believe me I used to wonder how I worked full time and took care of two kids, and at that time they were 7 mos and 13yrs. And I was always on the run, between girl scouts, Martial Arts and caring for our 7 month old I was hoppin. In the past 3 months I joined a group called "BMF" A few Mom's in the neighborhood, and church created "Big Mama Fun" the requirements are, you have to be Mom and you have to be fun. We go out once a Month (Saturday Night), and you all choose different things and places to go. So far we have gone to dinner and bowling, Christmas gathering, and a night at the funny farm, Dining at a mexican restautant followed up by rollerskating, next month we are going to some place that is kind of like Who's line is it anyway" type show. We gather and talk about the kids, or hubby's or just issues and experiences with the kids, etc. or just enjoy others company and just relax a little. It started out with a handful of Mom's and now, we have 15-20, not everyone makes it every month, but it is nice knowing that at some point I can have a night with the Mom friends and chill. No kids or Hubby's to look after.

Not sure if anything I said offers you any ideas or help. Good luck and take care.
Suz

A little About me: I am a 44 year old Mom of 3, my kids are 23, 18, and 5. I also have a 2 yr old Grandbaby. I work full time.

Hi K.,

I know just what you and all these other moms are saying, its so hard, frustrating and stressful to try to be a fulltime employee, fulltime wife and fulltime mother. You don't have enough hours in the day to work 3 fulltime jobs. And that's what you are trying to do. As I said, I know...that is or was me. In the past months I have found a wonderful business opportunity and have started my own home based business. It is really great, you have the opportunity to make some really good money, no selling, no inventory no parties, etc....All of my work can be done from the comfort of my home with my computer and telephone. I am still working my business part time while I build it, but I am soon going to be in a position to quit my outside job and make even more money at home. Its so exciting.

Why don't you visit my website http://ware02.fourpointmoms.com to learn more and request information.

I think you will find the solution to worries and more time for your family.

flylady.net has helped me find a bit more time in the day. Maybe it can help you too. It helps with prioritization and house work and office work. It takes time to get it going but it helps remind you to make the most of every moment by focusing on things for small bits of time.

Check it out and see if it's for you. Hope this helps!

I was listening to a radio interview with Anette Benning on NPR about a month or two ago. Terry Gross, the interviewer, asked Anette how she stays balanced. She replied that once balance is achieved, something changes.

The message I got from it, as a single mom who works full-time, is that I will never attain perfection. What I do is I make time for myself. I play tennis (and pay for a babysitter) and put my two girls (5 and 3) to bed on time every night so I have quiet time before I have to go to bed. I also get up an hour before the girls so I can be ready and have an hour for myself before my day starts. I'm lucky enough to have a job that allows me to take time during lunch (at my expense) to go to the YMCA that's just down the street. Just these little things add up and it makes my life a lot more managable.

One more thing, one time I went to my priest about a problem and he told me to go away with my husband and leave the kids at home with someone and to NOT feel guilty about it. I took him up on it and it was a great way to set a precident that I am not responsible for everything. I can take care of myself and that doesn't mean my kids are going to suffer because of it.

I hope you find the help you need.

S.

Dear K., I know it's hard, be thankful you only have 1 right now. I had 2 in diapers at one time. It will be o.k., everything will fall into place. It just doesn't seem to be a light at the end of the tunnel, because it's still so new. Treasure your time of putting her to bed, and being in such turmoil. One day everything will be too calm!

I am in the same situation as you and it gets very tiresome. You feel guilty because you feel like you don't get to spend enought time with your daughter and your husband (what time)??
You sound like you are getting pretty tired and when I get like that the only thing I can do to make myself feel better is after work when I pick her up we don't go straight home and start the daily routine we go somewhere else like the library or park and spend an hour together just so you can feel like you have a little free time and still spend time with your daughter. I know exactly how you feel because I have been working since my daughter was 6 weeks old and juggling a job & family is tough. Try to get out of your routine and it will help a little. Yes the laundry will pile up or whatever else you need to do but you just have to learn to let it go. I find another good way to get housework done is to get up early before you go to work and do it while everyone is sleeping. I hope this helps you a little but the best thing I can tell you is that it is hard and you're not alone.

D.

Try picking a day that u AND ur husband are off or u both take a day or 2 from work and spend a little time together.It doesnt seem like the break is going to come on its own so I suggest making it yourself.

K.,

I know how hard it can be. At one point, I had 4 kids under 7 while I was working overnight shift at a local diner, and my husband was working days. This was the only way we could bring in enough money, and not have to pay for daycare.

What we did was set aside 1 day a week as Family Day. It was usually a Sunday becasue of our work schedules. And on this day we did everything together.

Once all of the kids were in school, it got a lot easier. I was able to work days and we had our evenings together every night.

Also, don't forget to schedule time for just you and your husband. Even if it means PB&J, and Chicken soup for dinner so you can put the little one to bed early. You need time together as much as you need family time.

Hope I could help.

I am in the same situation! I am a young mother of 2. and I go to school full time and do a part time job; but i get to have my kids with me on my PT job. But by the time I get home on Monday- Friday it;s eat bath then sleep and trying to get my hw and my sons hw done and getting everything ready for tomorrow. I have to make family time or give my self time to rest. Like after I get the kids to bed, I will take a nice hot bath and just relax. I try to do this atleast twice a week and also on the weekends are our family days, we do something special either go fishing or take the kids to mcdonalds to play on the play ground. U have to set time for ur time and family time..... Hope something that u will find that works for ur family!

I am a single mother of a 10 month old. I work full time, work part time, and go to school. It can be done. Everyday there is something else to deal with, but I look at my daughter, and I keep pushing. By the time I get home in the evenings, it is already 6:30 or 7:00. I usually feed my daughter first, bathe her, and it's bed time. Sometimes I feel bad because we don't have alot of time together, but after I pick her up from daycare, she is usually just as tired as I am. After she's in the bed, I can do what I need to do. Laundry, homework, house cleaning etc. On the weekends, I try to take sometime out for "us". The park, playground, or just watching T.V. It works out after awhile. Just realize that you are blessed, because at least you don't have to do it alone!!!