Mom Seeking Advice on Being Single Mother

Well, the only thing I can say is, you can do it. Let him see his son, unless there's something wrong going on. Please take any help someone may offer as long as you are oomfortable with it. Tell him how you feel, not sure it would change things, but it may make you feel better to get it out. Please don't let yourself become the "other" woman for him. Be strong, YOU can do this for yourself and your son.

Hey Girl!!! Keep Your Chin Up!!! Try sitting him down and telling him what you feel. Atleast that will get off of your shoulders. And for his wife part, if you don't trust her than if he wants to see his son, he will have to come to you. I would have to say one thing. Give him credit that he is coming to see his son!! Ask him for help, like diapers and etc. Some men just get scard when they find out that they are going to be a dad, and he has proably realized that he has made a mistake not being there for you and now he is trying to turn that around!! I'm not in your shoes but my sister is, and My niece now is 13 and she has never seen her father!! Just keep your chin up. If you need someone to talk to and vent just email me girl and just vent away!!! How old is your son?
Take care,
K.

C.,
My son's BioDad left me 2 weeks after I told him I was pregnant. He wanted nothing to do with me or our child the entire time I was pregnant. He didn't even want to know if I was having a girl or a boy. I called him when I went into labor (I figured it was the right thing to do).. as soon as he saw Noah he really changed his tune. All of the sudden he said "Oh wow I'm a dad!". I was so upset! (I know that sounds weird) I had finally come to terms with thinking he wouldn't be there, and I had met someone in the meantime who would be, once again, he was REALLY throwing a wrench in my plans!
His visitations started as him coming to my moms house while I was there... then they graduated to visits at his moms house for no more than 2-3 hours while I was gone (I think my son was a year old by this time)he was almost 2 before I even entertained the thought of him going there overnight! I know that Josh (Noah's BioDad) loves him and his GF just adores Noah and Noah loves her right back. I've grown more and more comfortable with him being with them and about once a month he goes and stays with them for a couple days (they live an hour south of us). I can't say I don't worry about him... though many of my fears are unfounded. My bestfriends daughter was murdered by her father when I was pregnant with Noah, and I blame that for most of my fears with Noah and his Father.
Have you gone to court about Child Support? I say, make sure he pays his child support and make sure that he sees his son. I have always said that anyone who wants to love my son is more than welcome to do so. It's important for your son to have his father in his life, especially since his father seems to want to be there!
Is there any reason imparticular that you don't trust his wife?

i dont know if i should be giving this advice but its worth a try. i am just now going through all of that. im 16 weeks pregnant and the babys father cant make up his mind on if he wants to stay around or not. ive been with the guy for the past 2 years. trust me hun if he wanted to really be there then he wouldnt have to think about it. but he is the babys father and you cant deny him the right to see your child. its hard to go through. but its not impossible. just keep ur head up and think of the positive things.

well Just talk to him and tell him you dont feel your son needs to come around his wife. U should be ok if he comes see his son on the weekend I understand he wasnt there during preg which is stupid on his half. well tell him if( you do need time without him ) that your busy on the weekend. so that he cant come so that way u and ur son can do whatever. he dont need to know what u guys are doing he dont need to know everything trust me its not easy raising a child i have two kids and im 22 yrs old. its SO NOT EASY. I thought I could trust my ex ( thats why i kinda got preg we both planned it
and he wasnt there HALF OF THE preg and I moved out of state away from him cause of some issues. so Now he aint seen his first child. and now hes telling me at first that he wasnt sure if my daughter is his and all that like all mens says. im like Oh please here we go another game that hes trying to play we did get in to alot of arguements at first but now that he seen pics of her He think its his but he still wants DNA test done I said hey no problem im only doing it for my daughter not for u that kinda like pissed him off. lmfao. and I said Im also doing it to prove u wrong. that I always been Faithful and That hes the only one I been with Everyone told him that ( all it is His ADHD.. He has so insecurity problems he always wanted me up his a<< and I need space sometime so I go over to my lady friends house if thats possible anyways well
Please just do whats best for you. and I know it hurts that u see ur ex all married and everything i was hurt for 8 months trying to get over my ex cause he was the one .... I thought..
well I sometime dont regret not being with him and sometime I do but just remember there is alot of other guys out there that may do better then ur ex ever had to offer.
so take your time and Enjoy life while you can and spend them every moments with your son. ok if anymore Qs Send me a msg if you like I can give ya more advice

thanks Take care

Im 22 Single Mother of a 3 months old and a 22 months old kids.

I don't have any advice for you becuase I've never been in your situation. But I can tell you this. My husband goes away on business trips several times a year and usually for a week or more, so I have a whole new appreciation for single moms. Even without all the other emotional stuff, it's a lot to take on and you are to be commended.

You and your son will figure it out. You happen to belong to a very strong and private club called "Mom". We're a special and wonderful group of people you know. From the minute you found out you were pregnant you were intiated. Moms are amazing folk. Keep your chin up, trust your gut, keep your head (most of the time anyway) and you'll do just fine. :)

I was a single mama to my 2 babies for 2 years before dating my husband, even now in a lot of ways I still feel like one as my husband is a trucker so gone most the time. first off, you CAN do it! it'll be rough, there's days you want to lay down & cry, scared where to go from there, how to do what needs to be done, but you can & will do it & do it really well. *HUG* my kids' father doesn't have much at all to do with my kids, be glad for the help yours does offer, even if its just visits & enjoy it while it lasts. so long as he's willing to try being in your son's life then let him, just make it clear to him that your not at ease with his new wife yet.

I am in the same situation as you are, well kind of. I found out I was pregnant 8 weeks along. The father and I had already broken up 3 weeks before I had to tell him. At first he was ready to make things work again and went to my next Dr. appointment with him and he got to hear the heartbeat. He had gone back and forth about being there and then not being there that it was stressing me out. Finally when I was about 21 weeks along I got tired of it and no longer having any contact with him. He can not even tell me if he is going to be there after the baby is born. I know that I will go after him for child support and anything more is up to him. I am also afraid of my son being around his girlfriend. She is very drama driven and would do anything when she knew he was with me to get him back. There were a lot of lies and I found out from her that he was telling people I did not know if this was his child. One thing I would not do is even if he missed a weekend for one reason or another I would never deny him to see his son no matter what has gone one between him and I. If he was still in love with you or wanted to be with you he would not have married the lady he is currently with. Look at it this way....your son is everything to you and no matter how hard it is to deal with the father you keep doing everything you can to be a good mother!

Hi C.!

I know how hard it is being a single mother, as I started that way, when I had my oldest daughter when I was 18. How old is your son? If he is a new baby, I'd probably be really leary of letting him out of my sight. Let me know if you ever want someone to talk to. If you have a myspace account, my username is tjspassion, so you can join my friends list and im me anytime!

Single mother of one. I have been a single mother since day one. My babies father and I didnt break up we just had to move apart. I found out I was pregnant when I was 3+ months. I didnt get in contact with him till she was born (my fault). I told him she was here and he was like okay. He was with someone else by then. To this day he has never seen his daughter who is about to be five. I sent change of address cards and always let him know where we were up until she was four and then I decided that he had made his choice and he didnt want to be a part of her life. I'm sure at the worst possible moment he will choose to be a part of her life. Ill meet some special guy who loves her and he'll be there with a wrench....

But in the meantime Ive been a great mother. Ive worked full time. Paid for daycare way to expensive so I could have a piece of mind about where she is. Luckily my job now pays for my daycare :-). I spent the quality time and Ive worked really hard and I never needed his help. I bought a house and I go to school and my daughter had everthing she needs. What did I use for motiviation never having to ask him for help!

Even though I am strong in taking care of me and my daughter I am weak when it comes to her feelings. How do I say Honey your Daddy doesn't want to know you, be your daddy? But I can tell her that I tried. That I let him know for many years where she was and what she was doing. That mommy sent him pictures. That will matter. That will let her know that I wasn't trying to keep her from him. That he knows.

I hope you can see what I trying to say.

C.,

I have always been a single mom, my son is 18 almost 19 and my daughter is 10. It is not easy to be a single mom, but it does not mean your life is over. Yes your life should be about raising a healthy well adjusted child, but you too can have a life. Make time for yourself, you have too, it is the only way you will be able to maintain any kind of sanity. Now for the father, stop beating yourself up over him, he did what he did, and there isn't anything you can do about it. If he chose to get married to someone else, take that as a life lesson, he wasn't the man for you, however he gave you your wonderful son. And if he is willing to be a part of his life, then let that happen, if you are afraid that he will do something stupid, then seek supervised visitation and make sure you are recieving child support. And remember these words that my father told me when I had my son!!
If the father isn't going to be around, NO FATHER BEATS A BAD FATHER!!!
So decide if he really is a bad father and don't hate the new wife because she did not do anything too you, he did this, women always want to hate the women, yes women should be more respectful, but it was the man that left and you never know maybe she will be a great stepmom, having a stepmom does not mean your child will love you any less, you are the mom, never forget that and do not use your child to get to his father, that is not attractive or necessary, just live your life, love yourself and your son and good things will begin to happen to you and for you. find yourself a support group, be it your family or your friends or a church home, even a support group for single moms, but do things to better your life that way your son will grow up to be happy healthy and wise and know how to treat a woman. You are his mom, you decide what is best, but don't be bitter or angry because your son will pick up on that and you don't want that at all!!!

Goodluck C., you can do this, believe in yourself, love your son and start living your life, even though it hurts now, you will come out stronger in the end!!!

I have been a single mother for 8 years and it has been very rough. My son's father has not been around at all. The first few months of my son's life he was around occasionally, but he had a new girlfriend and I would NOT let him take my son around her. I really didnt let him take my son anywhere. The mothers have all the rights until it is taken to court. If he is not paying child support through court or anything, he has no right to take your child anywhere. If you do go to court you can have it to where he gets supervised visitations and then he can't be alone with your child and the other girl.

Like Heather, I am a stepmom and I have seen the otherside. I felt my husbands pain when he has been denied his children or when he has been limited by the Parenting Time Guidelines. He wants to be a father all the time, not just every other weekend. Let him be a part of your son's life and unless you have reason to beleive his stepmom will not treat him correctly let her become involved as well. It is easy to seperate them now, but as he get older and spends more time with his father away from you it will only cause conflict. He should not have to choose whether he should spend the holiday with his wife or son. Take it slow, but don't let your pride get in the way. Try to build a good relationship with both of them. It will make the next 18 years alot nicer. Good luck.

I can relate to what you are going threw. I was a single mom for many years and even tho i have had some help the last nine years from a great guy who has accepted my kids as his. My kids real father lives in another state then me and my kids do but that was my choice. He was never there for his kids. So if your son's father wants to be there let him be there. I know its hard at first but in the long run your son will benifit from it. My son has alot of hate for his real dad because he has never been there for him. He has gone threw conseling and he does feel some anger towards me caues he feels that i have kept him from his dad. My son is 15 now and he is starting to see the real truth but it took a long time to get him there. So matter how hard it is seeing him and letting him be a part of your son's life just let him and be happy that your son's dad wants to be there for your son. Trust me with time it will get easier and you will be fine.

I persoally don't know what that is like but I am a step-mom and my sister has three children who still see their dads. You don't want to keep him from his dad. If you are just not liking the new wife, you can't have a reason not to trust her. I am on the other end of things. I have made myself get along with the X and it works out best for the kids trust me. If you keep your son away from his dad, he could resent you when he is older. We are dealing with the fact that my husbands x girlfriend does not allow us to see his daughter and he was not there for her pregnancy. He has been fighting in court for the last 4 years to get visitation and she keeps contesting it. My husband pays his child support and does everything that he can to see his daughter and is devistated that he is not allowed. If the visits get to where he is consistant with not visiting then talk to him. I am on the other end and can see the hurt my hubby goes through. Don't keep him away from his son. The new wife has nothing to do with him seeing him.

This may seem hard but sometimes you just have to do what is right. Remember he may not have been there through the pregnancy but he did help create him. It will be tough if you let it but set some ground rules for him. Your son is the only one that really get affected he needs routine.

C.,

If you're worried about the girlfriend I would get some lawyer advice on what to do about that. Maybe get a court paper stating yoru rights vs. the dad's rights that way there are no "unknowns" with your son. I have been a single mom for 2.5 yrs with two very young children--then, 3 yrs and 1 yr. It was very hard at first but now I know that there is NO other choice in the matter but to take care of my children in any way possible no matter what the situation.

If it will make you feel better sit down with your son's father and explain to him what you're feeling----tell him you're okay if nothing changes, but you're uncomfortable with certain things. If there are no court papers stating you must let your child see his father then no you don't have to, but for your sons sake I would let him see his father UNLESS there is some evidence of wrong-doing going on while he's with his father.

If you need any help or advice with anything you can respond to this or email me directly if you'd ____@____.com. I'm 27 yrs old with a 6 yr old and a 3 yrs old :)

A. C.