Moms of 3 or more...what Was the Harder Transition? 1-2 or 2-3? - Bondurant,IA

Going from 2 to 3 was much easier than 1 to 2, I think with 2-3 it's easier because you're already used to having more than one kid. I was already used to not getting any sleep and running around after two toddlers being pregnant, so doing it not pregnant was kind of a relief :) 1 to 2 was a much bigger shock to me. By the third I've pretty much got it down so it was easier to use the knowledge I already had. Good luck :)

My two oldest children are 17 months apart and the baby is 4 years younger then the middle child, 5 and half years younger then the oldest. The first two being so close together didn't get as much one on one attention as the baby did since they were in preschool and kindergarten when he was a baby. I don't remember thinking how hard it was with three instead of two or even how difficult it was having the second after the first, although the second had some medical problems that made it harder. The older two played well together and when the youngest came along they still played well together most of the time but the middle child (the only girl) saw the baby as a live doll and spent the next few years spoiling him rotten while the oldest son was not happy about being left out for most part. Now they are all grown up and they all seem to spend a lot of time with each other. The boys are very close with having a lot in common. My daughter still is very close with both of her brothers although she spends more time with the youngest since he is married now with a little girl who she spoils every chance she gets.

Enjoy the kids and don't worry, they will be fine.

I just had my third one this past summer. I don't think that it was hard going from one to two more less two to three. My oldest boy is 7, then my next boy will be three in jan, and then i had my baby girl. everything has worked out great. the boys have been lots of help. And also, my soon to be three year old has lots of personality issues and he's a mamma's boy, so its a challange sometimes. But would i want to change anything, no. three is just perfect. and i love each of them, and in time everything will come together the way it should!!

I found it harder going from 3-4. When my third came, my older 2 were 6 and almost 5, so adding the 3rd was easy. And since your youngest will be 4, I think you'll have no problem adding a third. I think it's really hard adding a 3rd when the other 2 are really young. This is what God has planned for your family, so it'll be great! K.

From 1-2 was more of a transition for my family but 2-3 I would say we were just busier. Theri is more laundry and just stuff all over my house where as with two I had it under control. but now the oldest two were in activities and have little playdates - their own little social lives going on so we are running around alot. But I was also a more confident mom by the third and got to spend more down time with #3 than with #2 B/C the boys had each other to entertain themselves.

Congrats!! You will do great.

I went from 2 to 3 almost four weeks ago and for me, 1 to 2 was definitely more difficult! In fact, I was so sure this was our last baby, and have mentioned to my husband that in a year or so, I'd entertain the idea of one more child. 2 to 3 has been a cake walk and my other two children are 2.5 and almost 5....not nearly as helpful as your two would be!

Best of luck!

Hello,

Like many others it was more of a life altering situation to go from 0-1. You can dream, but never be totally prepared. For me 1-2 and 2-3 were just great transitions. Adding #4 was hard because #3 was going through the worst stage of "2's". I think it was harder mostly because I worried more while I was pregnant and had to deal with a challeges she presented( very spirited but loving child). When I actually had the baby everything was fine, more hectic but adjusting just seems so natural. The kids are now 7,6,4,2 and we're expecting again in May. I think everything will be easier this time again (at least I hope!) Lots of good helpers. I think you have nothing to worry about. Even if it seems like it will be different, once your child is born you won't want to change it for anything, though there will be challenges and compromises it's all worth it!

Why do you care what other people are saying? You are already expecting the third. If you stay positive, and your request sounds pretty positive to me, you will have a wonderful time with all three of your children. You are correct, the age difference is a bonus! Congratulations and good luck!

I think going from 0-1 (or 0-2 in my case) is the hardest adjustment. You've already got two kids, you know how to do diaper changes & baby feedings & baths and soothing... consider yourself a pro at the mommy-game. Plus you've got two older kids who can help you out.

Congratulations!

I just had my 3rd and it has been a very easy transition. My 2 oldest are 6 and 4 (17 mos.apart), they absolutely adore our brand new 2month old. I think you'll find that going from 2 to 3 is very busy, yet manageable. For myself going from 1 to 2, being so close in age also, was extremely hard. Like you mentioned, alot of people always talk about the negatives, however if you keep a positive attitude about having 3 kids you'll surprise yourself how natural it seems. Congratulations and best of luck to you.

The transition from 2-3 has been hard for me. 1-2 was easy, although there were days...

I do think it depends on the age of the kids. There is a bigger age gap between my oldest two, which made things easier. She was already potty-trained and could get her own water and juice, as well as some snacks that we had at her level. There was only 21 months difference between my next two and that has made it more difficult. A husband that is a good helper, especially with cleaning is a huge help. Also, with the age of your kids, you will be able to take some naps with them in school (if your youngest is in Preschool or 4k - and if you don't work) and they will be good helpers. My 4 year old is a great help - most of the time :).

I will reiterate what everyone else has said too. I WOULDN'T CHANGE IT FOR ANYTHING! Have fun. They are all such blessings and as the saying goes, "God never gives you more than you can handle."

K., I have a 4, almost 4, and 15 month old...and one on the way. I would say, hands down, that going from 1-2 was harder than 2-3. When we went from 1-2, the older child felt left out and was not as used to playing alone when I had to take care of the baby. When we went from 2-3, the older 2 played together all the time and have become best of freinds. Best wishes and don't worry about a thing. Your older two will have a blast!
J.

I think it depends on if you have a husband that is around to help you with the kids. My husband always helps with the kids therefor going from 2 to 3 was harder. I've always said its like going from one on one to zone defense. After having our third and adjusting to it we went on to have a fourth child which was the easiest to do. A lot of people have told me I'm crazy to have four but wouldn't change it for the world and would do it all over again in a heart beat!!

I wish you luck with the birth of your third!!

D.

K.,

I know it is different for everyone and depends on the other kids ages. For us, it was harder going from 2-3. When my 2nd child was born, my daughter turned 6yrs old 3 days later. So I had a little helper and a pretty much self sufficiant (sp?) child. When I went from #2 to #3, I found it much harder. My son had turned 4yrs old the day before his sister was born. He seems to still require attention. When you have a baby, you tend to spend alot of time with the baby and don't think about the time you are not spending with the other children. The older ones don't always understand why baby is getting all of the attention. Our youngest is almost 14 months old and our 5yr old has begun to act out because he doesn't feel he gets the attention he needs. He seems to be getting negative attention because he is naughty ALOT.
I give credit to the moms out there that can give equal amounts of time to each child. I work from home, so I am here with them all day, but not able to spend actual time with each of them...

Good luck and congratulations.....

(ps: I have a GREAT husband who does alot with the kids, I would go crazy without him)

Congratulations on your new addition! I just had my 3rd in August, and my older two are now 3 1/2 and almost 2. (You can only imagine the comments I had to deal with during my pregnancy!) :) I felt going from 1-2 was more difficult. With the third, #1 and #2 can help out (since yours are older) and keep each other company. Someone also mentioned that it makes a difference if your hubby helps out or not. I agree. My husband thought the transition from 2-3 was more difficult, because he had to help out more (e.g. putting the older ones to bed while I'm dealing w/the baby). Good luck!

When adding a kid to the family there is always adjustments. For me it was harder going from two to three because there were more tasks. It is now that I have my fourth it has even got to be more of a handfull as each kid needs attention. Three of my four are 3 and under so I will say there are some struggling times. With the ages of your children it should actually be very enjoyable and they should be excited to have a baby around. Best of luck to you!

For me, the transition from 2 to 3 was harder, but I think that it had a lot to do with the age of my 2nd child. When my 2nd son was born, my oldest had just turned 3 and was relatively independent. He was potty trained and he didn't seem to need me as much anymore for "babying". However, when my daughter was born (#3) my middle son was only 22 months old. He still needed mommy and got more jealous. He also has asthma and food allergies so this may have had something to do with things, too. He had just been diagnosed about the time his sister was born and we were having trouble keeping it under control. My daughter has always been a really happy and easy baby so I couldn't pinpoint right away why going to three seemed so much harder... but I think it has a lot to do with the age differences of your children and what is happening in your life at the time, too. Things have been really hard financially so that my have added to stress making everything seem harder for me...

So, I think with a 4 and 7 year old that you'll have a great transition with the new baby. They will probably be really excited and helpful as they can understand better what is going on...

This question made me giggle. Not in a mean way, but just remembering how we worried about how the kids would respond to a new baby. Honestly, the kids did fantastic! We always told them that we would be bringing "their" baby home and that the baby couldn't wait to meet them. Then we would, and actually still do, tell them how proud we are of them for being such a good brother or a good sister.

As far as being a parent and transition... for us it was 0-1. We thought we needed everything that people told us, and what the books said we beeded, and we'd try to give her everything she wanted. Plus it was, of course, a life-changing seriously LIFE-CHANGING experience...beyond anything imaginable! All of a sudden here we were responsible for this new little being. Having 2 was okay, we each could watch 1 of the kids when we went out. I would say 3 brought back a little bit more challenge and humor, because now we were outnumbered and we were thinking we knew pretty much everything as far as having children went! HA! LOL.. but, this also made for for some fun memories. Like all of a sudden I would forget that I needed to grab the diaper bag or bottle, because I was busy getting everyone else loaded up in the VAN! Then there was accepting the fact, that we needed a VAN... LOL which I guess I never thought I would enjoy driving on a regular basis!! Or forgetting that I couldn't take the other kids to the doctor at 1 in the afternoon, because that was naptime for the baby! (Our rule in our house is NEVER EVER wake a sleeping baby...even if they fall asleep in the middle of the living room! )Not to mention that we were the family that now with 3 kids, were perpetually 15 minutes late for everything. LOL...now with 5 kids, we try to keep the lateness under 1/2 hour and call it "mission accomplished" if we succeed. :)
I'm not sure if this exactly answered your question. But I guess the short answer from me would be...0-1, then 2-3, but the good news is after 3, the rest just float in so easily...because by then, you've become a good juggler, figured out how to deal with different personalities (which, they are always different), and are more confident in being a mom( or dad) and the word "no" just flows so much easier from your lips ;) The best advice that I could give to you, is just to remember to have a sense of humor...and don't stress about all the little things. Things and the little people in your house are going to get dirty, make messes, and make you crazy, but at the end of the day, there is NOTHING better then having a child tell you that they love you, your the best mom (or dad), or just come and snuggle with you. With 3, you just get that much more and are truly, truly blessed :)

Congratulations to you and your family and I wish you many moments of happiness and blessings!

Hi K.,

I had the same question when we were wondering if we should have #3. The information I gathered indicated that if you found the transition for 1 to 2 difficult, adding #3 is no big deal. And similarly if you found it easy going from 1 to 2, adding #3 would be challenging. I am not sure that holds true.

My boys were the same ages as your children when my daughter was born and they LOVE her to pieces. It has been a wonderful transition. We prepared them by talking about her and how they would be our helpers and her teachers. Because they were older, we talked about how adding another person to our family would not mean that we would love them any less - that God had made our hearts in a special way to always have room to add more love without taking it away from anyone else. Both were concerned that they would lose time with us because they knew babies take time, so we made a point to set time aside to have time with just me or just my husband for each of them. Sometimes they ask for it/need it more than others and we respect their need for that increased togetherness. It is often not a big production, just a cup of hot chocolate or one joining me on an errand while the others are at home or even just reading a book while baby napped. I sacrificed some nap time to be with my 4 year old while the baby napped and my oldest was at school, but it helped with the transition SO MUCH. It is really the time, not a present that they are craving.

Just a note of warning...being pregnant with the 3rd raised questions, especially with my oldest, about how babies are born and where they come from. We found a great book at the library that answered many questions with just the right amount of information. You might want to prepare for this conversation if you have not already had it!

You will do great! Congratulations!

We have three. Eldest daughter is 6, pushing 7; Second son is 28 months and has special needs (Down syndrome) and youngest son is 15 months. Our situation is perfect. Although #3 was unexpected, he does nothing but inspire his older brother and our daughter loves her baby brothers to pieces! Needless to say, our hard transition came with our second son as his diagnosis was a surprise and he was two months premature. I LOVE having three kiddos! Good luck...

I just had my 2nd but because my kids are so far apart in age almost like yours (7years apart) the transition was nothing it was a piece of cake. I think if you have toddlers back to back or a bunch of little ones it's much harder.

Honestly, for me the hardest transition was going from 0-1! 2 kids were pretty easy and then the 3rd was even easier. The only thing with 3 kids is trying to make sure all get the attention they need from me. My kids are all about 2 years apart (7/2/03, 7/8/05, and 4/1/07) so we had a little different experience than you'll have being yours are a little older. Just take it one day at a time and keep them involved in helping with the baby-just like you did when you had your 2nd.
Congratulations on your 3rd!

Going from 2-3 was very difficult for us. Our older boys were 5 & 7 when our third son was born, so we were use to just getting in the car and going. It was hard to go back to diaper bags, bottles and such. Like a few other ladies my husband wasn't home much. He worked a full-time job during the day and roofing on the side in the evening and weekends so that left me home alone most of the time. If it wasn't for my best friend and her husband helping me with a cranky newborn I don't know if I would have made it.
JMHO,
Renee
P.S. Congrats on beating your cancer!!

I thought going from 2-3 was more difficult. Our first two were 5yr & 3yr when we had the 3rd. I think we had just gotten to the stage where it was "easy" to go somewhere with them and then we had number 3. However, there are a lot of things to take into consideration. Our third child never slept and was quite colicky and my husband was traveling 50% of the time. hmm... I'm guessing that made a difference. However, 13 months after our 3rd was born, we had number 4 and it was EASY!! (We found it wasn't a big deal with #4 b/c we already had one in diapers, etc. so we didn't have to get out all the "baby" stuff and start again.)

Kind of makes me wonder what it would have been like if we had a fifth child. :) (My husband didn't want to find out!) :)

Congrats on your growing family!

I can only speak of 1-2. Everyone said it would be 10x harder than 1, but I found that having the big age difference (5 yrs) makes it really easy and FUN! The older one dotes on the little one, and the little one busts a gut at all the games the older one plays with him. It is a lot of fun to watch..I imagine with your ages that it will be similar.
Good Luck!

K. Welcome to the 3 or more group. We have 4. Our first two were concieved with the help of pharmasuticals and the next two came along out of nowhere. I often hear how crazy we are and people cannot believe I take all of them to the store and actually get things done with four young children. Yes when we went from 2-3 it seemed hard we like to say we went from "man to man" defense to "zone" defense. My house is not always perfectly clean but the kids are clean and fed and for the most part when not having a typical kid melt down they are happy as clams. I try to keep to a schedule, the whole lunch boxes go here, shoes and coats go there kind of thing but there are times I want to tear my hair out but I would not have it any other way.The key is also to include the older two , they will surely want to be big helpers. We bought each sibling when the new one was born a gift from the new baby so that they felt secure and were reassured that the new baby wants to "include "them and loves them. Our older two were 6 and 3 1/2 when # 3 was born and 7 and 5 when #4 was born. So age does help. Keep somewhat organized but also be willing to fly by the seat of your pants once in awhile and things should go well. We are the oh well things will happen kind of family now because when it was just 1 and then 2 I thought I needed to make everyone and everything perfect and happy . # 3 and # 4 four have loosened me up a bit and I am glad for that. Good luck and Congratulations . J.

I found 1-2 was easy because 2 kept 1 busy, and 1 was a handful, but 2 was calm.

2-3 wasn't too bad, I finally felt like I knew what I was doing. We were out numbered, but we still had enough hands for them all. (when we worked together). I also started grocery shopping alone.

3-4 was a little more challenging, our hands were maxed, we stopped traveling for Christmas.

4-5 wasn't so bad. Numbers 1 and 2 were helping and 3 was mostly independent.

I think it will be mostly smooth, your other kids are old enough to be mostly independent and will love the baby.

K.,

I have 4 boys. The transition from 2 to 3 is the hardest - and that is because you only have 2 hands, and instead of a one-on-one ratio in parent to child, you are now outnumbered. It only gets easier from there. I think, however, that you have an advantage due to the age spread. The younger they are, the more difficult it is, but a 7 year old knows not to run into the street, can put on their own clothing, etc. You'll have an advantage! God's blessing on your new family addition!

For me going from 1-2 was the hardest. I had spent almost 2 years giving all my attention to my oldest and then her sister came along. The oldest was used to the attention and being the only one at that point and #2 baby was fussy. Three years later #3 joined us, but just went with the flow, then three years later again #4 was here and he didn't slow us down, as the oldest children are busy with activites and school, we just spend him up. :) Good luck and congratulations on your baby and being a cancer survivor!!

Your right it will be hard but the good out wieghs the bad. i have three kids 9,7,and 2. My kids are so good with their brother. They love to help out. I wouldn't change it for the world. Yes I do believe 2 to three was harder than 1 to 2 but only because suddenly it wasn't one parent per kid. You learn to adjust just like you did the first time you had a child. If you want three go for it. You won't regret it. Good luck

Okay,yes it will be hard and a transition but,what you see as they love the newest one and how they will want to "help" by either bringing diapers or whatever. The comments that you will recieve and just the time you get to enjoy with them. I am one that believes that God only gives you what you can handle. Also, no matter how many or few children require love, time and management even if is the calendar and remebering to be at their concert, playdate, or just following through on a promise to go to the park.

I am a mom of 7 and yes they drive me nuts because I haven't figured out how to get the chore thing underway but, I know they love their siblings and will always help each other from helping them up to defending them at school. They are all a true blessing!!

Merry Christmas!!

A.

WEll I have only had one child so far myslef but I really would like to have another one for my son to have a little brother/sister so he's not an only child. I know its a big decission to go from having no children to having one but I know going from one child to having 2 is a bigger change. You cant give your first as much attention and with one its nice cause like mine he is 2 now and hes so independent besides being potty trained, having a baby will take a lot of my time and he sleeps all night and I really like how things are now but he needs a sibbling. I wanted to wait until he was closer to 3 years old before having another one, he has a wonderful little temper now and I want him to get past that, I do daycare also so Im trying to make it easy on myslef but dont want them to far apart. My sister had her kids about 5 years apart and she said that is to far cause the older one is way to much of a help but I think less then 2 years apart is way to close together and would be much harder.
For me what will work best is about 3 years then they will still be close but not to far apart. I grew up with my cousin who was 3 years younger but my one sister was 5 years older and the other one was 8 years older so that is to far apart to have them grow up together and be close, but when you have 3 kids the oldest one and the youngest one will be quite a bit apart.
But you have your 3rd on the way so everything is going to work out great for you and your 7 year old will help you. Good luck!

I found it hardest with the 1-2 switch. I wasn't used to dividing my time yet and was still pandered to the every whim of my first. He was nearly 2 when the 2nd came. She seemed much more high maintanence to me. But I don't know if it was because the 1st still wanted me to play and spend time with him.

When the 3rd came (2 yrs later) I was used to dividing my time and the 1st 2 played so well together that they could entertain each other while I was busy with no. 3.

No. 4 is due in a couple of months but I'm assuming this will be a piece of cake. I'll have at least 2 big helpers and they can all play with eachother when I need them to.

I'm sure it all depends on the personalities of the babies too.

Good Luck