Moms of Summer Birthday Boys - Did You Hold Your Son Back?

No, I think expecting a child to fail before they get the chance to succeed is wrong. If he doesn't do well then put him in a transitional 1st grade class. Let him at least try.

If the school system doesn't have transitional 1st grade then they must have some kind of alternative program to deal with children not ready for 1st grade.

The school year has just started, you really need to give it more time before making a final decision. I know that if you keep him back, it would involve some changes, so I would definately look into those options so that you are prepared for any decision. But, you should keep your mind open. Most children are not socially ready for it when it starts, but you will be surprised how different things will be in 6 months.
Good luck,
C.

Typically academics even out around 3rd grade. That's around the time they will notice if a child is truly advanced or not. But if a child is lacking socially, ultimately that will be a negative impact on his academics advanced or not. With your sons k-teacher letting you know his struggles maybe she could be your sons advocate for him to repeat K, otherwise if you want to stay in the city you may have to fight them to hold him back. You may want to request a meeting with his K teacher, the Principal, & school Social Worker so that you can discuss your concerns & put a bug in their ear that you are considering holding him back. This way they may not give you such a problem. And also let them know you understand they have quotas to meet to move children up to the next grade but your child is not a 'number' he is your son & you want to do whats best for him.

My daughters Bday is Aug 25th, she turned 5. I did not put her in school as she is a bit immature but does great academically. I figured I would rather her be the oldest rather than the youngest. My niece is now 13 & a year ahead of her class. She just started H.S. & is having the worst time. The peer pressure is awful, the girls & boys seem to know way to much & love passing on the information. School is hard enough but middle school & high school are terrible for any kid let alone a child that is much younger than everyone else.

Best wishes on a tough decision

We have a son with a fall birthday so my decision was made for me and I am SO grateful that he is one of the older ones. You can tell with almost all of the boys in his class, the younger from the older ones. I have never heard a parent regret holding their child back a year. He can always jump ahead later if he is bored. I think in the later grades I am going to be happy he is older, as well. Hopefully a bit more maturity will help with all of the peer pressure type decisions teenagers have to make. Why not give him a little advantage right away? Good luck with your decision, you know him best. ***An added bonus: You get to keep him around an extra year!!

I could have written this question myself. My thoughts on this have been many - I too have a summer birthday boy but was confident he would be fine. Someone has to be the oldest and someone the youngest and cutoffs are arbitrary at a certain point. Ideally, teachers recognize this and help bring out the best in each student despite differences in skills and socialbilty. Or so I was told by experienced K teachers and his preschool teachers. That is the point of K - to be a transition year.

So I agree with all posters below who are advising to wait it out and that unfortunately, kindergarten has become much more academic. I'm finding it way more academic than I expected and way less of a transitional year than I thought it was going to be. And we are also full day, which I see as actually part of the problem. Kids are expected to be "on" all day, which as they are still learning social skills, impulse control, etc. its been rough. The amount of "sit and do" and "sit and listen" is surprising....I think its a challenge for many, many kids.

If his academics are on track (as are my child's), then its more of a self-managment issue. My son is also having issues with listening and following directions. As I grew concerned, we've spoken with the teacher a few times. She fully admitted the following:
- The expectations of keeping pace with the required material does not allow much leeway/breaks. For example, he's expected to sit in a small group for reading instruction. After this, he's expected to sit and do worksheets for writing, and that's when he tends to act out. She said she wishes she could structure it differently, but this is how she needs to focus the time to get the kids to get to all the material.
- She fully admits that all the students would be able to learn better self-managment AND get to the academics at hand if there was a classroom aide to assist, but there is not. And he's in a class of 20, which I didn't think was bad.
But is she concerned? Not really. Its normal. Its just harder for her to manage, and she knows it. She wants to make us aware so we can keep aprised of the situation and work with him to the extent we can at home. Patience, listening, tone, following multi-step directions - those are the things he needs to keep working on, and unfortunately the teacher does not have the time to do it all. So we are reassured that he's still on the right track. I would def. discuss with the teacher your concerns and seek guidance on how you can work together to increase his maturity in the classroom environment.

AND here's the latest - in November teacher was planning on doing a nice multi-step hands-on project (vegetable soup making, ties in with thanksgiving, etc) but said she has to table it until spring now because our district is required to do some new math testing for the K kids, and they are taking the time to prep them for the test/take the test instead. This is the kind of stuff that's making me skeptical/annoyed with the public school experience.

SO, If private school is an option you are considering, I would actually say that I would be focusing on it more if you are interested in a more personalized experience for your child: would he do better going forward to first grade if the class size was smaller and allowed more experiential learning of the material (instead of the concept of "teaching to the test").

Also, my son is DEAD to the world by 7:30 and I often have to wake him up at 7am to start getting ready. Definitley try an earlier bedtime, 7-7:30 instead of the nap.

Good luck!

See how things go. It's still early. I would check out your other option and even start applications for private school. You can make the final decision later. I am a strong believer in kids being older not younger. The maturity thing is very important. No one can tell who will mature when. Even being tall is not a marker for when puberty will start. Being socially less mature hits really hard in middle school and high school. These are the years that can be really tough. I have not seen a downside to being the oldest or one of the oldest in a grade. (My 17 year old is a junior in high school. My 10 year old is in 5th grade. My two other children have birthdays in the middle of the school year.). The other thing to worry about in the older years is drinking, drugs, and sex. Would you rather him being younger or older when he has to make these decision? Obviously I prefer older. Good luck!

That is how our school system is. Public school.
Kindergarten is not "mandatory"... and if you start a child in school later, at say turning 6 years old, they do put the child in 1st grade.
BUT... you as a parent, can "request" that your child be put in Kinder.
That is what I may do.... since my son's case is the same as yours.
My son is only recently turned 4... but I have already researched when my son can enter Kinder....and not be automatically put in 1st grade, just due to age.

MANY parents, with boys, if entered their son into Kinder early... have, had their child repeat Kinder. For the reasons of emotional maturity. It is fine. Even some Teachers recommend that. I have talked to them already about it.... to research the different scenarios.

Ultimately, I will do what is best for my son.... whether to enter him into Kinder at turning 5 years old, or when turning 6 years old.

all the best,
Susan

My youngest is an August baby and is in 6th grade now. Looking back, I wish I would've waited. He gets all the concepts, but the maturity level for him has been an issue. I have been reassured it will even out in a couple of years. I just can't help thinking it might have been less of a struggle if I had waited, but all in all he will be ok I just have to give him a little extra reassurance and help sometimes.

I'd give him an extra year before first grade, even if you have to do it at a private school. Put him in a good one so that he has things to learn, and give him some learning-centered fun things to do at home.

Maturity takes time. It's hard to catch up socially; it's not hard to enrich a child's year academically. Right now is the easiest time to "hold back."

My younger son had (well, he still has) a September birthday. He ended up doing two years of Kindergarten, but he "graduated" with his friends by moving to another school (as it happened, it was a private school where he continued on). That way he was the oldest child in the class instead of the youngest. He was always smart, and the extra year didn't hurt him a bit as far as academics were concerned. If your son gets bored next year, you and the teacher can always put your heads together and come up with some boredom-busters.

Hi,
My elder son is Sept. 10. He was always the oldest in his class and yes, he was bored, but he's finished his MA and he's still bored, so what the heck. My younger son is July 10 and I should have held him back. He was and still is very comfortable socially and didn't need a nap by kindergarten, but by the time he hit middle school I felt he was too immature for his class age -- he graduated high school at 17 -- and I still think it has had long-term consequences. Boys do mature later and the simple issue of maturity expresses in many different ways. I say hold him back, not as a loser thing, but to let him grow into the social aspect.
Good luck!
Mama S.

My son is a summer birthday and I didn't hold him back. He's doing great in first grade. His reading level is already past what he needs to enter second grade. His handwriting isn't great, but it's coming around.

As to the sleep, I do understand. I had to move bedtime up a LOT when school started. My son heads to bed around 7:30pm, asleep by 8pm. I see a HUGE difference in his personality if he's in bed after 9pm. (sluggish, whiny, cranky, etc) We get up at 6:45am or so and he NEEDs that sleep still. You should try moving his bedtime up if hes going to sleep later try it for a few weeks and see if that makes the difference.

I don't think you should hold your child back. The social skills will come - and if he's in K again it won't teach him social skills any better or differently then 1st grade would. Like you said - he may just end up bored in school.. which could potentially start more school issues. (Acting out from being bored, not enjoying class, etc)

Just my two cents - but if he's doing well academically the social stuff will catch up.

Hi there, difficulty listening and staying on task is a common issue for kindergarten boys no matter their age. It is the 1st year being in a stuctured setting like school and throw in the whole day vs 1/2 day and that's even more of an adjustment. I have heard from teachers that it often take until Christmas for the kids to get the hang of the routine. So with this being said, many of his issues are not age related at all, but learning this new routine of school and rules and such. I would wait until the end of the year before making any decisions. I assure you that your little bot is not the only child who is having a hard time adjusting. School may be the best thing for him socially and will help him mature. My son had a very hard time adjusting to the full day of school and we had to play with his bed time in order to find what fit. Ended up that he needed to be in bed by 7:15 asleep by 7:30 to conquer such a full day. He is in 3rd grade now and is in bed by 8:15 asleep by 8:30. Best of luck to your little guy :)

My son't birthday is the end of July and I had seriously contemplated holding him back. I did not becuase he's VERY tall - he's always the tallest kid in his grade and he's have been freakishly tall if he was with kids a year younger.

Had he not been so tall he would have definitely benefited from that extra year. Most boys are less mature than girls - they tend to be more squirmy than girls and their learning styles in general are less suited to a classroom environment than are girls. Classrooms learning if far better suited for most girls than boys - so if you can give your son a small edge I think it would be wel worth it. These early years lay the foundation for all the stuff he'll need to learn for the next 12-16 years.

I've seen the differance when I put my kids in soccer. The maturity I've seen in both my kids from 3 to 4 was just astounding. There is a lot of growth and muturity in a year. That being said, that maturity will happen whether you hold him back or not. So, since you already put him in school, and he's doing well academically, why not just let things run thier normal course. Take another look at his social development by the end of the school year. I'm sure he'll be just fine. There's not going to be a long term detriment to him. He maybe could've benefitted by staying home this year, but that ship has sailed. SO, might as well just go with it. Spend that extra $ on karate lessons or something fun.

Go into a classroom and observe. See where you can best picture your son. My son is a bit different than yours (good emotionally, not so good academically). I observed the kindergarten and 1st grade class and we gave him another year of kindergarten (he was transferring from a Montessori school) It was a great move for us. I will note that as of yet he hasn't noticed that his best buddy is 1 1/2 months yournger and is 1 grade ahead. We figured we'd cross that bridge when we need to. You said you want to do what is best for him, you're doing it by just having this debate instead of mindlessly moving him on.