Moody Hubby

Just a thought...have you tried responding with a real loving response when he gets snippy? Sometimes when you do this (without sarcasm) it disarms the other party and quite frankly they don't know what to do and usually just stand there speechless : )
It's worth a try.

I've tried that. He won't go to the doctor. Won't even consider it. Says they don't know anything. :(

Updated

He's always been moody and I've just tried to look past it and let it go, but i see a pattern and it's leaves me at a loss as of what to do.

I also agree that it doesn't sound like bi-polar..he just sounds Moody, some people are.

This is what I think of as the fun part of marriage, you have to really get to know him and all his quirks, we all have them, you guys have only been together for 3+years right? I say just keep up with the open line of communication and eventually you will know him better than anyone else in the world, will be able to see the mood shifts coming and either shrug it off, talk it out or hug it out...ya know?

~I am 35 and have been with my husband since I was 19...I know him like the back of my hand..he is severely moody/crusty in the mornings before he has caffeine and he is ruled by his stomach. I know what things piss him off, like waiting in lines, or spending $ (Ha!) or when the fast food joints get his order wrong...Mostly I can see his mood shifts coming and depending on MY mood of course, I can adjust and take it from there. Sometimes I am crusty too and then we are in a whole huge heap of moody together! Ahhh, marriage...gotta love it!

My husband has bipolar II, and he can be this way. It's not a direct symptom of bipolar mood swings, though, it's more like, his depression is managed 95% by drugs, but this irritability and hypersensitivity sort of sneaks through.

If your husband doesn't take mood-stabilizing drugs, though, please disregard my post. Untreated bipolar (I or II) looks completely different.

I do sympathize with you! I try to be patient and understanding and all, but I have a hard time accepting the "rule" whereby he can be irritable as hell and fly off the handle about nothing, while he expects me to keep everything -- words, tone, body language -- flawlessly modulated. Not that I play by these rules, but I don't have a real solution either. Sorry!

Bi polar doesn't swing that quickly. Does he have ADHD? We do. The only thing that saves my husband's sanity is that I am very aware I become irrational sometimes and I am not offended in the least when he points out I am being irrational. When I think about it I tend to agree.

Problem is I am rather unique, most people with ADHD are not emotionally able to accept this is the disorder and they shouldn't take it personally.

Yeah, I know, kind of useless. Just figured I would throw it out there because saying you think your spouse is bi polar, well that is going to cause a fight and he isn't going to be irrational when he gets mad. That would make me mad and I am well aware I am a mess. :-/

That doesn't sound like bipolar to me (but I'm no doctor). I'm bipolar (type II), and little things don't "bring on" a mood swing. They just happen. For NO reason. Well, when I'm not medicated, anyway.

I think your husband sounds like my husband, or how he USED to be. My husband has always had a heck of a time talking about his feelings. Once he learned how to voice his thoughts and feelings, it got SO much better.

I would suggest marriage counseling. Marriage counseling changed my life, and my husband's life, for the better. It teaches you how to communicate effectively, and listen effectively. People take those skills for granted, but they really are learned skills.

Bipolar doesn't switch quickly like that, and isn't brought on by little things. Is he on any meds that can cause irritability? Is he sleeping well--any chance of sleep apnea? Does one of his parents act like this? If he won't do counseling, try getting counseling for yourself; a therapist may be able to help you figure out his behavior and help you cope. If you can't see a therapist, try someone at your house of worship. If you happen to be a college student, there should be a counselor or counseling center on campus. Even if he won't get help, you need help, although the behavior is certainly not your fault! Good luck.

My husband has this issue & he has Diabetes, but when he takes the medicine the doctor prescribes him (sorry I do not know the name of it) properly (right before he eats), he is great & balanced. His mom is the same way.
Maybe watch your husband's sugar intake first (read the back of food labels & try to keep it under 12 grams of sugar per sitting) & see if anything changes...then seek medical evaluation to be sure & know how to handle it.

My husband got his hormones checked and he was low on Testosterone. He received pellets to replace the missing hormone. Dr. Olga Cortez, along with many DFW doctors, proved the hormone replacement therapy.

http://www.crwhealth.com/

It's been amazing for my husband. He's got so much energy - helps a ton around the house now, has leaned out and his libido is crazy good. :)

Andy yes, it has helped his mood. He doesn't fly off the handle and get irritated as easily.

My husband can be the same, hypersensitive and flip out over nothing. It's like he hears something different than what I've said and he'll take offense to it. He'll repeat back what he thinks I've said and it's not even what I said or meant.
I'm interested in your responses as I've often wondered if he has bipolar, some personality disorder or is just plain crazy lol. But more than that I think it stems from having a father who would fly off the handle and over react so that is how he learned how to react and cope. Not sure if that applies in your situations but something to think about.
I'll admit I'm not a picnic 24 hrs a day, I can push his buttons and keep pressing an issue so that ticks him off, but like you I don't get a chance to realize that's what I'm doing before he blows up. I definitely need to try harder to let little things go.

I have caught myself acting like your husband and it's always because I have something bigger weighing over my head - like I really need to work but I can't because my wife and child are "taking" up my time. Perhaps there is a bigger issue your husband is not telling you about. The trick is, you can't just wring it out of him. If you press, he'll probably just shut down more. Sorry you married such a moody guy, but some things may just not be meant to be.

When is his BIRTHDAY?!?!?
Inbox me, I love associating personalities with birthdates.
~A.

I don't know what to suggest for you to do, but I can tell you that I lived with the exact same thing for 17 and a half years. I cannot tell you how many times I would call my mother, sobbing, because I had had a fight with my husband over something very minor. Almost every single one of those phone calls had me saying, "We were having a perfectly nice evening, and then all of a sudden, we were fighting about a paper clip (really--or something else totally insignificant and absurd), and I don't have any idea how it happened!" One night I was in a particularly good mood, and for some reason my husband came in and asked me something, and while I gave him a perfectly legitimate response (without snark or sarcasm or hostility--remember, I was in a particularly good mood), he didn't like what I had said and the next thing I knew, he was worked up into a good lather all on his own. I hadn't responded to his anger and increasing hostility with anger or defensiveness at all. His anger or frustration or whatever it was, caused by whatever that was, was entirely on his part. Had I even asked him what was wrong with him, it would have turned into a great big list of my faults, how I brought things up in a really offensive/hurtful/disrespectful manner and that was really our problem, and it would have been all MY fault. It was the greatest gift that God ever gave me, to let me experience that when I KNEW that I wasn't at fault for the ensuing nastiness, because I had blamed myself in part all those years for what I called "flash fights." I called them that because they came out of nowhere, like a flash flood, with every bit as much ferocity as a flash flood. The anger was all inside of him, and since I was his wife and we had no children for so many years, I was the sole focus and target. The problem is, once our child got to the age when she was able to speak and to understand what we said, he began to "flash fight" her. She finally told me, at the age of 5, that she hated it when her dad came home from work. I have since divorced him and now have my own house. I don't have the same income, but I bet I added 15 years back to my life expectancy by moving away from him. More importantly, I hope that my daughter will not seek the same sort of husband but will want someone who will cherish her and be kind to her.

I will be honest with you--marriage counseling helped some, and it might be all that you need. It certainly kept my marriage together long enough so that we were able to have our wonderful daughter, so I don't regret having tried it. However, if he is truly so quick to start fights over silly things and make you unhappy, he may not be someone you want to stay married to for the long haul. Life is too short to live through what I lived through. You begin to doubt yourself, your worth, your sanity.

Maybe you and he need to go and get a check up at the doctor and talk to them about his mood swings to see if there is anything that they can do, and to at least see if it's medical. Then you will know where to go from there.

ETA: He wont know that they "wont know anything" Until he gives it a shot. He can't just say that, it sounds like he NEEDS to go and at least see what they have to say first.

What about depression? They can go over a check list for this, and for Bi-Polar disorder, and if in fact he does have these or something else then they can treat him for it. He might have some sort of in balance that can be treated and help with his symptoms.

You yourself can go online and research this for him and bring it to him lovingly and tell him how you feel about it and maybe it will change his mind.

Have you had a heart to heart with him asking him if there are things on his mind lately that could be causing him to act this way?

Have you discussed possible counseling sessions so that you can both learn ways to cope with his mood swings together?

You said he was great with the kids. Now you say he is very moody. What happened in the last three months? Did something happen at work? Has something happened at home?

Talk with him. Examine yourself. What caused him, or your perspective of him, to change? After you look at those things you may find an answer you're looking for.

Good luck to you and yours.

Is he having sleep issues? Drinking too much or on pain medication? Stressed at work? Has your sex life changed at all? If at all possible you need to ignore his behavior. Do not get pulled into a pointless argument. Ask him straight out why he's mad. And then wait patiently for his answer. And let him know you are there for any support he needs.