Morning Routine When When One Child Doesn't Go to School.

The short/easy answer - divide and conquer.
Get the older girl her own bed/her own room.
Too bad they chose to share but she loses her choice due to this mornings behavior.
You are the parents - YOU OVERRIDE a kids choice that is not working.
Let younger sleep and get her up later after everyone else has left.
The older one is not an infant/toddler anymore so she doesn't get to act like one.

Poor things are tired. That is not enough sleep and the oldest is adjusting to school. Get them to bed earlier. And usually the working spouse goes to work and stay at home spouse takes kids to school so the kids don't have to go so early. Can you let the kids sleep later and you take the older one to TK later?

It's nice to have breakfast when it works. But clearly this little one needs more sleep. Leave her be and have some one on one with the older. And if that's not working then start driving the older one to school so she can have a little more sleep.I can't imagine waking a little one up at 530 if there was no valid need for it. And no wanting to have breakfast as a family when she clearly needs more sleep is really not a valid reason.

I have a policy of NEVER waking a sleeping child, unless I absolutely have to. Let your wife and older daughter have breakfast, and you get up and have breakfast with the younger daughter. I would also find a different program. That is way too early for a little one to be leaving for school. Find a school that starts at a reasonable time, like 9:00am. Maybe she will be more willing to get up and go.

ETA: Family togetherness is wonderful if the family is enjoying it. If it means kids screaming and having tantrums it is really not worth it.

Does you child need to go to school an hour away? Don't you have a local school? A local school is always the best option because your child will go to school with the kids from her own neighbourhood and make friends she can play with.

I read through all of the answers, an unless someone deleted their response there isn't a harsh one in the bunch. They all seemed pretty common sense...

I think some of the reactions are harsh because most of us see a child's needs as more important than a parents wants.
So you WANT to have breakfast together every morning. Clearly your youngest NEEDS more sleep. So this isn't working, and you need to adjust your expectations.
You need to be flexible here, and make compromises. Make a big deal out of breakfast on the weekend, that's what we do and what a lot of people do.
Why turn weekday mornings into such a struggle and unpleasant experience for the whole family just because that's what YOU want?

9 to 10 hours of sleep is not enough for a child in preK, let alone a younger child. They need as much as 11 or 12. Furthermore, why are you letting young children decide the sleeping arrangements? You are the parents, you make the decisions. This clearly is not working. And how long do you intend to allow that to continue? Or did you not think that through? You need to start as you intend to go - otherwise, you're adding future problems (in this case, separating them when it is no longer appropriate to sleep in one bed) into the mix. And since when does the older child get to decide the younger one has to get up? Who the hell are the parents here??? You HAVE to get the one out of bed. You do NOT have to get the other out of bed. Stop giving in and letting the children run the show. And for that matter, the older one doesn't even have to be in preK. You are creating an entitled, bossy, under rested child.

Bottom line - if you have to wake them up, they are not getting enough sleep. Put them to bed earlier and put on your big boy pants and be the father.

ETA based on your SWH - so, you're trying to convince us the situation is better than we thought because you're actually waking up the child hours before it is necessary so that she can go to a day care situation while you stay home with the other??? Why not choose a preK close to your home so she doesn't have to travel so far or be there all day? And it's okay because you plop the other kid, age 2 maybe, in front of videos for a couple of hours after they leave??? Christ, where are your priorities?! Stellar parenting here… I don't care about the family being together in the mornings if it's at the expense of family harmony and the best interests of the kids? You want to be together but you're on here complaining that everyone's fighting? How's that working for you!? Good Lord, reread what you wrote and explain to me how any of that makes sense. SMDH. Sorry if you think that's "harsh," but honestly, this is beyond nonsensical.

I don't understand why you and the younger one need to get up just to eat breakfast and then go back to bed. That's so bizarre to me! Do you have some preconceived notion that a happy, perfect family eats breakfast together every day? If so you need to get your head out of the clouds and come back down to earth.
Wife and older child have their morning together earlier, you and younger child have yours later. Problem solved, and each child gets one on one time with a parent. Win win.

I'd change the routine. Find a school near your home and you deliver and retrieve the older child. No need for mom to have to do this every day and you be home with the younger. Get separate beds so they get a good night's rest. Sleeping with someone is not always the best way to get a good night's sleep.

Since you are home you need to make up a routine that you do daily with the child besides watch Netflix. Go outside and enjoy the fresh air and doing the household chores. Yes, you are the "homemaker" and you need to do them as you did not mention them.

Make your dinner meal the meal that everyone eats together when everyone is awake and can enjoy each other's company.

If it is broke fix it. When things run smoothly you can tweak the routine.

Good luck to you.

the other S.

PS Getting up and ready in the morning is crazy enough by itself without adding all the extra stress that is not needed just to get to work.

I think it is pretty rare for everyone to eat breakfast together on weekdays. If it's possible it's great but most people I know only eat together on weekends. Congrats on adopting two children, especially an older child. That's an amazing thing to do. I do think though that this schedule doesn't make a lot of sense. And if I were your wife, I'd be annoyed I had to rush off with one child and you got to watch tv and sleep more. TV at that young age is not recommended and certainly not for that long. Are there no good schools much closer to you so you take care of the children and your wife just goes to work? An hour commute for TK seems unnecessary. I'm sure you have your reasons but I would say that neighborhood schools are great for the sense of community and then all her friends are close by. I've heard of people driving their kids to K and elementary 1/2 hour away and I'm glad we didn't do that but I've never heard of an hour. But if that's what you're going to do, I would actually have her eat a little in the car and sleep in later. An hour to get ready seems like way more than necessary. You get up, take care of getting her ready while your wife gets ready for work, and let the little one sleep as long as she wants. Why do you as an adult need to go back to sleep? But either way, the kids obviously need more sleep. My kids weren't 12 hour a night kids but 9 is not enough for young kids. Your youngest is going back to sleep but your oldest isn't and it's going to wear on her. A full day of school is exhausting. Is she not being picked up until your wife finishes work? If we had one parent home, no way would we have a young child in that much school. My kids are much older and I've noticed they're more tired than usual as they get used to being back in school. It's a lot for their little bodies and minds. So not trying to be harsh. I'd just rethink your set up. 1/2 day TK is probably plenty since you don't work and can be home with her.

I am a bit confused.....it sound like you stay home with your youngest, and your wife takes your Pre K child to school? Why do they leave at 6:30 am?? That seems really early to me unless she is going to an all day program with before school care?

There really does not seem to me for there to be a reason for either to get up that early if you can go back to bed after the two leave.

Wow! My rule of thumb is never wake a sleeping baby unless the house is on fire. ;) Maybe rethinking having the younger join and make a special time of the three of you? I'm just trying to wrap my head around joining mom for breakfast for the youngest one.

If they threw stuffed animals (or anything else) they would be gone. When asked why they weren't in the room a very simple sorry when you throw things they go away. You can earn one back by cooperating tomorrow when it's time to get up. If she doesn't cooperate I would consider putting her in the car seat when it's time to go without breakfast, clothes or hair done and delivering her to preschool. Another option might be to let her know if she makes mommie late she looses whatever privileges. As far as the younger one I would let her consequence be that she misses time with her mom and has something she likes less for breakfast. For example if you're having eggs and she doesn't come down in time, she has a bowl of cereal.

Love and Logic is a great series of books. They have them from toddler to teen age. I have gleaned a lot of info from those books. You might want to check one out at the library.

Blessings and sorry your morning started off so poorly.

L.

I can't understand your reasoning to "make" the younger child get up, have breakfast and go back to bed.

What are you thinking?

Why can't your wife get the prek child up, get ready, have breakfast and leave. That way, the younger one is not disturbed and gets needed sleep.

There is no rule stating that families have to have every meal together.

This is obviously not working if you and your wife are fighting and you have 2 kids throwing tantrums every morning.. Gee.. that sucks.

It is time to try a different approach, dad.

Wow, just reading this whole thing stresses me out.
Simplify, simplify, simplify........
Why is the older, but still very young, child going to school so far away? And why would she be in a daycare program if you are at home sleeping and could take her to school later, locally?
And ditto everyone else...why wake a sleeping toddler? Both little one's need more sleep. Your lives will be sooooo much better. My 11 year old does best on 10 hours of sleep!
You guys can have quality family time later in the day when everyone comes back home. Being 4 or 40, I would prefer to start my day quietly and let the other 2 of you sleep.

Kids go through cycles where they need more sleep. She's growing.

Honestly, I wouldn't wake her up, and I wouldn't allow your older daughter to demand that you wake her up using terrorist tactics. I'd pick up your oldest and bring her to another room where she can dress and not wake your younger child. Furthermore, I'd make it clear that if she continues to wake up her little sister, she will not be sleeping in the same bed anymore. You parents make the rules. Preschoolers do NOT rule the roost.

I also suggest not pitting them against one another when it comes to tantrums. Scoop up the older kid and walk out silently. Even if she's kicking and screaming. Put her on the floor in another room, close the door, and stand in front of it and wait until she's calmed. Again, quietly. Then give instructions: "Here are your clothes. Get dressed so you can go brush your teeth."

Best of luck to you!

Sounds like your younger one probably needs more sleep. If the older is in PreK, then she's 4 or 5? That would make the younger one 2 or 3? Until age 6, pediatricians recommend 11-12 hours of sleep. If you can switch older daughter to a program that starts later, do so... she'll learn more and do better if she gets more sleep. If you can't, then that's the way it is. But you don't need to wake younger daughter if she stays home with you. So I'd say let the younger one sleep. It's great to have the family together in the morning (that's my preference too), but your morning is early enough that the younger one isn't getting her needed rest... and resists getting up because her body needs more sleep. So, get older one up and enjoy some quiet time with her before she and wife need to leave.

Then make dinner time the special family time. I get wanting the family all together, but you're sacrificing the sleep that both of your children need for something *you* want.

I'd help the older child realize that she could get out of bed without disturbing her sister, get ready for school like a big girl, and have some privilege associated with being the big sister. She have both mommies to herself. Perhaps you can get her a little "coffee cup", or a matching set of 3, and she can drink her milk or juice in her cup like you do. Leave the younger child alone and let her continue sleeping. Perhaps your older child realizes that you and the younger one are going to go back to bed, snuggle, watch movies and nap after she and mommy leave the house. I probably wouldn't want to get up, either! However, if you change your routine, don't provide younger sister with the Netflix in bed but simply allow her to finish sleeping, maybe the older one would feel better. Let the older one know that the younger is still almost a baby and needs sleep. Get up and get going, tell your older one you're going to get some quiet work done, do some stretches or simple Yoga moves, etc. Perhaps you can get the older one a little planner, or something to make her feel special and "grown up" in the mornings, something that sets her apart from the "baby" who's still asleep.

It is tempting to have the whole family together, and I realize your children have only been fairly recently adopted, but perhaps that younger one is just wired differently and needs more rest. Have your together/family time in the evening, or on a late weekend morning. And on a weekend, or on Friday night, all 4 of you can snuggle together, watch a movie, and no one will be left out. That's the reality of school and work schedules, I think.

My dad used to wake me early because I loved breakfast. My brother hated breakfast and could roll out of bed onto the school bus, but I needed time to think and get organized. So it was a treat for my dad to make me a private breakfast, and we'd visit and talk, and my brother would then get up with time to throw on pants and a t shirt, use the bathroom and run out the door. I loved that time with just me and my dad, and maybe your older child can learn to enjoy her time alone with both of you, and the younger one will come to appreciate it next year or the year after, and understand that it's a special time. Right now, she needs more sleep, it seems, than family time.

when my older daughter was in school it started at 9am (PK) and we didnt have to leave until 840. We would get up slowly at 7 or 730. When my youngest was in K it was afternoon and she would get up with us most mornings at 7am. we would leave for school at 810. The younger sometimes needed extra sleep so I would let her. My only rule for her was to have breakfast and be dressed for the day when we left. If we could do lunches and hair for the younger we did. 530 is REALLY early for both kids. I would do what I could to not have to get them BOTH up that early. I know in some instances its necessary but my advice would be to really think about that. Can you have family time at another time? I certainly understand that it is important but sleep is also. We hear about how lack of sleep can impair an adult such similar to drunk driving. Think of how it can affect a child.

I would change up the morning routine.
Why not make getting up something to look forward to, because she knows its leads to something fun? So, you all get up together, eat breakfast together, and then when your wife and older child leave, you and the little one go for a walk to the park, or do some other special thing she likes to do (something that doesn't include going back to bed). Something that will make her excited about getting up and getting going every day.

Leave the youngest child in bed to sleep. If you want to get up with your wife and older child, you certainly should. If you'd rather stay in bed, that is okay too.

Sometimes the things we want are not in the best interest of the family. This is one of those times when the ideal - family morning - is not the appropriate choice for your youngest child.

The little one should be sleeping and have breakfast when she wakes up.

Let her sleep. Skip the 2 hrs of Netflix.

Have breakfast as a family on Saturdays and Sundays.

I'm a parenting instructor...This is my two cents:

Having dinner together 4 -5 times a week (research says) kids are better fruit/veggie eaters, are exposed and try new dinner foods, grow up emotionally healthier, learn portion control (TV should be avoided during dinner and LIMITED to one or 2 hrs a day of educational tv, not movies), and....kids who eat with family are less likely to dive into drugs later on.

If the little one gets up and eats breakfast and goes back to sleep: I am thinking hmm? Days start with breakfast--Not breakfast and going back to sleep to a Netflix movie.

Have the children eat breakfast together on weekends and school holidays.

When my older girl started school I would make breakfast for me and the girls (hubby is off to work earlier). If my younger woke up in time then she'd eat breakfast with us but I didn't force her out of bed until it was time to leave for school, then she would just go in her pj's and finish breakfast when we got home. Dinner is our family meal.

That is really early for the preschooler to get up. Is there not a closer preschool? Then she could get a little more sleep and you could take her. Just something to think about.

unless breakfast is the only meal the family will enjoy together, there's no way i'd incur this amount of tension and unhappiness by making the younger child get up. apparently you all DON'T like having breakfast together in the mornings.
however, there's no way i'd permit tantrums and screaming and throwing things. oh no, my precious.
it sounds as if your morning routine is lovely for YOU, and for your younger too once the other two are gone, so i doubt this will be something you try but what i would do if this were my family would be to change up the routine. i'd tell the girls that from now on, Older Sis and Mommy would enjoy their one-on-one time in the mornings while Younger Sis and Maman sleep in. but that when Mommy or Maman say it's time to get up for whatever reason, little butts better hustle out of bed or the consequences will be unpleasant indeed. all those stuffed animals would go into instant lock-down, and little girls would find themselves sleeping in sleeping bags on the floor if they decided to cling to the bed frame. screaming results in icy silence and, when appropriate, loss of privileges (probably not something you can implement on busy mornings, but keep in your toolbox.)
no, it's not rare to want your family together in the mornings, but it's clearly not working for you. if you've got time to laze with netflix in the morning (that's not pejorative, enjoy it if you can!) then why subject the entire family to screaming and misery first?
khairete
S.

I didn't read the other responses because I like your idea of breakfast time together and on top of that you are getting your youngest one ready for the PK schedule. We don't have to get up nearly as early as you do but close - 6:00 am. That's because I like plenty of time for them to wake up and get going and have time for issues that might come up. Plus I would rather be early than late... my oldest in first grade understands and already appreciates that. That being said bedtime is at 7:30 pm. It is recommended that children in primary or early get minimum of 10 hours of sleep all the way until 12 hours. My girls do much better around 11 or 12. They can do okay with 10 but it's really asking for drama and only because they are too tired to deal with anything. In addition both my girls still take two hour naps on weekends. I think most parents rush our children into grown-up like sleep patterns when in fact they do need more sleep as their bodies are growing and they are learning at a constant rate. Just my opinion of course but it's always confirmed when my 6 year old sleeps a good two hours for nap on the weekends with her 4 year old sister =)

Oh and we have a similar situation where both girls share a room. It works for us.

Personally I hate having to wake my little ones, period. Our five year old never went to daycare or preschool and gets up every morning at 7am now for kindergarten (she loves school!) and on the mornings that my husband is home I leave our 15 month old sleeping undisturbed. Hubby is an RN so his schedule is all over the place. On the mornings that he is at work I pick baby up just as we are walking out the door and let her have milk in her carseat enroute to school. Everyone is happy! We have plenty of family time every day...supper together every night etc. Kids need their sleep to stay well, I swear by this. Our family motto is "never wake a sleeping dragon!" Meaning let kids sleep in unless they have to be up :)

Yes, it seems unnatural to me that you would wake a sleeping child so they can just eat. If someone did that to me I'd be throwing things too.

Have a family meal in the evenings. Goodness gracious! Poor kiddo!

That said.

I understand where you're coming from, wanting that ideal that really doesn't exist except in movies.

To be truthful and completely honest I'd say this. If you and your wife sat down and decided that this is the life you want, getting kids up at 5:30am and transporting them over an hour away then when wife gets off work around 6 or 7 or later when they get home....

I'm sorry, I know there are thousands of people who do this on a daily basis just to have a good paying job and not live in DC, it's not a place you'd really want to live, but please consider the life you're giving your kids.

Wake up at 5:30 to dress and eat. Then travel an hour to go to child care until it's time for her school to start. Then she goes to school and back to child care until mom picks her up and then they start the drive home. Only to get there and eat then it's off to bed....what kind of life is that for a child?

She doesn't get to play with the kids her age in your neighborhood. She won't be making friends she can go and do anything with because everyone she comes into contact with is either a child care worker or a teacher from school then you, mom, and sibling.

I suppose you both picked this lifestyle because you want your child to go to this particular school. I can't imagine anything at all would influence me to this degree where a child would be traveling an hour each way for school.

Next year please consider that your child needs friends, she needs activities she can do, friends that live near you that she can bond with and start making lifelong friendships.

Both your children need to be going to the local elementary school and living a child's life not a commuter's life.

I do think it's okay for your family to wake up early if you want this. I know people who wake up at 6am so they can do family stuff together but they didn't do this until the kids started school. They don't go to bed at 7pm either. They go to bed around 8 or 9pm. They do activities together after mom gets home, they do swim team and do races on the weekends, they do a LOT together.

You're not the only family that faces this sort of lifestyle. I would never make a little kid get up to eat with me just because I have this desire to eat breakfast together.

Here's the situation where your lifestyle would work.

You live in DC and it takes mom 10 minutes to get to work. Everyone gets up to see mom off to work then you take kiddo to school on time. Little sibling gets in the vehicle and you take big sibling to school. Then go run errands or back home to do your daily stuff.

If you can possibly put the kids in a local, to you, school please please consider it. If the school they're going to is so wonderful that it is the most awesome school you can imagine them going to them please think about moving closer to mom's work. I can't imagine the kids traveling to and from DC like this.

You will find that people are pretty harsh on here the benefits of not being face to face. Personally I would let the little one sleep and concentrate on having dinner together as a family. In a few years the little one will have to get up to go to school too so let her sleep.

As far as sleeping together I don't see the problem. My aunt and uncle tried to separate my cousins but they would end up in bed together every night. When they grew older they liked their own space so I don't see this as an issue.

My daughter never slept the recommended hours for her age. A good 8-9 hours is all she has ever slept. If she slept longer you would find me rushing to her room to make sure she is ok. You may want to try to get them to bed earlier but it may not work. It doesn't for me. You can't make them go to sleep if they aren't sleepy.

Throwing of anything is not allowed in my house so I would take all of the animals and tell them they will not get them back until I've observed good behavior from them. Raising kids is fun but can be hard so hang in there.

I think your wife could get up and go to work-and you could sleep later and put the little ones in the car and drive to school. You're inflicting an adult's schedule on babies-which is cruel.

9-10 hours of sleep is actually not enough at their age, especially the younger one. I know that schedules don't always allow for more sleep (we have that problem with our 6 yo) but if you have the option to let the little one sleep, I would. She won't have the option much longer - I say let her sleep! Big sister can give her a hug/kiss in bed on the way out the door. This will teach them respect for others needs as well as some autonomy. Sounds like they have kind of been a "package deal" forever. Good to branch out, have separate schedules, friends, interests, etc. That said, I don't blame you for wanting family time in the morning but it just doesn't sound like it's working out.