Mother-in-law Wants to Take My Child to Florida

I feel for you! I have been in similar situations, and have come to the conclusion to just put my foot down. I seem to say no a lot, but its my child, and I dont really care anymore that I seem to be the bad guy. You are right, it seems like a really long time!! Good luck!

16 days seems like a long time for a 5 yr. old to be so far away. Especailly if she's never had extended stays away from home before.

My grandparents use to take us kids every summer to florida!!! Just think of the break you get & the freedom...take a bath, read a book, go to the movies....take advantage of it!!!

ONE WEEK MAX!!! There is no reason why she should have to stay for 16 days! You are being a responsible parent by worrying about it! 16 days just sounds WORNG to me too. Maybe say a prayer to clear your mind and ask God for guidance in this situation and how to communticate your feelings in a way that will be well received!
I would NOT allow it personally! SHe is YOUR CHILD You have a RIGHT to say what is OK and what is NOT! The Mother-in-law needs to change the tickets even if there is a charge for doing so period! If she does not, then you dont let your child go! YOU ARE THE PARENT AND YOU HAVE THE RIGHT!
16 days ~ THat's rediculous to take a child away from their mother for that long. WHO CARES if she never meets some of her uncles. I have a cousin I have never met and I am 37... My point is ~ OH WELL!!! If it is a big deal, then maybe you ALL should go, stay a couple days and be done with it!
I caution you though, as this sounds like a delicate situation, BE CALM and SPEAK KINDLY. Play your conversations out in your head first, maybe write you feelings down...
Seriously ~ Pray about it and LISTEN TO THAT LITTLE VOICE IN YOUR HEAD ~ Your intuition will guide you and even more so if you pray to be in tune with it!

Good luck and don't cave in & go against what you believe ~ Stand up for yourself but do so with LOVE and KINDNESS (it will come across better).

you should let her go, my mother-in-law wanted to take my youngest son to texas when he was about that age, it was hard to have him away but i made the most of it by giving some much needed one on one with my other children, he had a blast and meet cousins and aunts and uncles that he would have probly not meet, another plus is she will get one on one with grandma, just have your mother-in-law promisr to send post cards from her and find out where you can send some to her while she is away, send her with some family pictures, she will love showing your family off to the people she meets there. nothing but possitive can come out of this.

Thats a hard call to make. I think you are being very generous about letting her go for the time you are. I don't know your scheduling or financial situation, but may be you and or your husband can meet her down there for the end of the visit and stay with them for a couple of days. Good luck to you and I think ultimately you will have to do what makes you comfortable and what is in the best interest of your child.

I would say it depends somewhat on how comfortable you are with your mother-in-law, and how comfortable your daughter is with her. If your daughter is very comfortable around her, i.e. spends the night at her house often, goes shopping with her w/o you, then it is not unreasonable for her to go to FL with her. It does seem like a long time, but if you are comfortable and trusting of you mother-in-law then I would consider it. My parents took our kids ( when they were about 5 & 7) driving up to IL and stopping at lots of state parks, etc. It was difficult for us, but not for the kids. They were kept so busy that they didn;t have time to miss us. Keep an open mind.

You've gotten some great advice, so I won't bore you with the same. However, this last summer my 7 year old daughter went with my mom and stepfather in their motorhome 2000 miles and we had so many backup plans my husband went crazy adding up the dollars for all the scenarios. Legitimate questions would be all the "what ifs". If your daughter will only know your MIL then I doubt she will last 16 days with strangers. Is your MIL willing to fly back early? Are you willing to let your daughter fly back alone (not recommended at that age)? Is your MIL willing to provide medical care if she gets sick? Will there be kids in FL her age? Are there kid activities planned? What if the adults decide to go to dinner and leave the kids with a sitter? If there are not any kids her age, how will she be entertained? Parked in front of a TV? In todays world, visiting relatives is tough. Money is tight and I can appreciate that your MIL wants to do this. Is she willing to foot the bill for the whole trip including any extra-curricular activities. Will she follow your standards for what's appropriate or not? Such as snacks and inappropriate TV or behaviors. At that age, kids still need structure. Will your daughter get to bed early? Where will she sleep? If she still does naps, will she get them. Traveling with a 5 year old is challenging. Is your MIL really up for 16 days of 24/7 childcare? And if she isn't, who will pick up the slack? My mom left with a list so long of what my daughter could and couldn't do, see, eat etc. I think she had second thoughts for awhile. But they left and my daughter tried to challenge her grandma a few times on rules, and my mom would pull out the list. If your husband is willing to take the chance he would have to buy a ticket to go get her, then maybe he should tag along on the journey. Since you didn't say if your daughter has ever traveled very far, will she freak out? Mine has travelled a lot so she enjoyed the changes. Some kids don't. This is long-winded, but if your MIL understands that she will be the parent and is willing to make the sacrifices as they come, then I say negoitiate for a shorter trip or send your husband along for part of it. Or just say no if the answers to the "what ifs" make you nervous. Good Luck!

No, you are not wrong. 16 days is a very long time.

J.,
You don't mention how much time your mother-in-law spends with your child. This would be the largest determining factor for me as to how long your child is going to be comfortable away from her mother and primary caregiver.

Most research and personnel who evaluate children of this age range will say at max, for your daughter's age range, 5 days with 4 overnights is it. Anything more than that and you are damaging you attachment relationship with your daughter and setting her up for future attachment problems. Your mother-in-law is Wrong. Furthermore, You are your daughter's parent, not your mother-in-law. You determine what is in her best interests.

You are not selfish, and your husband suggesting such is disrespectful and downright rude. It borders on coercive behavior to me, and I would be evaluating that behavior as well very carefully. If he is so concerned about his daughter never meeting his uncles, then why hasn't he arranged to take you and his children on a visit?

You are correct about your daughter. She is too young to be removed from her family for that duration of time with someone she doesn't have an Equivalent attachment connection with. Your mother-in-law does not have the right to dictate that, and your husband does not have the right to coerce you into it. Stand you ground. Write me again for help if you need it. I'm behind you.
Good luck
K.

Hi J.!

Its not wrong of you to feel the way you do. But remember its only 2 weeks. And its not like she would be going off with a stranger. She is your mother in law. Your husbands mom. And your daughter will be around family. I think its a good idea for your daughter to meet the other half of your family. I know you feel anxious about being without her. But is it really your scared for her or scared for you? Is all of your time spent with just your kids. If so, Mom you need to make time for just you. Find something that you once loved to do and go out and do it. Make new friends. Real friends not ones that are parents of your kids friends. I know this sounds a little harsh, but mom I think its time to get your own life, and remember who you are. Your not just your kids mom. Your a real person that has needs too. Well good luck on the decision. Look at the time your daughter is gone to reconnect with your husband.

No, you are not wrong!! Even a three day trip is too long in my opinion. I won't even let my mother-in-law drive around town with my babies. If something bad is going to happen to them I want to be with them. It's not that I don't trust her, it's that I don't trust chance. Good luck, stand your ground and hopefully your husband will come to your side.

I agree that 16 days is way too long for your child to be separated from you at that age. I think you guys should offer to go too and then bring her back in a reasonable time. If that is not an option she should not go.

I think 16 days is a long time for a 5 year old to be away from their mom and dad. My son was at my MILs an hour away for 5 days and it was too much for him and her. He ended up coming back a day early.

J., I think 16 days is too long for a five year old to be away from her mother. You know what is right for your child. Stick to your guns!!

I don't think you are being unreasonable at all J.. As you have said to your husband and mother in law, she can go for a few days, maybe even a week, but 16 days in a five year olds life is a very long time. Is your husband prepared to fly to Florida and collect his daughter when you get the phone call that she is really unhappy, or is your mother in law prepared to fly home early? If it is so important for your husband to have his uncles meet his daughter then why hasn't he taken them himself or the uncles come and visit.
Maybe the situation would be easier to cope with if both of your daughters were going, at least then your youngest would have her sister as a person she is around all the time, but for them both to insist that it is OK to take your young daughter away for that length of time without some sort of backup plan is not on.
Maybe you could get your mother in law and husband together and ask them what they are prepared to do should your daughter be desperate after a few days to come home. If they cannot come up with a reasonable plan then my answer would be no to 16 days and your mothr in law should never have purchased the tickets. She is pushing you into a corner here and your husband is standing by his mothers side making this a 'them and us' situation, when in fact your husband should be most concerned about his own daughter.
Sorry if i am sounding harsh but i went through the same thing many years ago when my eldest son was small and i allowed myself to be bullied by my husband and mother in law and my son was miserable and so was i.
Go with what your instinct tells you.
Good luck.

I think you and your Husband need to come to an agreement. It seems you already told your MIL that a few days to a week was okay and she went behind your back and bought tickets for 16 days. I think 16 days is way too long. One week is long enough. I left my children with my Dad for a week this Summer so my husband and I could have a vacation together. My children were ready to come home, but had a good time.

Another thing is it should be about whether your daughter wants to stay for that long or not. YOUR feelings of being lonely and missing your child should not interpher, with your daughter taking a trip that long if she is ready. If you ask her and SHE WANTS to be gone that long LET HER GO! Of after 5-10 days later she is wanting to come home maybe you can make arrangments for her to come back, but also remind her it was her decision to go for so long. So next time, when she takes a trip she may ask you how long or know that 16 days is too long.

Now if they are not trusting to take care of your child for so long then she definately shouldn't go at all. Only if they are able and she wants to be there and you and your husband agree should she go. Don't let you're MIL get involved with the decisions your husband and yourself have made with your children.

BTW, I think what MIL did was sneaky and uncalled for especially if you already told her it was not okay for 16 days and your husband had agreed to that previously. What she did was wrong, because she wants TIME and her brothers and sisters to have time with your daughter and not respecting the decision you both made about your daughter. 5-10 days is more than enough time for them to spend with her before they die or what not. It's better then them not seeing her at all. If you guys agree to only let her stay 5-10 days then MIL needs to get her ticket changed. I really hope this helps and I HATE when MIL AND FIL's get sneaky about these authority types of things. Sometimes they just can't take no for an answer!! HUF!

N.

Mother of a 4 year old and 14 month old

When I read this I was thinking what?! 16 days, only 5 years old? but then I thought about it and really, I did the same thing when I drove up with my 3yo son to Idaho to leave him with his grandparents for a week while I went to a convention and my husband worked at home. I did go up with him and visit with him so he knew I was comfortable with these people and I totally trust grandma (who is a protective motherly grandma).

Will this grandma be careful and always with her to make sure she isn't left alone with any uncles or anyone that might do something inappropriate?

You need to follow your gut feeling. Is it at all possible for you and/or your husband/other daughter to go with your youngest daughter??? I do think 16 days for a 5 years old on a plane trip away from home without parents is a bit long.

Good luck, I hope you can come to a decision you are all comfortable with and be at peace with your husband & MIL.

I am amazed at how many parents let their kids go off with their family members for a trip. In all honest when I was a child even as young as seven, my mom would put me on a bus between AZ and Las Vegas where my Grandparents live. Looking back now, I think she was crazy!! Especially when there are so many crazy people. Make sure your child is always traveling with a relative. I can't imagine putting my child on a plane by themselves even if they are in their teens.

I have a 20 month old and cannot imagine letting her stay with family with out me or my husband for more than a day or two and even then, I only trust my aunt and uncle.

Good luck to you!! Do what is right for you in your heart!!

My son has been on several trips with my mom. One of them was two weeks when he was 3. He had a blast. Now, he was with my mom a lot all the time anyway so it wasn't that hard for him. But if your daughter doesn't spend much time with your mother-in-law she may get homesick. Ask your daughter if she wants to go and if she sounds really excited it will probably be fine. Then you can enjoy some quality time with your husband and older daughter. I hope this helps.

I totally understand and would feel the same way. Maybe have your husband take a trip for a few days and take your daughter with him like over the weekend. They get a vacation and so do you!Maybe you two could go and hit disney world or something.

Not sure if that is a possibility,but stand your ground and tell them a few days or no. She's your child too and you know what's best for her and your family. Have confidence in that. Don't feel like you are the only one needing to compromise.

Best of luck! S.

do you trust your mother in law and will your daughter be safe?
these are the most important questions.
it is hard to see your child grow independent from you yet it can be a very positive experience for everyone involved.
in 16 days you can call her every day and you can send her small gifts.
you could look at it as a nice break/vacation for yourself. are there things that you'd like to do and put them off because of your mom schedule? can you and your husband get some special time together?
what this could teach your daughter is how to socialize without you around, how to feel grown up, feel independent, and feel trusted.
if your daughter has a great time it was a good decision, and if she has a rough time then it will be a good lesson ...and even though you shouldn't say it aloud, you could say in your mind 'I told you so' to your husband and mother in law...
also remember that your 5 year old is not a baby any more....
i vote okay to go if she'll be safe...
your daughter will end up missing you and you her. you both will be glad to be together after the vacation.

I have had this situation happen with me with my child while she was growing up. My family always wanted her during the Holidays and our answer was always NO.
They tried every year and our answer was always the same, no.
Now I did let my Parents take her back home for a few weeks when she was smaller but that was durning the summer and I only did that once. But during the Holidays she stayed with us.

As for your Husband he is actiing like a 5 year old and tell him to get over it. If he wants to go with his Mom for 16 days with your Child then he can go otherwise the answer would be no.

Good Luck.

I am always faced with this same situation. I have a mother in california that wants my daughter for two weeks. I have a mother in law in arizona that wants to take my daughter to california for two weeks. My delimma is that I trust my mom more and leaning more towards saying yes to her and thats not fair I know it ...I feel like two weeks is too long but my daughter who is 5 really wants to go see me-me and papa(my mom) but doesnt want to go with granny(mother in law). As a mother we have to excercise good judgement when it seems like no one else will. A previous responder was right....she's 5 she is old enough to tell you what she wants to do. At the end of the day it should be up to you and your husband. Im disappointed that your husband is not speaking to you...but he'll get over it. If your house is like mine when it comes to the kids what mama says goes!

If you're uncomfortable, don't do it.
People who ignore your feelings on the matter, are the ones being selfish.

As for your husband, you both have to sit down and learn to communicate in every situation. His silent treatment is very immature and he's seemingly using it hoping it'll get him his way. If you give in, he might behave like this at every disagreeing opportunity.
Your marriage deserves better.

I think you should think about your daughter. If this is an opportunity that you and your husband might not be able to give her than by all means I think she should be able to experience that. Disney World is an amazing thing for a 5 year old to experience. As for the 16 days, putting yourself aside, think about your daughter. The in laws are going to take care of her like she is their own because that is what grammas do. Talk to the airline and see what your options would be. If the 5 year old is needing to come back early, maybe it wouldn't cost too much to change her flight back and from past experience, the airlines do an awesome job catering to young children flying alone. These are just my thoughts. Sometimes you can hold on too tight and miss a great opportunity for your children.

What does a mom do without her child for 16 days? Wow my kids drive me insane most days but I could never go that long without them, I would be bored and not know what to do and would miss them terribly. My in laws live in N California and we moved back to AZ last year so she keeps bugging my husband and I about letting our older son come to visit them during the summers. I am like ummm no, first of all our insurance is no good in CA (we have Ahcccs) and what if something happens. How would we get there if there is an accident, we have no money. They are in no position to make medical decisions for our children should something bad happen and I am not putting my three year old on an airplane by himself. They are crazy. They wanted to take him to Disneyland too before my second son was born last year, I said no because my husband appears to have no backbone. Again we are not there if something happens and why should we be left out on seeing him at the "happiest place on earth". Grandparents can be demanding sometimes, I understand they want their own memories, but hey they already raised their children, it is our turn now. Sorry, a little bit of venting while giving advice.

Your husband should be supporting you, not his mother. no, a five-year-old should not be away from you for three weeks. What gall! I wouldn't let her go anywhere, in fact, unless you are also invited, after this nonsense. You're going to have to go get her anyway if you let her go, I am afraid.S.

I say if you don't want her to go then just put your foot down! I know it may be difficult but you have to stick with what your comfortable with. Is there any way you could go with her? Well, don't feel pressured. Talk it over with your husband and maybe suggest planning a vacation around visiting those relatives in the future? Good luck!

I would let her go. I was asked for my daughter to go with family members to visit others in the country, from when my daughter was as little as 1! Granted, it was for 2-3 days at that age, but it has grown to 2 weeks over time. It was really tough, but I feel like she has gotten the best of both worlds - and have been able to meet family, that I haven't been able to see for years! It's really a case-by-case basis, I knew my daughter would be fine based on what kind of kid she was, and who she was with. Now at 7 years old, she stays with my dad in another state every summer for 2 weeks. Just think about her and the experience as being a safe one, not how you'll personally feel with her gone - of course you'll miss her and be sad/worried/etc. But remember, this is not exactly about you... so I can see the side of your husband thinking that you're being a bit selfish.

You are not wrong! It is your job to do what is best for your children, even if your decision is unpopular. If something may happen to one of his relatives, maybe your husband should go with your daughter for a few days so they can both see his relatives. You are not being unreasonable. A few days without mom and dad (even a week) is fine, but it is completely legitimate to not want your daughter to be gone for 16 days.

I don't blame you. Sounds like dear old mommy has gotten to her little baby boy. Stick to your decision. He is the one who has changed his mind from the original decision. So what if she never gets to meet her uncles. If he is that concerned maybe you should all go. Sounds to me like grandmother is up to something and she has gotten to her son so he will work against you. It really doesn't matter if you are being selfish (which you are not) they are your children and your husband is suppose to be on your side. Wow. Good luck. Your instincts tell you not to let her go, then don't.

If your Daughter is close to your MIL I don’t think she will feel sad being gone that long. My mom has take my kids to Mexico for two weeks at a time many times and they love it. last summer she took my 6 year old nice to Turkey for a whole month. talk about a super cool trip. I say let her go if you want she will have great memories later in life of her grandma.

I think you are absolutely RIGHT, NO WAY would anyone even my husband be taking my daughter somewhere for that long!!! NO WAY.
You are her mother, you know best. At five I wanted to sleep at home with my parents not my grandma's house. Good Luck.

OMG! ptin this out and show it to your husband, please. both he and hsi mother are being way unreasonalbe. i could see if she was 10 and even then it would be hard. not so much foryou but for her. what is going to happen if she gets homesick? hwo much time does she actually spend with grandma? and she i going to be around people that she doesnt even know. damn, i would be scared and im way older. he needs to stop acting like and idiot. if he is doing it because his mom is pressuring me then she needs to grow up to. how do you stand being around such selfish unreasonable selfish people. do you want your ddaughter exposed tot that? if that is the way they behave, then no i wouldnt want them aroudn those type of people. tell them to get over his tantrum or go back tohis mommys house.

I wouldn't feel comfortable with anyone taking my 5 year old anywhere alone for that long either - especially Florida where there are huge gators and snakes and one minute with adult backs turned can be the last for a tiny person - but maybe if she would take both sisters you might feel more secure - plus it would give the girls bonding time with each other and grandma as well as grandma's family. Just a compromise idea - I still probably wouldn't let my very young child go without me. My kids didn't travel alone with grandma (or anyone) until they were almost in high school.

I don't think that you are off base in your assessment of the situation. I would not let my children go with my mom out of town for more than a few days. A child's security is based on his/her parent and I think that it would be extremely difficult for a young child to feel secure without a parent for that long. I would trust your gut instinct even though it is difficult to have your husband upset with you.

Jen Alvarado-SHM mother of two boys 4 and 14months.

I think a 16 day trip is long for a five year old, especially without her parents. A few days - even a week - would be OK, but two weeks, plus two days of travel? I agree with you that this expectation is unreasonable.

OH HELL NO! I would not let my kids be gone from me for that long! If your MIL and FIL have a good track record with her I would consider letting her go for a couple days, but then I would fly out and bring her back home. 16 days is way too long. My ex's parents are not allowed to drive my kids anywhere because they have a terrible track record of accidents, no seat belts, putting the kids in the front seat, and they smoke with others (and the kids) in the car. Your kids come first always, not the feelings of others. You do what you feel is right and you can live with. Good luck!!!

I'm apologizing in advance for my being forward and blunt. No, she is not responsible for your kids, and grandparents' responsibility is to spoil them and let them do what they can't do when they are with you and your husband to see if they learned anything from you. They may have picked up some good habits that you presented to them.

I raised my niece with my mother, and she was more spoiled by my mother and I was at work most of the time. She turned out OK but now she's a single mom and expected me to take over parental duties like my mother. Her own mother will not be the grandmother she wants her to be. Sure my niece is responsible as an individual but she wants to be an absent parent. Working most of the time and having somebody else raise her son. She loves work.

You and your husband are the parents. Your mother-in-law did the best she could with your husband and it's your turn now. Their job is to share the special moments that they can't have in their prime years. Their health could fail at any moment or something could happen to your daughter and you're not there to comfort her. Pray about the situation before you discuss it again with your husband. Cherish them! You only live your life once. There's a saying you should never go to bed angry. Make amends and forgive each other.

I think it would be fun for her to go, but 16 days is to long. Your Mother in law should have given you the details before she expected you to make a decision. I wonder if your daughter could go and then you could go (or maybe your family) and bring her home. I think you and your husband need to be on the same page before any decision is made. Him not talking to you is not going to solve anything...there's got to be a way to compromise here where everyone is happy with the outcome. Good luck!

I think your MIL is playing dirty here, and now your husband is getting in on the drama. Let's take this back to the original idea - going for a shorter length of time. How about asking your MIL to change the tickets to a shorter time? If she says no, then it's no deal, end of story. Somebody here has to be the grown-up, and it looks like you are getting stuck holding that bag. MIL and hubby are using emotional manipulation and game-playing to get you to do it their way. If you cave in on this, you are setting yourself up for more of the same. Get clear about what would be OK with you, and what would not. And then hold on to that as firmly and maturely as possible. Do not EVER let yourself OK something that just does not feel right, even to keep the family peace. You are the mama - your job is to protect for and care for your child. I hear you being a really good mama, and saying that, yes - your daughter is ready for a short trip. Now you are being pressured into a long trip. If that does not feel OK, then don't OK it. Deal with the family fallout, but reassure yourself that you are taking good care of your daughter, and yourself. That is the highest priority.

Hang in there!!

My MIL wanted to keep my 3 sons for 2 weeks in Michigan over the summer. I thought 2 weeks would be too long! So, eventually we compromised on 1 week...and the boys thought it was very weird that I wasn't with them. They are 11, 7 and 4. So, I do think 16 days is WAY too long. If she wants to visit with your daughter for that long, she should come here. Or you could go to Florida with her. Your daughter would not enjoy herself for 16 days out of state without her parents. I guarantee it!!

Good Luck!

Perhaps you mother-in-law could pay for a ticket for you to go with them. Otherwise, I'd say, no way.

only 1 daughter is going with grandma? very odd.very unfair. shouldn't both grandkids go with grandma? oh wait, she would have to go for a shorter amount of time....oh, the little one can fly back with the big one and grandma can stay with the old aunts and uncles. the trip would be most memorable with big sis there. Trip can be rescheduled to xmas or summer or whenever both children can go. as long as they have each other (or you & your husband) it is a fun adventure. I'm sure her tickets are refundable or changeable for a fee, if not, c'est la vie.
ps. the kid is 5 and has never met these aunts and uncles. sounds like a little guilt on husband's part to visit these relatives, which would really bring a smile to their faces.

I understand how hard it is to part with your child for long periods of time, but really you should think about the child. If she has anxiety issues then that might not be the best idea, but two years ago when my daughter was the same age as yours I took her to see my family in Oregon for a week and when my dad and brother were driving us to the airport he said that she could stay with them for a while longer and my daughter wanted to so I called my husband and we weren't thrilled about her being gone for a month, but we knew that she would have fun with her grandparents and her uncle and she would get to see other extended family members that she hardly ever gets to see. So we let her stay and she had a blast. We would call her almost every night and ask her how she was doing and she would be all excited and tell us about the all the fun things that she was doing. And honestly as much as we missed her we were able to have a few more dates while she was gone and she got a break from mom and dad at the same time. It's really not so bad, but we also have a very easy going child who has never had any seperation anxiety at all, so it was pretty easy for her. So anyway, if your child is OK with it and is excited about the thought of doing it, I would say that it would probably be good for her.

go with your instinct. you are the mama! i am with you - that is way tooooo long of a time and i don't think a five year old can understand 16 days. maybe a day or two, but definitely not being away for that long. so even if she wants to go, it is too long.

Hi J.,

I see that you have already made your decision but I just wanted to give you my thought & how it was for me when I was a child.

1st of all, there is a lot of moms kind of assuming yours or basically an MIL are crazy to think 16 days is a long time. Just cuz she thought of 16 days is not crazy. Not all MIL are bad, crazy, or whatever they may think. i know there are a few but not all. i love my MIL! If fact I just allowed my son to go back w/her to Cali for a little over a week. If it wasn't for school & if he wanted to stay longer I would allow him too.

Ok so when I was a child I grew up in CA & when my Grandma still lived CA, my parents would always allow my Grandma to take me on trips in the car or airplane to another state to visit family. I was as young as 3 yrs old already traveling. I don't remember how long it was but for sure @ least a week.

Then my Grandma moved to New Mexico, so when I was in Elementary, during the summer I would spend my whole summer with her in New Mexico. And then she would take me on little trips to visit our other family in El Paso.

Sometimes my brothers (they are older then me) would go, stay the whole summer or go home before me. But I always chose to stay the whole summer.

Now don't think I was an outgoing child! I was very shy & I would never sleep over anyones house for sleep overs until I was 10 or 11 cuz I was a chicken. lol But I never minded staying w/my Grandma.

Now I have 2 children, 5 1/2 yr old son & 10 month old baby girl. My parents have taken my son on trips to visit family in El Paso, TX for 2 weeks. My MIL has taken him back to CA to visit. And I know when my daughter is old enough & if they ask to take her on trip, then yes my husband & I will consider it.

I think maybe you should talk w/your daughter & see what she feels about staying w/Grandma for a little on vacation visting family. Show her a calander so she see can see how many days she will be gone for but don't give her a guilt trip like this is how LONG you will be gone for. u know.

I hope everything works out for the best between u, your hubby & your MIL.

Take Care!

That's easy, you need a compromise. Let her go for a shorter time and have her fly home early. Five-year-olds should not be gone from their parents for more than a week.

You are definitely not wrong!

I believe there was a post on her a while back about a mother grieving the loss of her son and her parents, whom were all killed in a car crash. I don't know why they were in another state, I can only assume they were visiting other family members. The point is, that mother was not able to be there to hold her dying child's hand; to reassure him of her love; to try to take the pain away, if only for a minute. I cry as I write this, because if something were to happen to my child while in the care of another family member, life would never be the same.

Kind of like my nephew almost severing three fingers at fourteen months, while working with my father-in-law. Freak accident, but it happened and changed the dynamics of a family relationship.

Consider saving some money and going there at the same time your MIL will be there. That is my only suggestion. She is just not old enough yet.

Don't worry about your husband. He'll get over it. His mother is probably giving him a guilt trip and it's stressing him out. He probably just irritated being in the middle. That's pretty normal, but he needs to respect your position, not his mother's. Ask your mother-in-law to take you all and make it a family affair. If you're not comfortable sending her, DON'T. Besides, push the issue that Thanksgiving is special for your own family and you want her with you for the holiday. Good luck.