Mother in Law Trouble

I have the same problem but with my own mother. It drives me up the wall and I get so angry that I end up yelling at her when I finally do calm down, I try to explain to her that I think she does a good job with my son but she needs to respect my home as well. Apologizing is always good although, I probably get a lot more out of control than you do. But either way just let her know it doesn't have to be perfect, but it would be nice if she could organize the mess. This is what I have told my mother and she can be very hard headed, and now I come home to an organized mess. Hopefully this has helped you out a little.

Wow! I don't think you realize how good you have it. Yes, you definitely need to apologize and stop sweating the small stuff. It's hard for everyone to say sorry, but you need to chin up and beg for her forgiveness.
Good luck!

Apologize and get over the mess....that's all. I really feel like you were wrong and I know...I have been there. I have just come to the realization that my MIL can't do it like I can...it's not in her. I'd rather come home to a messy house and kids that are given everything they want than have to hire a 16 yr old girl. I'd just tell her "I'm sorry,I was wrong. I love that you watch the kids and they LOVE that you are the one to watch them....I don't want to let a someone that doesn't love them watch them. Please forget what I said"...It's the same talk I had to have :-)

Good luck

Being a mother-in-law to an OCD daughter-in-law myself, I can understand the situation. I think your husband is right, it is BOTH your faults. Your mother-in-law should realize and keep in mind that you are OCD and try to keep the mess to a minimum. I have to admit though, at our age, we get set in our ways, and move a little slower than your generation, and than our grandkids(especially at your childrens ages)! Give her a break, and just realize, she already does you a great service to let you and your husband get out weekly together (something you should cherish, as she may not be able to do so for long) and just be ready for the mess once a week. Hey, at least you dont have to pay a babysitter, who will also mess up your house, and probably not watch your kids as well!
Apologize to your mother-in-law and tell her exactly what you said here...(i.e."I think my mil is a wonderful grandma and is the only person I trust to watch my kids,"....) I am sure she will understand, and probably try a little harder to keep the house a little tidier.

Wow! I think this is a situation worthy of a note of apology as well as a gift or flowers. I think it's time to reflect on what an awesome gift your mother-in-law has given you for several years then spend some time in meditation feeling gratitude that you have this kind of support...and for FREE...and with someone you trust. Eat crow my girl.

Then, once you've won her back, get over your obsessive compulsive need to control everything. It is quite freeing. No one is going to die if the dishes aren't done for one night. You can get up Sunday morning at 5 AM and clean if you must. And remember, it is a grandmother's job to spoil her grandchildren. It's your job to train your children to behave well no matter who is in charge.

I learned, as a teacher, if you try to control kiddos they go nuts when you're not around. I mean hey, the authoritarian is gone...time to cut loose right. Let them make a mess while you're around then teach them how to clean it up by themselves. They won't do it quite to your standards, but you can go right behind them and polish up the job. None of your kids are too young to pick up after themselves. The 4 and 6 year olds can be your "little helpers." That way, when you're not around, all Grandma will have to do is sing the Barney clean up song and be half way there!

Good luck! I hope you are able to mend fences.

Girl, you just need to go to her and tell her what you've told us about how great she is, and how you don't trust anyone else with those babies and APOLOGIZE!! Just like that, tell her you are sorry, and you'll try to make sure it never happens again. Be thankful you have her, she is worth her weight in gold, and you need to make sure she knows that too!!

R.,
Here it is from the grandma's perspective. I take care of 3 kids the exact ages of yours at my home from time to time. They are the children of a friend whose mother does not live in this country so I am the surrogate Grandma. My house looks like a cyclone when they leave. It is not intentional- believe me, it is hard to watch 3 who are so excited to see you and want to talk at once.
So..........either plan to clean on Sundays or make sure dinner is cooked for the kids before you leave, let them use paper plates. Plan for mess free activities and have a box all set up ahead of time and that is only for when Grandma is there. scissors, crayons,even playdoh on a plastic tablecloth is less mess producing.
Then apologize profusely and blame it on PMS. We have all been there too.
K

R.,

Might be a worthwhile idea to consider what this situation reflects about your own needs for control, etc, (totally vallid no matter what they are) and then, once you're done, get yourself over to your MiL's asap and apologize to her for what you've said *to her*, no excuses. Your need for control is something that you can work on separately, or you hire someone to clean while Grandama has quality time with the kids so you, Grandma and the kids all win.

Best of luck.

What were you thinking crazy girl?!? Do you have any idea how insanely lucky you are to have her taking care of 3 kids 6 and under every single week??? And you expected her to keep your house tidy on top of that? That is so not fair. Even if it's a disaster when you get home, a) you got a date night, and b) all the focus was on your kids giving them lots of love and affection with someone you totally trust, a hard thing to come by these days. Face to face very sincere apology would be best telling her it was totally insane and you are sooooooooooo sorry and how incredibly blessed you are to have her. Good luck and let us know how it went!

Hate to say this, suck it up honey. If that is the worse thing that she does then you're the one with the problem. Make a deal with your husband to clean up the mess when she sits for the kids. If he is so wonderful (as most moms claim of their husbands on this site) then he should not have a problem helping you out. When my mom sits, it looks like they had a frat party here at the house. Seriously! I just have to chuckle. there are pots & pans & toys & Lord knows what else all over the place. It's their grandma. They will have fond memories of her. Like I said, if that's the only thing, you need to apologize. (as hard as it is)-she should be watching them & playing with them. She is your "sitter" not your maid.

I would tell her exactly what you just said. I would also include that you are saying this because you were wrong in snapping at her. Remember messy kitchens/homes are easier to clean than fixing relationships. I also think every saterday is a bit much for any person.Grandma not being able to tell the kids no is also a good reason you should start trusting someother people with your kids. The six year old is old enough to tell you if something fishy is going on. You must have that door of comunication wide open for them. Try not to obsess too much and realize a bit of dirt on the floor over time well spent with the kids is totally worth it. Good luck.

R.-- I understand that you can't help how you feel about messes if you're obsessive/compulsive about neatness, but if I were you, I'd try to make an exception for when your mother-in-law babysits. I think the advice you've already gotten is great about setting up some toys to play with while Grandma is there that could minimize the mess, and having an easy dinner like pizza with paper plates. I have to tell you that I find it VERY difficult to keep my house clean with just my two boys, who are three and one, much less three little kids. I never seem to get a handle on anything until after they're in bed, and that's only if I'm not too exhausted! I truly think it's too much to ask for your mother-in-law to keep things clean and still watch the kids-- I could never do it, and I'm younger than she is (I assume). Just remember that she could run around keeping things immaculate, or she could play with your children and love on them and give them tons of attention and happy memories. Which would you prefer? She sounds like an absolute saint for watching your kids every Saturday night-- I would kiss her feet and buy her chocolates just to have that kind of break. I would tell her that you are SO sorry for snapping because of your issues with neatness, and let her know how much you appreciate her generosity for being willing to babysit EVERY Saturday night. That is such a priceless gift. We moved here in March, and my parents and in-laws live in Florida, and when my husband and I recently went to a cooking class (his Father's Day gift since he loves to cook), I had to hire a teenage girl out of our community newsletter, and I worried the entire time about how my boys would do. And it cost me $40. Try to focus on the wonderful gift your mother-in-law gives you every week-- the ability to get out with your husband, knowing your kids are being loved and cherished by their grandma. I think that's WELL worth cleaning up a mess! :) I'm sure she'll forgive you if you tell her how sorry you are and how much you appreciate her. Her feelings are surely hurt right now-- mine would be-- because she felt she was doing something kind and generous for you and she got criticized for it. So I would emphasize how sorry you are and how much you appreciate her wonderful gift to you every single week. (P.S. I would die for a mother-in-law like her! My in-laws watched my boys ONCE before we moved, because my husband was already in Houston for the job and I was really sick with bronchitis and a double ear infection, so I asked if they could watch them while I went to the minute clinic. When I called to check on my boys, they told me the boys were a handful and asked me to come get them. So I think your mother-in-law ROCKS!) :)

basically everything stated below! my mom does the same, leaves the kitchen and LR a hot-sticky-mess! BUT...she loves those children and respects yall's "mom n dad" time, or she would not do it! the state of your home and expectations tward it are your deamons to battle, not hers. i too battle with OC clean home trouble, but that is my fish to fry! she is not the hired help, she is family! if it is that bad/big deal...hire a cleaning service for the next AM!
i do know where you are comin from tho..."why go out if i have all this mess to come home to?" but remember that mess is not injured or worse children cuz the hired help was not IN LOVE WITH THE KIDDOS like she is and not payin attention!
just breath sister, and show the attitude of grattitude!

I would take her to a nice quiet lunch (just the 2 of you) and explain that you know you over reacted at the mess in the house but that you think she is wonderful and that you are sorry, and hope she forgives you.
I have had TONS of MIL issues, (she lives with us, we support her 100%) So things can get stressful but what I do when hubby and I go out is I tell the kids (your 1yr old may be too small) in front of her, what they can and cannot do. But the rules are relaxed so that they can have fun with grandma (thats what grandmas are for). Well I hope this helped a little.

Tell you mil that you are sorry, but you have this thing about neatness. Also tell her that both you and your husband feel that she is the only person that you trust with your most prized thing (your children). As a mother she will understand both of these things I am sure that the house also can be cleaned later and she may offer to help you never know. She loves those kids as much as you do. Do not keep them apart because of this.

R. . . .you should apologize. It would offend me, too. The kids won't remember a messy sink or cluttered counter, but would definitely miss special times with their grandmother.

Call her immediately - - or better yet, send her flowers with an apology card and tell her you want to take her to lunch .. . and MAKE IT GOOD. Tell her that you love her, that you are so grateful to have her, and that you made a MISTAKE! Tell her what you told US . .. and ask for forgiveness.

I know what you mean about coming home to a mess - - it is discouraging, for sure. Why don't you get disposable plates, cups, and tableware - or Capri Suns or box drinks ... or packaged foods like frozen lasagna - that are easily disposed of when she is there? And how old are the kids? Set the expectation with THEM that they need to clean up after themselves and help Grandma when she is there.

Don't wait - - the longer it festers, the bigger the issue is for both of you.

Good luck . . .

WOW, I would eat crow while its still warm.
I have true real life OCD, I take pills to help control it. So in that aspect I can see the "mess" point of view. BUT my goal is to NOT let my disorder effect other people around me. That is the really hard part. I usually spend half the night cleaning so it does not effect my kids during the day...
Your MIL is doing you a favor...she is way out of practice cleaning and caring for her grand-babies. Be happy you have some-one near you that loves you and your kids well enough to do this for you.

The nearest family member to us here is 3,000 miles away! Saturday out...has not happened in over 4 years...!!!
Consider yourself truly blessed and go take her to lunch to apologize with a big bouquet of flowers...Start kissing butt if you want date night again..
If you don't feel like it can I have her number? I would LOVE to have a date night with my hubby!!! LOL
follow your heart it will always tell you the right thing to do.

I know that you have already recieved so many responses, but I wanted to give you one more suggestion (though I haven't read all of your responses and someone may have already suggested it). Your children are young and so of course the 1 yr old and possibly the 4 year old may not grasp this quite so much, but the 6 year old probably can. Before Grandma comes over, remind him/her of your rules and picking up after ones self. And, remind him/her that yes it is fun to have Grandma over, but it's not fun for you if you have to spend the next day or two cleaning up the mess. And, offer him/her a reward if he/she does his/her part in helping minimize the mess by picking up toys and putting them away when they are done (even if it is the siblings that did it...). I would encourage the 4 year old as well, though only you know if he/she would comprehend this......

Good Luck!

I agree with others who say you are blessed to have your mother in law close by to babysit, BUT I can completely understand how this would bother you. I agree that talking to her is a great idea. That way you can apologize and explain how you feel. If she is babysitting in your house she should respect your house and your rules when it comes to your children, but at the same time you could probably relax the rules a little for Grandma!

Is there anyway she could watch the kids at her house every now and then for a compromise? I'm sure you can work out a compromise by talking it out and letting her know how much you appreciate her.

Good luck!

By all means appologize! A little mess is a small price to pay for the precious gift of having a wonderful grandma faithfully watch the kids every Saturday. You have an almost perfect deal. Accept the small part that is not perfect. As the children get older, they can help with the mess. Appoligize, tell her the POSITIVE traits that you are thankfull for, give her time to heal, tell her that you love her and miss her. Acknowledge that messes upset you, but that you will not allow a little mess to come between your relationship. Also, remember that many of us have Grand parents that will not say "No." They spoil the kids rotten and send them back home with a mischivious grin on their face as they do it. The kids love it, grand parents love it, and you wait for your turn to have grand kids and do the same thing. Loosen up and enjoy your dear mother-in-law. All too soon, she will be gone.

You sound like a beautiful family. Trouble...no - this is a irritating issue. Give yourself and your mother-in-law a big hug. Time to get back to enjoying each other and just have fun.

Oh dear!! As a mother of two who has scarcely been out of the house without the kids for two years and only 2 dates with my husband for over a year I envy you for having someone to watch your children so consistently and lovingly!! I say this b/c sometimes it is hard to see how good we have it when things are good. If I were you I would take some time to consider how valuable it is to you to have your mom-in-law give you that time and whether it is worth dealing with the mess. We cannot ask other people to change for us, but if it means more to you to have her watch the kids, try to find the grateful part of your feelings and focus on those until you can offer a heartfelt apology to her and express sincere gratitude and hope she forgives you!!

Tell her you were wrong, you appreciate what she does and that your OCD got the best of you. Most people would love to have a weekly night out. I"d clean my house every Sunday morning for an arrangement like yours. Don't be suprised if that was your last evening out with her as the babysitter. Grandmas should spend time with them & spoil them and not worry with the mess, its their job, be glad she does. Dont mean to be harsh but its the truth.

Pick up the phone NOW. Apologize. It hurts to eat crow but it hurts worse when you've realized you've offended the one person you can count on to be Grandma. I also think that it's time your children learn to pick up after themselves. Grandma is there to be grandma. It is really not her job--within reason--to clean up after everyone. Let her know that you are trying to get your children to be more responsible for their own messes and you'd appreciate it if she would have them start clean-up time about 15 minutes prior to bedtime or the time of your arrival. Teach her the clean-up song and it will be more fun for everyone.
HTH J.

Apologize and admit you were wrong. I think that is the only way to fix the situation, whether you feel wrong or not. I agree with her that it is too much for her to watch three kids of those ages AND keep the house clean. I personally find it difficult to keep my own house clean being pregnant and having a 3 year old and 1 year old. Most of my cleaning happens at night and during naps! Perhaps your 6 and 4 year olds can start helping to pick up when the night is over. If you start this with them, then maybe Grandma can encourage them to do it as well. Tell them they need to help Grandma!

Even if that doesn't work, though, I would count my lucky stars that my MIL was the best with my kids and that she is willing to watch them EVERY Saturday night. Also, I know that a lot of grandparents feel they have done their job raising children, and just want to be grandparents. They don't want to have to say no and discipline. And if she's not cleaning up their messes, it's because she's spending all the time with them, playing and loving them. That's worth a clean up when you get home, IMO!

Maybe you need to decide what is more important to you: maintaining a good relationship with MIL and having her watch your kids OR being right and having your house clean. I am not criticizing you. I just think it comes down to that if you want to fix your relationship and keep things as they are. I think it is easy to tell kids that just because Grandma lets you do it doesn't mean WE will. Grandmas are different. ANd enlist their help with the cleaning. After all, Grandma is not messing up your house (except the kitchen if she is making dinner, but I think I'd be happy she is making dinner for them and allowing me to go out). I think a 6 year old is DEFINITELY capable of picking up his/her own mess, even if it's the next morning with you. Leave it when you get home. Let the kids see it and clean it in the morning. Perhaps they'll start keeping it cleaner at night if they're the ones cleaning it Sunday morning.

Again, I am not trying to lecture you. I would probably find it very annoying too! My MIL does things very differently from me. HOwever, to keep her happy, maintain a good relationship, and keep her watching your kids, I think you need to just tell her how wrong you were and that you don't expect her to keep your house clean.

GL! I hope you can repair this relationship.

R. that is an awful situation to be in. I think you husband was right about you being ungracious and his mom being too stubborn, however he needs to be involved.

Can you have your mil watch the children at her house? That seems like a very good alternative to her watching them at your house. That way you still have a baby sitter (some of us have no one at all to leave our children w/on a regular bases) so you can go out with your husband, and you won't have to clean your house after wards.

As far as apologies go, can your husband watch the children (one Saturday) so you and your mil can have lunch, or go see a "chick flick", or have a spa day? Pampering can go a long way as an apology. ;)

Good luck!

A dirty house - a couple moments of intense cleaning will fix (and no offence - but does it REALLLY matter???)- a relationship with their grandma is priceless. Allot of kids won't EVER have the chance and you're trying to control what kind of relationship they have. Yes, you're being too ungracious and obsessive and controlling. If you're able to keep a spotless house with 3 kids 6 and under, you're either wonder woman or a fun-sucker. Your kids and their relationship with grandma should be your number one concern. There are some wonderful ideas below- but don't let it fester - apoligize IMMEDIATELY and don't make excuses. You were wrong and that's what you need to say.

we had the same prob with my mil and finally came to the conclusion that we'd limit how much they saw her to once a week so that if she did indulge them, it was only once a week and wasn't a habit-forming thing. anyways, since she's alone with them once a week i recommend just letting the other stuff go as well. having her babysit and give them so much love is invaluable, so really think through your feelings to make sure you can follow through with being more tolerant in the future. if so, i'd write her a letter and bring it to her to make sure you get to say everything you want to say. hopefully she will not be as angry and will come around...

Apologize. Grovel. Tell her she is wonderful grandma and the only person you trust to watch your kids. And IF she ever stays with the kids again you can tell THE KIDS that you don't want a mess when you come home. Anythign that they would normally pick up when you are with them, tehy can do with grandma. Six and 4 year olds are very capable of picking up after themselves. I used to have a very nice teenage babysitter that would get all the toys out, nothing would be put away, pizza dishes left on the table,etc...and finally I got to the point where when we left I would say to the kids in front of her..."The house is clean. Any toys you get out need to be put away. Dishes need to be put away." This GREATLY cut down on the mess. And it IS very hard to watch three kids 6 and under if you are out of practice! (and once a week doesn't get you back into practice!)

R.,

You blew it big time! I mean, how bad could it be in one night? You have no idea how lucky you are that this woman has given up EVERY Saturday night of her life for the last 3 years to watch your children. I cannot even trust my mother in law to watch my children when we do see her! We have no family here and we rarely get out on a date night because a babysitter is at least $40. You can ask her to go to lunch and apologize then. Maybe ecxplain to her that you are being too picky. If I were you, I'd back off of the obsession of a clean house. Playing with your children is MUCH more important than worrying about everything being in it's place. Your children need to know that it's okay to make a mess or they won't learn how or want to play. Maybe some counseling is in order if you can't do this on your own. When your children grow up, they won't remember that you were a good housekeeper, but they will remember the playing memories you created with them. Unfortunately that includes making messes.

Good luck,
C.

Apologize to her and tell her you screwed up. Personally I can not believe that you even mentioned that to her since she has willingly watched your children every Saturday for you free of charge. Do you realize how many people wish they had the same. So your house gets messy. Clean it up yourself and don't say anything and be grateful you have her. It sounds like you want her to watch your kids but do everything your way and unfortunately it doesn't work that way. Let her be a grandmother and be thankful you have her.

Good for you!! It takes a lot to accept when one does wrong (Sorry,that is my perspective).
Just talk to her - I don't think you need to do more than that. She should respect your habits and you should respect hers. A good down to earth apology will do.
Oh, a flower bouquet would be a very nice gesture.

You should get down on your hands and knees and apologize!
Taking care of three kids your childrens' ages is hard enough for a parent, but for a grandparent it's even harder!

Try being grateful about having your mil taking care of your kids...a babysitter would be very expensive...perhaps you could use the money you saved towards a housekeeper!

Sorry...I just wish my mother in law was still alive so she could enjoy her grandkids...

You can start by telling her that she is a wonderful grandma and the only one that you trust to watch your kids!! then inform her that your obsessive compulsive keep things clean nature should never have been used to complain to her, and that you are sorry, and that you are so happy with her child care of your kids , that you will bite your tongue and clean up the kitchen after she has gone home, and that you are greatful and thankful to her for her help! and that you realize how hard it is to take care of the kids and keep it all clean, that you are greatful for the much needed break that she offers you. and hope that all that butt kissing gets you your babysitter back, and then maybe you can hire a maid to clean up the mess afterwards!! If you tell her how you really feel, which you basically told all of us at mamsource, how can she not forgive you?? Best of luck!

SEND HER A COPY OF YOUR POST!!! It just might work, just leave out the part of her not accepting criticizm. Honestly, if it was me and I was told that my job was not appreciated or that it was not good enough, I would quit too, it has nothing to do with not "accepting criticizm". If she was a paid babysitter, you probably would have fired her. However, she is family and quit!

Admit your faults!!! Accept the fact the the JOB of a grandma is to SPOIL the kids!! Stop expecting her to be a mom while you are gone!! She is DONE raising children. She is only there to WATCH yours, not to replace you. It's one night a week. Surely the house and grandma deserve a break for ONE DAY out of the whole week.
I TOTALLY understand the whole house being a mess and not what you expected. I understand the kids not being disciplined the way you like while she is there. It does make it very hard to deal with, however, from experience, my children (ages 4 and 2) have actually learned that the rules at nana's house are different than the rules here and they have learned to transistion back to the regular house rules very easily (consistency is the key while you are there). Your kids will be fine.
I would still recommend telling your MIL what you told us (but leave out the part about her not being able to accept criticizm!) She needs to KNOW that you do appreciate her and that YOU have the OCD problems! LOL

Then do exactly that. Buy her some flowers from the kids, and a big fat apology. A house can be cleaned. I understand however, i too, am obsessive when it comes to my house. but, you only live once. Allow your MIL to have her time wi/ those babies. I promise it would be okay. Some kind words will go a long long ways.

Hi R.-

What is more important:
Happy and well loved children with their loving Grandmother or a mess to clean up. Hire a cleaning lady to clean up after MIL...Her love and taking care of your children so you can bond with your husband and have a happy loving family is priceless!!

Buy her flowers and give her a big hug and tell her how much you appreciate her and how silly you were!

By the way you can organize the children's stuff so they can start "helping" put the toys away after playing with them.

C.

Hi, R., I think your situation can be fixed. Will have to put some pride aside. First of all when your mil became a grandma all the rules changed. She raised her kids and keeps her house in order. It's your house and your kids. If she is gracious enough to dedicate Sat night for you then you really should ease up. Grandma's should not have to say no unless it is a dangerous situation. Is she there to keep your house clean or play with and watch your children. If she is the only person that you trust with your children then except her graciousness and clean your house on Sun. It really isn't a big deal if the house gets messed up one day a week if you are getting to do something and your children are taken care of my the best qualified person. I am speaking as a grandma. I hope you fix this situation with your MIL. She sounds like a wonderful person.

i know this isn't what you want to hear. realistically, you need to appologize. tell her your recognize that it IS difficult to care for the kids and get anything accomplished, and that you are sorry for your criticism. let her know how much you appreciate her willingness to care for your children, and that you really do think she is a wonderful grandmother. if you need extra motivation, think of the appology as a love-gift to your husband.

next, adjust your expectations. happy kids and a date with hubby are more important than a spotless house. try locking up some of the messier stuff before you go on a date to minimize the damage. think prevention! don't put MIL in a situation where she needs to mess up the kitchen. get some paper plates and order pizza. you might also talk to your husband and let him know that you need some support and help. enlist him to help clean up the inevitable mess after a date.

as a third strategy, start training your kids. teach them to clean up the kitchen. my 4 yr old can toss paper plates and wipe a table clean. if i'd let him, he'd wipe the counters for me too. if you need to, bribe them. tell them they get X if you come home from date night to an acceptably clean house. reward improvement, not perfection.

good luck. i had to appologize to my MIL and it was NOT fun. i hated every second of it. but it was worth doing in the end.

If you want to apologize to her, then do it. If she accepts, OK, if she doesn't, then that's her problem, but you tried. Admit to her that you realize your obsession with neatness and you're working on that. Also tell her that she is the only person you feel comfortable leaving the children with. Compliment her on her mothering/grandmothering skills. What you have to decide is whether you're more interested in a housekeeper or a good baby-sitter. As a 70+year old grandmother, let me assure you that 10 years from now, the condition of your kitchen will not be nearly as important as the relationship you and your children have with her. You said she's stubborn, well, aren't we all just a little. How would you like for someone to complain that you didn't keep their kitchen clean when they we doing you a favor by watching your children? APOLOGIZE..THEN DROP THE SUBJECT AND DON'T BRING IT UP AGAIN!

Consider cleaning up after the mess she and the kids leave as payment for watching your kids. As far as her being able to not say "no", that's grandmother's prerogative. That's what grandmothers are for. You are totally wrong in this situation. Sorry, I know that stings, but you need to run to her and apologize. She has been incredibly good to you. You don't complain to people who are doing such a nice thing for you for such a long, consistent time. Good luck!

Apologize to her like you feel you should. Tell her you realize that you are obsessive and let it be. The 6 and 4 yr old are old enough to clean up their own messes. After gma leaves make them clean up the mess. Eventually, they will learn not to make the messes and the problem will resolve itself. You are lucky to have the help. I do understand your feelings though. My mom helps and there are always messes - esp when she goes thru their clothes. Mine youngest are 17 mos and 30 mos. The 2 1/2 yr old cleans her own messes and we are working with the younger one to do the same. Good luck.

Hi,
If you are getting free babysitting EVERY weekend, just bite the bullet and worry about the mess later. You have to realize that kiddos that age are alot to handle and keep a house super clean. Especially for someone who is older and not able to do it all the way you do. Be thankful that you have a FREE babysitter for that time and worry about the mess the next day.

SAHM of 4 boys whose house is never REALLY clean!!

On your knees begging would be a good place to start. Stop being so picky about the house, she's gold to provide babysitting every Saturday night. My mother in law used to keep our children every now and then and never did anything the way I did, but she did keep the kids and that is all I focused on. Count you blessings and be grateful for what you have and clean up on Sunday when you can.
Blessings,
D.

Wow....grovel??? That is what I would do. I think you should try to step back and look at the bigger picture here. You have a FREE babysitter EVERY week for your 3 children so that you and your husband can have a date. Do you know how good you have it? I wouldn't mind if a tornado hit my house if I could have a date with my husband and free childcare each week.

Maybe you need to change your expectations. You can either have your kitchen cleaned your way while you are the one home cleaning it every Sat night. Or you can be grateful you have a babysitter and a messy kitchen, which you can clean up on Sunday.

I'd beg forgiveness. I don't think the MIL is in the wrong here. I would probably have told you the same thing.

Good luck!

1.) Make a small brag/scrapbook of her and the kids and list the things the kids love about her. Put on the list that they love that "grandma lets us do things mommy would never allow and kids need that every now and then", and apologize.
2.) Relax. You have three small children. No one expects your house to be immaculate. A great babysitter/grandparent that loves your children is what is important.
3.) Except that Sunday will be clean up day. A small price to pay for night out with hubby with a free babysitter who loves your children.

I am often in the minority when I say that grandparents should have a special place in a child's heart. Grandparents should really only say no when they want to or when safety is an issue. My mother kept my daughter overnight every-other weekend for me when we lived back home. She would come back so cranky because Oma would give her everything she wanted and let her do anything she wanted. It would take a day or two to get back in the swing of things, but my husband and I had the best relationship of any couple we know, and my daughter and her Oma have the best relationship.
Good luck.

If she's a good grandma to the kids and takes care of them for you I would completely overlook the fact that the house is messy. Speaking personally, I am incapable of doing what I once could at your age, when my kids were little. I keep my 3 year old grandson quite a bit and even though I'm not yet 50 I had to learn to just let the house go for a while until he goes home. I saw a framed needlepoint on a friend's wall and it said something like "house work and dust bunnies will always be there, I am going to spend MY time with my babies so please over look them." Life is short my dear, make up with you MIL. You're very blessed to have a good one, and she's giving up HER time to watch YOUR kids, she's not a maid or housekeeper, she is voluntarily watching your kids so you can have a night off, she should not be expected to entertain and care for a 1, 4, and 6 year old AND clean your house, that's insane. She could be at home relaxing instead, but she is generous enough to go take care of three kids 6 and under! I hope you can make it up to her and put things right. You've no idea how lucky you are to have her. Get her a beautiful card and a gift card to get a massage or something she'd like to do. And take her to lunch next weekend to give it to her.

It is good to know you want to apologize and when you ask "What should I do?" the quick answer is: apologize.

I'll tell you what, I will pray for both of you and you pray, too. What you have written says a lot about how much you appreciate her. She is faithful and is trustworthy. She is a wonderful grandma. She will like hearing you say so.
She also focuses on the important things, keeping the children safe and happy. I believe she enjoys knowing that her son and his wife are having a reprieve from the daily routine and enjoying husband/wife time together.

Everyone likes to be appreciated for what they do and appreciation is all she should get for her efforts. I know you already know that and that is why you are suffering regrets. Bless your heart. Just go tell her how sorry you are and how you really feel about her.

Make a pact with your husband that when you get home or early the next morning, he will pitch in and the two of you together can straighten up. Ten minutes or less, right?

You have probably guessed that I am a grandmother who loved being able to do for my grown children and for my grandchildren what your husband's mother is doing for you. I wouldn't trade that time for the world. Nor would I trade the wonderful evenings I spent with my own grandmothers as a child.

Here is something I read in 1955. "Children will remember a picnic a lot longer than they will remember that you mopped the kitchen floor." I have said that over and over to myself many times through the years.

The book of Ruth is a beautiful, sweet story of a mother-in-law/daughter-in-law relationship.

You can work this out, I know it.

Blessings,

B.

I would apologize to her, hell write her a letter, tell her you appreciate her and you do not expect for her to clean. She comes over to your house every weekend to babysit 3 kids? That is wonderful to have, and she probably does not want to feel like a maid or like you are taking advantage of her. Clean your house on sunday morning, and know that next weekend you'll get another break. My parents watch my son but only if I bring him to their house which is a 40 minute drive, then we would have to drive back for any restaurants, etc, go pick him up and drive back home. We NEVER go out by ourselves, and my in laws live out of town. I don't trust anyone else. At six and four your children are old enough to understand rules and guidelines regarding their grandma so even if she never says no, they should know that mom and dad expect them to behave and follow the rules even when they are not around. They can also clean up after themselves. I know it really sucks to walk into a dirty home cause its hard to relax, but in this situation that's a small price to pay. Good luck!

Oh honey, if you only knew just how blessed you are. When my son's were small, and my husband and I wanted to spend an evening together. We did not get too, because my MIL HATED being a grandmother. My two oldest son's bought her a t-shirt that said "happiness is being a grandmother". She took paint and painted over it. You are so so blessed. I now live miles away from my mother and sisters, and we always traded out the sitting. You should not expect your MIL to clean up afterwards, the kids should. She is doing this for you for free? Just think, you could be having to find one that didn't know you or the children!! Your children are with someone that loves them as much as you do. Be Thankful!!

Hello R.,
Well to start off you have to apologize and come to a compromiese. not everyone is going to keep the house as clean as you do. Plus you also have to remember that she's older and may not have enough energy to do both. A compromise may be that she make the children clean up their toys before they get ready for bed or move on to the next activity. Your children are old enough to do that even the one year old if he/she is walking. The compromise that your MIL will need to do is that she will need to require the children to do so. That way even if the house isn't as clean as you prefer for it to be it will be at least close. Good Luck

Hello R., I can't say that I can relate to your situation,but if I were you I think I would go and just say Mom,I'm sorry I know that we both have our diffferent ways of raising children and that neither of us is wrong and that we just have to realize that you will do things your way and that I will do things my way. We both love the children and that is really all that matters. She will probably try tohelp clean up sometimes but you can't expect her to clean things exactly like you would. But all in all you really have to let her know how grateful you really are to have her help you out with the kids. hope this helps. C.

Apologize and remember that she has her own way of doing things. Having a clean or tidy house is not important enough for your family to lose such an important person in their lives.

Remember your children are also making the messes. Have them be big helpers to grandma, by teaching them that putting things back after they are finished is THEIR responsibility. If they drop or spill something, it is THEIR responsibility to clean up the mess, it won't be perfect but it will put the responsibility into their own hands.

Having to clean up after mother in law, is cheaper than paying someone to babysit 3 children. Your husband can certainly help also.

R., just tell her what you told all of us. Your husband seems to know you both, and you don't seem to have a problem admitting it. So it seems like your on the right track. You just have to remember how blessed you are. For my mil to babysit we would have to take the kids there and pick them up. With my mom yeah she'd come to my house but that was after my father passed away before then I'd have to take them to her. So with every good thing comes some flaws not everything is perfect. Just be happy you have a come to you sitter, its not going to take you anymore time than it would to have to go to her house pick them up carry them asleep to the car and then out of the car asleep and get them in the bed. You already admitted you were wrong so just tell her how un appreciative you came off. Its bad enough when we have to clean house and give our kids quality non stressed out time, you should be grateful that she's able to just come in and be grandma. If she'd have to clean behing them then she'd be what all of us mom's come off as sometimes a naggy house cleaner. Plus I just noticed their ages you need to tell those kids before you leave to clean up pick up the toys and stuff when time to. Yes your one year old will to if you teach him/she. I have my kids and my dog put their stuff away. I tell my kids first then my dog has learned he may as well put his up because he's next. Not to sound mean but when you get your kids to help you'll see and they will how much unstressed mom is, and that means mom is alot more fun. Good luck and maybe depending on her personality give her a thankyou gift with your apology.

That is ridiculous! You need to apologize for being so mean. I think you must have really hurt her feelings and I think you may have done damage to a great deal. To have someone watch your kids every week, faithfully...? I can't even imagine. In my opinion, a clean house is never more important than happy and well loved children!
Call her TODAY and apologize.

As hard as it will be, admit your faults and allow yourself to appreciate tht she is spending quality time with the children and not slaving in the kitchen not paying attention to them...

It is hard but let go- but-relax.

Apologize. She still might not want to watch your kids anymore for a while but I bet she'll miss it and want to come back. Do you pay her when she comes to babysit or does she do it for free? If I hire a babysitter I expect the house to look like it did when I left but if I just have someone doing me a favor by being an adult in the house then I don't expect them to keep the house up to my standards. Your mil is older than you and probably really can't keep up with the kids and the house like she could when she was younger. I know both my mother and mil have mentioned that to me when they watch my 4 kids. So, what is more important to you? Saturday date night and a messy house or a clean house and staying home or paying for a babysitter?

Dear R., I understand your desire to keep the kitchen clean and I am assuming you're also wanting a loving childcare giver. You might ask yourself which is more important to you--a clean kitchen and uninvolved children or happy children and an untidy kitchen. Grandma will need to learn that giving in to a child's every request is not the most loving thing to do. You are also fostering goodwill in the family by encouraging her to spend time with your children. Many children don't have the luxury of grandparents, but eveybody has a messy kitchen until they clean it up.(smile) Tell MIL that you are learning how to be a mother and would rather have her love your children than to have a spotless kitchen. When she sees that you are willing to lighten up on the housekeeping request, perhaps she will spend an extra few mins tidying up. As you will learn, most issues in life encourage compromise. Tolerance and flexibility will help you for the rest of your life. I had perfectionistic parents who taught there was one "right" way to do things. When I learned to be more flexible I felt less stressed and my family prospered with fewer hard and fast rules.
Peace,
C.

Wow, you really didn't think that through before you became upset. I would definitely apologize. You have to remember that NO ONE is going to keep your house clean while watching your kids. That's too much to ask of anyone. I think your husband was wrong and just trying to appease you because I would think anyone would be upset when they're criticized for not "volunteering" the right way. I don't think she is stubborn, just hurt. Be thankful your kids are safe and happy and realize that you'll have some work to do when you return. Hopefully, she is able to leave this behind her, but you know some part of her will be wondering if you're just apologizing for the free babysitting because now you're stuck.
Good luck!

You answered your own question, dear! Apologize!

Wait a week then tell her that your kids have started saying how much they miss seeing grandma... (And its not a lie if you plant that seed...) From there, apologize. Tell her that you haven't been sleeping well, you're cranky and tired... you slept funny and have had a kink in your neck... you've been fighting off a cold.. these darn Austin allergies make you feel miserable and grumpy... and you didn't mean a word of what you said...

It may work.. It might not, depending on how much her feelings were hurt. But a tleast you will have apologized (and she will know whether you did or didn't, regardless of whether the once a week babysitting resumes).

Hi R.. Well I agree with you. You have stepped in a pile. I have a sign in my bathroom and it reads "Lord put your arm around my shoulder and your hand over my mouth". I try my darndest to live by that. Having said that I think it would be a wonderful idea for your husband to watch the kids one evening and you and your mother-in-law to go out for the evening to a lovely dinner and discuss your obsessiveness and her relaxed life style. It is not too late and I know if you both put your heads together you can come up with a solution. I am a mother-in-law and a Nona to 4 grands. Yes I am also very stubborn and a little obsessive about how things need to be done. Good luck and let us know the outcome.

L.

R.,
I am a hard working Grandmother with a full time job. My grandkids would love to spend the entire weekend (every weekend) with me if they could. Their parents run a business and have to work most weekends (so they take the kids with them as they do their work related tasks). I actually have to limit the time we spend together because I have a life and a home of my own. I usually take them two weekends a month. They get dropped off at my house. If they get too out of control I take them home early (one overnight not two) and watch them at their house. They used to tear up my place when they were small. They are older now and I make them clean up before they leave. They liked to go to the grocery store and I teach them how to buy, cook and eat fresh vegetables. They seem to like helping me do my chores because I have taught them to help since they were very little. We all go to my neighborhood swimming pool and have fun. I taught them how to swim when they were little. I take them to the movies. I take them shopping for back to school shoes. I know this is temporary. Soon they will be in their teens and they won't want their Grandma (unless they actually surprise me and want to move in with me). You need to apologize to your MIL. The truth is she is probably missing the grandkids too. Kids can have very special relationships with their grandparents. Realize that as they get older you can coach them to pick up and help grandma. They are never too young to help. Perhaps you should ease back into this wonderful situation by suggesting she sit every other week. L.

Apologize to her and tell her exactly what you said here - that she's a wonderful grandma, and the only person you trust to watch your kids! Those kids are pretty young to expect your MIL to keep after them and the house too. She is babysitting, not housesitting. That said, have an honest, non-judgmental talk with her. Maybe there are a few things she can do to keep the mess level under control without stressing her out.

I wrote the following thinking you were speaking of your mother-in-law's house. OOOPs! So I've come back to edit

Although your husband is right about it being a problem between you and your mother-in-law, he needs to remember that its his problem too. If there is something I need to talk about with my husband's parents I usually have him be the front person on it or talk to them with him. Topics usually include things like tv use and yes, saying no, when the tyrants are demanding. The kids will try to run all over their grandmother if we let them...she lives three doors down so we see each other every day.
I think you need to trust your instinct that you messed up on this. I've lived with a messy (my mother) my whole childhood and unfortunately have the same housekeeping skills. My mother-in-law is the total opposite. Her house remains clean and neat, even with my urchins traipsing down there all day long. I've often wondered how she does it and wanted her to teach me...but she honestly doesn't know how. I've had to take lessons from the flylady instead to try to get some semblence of control. I digress, this is an extremely touchy subject...

and my advice is to apologize and let your dear mother-in-law who is great with your kids know that you need to train your children to clean up their own messes and help her out when they come to visit. Our one year old is constantly making messes and our kids and I are forever picking up after him.

Let her know that you want to help clean up after your children, that you appreciate her helping you by watching them, and turn a blind eye(ie Do Not Criticize) to all (and I repeat all) messes. For now eat humble pie (even though yes, the house is messy) and apologize. Good luck!

Hi R.,
I believe you should be a little more forgiving on the clean house business when she is watching your children. Even if you have to clean a little when you get home, what's the big deal, unless she allows them to do things that will stain the carpet or ruin furniture, etc.
On the other hand, she should make the children behave the same as you and your husband would, but that is easier said than done. Every child acts different depending on who is watching them. My two year old knows exactly what she can and can not do when myself, my husband, the nanny, or whoever is watching her, because we all discipline differently and have different tolerances of bad behavior.
All in all, it does not sound like you have a bad mother-in-law situation. Believe me, it could be a lot worse. Good Luck!

Dear R.
When my sister's children and mine were young, we became offended when our mother fed our children in the kitchen and not in the dining room of her home. It was the source of a family argument.
Now that I am a grandmother, I can see how backbreaking and difficult it is to care for small energetic little people and I too stress about my carpets when my daughter feeds her child at my place.
We have to learn to live and let live and appreciate one another while we still have one another. Both my mom and my sister have passed away. Does it really matter if I have to pick up the mess and clean the carpet more often these days?
Send your mother-in-law a beautiful bowl of flowers with an apology note and thank her for all the times she took care of your children.
All the best.

Well first off your mil is there to watch the kids for you and your husband to spend time together or for yall to get done whatever it is that you need to do, she is not there to clean your house....with that said your children should clean up behind themselves! It is your job as a mother to teach them what you expect from them in your house. And if they cant clean up behind themselves then there needs to be a consequence! I cant stand parents who dont make their children do any chores (not saying that you dont) it teaches the kids to be part of society and be able to fend for themselves. You should be very grateful that she is willing to watch them every week....I wish I was that lucky! You need to apologize and tell her that you expect the kids to clean up their own messes not her!~~~~Good Luck~~~~~T.

Admit you were completely out of line. You absolutely have no expectations of her being a housekeeper at all. You are soooo sorry for snapping like that. You love the fact that she has helped you out this long and has spent so much time with the kids. You know it's important for everyone. You will never make another remark again and don't want her to clean in the least. That's not what she's there for! All you want is the relationship back with her and you want her to be near the kids again. You also understand if she doesn't want to watch the kids again. You were wrong. Ask her to forgive you and then put the ball in her court. Tell her she is welcome to watch the kids, but you don't want to put her on the spot and will wait for her to offer. Then, realize you probably won't have her watching the kids that often for you anymore. She probably was getting tired of it anyway and was looking for an excuse to slow down on it. If that's the case, then you should respect that. If not, then she is only reacting because you hurt her feelings and showed her disrespect. If so, then she will readily forgive you and show up on Saturday. Accept whatever the consequences are gracefully.

You should apologize and let her know that you understand that she is not used to all of them at one time. Also, remember that she wants QUALITY time with the kids so she is not in "Mom mode" of getting things done. She is not just a babysitter, but Grandma. Grandma is suppose to be fun and take part in everything( not be in the kitchen by herself). Perhaps you could speak to your husband and kids about helping clean up when you get home from your date or all getting up and doing it in the am on Sunday...or ask her to have a fun time with the kids 30 min before bedtime cleaning up for Mom and Dad so they can really enjoy their date night when they get home- think of how thrilled Mom will be!! ---just a thought.

Apologize asap!! :) If you have an mil who is willing to watch your kiddos every saturday that is amazing!!! But when you release them to her care you are saying that she has authority when they are with her. If you don't think her house is clean enough then your only solution is not to let them go over there. You are not in authority of how she keeps her own house. But if you think you were just being weird and having an off day, just tell her. Apologizing is easy, just say "I am so sorry! I was having a bad day and I took it out on you, please forgive me." Done, no big deal. Now if she holds onto the offense you can't solve that. But if you apologize from the heart, I think she will let it go. My mil is way messier than me too, but I never say anything because that is her home and her lifestyle. I just keep my house as I see fit and when I let my son go over, I don't worry about it. Best wishes to you!! :)

I'm sure you will get alot of different responses according to who replies.

I am more on the relaxed side and my house is always messy. My mother is obsessive/compulsive and there is tension in the house when people are in her house. She gets uptight and fights start. She is getting worse as she gets older and no one likes going to see her because of this.

My suggestion to you is to "relax". I have three children and it IS difficult to keep the house clean and do things with them too. Just relax and enjoy the fact your mil is helping you out.

And yes, go apologize to her.

Blessings.

Deborah

Hi R.,
Sounds like your mil has been a real blessing to you..always being available on a weekly basis to give you a break...and I'm sure she loves being with the grandchildren.
I agree you don't want to mess that up..or your relationship..so I think you have made a great decision to apologize. Some fresh flowers (even from the grocery store)or a "Grandma" personalized gift with a card of appreciation and an apology. Just let her know you lost perspective on all she does in being available every weekend and say forgive me.
Love never fails. I Cor 13
Think things will smooth over. Blessings and prayers!! D.

I say you buy mil a nice bouquet of flowers and go over and apologize. After all, it is her home and she does as she sees fit. If she is good to your kids and they are in no danger, I say you are very fortunate to have her baby sit.Good baby sitters are very rare. We have found this out with my grandbaby. My daughter's mother in law does not care about my grandson and he senses this..he will not go to her at all. He is two. I say make up with her fast! :-)

Oh my gosh - apologize! You have the same issues with your MIL as many spouses have with each other -- the one who works during the day coming home to a messy house and saying to the exhausted SAH parent, "what on earth do you DO all day?!" To me a messy house means the kids have been at the center of the caregivers' attention. Can you not see fixing the house back up as the relatively small price of having an ideal, completely reliable babysitter for your children, especially since you can't accept any other caregiver?

Best wishes -- I must say I envy you your MIL, and your diplomatic husband, too. Mine would've told me to I was nuts!

M.

Ok R.,
As an overly obsessive parent myself I have to tell you that you're doing it wrong! It is so hard for people like you and me not to loose it on the people like your MIL and my sister. It was hard for me to learn to relax with other people's methods of how they looked after, or raised, kids. While your husband was bluntly honest, he really did get it correct from what you have explained. You are asking for opinions, so I will give you one based on feeling like you and I have a common bond...OCD. (Obsessive, compulsive disorder)
I would, if I were you, grovel, beg and plead for forgiveness. You need her help and it sounds like you truly like her, so given that she's a bit sensitive, you need to kiss-butt and make her feel like YOU were wrong. Sorry to have to say that, I, personally, think people should learn to take constructive critizism better. Hopefully she will come around.
Now, the BIG problem..you and you're OCD. This is something that you will HAVE to learn to live with. Realize that in the long run, it really doesn't matter that the house is trashed when you get home. The mess is going to stay put until you're ready to clean it up so wait until you feel more like tackling it, like after a good night's sleep. I know how hard it is to go to bed with a mess ~ you want to wake up to a clean house. Instead focus on the fact that your children were well taken care of and that they are safe. NOTHING passed that is important. Also, have the 6 and 4 year old pitch in.
I feel your pain sister. I hope you can work it out ~ I really do. {By the way...how messy was it? On an OCD scale of 1 - 10?}
Good luck and let us know.
Deborah

R.,

I think that you should first and foremost, sincerely apologize. It is difficult for grandparents to come back to child mode - many of them have been out of it for years.

Additionally, our best baby sitter always leaves the house a mess. We do have talks with the boys about picking up after themselves, but the beauty of this girl is that she plays with them, and gives her undivided attention the whole time she is here. That's one thing that they don't get from even us mommies. We are there, but we are doing dishes, laundry, cleaning....

It is a great blessing to have grandmother available every Saturday. And if you are really OCD about your house, no matter how well she kept it, you'd probably feel compelled to clean afterwards, anyway.

My MIL lives over an hour and a half away from me...my mother over 4 hours....I would let either of them make mud pies in my living room if it meant a free day for me.

If I were in your shoes...I would be kissing butt at the speed of light...

Margaret :)
P.S. If you find yourself in the same shoes as me...get REAL USED to about 3 free Saturdays a year.

I would apologize and tell her that she does not need to worry about keeping your house spotless. It's your house, you need to accept that others won't reach the level of cleanliness that you keep it. I have the same issues with my MIL but having her around is worth having to clean after she leaves. Maybe you can present her with a gift for her and your kids to do together, such as a baking kit with aprons for her and each of your kids and the ingredients to make cookies. Or you could give her an art kit with smocks for all of them and a fun painting project. I would give her a gift that shows you're not afraid of a mess at your house and talk to her that you're going to try hard to appreciate her for who she is and that she's not required to keep it up to your standards. I hope that helps a little.

I wished I had my mother-in-law around to babysit for us on a weekly basis. Just enjoy the fact that you have someone to help take care of you kids and don't sweat the cleanliness of the house. That can be taken care of by you when she leaves to return to her own home. She's there to take care of the kids. Appreciate her for that. Trust me....someday she won't be around and you will regret the fact that she could have spent more time with the kids instead of cleaning up all the time.
I lost my mother-in-law 4 years ago. My son is almost 2 and did not get to know her, but we'll someday be together again.
Enjoy life!
Talk to her and let her know that you are thankful that she helps you take care of the kids and that you would rather her spend her time with the kids, instead of trying to keep your house clean.

Ouch! I think you made a HUGE mistake! I'm envy the fact that your MIL volunteered herself, every week, with 3 small children! Have fun paying $10+ an hour, to some teenager!

You already know what you WANT to do, so DO IT!!! Apologizing may mend the relationship and help you feel less guilty about hurting her feelings. I am very much like you when it comes to cleanliness and I have had to come to the conclusion that if I want help from anyone, I better accept that they, more than likely, will never live up to ALL of my (sometimes irrational) expectations. I have often times wanted to speak my mind but have luckily, thought better of it. Having to eat crow is hard, but it is the right thing to do--both for you MIL and your "Saturday Night Sanity"!! Good Luck!

This is coming from a mom of three who can count on my fingers the number of times my husband & I have gone out without the kids...ever. So my advice it to grovel like your life and future date nights depend on it!!!!!!!! Babysitters cost $10 an hour and up...you have a free, loving, weekly babysitter! You are so very lucky! Tell her you were PMSing, or whatever when you said that, and let your kids enjoy special Grandma time. She's there to watch the kids, not clean your house, so go tell her how special she is to you (and your kids!) and how much you appreciate her and how sorry you are. And your husband could jump in there a little and help, softening up his mom, gently letting her know how hard you are trying to make this right, etc. He stands to lose as much as you do, and it's his mom!

If she's still mad, she can come watch my kids and mess up my house some Saturday night so Dan & I can go out! ;) ha ha!

P. (mom of three boys!)

Your situation really upset me. No offense, but for you to complain is incredibly selfish! I lost my mom 8 years ago (when my daughter was 1), my father-in-law died that year also, my mother-in-law lives in another state, and my other family members live any where from 1 hour to 24 hours away. As a family, my husband, daughter and I function all by ourselves. What I wouldn't give to have my mom or mother-in-law to help out every now and then. Grandparents are great for baking, playing, and enjoying their grandchildren. Grandchildren should have the opportunity to enjoy Grandma and Grandpa also (something my daughter will never experience as she doesn't even remember my mom). The house can be clean the house tomorrow and I'm sure you kids will understand it's only okay to be lax with the house when Grandma's watching them. Apologize to her and realize just how lucky you are.