Mother in Law Trying to Discipline My Child

Maybe when your daughter misbehaves and your MOL starts to open her mouth just say "Oh, thanks, I got it" or "Oh, its ok, I'll take care of it/her" and then get up and proceed with punishment. Take her to another room so you MOL is not watching over your shoulder. Hopefully after many "interventions" like this, she'll get the hint. Maybe even say something playful like "Oh, I'll take care of the dirty work, you just have fun with your grandbaby". I've learned that I can say almost anything to my MOL as long as I say it with a smile and a sense of humor!!

I had this same issue with my inlaws. She would always talk over me to discipline my child, give her treats when we didn't want her to, or overall just act like my daughter was hers. I know it's hard when you have someone who has done it all before...but truth is...this is your child, not all kids react the same to disciplines, and like you said it IS confusing to have more than one person trying to discipline you differently.

Anyhow, what my husband and I did was sit his parents down and simply tell them. We said we have made the rules, disciplines, and decisions for our daughter and that we were the ones to execute any and all decisions on things when we were there. If our daughter was to go to their house...they could do their type of discipline. But when we are around it only confuses her. If you don't say something...you'll be dealing with her stepping on your toes forever...and not just with this...with everything. Nip it in the bud now.
good luck!

oh and I mostly made my husband do the talking so it didn't look like I was the one on the attack.

Dear Stepahnie,

Just say "Mom you are great with the baby and we appreciate your advice and everything you do for us, but it confuses her when I tell her on thing and you tell her something else. I hope you can understand."

Time outs will only work if you just keep repeating the process. I don't think a swat on the bottom hurts to reinforce what you have asked a child to do, especially when they aren't following through with the time out.

Blessings.....

Next time she says something like that, look her in the eye and calmly tell her that you "have it". Keep repeating yourself. This is your child, not hers.
As far as a conversation, I would just tell her that you don't want a big discussion, but you will be the one dealing with discipline in the future. Thanks, but no thanks. And then don't let yourself get drawn into a big discussion.
Personally, I would have my husband talk to her. If you guys aren't on the same page now with discipline, then you need to get there. It will only get worse. Trust me. Been there.

I suggest you rent a video called 1,2,3 Magic. time outs do work, but only if you follow through on them. But, all have to follow 1,2,3 magic in order for it to be successful.

You will need to have to speak to your Mother Out Law or have your husband do so if you seem to be butting heads a lot. Let her know you don't mind her disiplining YOUR child if and when you aren't around and WHEN it's needed - let her know that ideal threats aren't the way to go and you don't like the idea about her threatening to give her an early nap. Nap should never be used as punishment. If your daughter thinks so, you may have bigger issues with self esteem later in life (meaning, everytime she takes a nap, she may think it's because she did something wrong).

Once you set your foot down, things should get better, but expect them to get worse before they get better. I'm sure she doesn't mean harm, but I can agree, they can get in the way because they feel they've taken this road many times and has more experience.

Good luck

I would just let her know that while you appreciate the help and know her intentions are good, she at times interferes with your discipline with YOUR daughter. Her ways may have worked for her but you are different individuals and you want a certain way of doing things and that is what you find not only approriate, but helpful. Usually id you have some sort of critism it will go over better if they hear something nice first. I know mother in laws can be overbearing so hang in there. Also I would bring up the issue to your hubby that it IS a problem, she is YOUR child, and it is only YOUR job to discipline her. Especially is spanking is involved, no one has the right to put their hands on your child. I would let your husband know u feel as if she undermines you and that as a hubby and father he should stand behind you. However as akward or messy as it seems, you as a mother don't need to worry about hurting one's feelings when it comes to your child, you have that right, no one will speak up for your baby but you, I learned that with my first one, and it feels good when you do. as a mother she should know better. Mry own mother would step no my toes and I ended it then and there and any attempt she makes now I just cut her off and say they are my children I think I have it under control. Good luck to you and keep that backbone strong! lol if you wanna talk you can message me o i have so much experience on this :)

Oh my, what a sticky situation, and frustrating. You might point out that the steps you are currently using are not quite effective, and for complete consistency - which is very important at your daughters age - you would like everyone to adopt a "new" universal technique for discipline and/or encouragement of improved behavior. That way your MOL will not feel targeted, let her know that you consider her part of your team and her support is very important. For the most part I would think it best if discipline comes from you, unless you are unavailable or if your daughter does something directed at your MOL. I often tell my husband not to chime in (politely), that I need to handle the situation and follow through so that our daughter sees that I am capable of handling her tantrums and will not back down.

I have a 2.5 year old too, wow, what a wonderful and yet very emotional time for them. My husband and I have been using the "naughty spot" for awhile now and it seems to be fairly effective. Periodically though, I have to sit him down and say, "we need to revise our techniques, let's be sure we are both doing the same thing for greatest outcome". It really does help when everyone is consistent.

Good luck to you, I hope all goes well. :)