Mother of Teens

I'm a mom of seven, 6 boys and 1 girl, ages from 26 to 12. I've got 4 right now that are at different stages in their teens, what do you to know?
P.

I have five children, two are teens. Both girls. I feel very blessed. I know I was a crazy teen, not too bad, but I did drive my mom crazy. My girls really do well in school and work hard despite having ADHD and ADD. My oldest girl has learned through the years how to balance out studying, chores, and keeping up with her stuff. She is pretty organized. This comes from me having to take away her things and put them in time out or selling them in garage sales because they were left out or on eBay. My second oldest child is having to learn the hard way. She has several items in the attic that were left out. If a room is so messy it's a hazzard to walk in it, is when I go and clean up for them. My oldest child never gives me reason to put her stuff in time out in the attic, but my 12 yr old is still highly unorganized and just last night I took a bracelet of hers to place in my jewelry box for one month because it was left out 3 times in the same day! Other than that, and her not doing her chores which are minimal, i have no problems with them. Little bickering back and forth, between the two of them, but nothing too bad.

I had one teen, now she's married and going to be a Mom this June. She actually signed me up for this site. I also have a son 3 and a son 12 and a daughter 8. (7th,6th, and 2nd grade) So I understand what you mean about most of this is for little ones. We've been there done that.

Hi Jeanette,
I have 2yr old, a cronicly ill 16yr old and a 19yr old who has a 17mth old son. Let me say that the Lord is good and without Him I would have no hope. I could talk all day about the "joys" of teens, but as the stress and strife began to take over my home I found a book by Joyce Meyer called Confict Free Living. This book has help me see them in a different light. I encouraged them also to read it. Things are better (not perfect). We love, we forgive and try to make home a soft place to land. Peace to you, K. S.

What a wonderful request! Of my five kids, the oldest two (buys) are turning 13 and 15, both this month. I don't have much to offer in the way in advice, but maybe just sharing our experiences will encourage one another. Already, I've been encouraged by the mom who said 14 was the hardest year. Oh,it's so WONDERFUL to know that it's uphill from here!:-) Just the other day I asked my husband,"what have we done or said that made him think he was 19 already?".
Anyway, I think it's a great idea...Let's do it!!

I agree on needing support for moms of teens. I have been going it seemingly by myself and it is a different ballgame. I have 3 teens and 2 in early 20's and they are still at home.

HI Jeanette,
I agree! We have 3 teenagers between my husband and I. Blended family. They all live with us. Some days are so hard. There's not much on this website about teens. I think these are the hardest years of parenting. So the more like us the better!

Take care,
M.

Hi...I am new to site as well. I have a son 13 and daughter 11. At the moment main issues are with my son. These teenage waters are very difficult to navigate, and I have just started! Any advice is welcomed!

It is easier to get info for infants and toddlers than teens. My first thought is listen, listen, listen. They will talk if you show interest by one question or that you show to them that you have nothing else to do but to listen to them. You will be tempted to say your opinion or to give advice but that will stop them from talking. Asking how they feel about something is good but they will probably just shrug their shoulders but if you stay seated they might say something else letting you know what is happening in their life. I used to wait until they would come home from Sat. night activities and go in to say goodnight. On my way out of the room, walking very slowly, I ask if they had a good time. The answer might be "ok" Then I would say "who all was there?" As I turned toward them. 90% of the time we would be talking about their evening for about an hour. At which time I was very sleepy but relishing in the moment. And those moments are keeping us close still today, after marriage and children. They still trust that we will listen to them when they want to talk. If teens don't have a parent to listen to them, they will find someone else. I pray that it will be you.

I have a daughter that's 13 in 3 weeks and a son that's 19.
All I can say is WOOO everyday it's something different.
Age 14 was the worst with my son, but he came out of it fine and is a wonderful kid. Well, I guess he's an adult now, but they are always your kids.
I'll be happy to throw my two cents in on teenagers and look forward to learning alot from other parents of teenagers.

Hi Jeanette, my name is J. and I am a proud single mother of a teen (13) and a todler(4), very hard worker but very happy. Yes! being a teen's mother IS NOT easy, some times gets very Iwill say....frustrating? but the most important is WE ARE NOT ALONE in this journey...however there are 3 important keys: Love, patience and intelligence. Love to understand, patience for don't give up and intelligence to guide our teens, but.......over all of This God!!!!

Hello Jeanette
My Name is J. and althouugh I do not have teens of my own I am helping raise my nephews who are wonderful and strange indivuals who I can hardle fathom are old enough to drive.I have also been a teen counsler for a juevnille rehab program for about 7 years.I am currently working full time as a Doula but would love to chat with you anytime.Have a great day and be to Blessed to Stress
J.

Hi Jeamette,

I too am a mother of a tean and I would like advice on raising her.It's a whole new ballgame when they hit teen years!

I wrote to say I am here if u need me!

Kimi

Hi Jeanette;

I hear what you're saying and can't agree more! My boys are now 19 and 15 years old plus I have a 10 year old little girl. All in all they're good kids and we don't have too many problems, but it seems that the boys are starting to "slip away"....I know that is part of growing up but it still hurts! (hmmm, does that mean I am an overprotective mom and will be one of those nagging mother-in-laws??? YEIKS!).
Anyway, write back and maybe we can talk some more.
My name is I., 41 years, married for 22 years (same guy, LOL), work full time and have "3 full time kids" TTYL

Hi Jeanette! I completely agree that there should be more info out there for parents of teens. I have a 12 year-old son. The issues we've started to face is he loves to be left alone at the house. I was the same way when I was a teen because it made me feel grown-up and I didn't have someone bothering me while I was belting out tunes in my bedroom. lol But at first I wasn't sure if that was his reasons so I would check in on him unannounced and thankfully, he was behaving. Of course, now he never wants to go anywhere with his parents. I don't know if that's because he doesn't think it's cool to be seen with us or because the places we go are just boring and he rather be at home doing his own thing. It's gotten to the point where if we do anything as a family, we have to tell he's going whether he likes it or not and sometimes I have to give him a "talking to" before we leave so he doesn't sulk the whole time and make everyone else miserable. But after that he goes, has fun, and everything's fine in the world again...until the next time!!! ugh! :)

I agree, a sub category would be great. I have a 12 year old, I guess that would still be a "tween". Our biggest problem with him at this time is he is so sassy. He talks very disrespectful to us and his younger brother.

When my children were little, a mother of teens told me that I would be much busier with teens than little ones. I thought she was out of her mind as I did not see how I could be much busier. However, the busyness did increase or more aptly stated become more directed to things ourside the home which made it seem like it increased whether it actually did or not.
I said all that to make this point, that much becomes more intense and more difficult with older kids than with younger ones partly because of the multiplied variables. My sage advice from this grandmother of five is to maintain as much home and family time as you can. Also, though it takes away all your flexibility, keep your teens safe by being a constant presence in their midst, especially in your home when they have company. I do not mean being in their faces, but in their proximity.
I also wish for you to find likeminded friends in similar circumstances to build friendships with and to encourage each other is what is best for your teens as they face an uncertain world.

I have a wonderful 19 year old, 10 year old, 17 month old and one due in about 2 weeks! The 19 year old, We tried to do everything right. He went to the best private schools, was advanced in everything he did! He was great up until 17 almost 18 then he plummeted, dropped out his senior year and we have been battleing drugs and just bad behavior ever since. Where did we go wrong? He was so good for so long! So if ya need any advice or can offer any, I have kids of all age,s! i love being a mom and love this site. good Luck!

Im a mother of a 15 year old boy and 19 month old daughter. I have come to the conclusion I like raising the young ones better life is so simple then. I believe that when they become a teenager they are possessed.Nothing I do or say is right for some reason he thinks Im mad at him or Im getting in his bussiness so I tell thats my job.

Hi Jeannette,
I have 2 daughters 12 and 8. I know what you mean. I can find all sorts of advice and groups for new moms but what about us other moms?? We want groups and advice too!

I have met a wonderful group on www.MeetUp.com. They are called the Orlando Young Adventurers club. They may have some activities planned that you might be interested in. It might be younger than you want, but check out Meetup.com and in your city. Who knows, maybe you will find another group of interest!

I am here if you want a new friend.

B.
____@____.com

I am a mother of 6! I have a 16 year old daughter and a pre-teen also, and I think this would be a great addition as a subcategory. Teens can go through some pretty tough stages and there would be lots of good to come out of discussion about them.
Thanks,
C.

Hi. I'm a mom of 13 year old boy and 8 year old girl. I would love to be able to get support on the "teen" issues. Teens are hard to understand and can be so moody, but then they are so wonderful! It's all very confusing. Every time I get frustrated, I try to lighten up a little and remember back to when I was a teen and how I felt. It helps but it's not second nature yet. I would just like to get advice and support on whether I;m doing all this right, giving him good advice and structure; keeping up on his schoolwork enough --- or am I being too overbearing ---lots of questions, Hope to build some friendships and give and receive support! Take care

Hi, I've got a teen (15) and two little ones, all three girls. My big kids is pretty easy so far, just some grades that need some help, and a "normal" messy room (remember the old commercials? "Normal is what's normal for you" - for Ex-Lax or something). Most of the messages I've seen here have been about little kids. Specifically, in our case:

We used to have a lot of trouble about her room being a real catastrophe but more and more I let her deal with it, as well as the consequences of the mess if she can't find something. Letting her be in control of her room seems to be the best method for dealing with it and for about six months now she "cleans" it herself. It may not be up to my standards, but I'm not doing it either. I do periodically help her shovel out the laundry as well as occasional deadlines when I'll be bringing the vacuum in.

She's good about doing her homework usually and I try to remind her but have found the subjects where she has trouble are most likely to be neglected and she can get pretty defensive resisting suggestions to work on them. We try for an extra fifteen minutes a day in those courses, but I can't make her do it, I find expressing concern gently works best, but we may also need to find tutors for math and physics (this brought her up a letter grade last year in French, and she's doing better on her own now with that).

The main thing we do is hang out together a little everyday. I try to make time to play a game or bake muffins or fix a meal she especially likes often during the week and find that during these moments she usually opens up a lot.

I guess now you know you're not alone!
L. N.

I, too am a mom of teens and tweens! I have a son who's almost 15. All I have to say is "Who stole my adorable little boy and left me this alien?" Some days he's surly and others just apathetic. Plus, it seems like all he wants to do is hang on the computer. He could go all day if I let him. I do have to give him credit for being an honor roll IB student who plays football, but who is this creature?

I'm a 40 year-old former teacher who is now a SAHM because, God knows, they don't need you less as they get older, they need you more!

Hi Jeanette,
I'm a new member and mother of teens. The oldest is in college so I can share the horrors of the FASCA form and student aid. The younger one (17)is being home schooled at FL Virtual - even though she's gifted - but she gets anxiety attacks in the large crowded HS that is our neighborhood school. You may not be of the age where your parents require care, but I've been through that too and could share lots about the healthcare system, nursing homes, etc. I was also looking for a spot for "older" mothers to support each other.

C.

I agree a spot to talk about our teens. we ahve a 16 1/2 and a truned 15 today girls. A good way to see what todays teens are up to and learn about them is check out teen mag. my daughters get there books once a month and I do a quick read though of them It helps me understand more of how they think, and I try to keep in mind when I was that age. All in all my girls are good, but can be trying ;)

Hello im a new member to i have a 13 year old and a 15 year old (girls) one adhd and ones just normal bad combo,
i would like some advice to , i have a child that was molested by here own brother and he lives with grandmother because the state seperated the , but how are they letting child molesters go to school with the victim, they want them out of the schools the teachers but the minor child molesters are going to school with our kids, so i need advice also ive put a blog on 35 news but no answers , maybe someone could give me some advice....IVE EVEN WENT TO THE SCHOOL SO WHAT NOW.

Hi Jeanette,

I am the mother of a 14 yr old girl (and a 37 yr old boy, or should I say man). I am an older mom. Thank goodness my daughter is very well behaved and I have not really had any problems with her other than the fact she didn't like the highschool she was assigned to and is now being home schooled.
We live in Gainesville, Florida.

L.

Hi, Jeanette, my name is K.. My husband and I have an 11 yr old son and a 4 yr old daughter. He also has custody of his 3 from a previous marriage and they are 15, 16 and 17. We've had them for about 11 years. I too am new here. I really like it!