I have 2 daughters. Both are in their early 20's. My older daughter always gives me a gift and or card on Mother's Day and my birthday and tells me how happy she is to have me for her mother. My other daughter never gets me a card or gift. I think in her mind, the important thing is that we are together. I get along with both of them and, although not perfect, we have a fairly good relationship. Expensive gifts are not the important thing but I would like to know that I am thought of and special. I don't understand why my younger daughter never gives me even a card, although she will say "happy mother's day" or "happy birthday". I must have offended her somewhere along the line, but she doesn't think we need therapy. I have said I love when she makes me cards and she always says, oh yea, I 'll make you one, but it doesn't happen. It doesn't sound right to have to ask. I have been divorced for many years. When I was married my husband would take us all out to lunch or dinner and buy the gifts from everyone but they were much younger. It seems like people I know who would be considered horrible parents receive way more fanfare. Any ideas?
I don't do cards. Unless someone gets one and puts it in front of my face and says sign this. She sounds like me in that respect.
I don't think it's a lack of respect, it sounds like she just isn't interested in cards and stuff like that.
They are all different. She acknowledges the holiday, does not ignore it.
I am happy if we are together. I do not need material things, but that is just me.
It takes a lot of maturity/ consideration to give the gift that the recipient would prefer, and not just the one that is meaningful to the giver. It takes a lot of maturity/ consideration to accept the gift that the giver chooses to give, and not just the one that the recipient would prefer.
Best, to you and happy mother's day.
F. B.
I don't stress over whether I get gifts on made-up Hallmark holidays. I know my kid loves me because of things she does to show me on non-holidays.
My mom always gently scolds me when I give her a gift for any occasion.
It seems that your 'love language' is gifts. To you, present = love.
If your daughter thinks being together is the important thing, it means her love language is 'quality time'. To her, together = love.
The only thing wrong in your relationship is that you haven't yet realized that your daughter has been saying I Love You all along. Look outside your own wants for a minute and see it.
Your daughter is very young still, and isn't to the point where she stops and thinks to look outside herself and consider your differences, so it is up to you to be the one to do it for now.
If you want to go out to dinner on Mother's day, make a reservation and invite your girls. Don't sit around waiting on people who don't think like you to plan it.
I'm not sure I have any suggestions, but I can relate. My dad always did something for my mother on Mother's Day. So did my brother and sister and I, as we got older, but my dad always did something. So when I was pregnant with our first, I thought my husband would get one of those cute cards that you give a pregnant mom. Nope! Nothing. I joked with him about it, and he said, "Why would I get you something, you're not my mom."
After our first was born and just before Mother's Day, my SIS approached my husband and told him that he needed to get me something for Mother's Day since our son was too young to get something himself. My husband was like, "Really? I need to do something?" I told him later, that I was the mother of his child, and yes, he needed to show some type of appreciation. He kind of sort of gets it now ... our oldest will be 8 this summer.
I don't know if there is anything you can do besides be straightforward and say, "I know you love me, but it really hurts when you don't so much as give me a card for Mother's Day. It would really mean a lot to me if you gave me a card this year."
You know logically that she loves you very much, card or no card. She doesn't seem to be aware of the fact that this bothers you. So you kind of either have to just remind yourself that she really does love you or say something to her about it.
Sorry I don't have anything else. But I really do understand.
I'm sorry, but Mother's Day is a made-up Hallmark holiday that mostly makes people feel bad.
I have two daughters as well. 26 and 16. I couldn't care less if I got anything from them because I just enjoy spending time with them. I realize that not everybody is into cards (most younger people aren't by the way) and my kids really don't have extra money to go buying me gifts. I usually just make sure we can spend some of the day together doing something nice like lunch, shopping, taking the dogs for a walk or (when they were younger) going to the zoo.
I don't need fanfare on a fake holiday because I am blessed to be a mom and have fun with my girls year-round. Sure we have our ups and downs, but mostly it's good. I'm not going to let one day make me feel bad about myself or them. Just not worth it.
Does your daughter know your expectations/ If not, then communicate with her that you expect a card and present as an acknowledgement of Mother's Day, Birthday and any other gift giving occasion.
For me, I could care less if I got a gift on any certain Hallmark day. I enjoy the days in between all of those just as much when my daughter chooses to spend time with me, if it is a lunch date, mani/pedi, movie, whatever.... I treasure my time with my daughter instead of fretting that I am not recognized on a certain day.
You need to communicate with your daughter so she understands what expectations you have.
I don't want to sound insensitive, but maybe it's just the way she is. I always go out of my way for my mom on her b-day or a special event, because she is been divorced many years and because it's how I like to show her I love and appreciate her. However, my brother never buys a card or even a gift most years. She has been his mother for 52 years and I have to call and remind him every year of her birthday- every. single. year. It doesn't mean that my brother doesn't love her or isn't thinking of her. She knows he does love her. It's just the way he is and we both love him just the same! She doesn't expect anything from him and doesn't hold it against him.
What my brother does enjoy is getting together as a family or going out for dinner on special holidays. She'd rather have that ten times over any material thing.
Don't take it too much too heart.
Some kids are not "hard wired" to think of writing cards, selecting gifts,
making calls, using their words to show appreciation.
If your child loves you, try tmake that enough from that child.
Each child is different.
Also, try to do something for yourself that day (buy yourself some flowers, pick up your favorite takeout food etc).
