Mother's Day After Death of Child

One thing is that you can not ignore the elephant in the room and after all, she is still his mother. This will be an especially hard day for her-if she still needs to cry, let her cry. We always hear it is the worst thing that can ever happen to a Mom and do not deny her her morning.

If the family can handle make it a day all about him and bring some laughter for everyone. What might he have done for her on that day? Honor the two of them and do not be afraid to bring him into the fold.

It is awfully tough to ask her what SHE wants to do. She probably has no idea and probably doesn't want to make any decisions right now. I was goning to suggest the samr thing as previous. Take her nice like Arborgate and let her pick out a tree or rose to plant for him. Could be in her yard then perhaps a small plaque honoring him.

E. W.

Oh, bless you all. What about a photo album with pictures of him? Or a jar filled with written memories? Maybe that could be the project...

I think you have received some very nice suggestions. I just wanted send my condolences to you and your family. I will keep you in my prayers.
God Bless

You said you wanted a project, how about a putting in a flower garden in his honor? That is a lengthy project that you could work on. My heart goes out out you and your family.

My condolences to your family. Maybe you could just ask her if she would like to get together, and what she wants to do. If it's not too hot on Sunday, I always like doing something outdoors. Any publice gardens to visit? Plant a pretty rose bush (tree, etc) at a church or playground in memory of him? Blessings to you at this difficult time.

Her whole entire day will be filled with one single thought..."it is Mother's Day and my son is gone". Don't plan alot, don't let her decide anything and don't force her out in public. If she wants to talk/cry/breakdown you'll want her to feel free to do so. Don't focus on giving her an extra special day. It really may not matter to her right now.

Let her write a journal or letter so she can have the feeling of sharing with her son how she is feeling. If it were me, I'd want you to invite all of his friends to stop by for a short visit, like a mini wake, to share their memories of him. Mothers never get tired of hearing about their children.

What a sweet and thoughtful DIL you are. She will be blessed no matter what you do, I'm sure.

I have a friend who is dealing with this very thing, although the child was only 7 months old. I am currently undergoing a project for the mother for Mother's Day. I have emailed everyone that I know that she knows and asked them to all write her a sweet letter or note. Then I am going to compile them into a book and leave it on her doorstep Mother's Day morning, with a card saying it's from all of her friends. Then she is left with loving words from all of those who care about her to read whenever she feels the need.
Also another friend recently lost her baby after battling cancer and she had another good idea. She turned the guest book from the funeral into a family journal. If anyone has any thoughts, or need to "talk" to her baby they would just write in this book. So I bought a journal with a special picture on it (of Jesus with Children all around him, we're all very religious) and had the word's "Letter's to ____."
Those are the idea's I have come up with. Hopefully they are helpful, or will at least get the creativity juices flowing :) Good luck!

How about planting a special tree, bush or flower in his memory at her house? If there is enough money, how about a special garden area with trees, bushes, flowers, rocks, benches and a water feature at her house? Here in Austin, someone planted a stretch of wildflowers in memory of their sister along a busy road. Also, I have seen signs along a busy hiway saying that the litter is being picked up regularly by some special group or business. Why not do a stretch by the family of "John Doe"? Would a commitment to a annual donation in his name to some charity he favored be something that would work? Good luck!

Go for lunch and a mini shopping spree in a small town like Boerne or Fredericksburg. I think for that weekend the big market will be in Fredericksburg. But, it will either be in Fred, Wimberley, or Boerne. You call call and find out. Just call the Chamber of Commerce. I love doing that and it will keep her busy. But, even if the market isn't there. They have some great shops.

Hi E.
I am so sorry for your loss,the only thing that comes to mind is giving her some coupons made by you and or your family saying things such as "one free family game night","one day of cleaning living room".The most prescious would be the ones that are specific to your family,maybe gardening,a night to remember your brother-inlaw,once you start with the index cards ideas will start coming to you.
Much Love to you and yours

If you don't already have lunch/dinner reservations someplace, it's probably too late to make any. If she is physically able to walk, how about a trip to the museum, or pack a picnic lunch and all of you go to the zoo or beach and let her enjoy a day with her other son and grand-son. Just be sure to take a "Mothers' Day picture". That's a tradition in our family and it's so much fun to look back thru the years and see how we've changed. Don't dwell on the departed son. Is your son old enough to make a "Queen For A Day" crown?

E.,

My condolences to you and your family...I cannot imagine what your mother in law is feeling, so it is difficult to contribute suggestions...but after reading your story a couple of thoughts came to mind that had not been suggested...why not go to a support meeting for a cancer group (depending on what emotional state your mil is in)...or make a donation in her name to one of many cancer foundations...
Again, I am sorry for your loss; I pray time will ease your family's pain...

I really like the idea of spreading wildflower seeds or planting a tree. I just lost my son during birth in March. I plan to plant a tree. It would mean a lot to me if my mom would come with us to the cemetery to honor my grandmother, great grandmother, aunt and my little boy but she refuses- says that doesn't sound like a good mother's day to her. You should ask your MIL what she would like to do, it might be something you wouldn't expect.

I am a Mother who lost an adult son. It has been two years and the pain is still strong.

Your mother in law is very likely to be in shock right now.
Trying to deal with the fact that one is not supposed to bury a child. She is probably doing things as she has too and not totally aware of what she is doing.

The greatest gift you can give her, not just for Mother's day, but for every day, is your support. Be there for her.
Let her talk to you about her son. Tell her you love her.
Pray for strength for her.

I will pray for her and your famiy. God bless.

Wow, my heart goes out to your family. It's very hard to deal with the death of a loved one and I don't know how hard it would be to lose a child. What a truly brave woman. The first things that popped into my head were flower arranging projects. I would say to plant a nice garden in his honor or perhaps around his grave, but it's been only one week and that's sort of a lot to do. The techniques of flower arranging are really meditative and you can then take them to his grave.

But really I would just ask her what she needs right now. If she needs to stay home in her pj's and cry, I say do it. Rent some movies and get delicious take out or whatever she feels like she is up for. Just be there for her to help her see the bright sides and support her. My grandmother still cries over my mom and it's been 5 years. I still cry over my mom too. God bless you all. And it's really beautiful that you are thinking about her and wanting to show such love!