Mourning a Death

Life goes on.
So get up and go!!!!!!!!!!!!!
You got two girls and they need their mommy.
And remember better him than you!!!!!!!!!!!!
Best of luck to you!

Sorry that you're going thru so much pain. Time will help you heal. Focus on what you do have, remember he is with you in spirit and take care of yourself - you need to be there for your daughters. If you have insurance you need to find a therapist, you need to talk to someone.

There are no mistakes in the universe, everything happens the way it should and there are lessons in every thing even though while we go thru them we don't understand why.

Laci, I am so sorry for the loss of your love. It is completely understandable that you are truly and deeply grieving. It would be overwhelming enough to simply cope with the sudden death of your beloved. Your grief seems to be complicated by many factors -- the way your relationship ended, regrets over your own choices, your true care for him and his children, your need to be available to your own girls, etc.

For yourself, and especially for your girls, please reach out and get professional counseling support. Most medical insurance covers some level of counseling. If not, most counseling centers offer a sliding scale based on income. You deserve a safe place to explore all the complex factors of your grief. Your girls deserve a mom who is as healthy as possible while coping with real grief.

Again, I am so sorry for your loss. Please call a counselor!

Dear L.,

This whole situation is very sad. The MOST important thing for you right now is to truly understand that it is NOT your fault. The accident is not your fault. And his dying is not your fault. You did not cause the accident nor his death.

When you made the decision to end the relationship, you did do based on what was right for you at the time. Bravo! So few women actually consider their own feelings before the feelings of others. Taking this course of action role modeled to your girls that no matter what situation we find ourselves in, the best course of action is always to do what serves our highest good, i.e., being true to ourselves. When we make a decision which serves our highest good, it automatically serves the highest good of everyone else around us. Even though he got hurt by your break-up, imagine how much more hurt he would have been if you DID marry him, but were not happy in the marriage. That would have hurt him more in the long run.

So you see, making a decision that honored you also honored him. Yes, he was saddened by it, and this, too, is part of life. Another great lesson for your girls about how we can love someone or something, and it may or may not be reciprocated as we would like. But nonetheless we continue to love as we go through life because it it our nature to do so.

Feeling guilty for his death is, in a sense, trying to take responsibility for what happened (i.e., if I married him he wouldn't have been in the car at that time, yada, yada...). On the surface it sounds honorable, but it is merely our "hurt self" trying to find some way to control what is obviously an out of control situation. Nothing you could have done, or could do now, can change the circumstance of his life. I don't know what your spiritual beliefs are, but if you believe in a Higher Power than you must know that there are other forces at work here. Who knows what the plan for his life was/is? We always like to think we know, but none of us really knows.

We can only enjoy the life we have right now, as best we can in the present moment, living each day to its fullest and being grateful. This is what you can role model to your girls. These are truly the life lessons that will carry them for the rest of their lives. How you handle grief and sorrow is you teaching them how they should handle grief and sorrow. Children always look to us for guidance, even when we think they're not looking!

It is normal to grieve the loss of someone we loved, but it is not normal to assume we were the cause of their death when they die in an accident (unless you were the drunk driver...)

Grief is completely normal. If it lasts for more than a few weeks, you might want to seek out a grief counselor who can help you navigate the many twists and turns. Depression can be a serious thing. For the sake of your own good mental health, and that of your girls, please think about finding a professionaly who can help you.

As to his sons, they are obviously going through their own grieving cycle and may also need counselling. I can't really comment on your interaction with them since you did not say anything about what kind of relationship you had with them prior to their dad's death.

I hope all of this doesn't come off too preachy. I sincerely want to see you get through this intact, and also see your girls with their happy mommy again. Remember, you are teaching them about life right now, with every move you make.

Wishing you newfound peace,
D.

L.,

You are sad, and that is normal and good. Being in love with someone once you've lost love is tough and it takes time. You did what was best for you and that is admirable. So, many single Moms spend more time looking for someone to take care of them and not enough time about their families. As a single Mom, I've had the same issues with dating and getting married and it's scary.

Your choice had nothing to do with his accident, and you couldn't have prevented it. What's meant to be, is meant to be. What I have done in the past when dealing with grief is written a letter to that person, and gone to their grave and read it out loud to them. It's extremely cathrardic and helped me at least feel like I got out my feelings and was able to take the steps to move to the next stage in my grief.

At this point, you need to be there for your girls.

Best of luck!

I'm so sorry you are having to go through this. Of course you must morn his life but this guilt is not helpful to you or your children, as you already of course know. You have to let yourself off the hook. A week isn't a real long time for morning but not being able to get out of bed for a week is long with 2 kids to care for. It's very understandable that you still feel terrible, but your depression sounds like it's taken hold and you may need someone to talk to you to help you get through this painful time. In the meantime try focusing on the good times you had and celebrate his life and maybe come up with some ways to provide the help his boys may need without crossing any boundaries. I'm sending you a very big cyber hug.

If you have health insurance, call their behavioral science department and get a referral for a therapist. You've got to talk to someone about all your feelings.

What a sad situation. For your own sake and those of your kids please get some professional help processing this turn of events.

Dear L.,

I'm so sorry for your loss. Please dont feel guilty for ending the relationship. The greatest gift a person can give is to put their own feelings aside (no matter how much it hurts) to do what's right for another. In this case, you did that for your gentleman friend.

As far as your daughters, just be honest with them and do them and yourself the favor of talking to someone who can help you through this incredibly difficult time. Grief counselors specialize in dealing with loss and can be a greast help. Also, there are some great books on the subject.

It's obvious you are a very kind and caring person. Right now you need to give yourself some love and caring instead of taking care of everyone else.

I wish you all the best. Know that you are loved.

Blessings,
R.

L., I am so sorry for your loss. Of course you are sad--how could you not be? Have you considered speaking with a counselor, a minister or rabbi, of a grief support group? That might help you take care of yourself and still attend to your little ones. Finding a way to commemorate or honor your lost friend could also help--written work, art, a donation in his name, you get the idea. My warmest condolences to you--K.

Please ask your family for help, for your daughters's sake. If someone can come over for a couple days and cook or clean, it will make a huge difference. Also, I would suggest grief counseling. If there is any way you can spend some time with those boys, and if you were close to them before, it may help them to spend time with you too. Please, your daughters come first, so counseling would be your best bet. Just hold them and tell them how much you love them.

I'm sorry for your loss. All that you are going through is normal. For the sake of your daughters, DO NOT get on antidepressants. The drugs will affect your body and brain more than you know. If you need to talk, please send me a message and I will do everything I can to help.

Thanks.

HI Lucy- I'm very sorry for this loss. A precipitous death is very difficult to deal with. I think you need to find a grief support group so you can process your feelings. I hope you aren't feeling guilty that you didn't marry him.

L.,

I feel for your loss b/c although u did not want to marry the guy, you obviously had true feelings for him.

As for dealing with mourning, we need you to pull from within and know that if anything in his life was not good or headed the wrong way, now he is in a better place. If he was at all sick or on his way to sickness, he is in a better place.

Don't allow yourself to get depressed, cherish all the good memories you had with him and know that he was a good person, who treated you good and treated your children good.

Just be fond of the way he treated you and all the good times and that you at one time were able to cherish a good man.

L., I know it's hard to mourn specially when you feel like you might regret your decision to end the relationship but know that you were not ready for that and also know that YOUR children need you as their mom.

Take care and I am praying for you and his spirit.

C.

I very recently lost my brother and it was very hard for me too. Do you have friends and/or family that can help you out with the girls for a few hours over the next week or two? When you are at work, who takes care of your kids? I have been fortunate to have my husband, MIL and friends (parents of my kids friends) to help me out.

Regardless of what is being said, you are no good to your girls while you are going through this. I know first hand. After the first week or so, I went through the motions: making lunch, baths, bedtime rituals, etc. My kids could see I wasn't there emotionally.

You need the time to vent out your anger, sadness, and regret. Ways of doing this: lay in bed and cry, write your thoughts on paper, walk/run, hit a punching bag or pillow, scream, talk to the memory of this man and tell him everything you feel, talk to someone who has gone through a similar situation. If you are into seeing someone for your grief, by all means do that, but there are a lot of ways to deal with this before having to pay for a therapist.

Good luck to you and as someone who has gone through similar twice, TIME. It all takes time.

I've lost a lot of people in my life..i know how hard it is..and how sad and heavy it can be. What you are feeling is normal..it's normal to grieve ..be glad that u can feel so deeply..and do not beat yourself up..this was his destiny..you will go through the stages of mourning and time will heal u. If you really don't want to go through it maybe you can talk to your doctor and tell him how you're feeling and get some xanex or something that can help..i know that sounds bad but i know how sad you feel. i lost my brother and my best friend ..just 2 years apart from each other and many other friends ..from car accidents to cancer ..
you can also go on babyzone.com and find the mourning board..some people on there might be able to help u.
Good luck..take care and try to get your mind off it..i used to rent foreign films to help me ...b/c you have to read the subtitles and it takes your mind off the moment.

you said it best "and on the other side, I have two daughters that are living with a mom who is so depressed she can barely function"

first I am sorry for your loss... but L. you have two young girls who are looking to you and need you... you also said you "ended your relationship on good terms" look for the positive in this situation and celebrate those memories... why the regrets you made a decision based on what was best for YOU at the time....

I strongly suggest you seek support with someone you value and trust their opinion and express your feelings rather than hold them in.... again you have two young girls counting on you..... and what kind of lesson is this (tragic) situation going to teach them...... use this life lesson!

(( hugs ))

B.

L.,

My prayers go out to you, your daughters, and his family, especially his sons at this difficult time. Our time on earth is limited and we have to make the most of it while we're here. It is very normal to mourn when someone passes away, but you need to let go of the guilt and regrets. You can't change the past and feeling all these negative emotions about the past will only rob you and your family of the present. Seek help from family, friends, religious or professional help. See if family or friends can help with the girls, while you deal with all these emotions. Work with your company, to ensure you don't lose your job, which would devastate your family. You seem to be a very caring person, but remember to care for yourself too. He would not have wanted you to fall apart to the detriment of your family and profession. He loved and cared for you and would want the very best for you. Hang on to the good memories. It sounds crazy, but when my grandmother passed away, I had a few "conversations" with her. I said all the things I wanted to say and didn't have the chance and I felt much better. God bless you during this very difficult time. Please hang in there. It will get better.

LR

You are such a wonderful person - not a lot of people end relationships on good terms. That says a lot about the two of you.

Talk about it with a good friend, pastor, priest, therapist and also take some Ignatia Amara. It is a homeopathic remedy for grief that works wonders. You should get it in a 1M and you can get it online at www.abchomeopathy.com. Also, taking Camu is absolutely wonderful.

Hold on to your daughters and hug them tight. Let them know how much you love them! My thoughts and prayers are with you and with his family.

D.

L., I am so sorry for your loss. After 28 years with my husband, he unexpectedly passed away. It hurts. You need to allow yourself the opportunity to grieve. Regrets? We all have them. I was doing the "I'm going to be the only adult in the house" dance right before my husband went on his trip, not knowing that 48 hours later I would now forever be the only adult in my house. Please don't dwell on the should-a, could-a, would-a. Greive the man you knew. Many local churches offer Grief counseling. It would be worth going. And if this is the first close death that your kids have experienced, it may be beneficial for them to go also.
Hang in there

I'm so sorry for your loss and your hurt. It is natural to feel this way, even for someone you split up with. Don't feel guilty about anything. It will take you a long time to mourn and get past your grief so don't expect to bounce back from this in the space of a week (or a month, or even a few months). However, you do need to keep putting one foot in front of the other so you can function and you can be a parent to your children. If you're really struggling just to get out of bed, hire some help (cleaning lady? sitter?) or lean on a few friends to pick up your groceries or watch your kids for a few hours so you have some down time to yourself without everything going to hell at home. Check out www.flylady.net -- she is mostly about controlling the mess and disorganization at home, it's a housekeeping web site mostly but she also offers great wisdom about keeping a positive attitude and tackling what seem like insurmountable tasks in very small steps. If you sign up for her daily emails they will guide you through small, manageable tasks each day that will help you keep your life on track even while inside you're feeling in total shock and grief. If you are still so depressed in a few months that you can't funtion, you should find a therapist to help you deal with things, because obviously with children you will need to be able to get through your day and accomplish all the basic stuff that has to get done. But you'll have to allow yourself a lot of time to get past the sadness. There's no way to rush grief. Good luck and God bless you.

I think you need to make an appointment to see either a clergyperson/minister or some type of grief counselor. Maybe the minister of your church or someone like that for grief counseling. If you go to see a Social Worker or counselor for grief counseling, they will be able to know whether you should be referred for medical or psychiatric intervention for depression. Sit down and think of friends or family who could help you with your childcare and household needs at this time. Call upon them and ask for help. If at all possible, you need to return to your job and continue to work. Getting out of the house and into a routine where you are busy and around other people will help to pass the time and make the day go by quickly. Once you get to the point that you are functioning better on a day to day basis, then you can visit your friend's sons and try to be of help to them. If you do that before you are more stable, being around them will only drag you down. Your friend would not want that to happen...he would want you to be a good mom and provider for your own family first, no matter how much you loved his children. The most important thing is to do things to take care of YOU. Then the rest will fall into place. Remember that even though you are sad right now, none of what happened to your friend is your fault. I am sorry for your loss and wish you only the best.

Hi Lacey, Sorry to hear you are going through this, my advice to you is focuss on your daughters, draw your strenght from the fact that they need you, and the need you to be OK. I am sure the accidentr had nothing to do with you not being ready to get married, so don't feel guily about something you had no control over. you have to live, and that is hard, but you draw sgtrenght from family and friends, and you move on because you have to. You girls need a happy mom, a mom that has it together. As for his sons, be there for them if they need you. Get back to functioning the way you need to one day at a time, when the needs of our children are before us as mom's we become like super heros, and there is nothing we can't do, si swetie focuss on your daughters and their needs and while you are meeting their needs, your needs will be met. I pray for healing of your heart L.. J. L.

I am so sorry that you are going through this. There are no words that will make any of this better for you. You should definitely talk to a therapist so you can work through your feelings. The guilt will consume you if you let it. When someone we love dies suddenly, not only do we have to deal with the shock of the loss, but of all the things we didn't say or do. You mentioned that this man was wonderful. A wonderful man would not want you to beat yourself up and have such regrets. He would want you to get up out of bed, go to work and take care of your beautiful girls.

I know it seems like life has stopped. I know that the pain is overwhelming. I am sure you have heard that time heals all. Honestly, it doesn't, but what it does is make the pain more tolerable. You will be ok. The best thing you can do to honor his memory is to live your life to the fullest from here on out. It sounds like he is the kind of man who would want you to be happy. I know it won't happen overnight, but each day you need to let yourself heal a little bit.

I wish you the best and please talk to someone about your grief, it will really help you with the process of moving on with your life.

my heart goes out to you and his boys. Especially with christmas.

I know that our days here on earth are numbered from the time we are born. No one knows why these things happen, but just know in your heart that it was his time.

Please don't blame yourself in any way. For one thing he wouldn't want that. The fact that you didn't marry him would have nothing to do with the accident.

I questioned the death of a parent at this same time over 20 years ago. My best friends daughter had 3 children the youngest one being just 5 months old. She was nursing and developed strep. The doctor told her to take pennicilin tablets, but she didn't as was nursing and thought it would harm her baby. She suddenly got worse ended up in the hospital and died. I couldn't understand how god could take a mother like this. I also talked to a minster at the time and he said they also questionedthis type of thing but that someday when we get to heavn we will know.

Maybe god takes people to prevent something more tragic from happening. Well thats just my theory.

I hope you will let this go and know it had nothing to do with you.

With love
sandy

HI L.....I too am very sorry for your loss. I just had a thought reading this post. Maybe you weren't supposed to marry him because maybe if you did, you too would have been in the car. Your children need their mommy, fate works in mysterious ways! Good luck with everything it will get easier with time!

M.

I am so sorry for your loss, I must say I am a little lost for words, that would help your pain, I can say this, just because its the death of our bodies it does not mean the death of our spirits, those live on for ever. Many say if he wasn't meant to die then he wouldn't of, that he was suppose to, I don't believe this is the way for us all, sometimes accidents do happen, but when ones spirit leaves the body they get a glance of what is above them, some decide its there time and choose to go on to the other side. Does he bring with him regrets ( No ) does he bring anger with him, because you would not marry him ( No ) he is at peace and one day when the time is right and you embrace a visit from his spirit he will visit you , to let you know he is ok and for you not to be sad. This is the part you recall good memories, and being thankful to have known such a dear person to you, this is the part where you say to his children how great of a dad he was, and how much he loved his kids, and you loved him.This is the part you did not feel guilty for not marrying him, now because he died you have more regrets. He does not want you to stay in bed embrace his life celebrate the time you knew him. You could donate something to the boys, to help them for the future. Instead of buying flowers, send the boys the money... Xmas is coming I am sure the mom of these boys could use some help... send them a gift.. any bit helps

Gods blessings & prayers sent

I lost a daughter so I know something about grief. There is a Book called the 12 steps of grieving. By James. It has some very good ideas. There is a grief councilor that uses it to help there clients move forward. First you probably need to admit you loved him. You wouldn't be grieving so much unless you had loved him somewhat. I think you were afraid of making a mistake. One thing that helps is writing letters to him regularly. Specially when your feeling bad. Send balloons up to him with notes on it. Read lots of near death experiences so you can realize he is still around. Good luck. M. R

L.,
You did not have time to say goodbye to him, and lost him suddenly-this is difficult, and will take some time to adjust too. Losses are reacted to in stages that blend back and forth like waves. Let yourself feel, and if you can write him a letter-it can help. I attended bereavement classes at church after my brother died-very helpful, and it is a process, which eventually helps you to heal. Blessings and comfort to you, and do reflect on a 'gratitude' list for those in your life that you love, that are with you now.Each moment can have a special grace and opportunity to live when you can be released from the pain of the loss.
Health and blessings,
M.

Dear L.,

I am so sorry for the loss of someone you love and for his children and family and your children. You have received so many words of wisdom and support, but I also wanted to add something from the perspective of someone who has gone through this.

Many years ago, I lost my husband in an accident. We were married just under four months. I couldn't believe that such a wonderful, loving, caring, and decent human being was taken away from this world so young, so tragically.

What helped me through this horrible time in my life were my friends, family, and a support group. You do need support in as many forms as you possibly can. Friends and family who will listen while you talk or cry or say nothing at all. Friends and family who will help with the children and perhaps some of your household responsibilities. Work associates who will take on some of the load you may not be up to at this time. However, as wonderful, helpful and necessary as friends and family are, it is also tremendously helpful to be around other people who have experienced something similar and know exactly what you are going through. In the support group, I was surrounded by people who were going through the same thing I was. Some were a little further along in their grief process and their experiences gave me just enough hope to keep going and know that someday, somehow, I would not just be surviving, but living once again. Check with local churches, synagogues, community newspapers, or medical/mental health professionals for information on bereavement groups.

I wrote letters to my husband every day in a journal for well over a year. It was so helpful. I could say anything at all and just let those feelings and tears flow. It is harder for you, with children, but if you can't be alone in the house, go somewhere peaceful and quiet and just talk to him as if he were there.

Each day, do one small thing to help you along your path toward healing. In addition to those things just mentioned, walks, yoga, other forms of exercise, and art (you don't have to be a great artist) help with the grief process. From your description, your beloved was a wonderful person---do something to help someone else to honor his memory.

Do not be afraid to seek medical and mental health help, particularly if you are not able to function. Although you need to grieve, you still have children who need you, so don't be afraid to talk to your doctor. As another mom mentioned, talk with your supervisor or HR person and let them know what is going on so that you are not at risk of negative consequences at work. You may be able to work out some schedule changes or take off earlier occasionally if you need to.

I did not have children at the time, so I did not have that type of responsibility. However, your children can be your inspiration to help you heal. When someone we love dies, we realize again how precious life is and how we never want to take this gift or the time we have with our loved ones for granted.

This is a very, very difficult thing, L., to have to grieve so deeply and yet be present in your daily life at the same time; but, it can be done. Know that and believe that in your heart.

It has been fourteen years now for me. I am now happily married to a wonderful man and have three step-children and a three year old son. I can tell you that I still think of my first husband with love and have gratitude for the time that I did share with him. Your heart will heal; the deep pain and helplessness that you feel now will subside, and the happy memories of the time you spent together will be yours forever.

If you feel lost while you are going through this difficult time, please e-mail me, if you would like. I will listen as so many caring people did for me so many years ago.

I will keep you, your family, and his children in my thoughs and prayers.

J.

Hi L.,

Please don't feel guilty about his death. We don't know when are time is up on earth and while we're here we just have to make the best of it. What was best for you at the time when ending the relationship was your decision. You shouldn't have to feel guilty about what you felt was right and you should forget about it. It's not fair for your daughters to see you suffering. I will pray for you and your family. If you ever need help or in need of emotional support you can contact me at ____@____.com or if you want, please contact my church - Central Christian Church at 1001 New Beginnings Dr, Henderson, NV 89011. The phone number is ###-###-####. A lot of us don't have together sometimes, so we turn to each other for support. We are proud to say that our church is a place where it's okay to not be okay. Please keep your head up and hope to hear from you!

This is so sad. I hope you come to feel that his spirit is still with you. I lost a former boyfriend to brain cancer, but we had some time to say goodbye. I live my life with a greater sense of morbidity now. I know that each of us will have our number called and perhaps sooner than we think, so I try to live life like there might not be as many tomorrows as we suppose.

I plant something in my garden when I lose someone. There is a tree for my ex, a bush for my step-mother, a tree for my grandpa. It is nice to see something living and growing to their memory. It's a place to go and talk to them when you want to feel them near.

I write letters for my daughter when I think there is something I want to tell her now that I might not be able to say in the future, and I tuck it into her baby book, so that she will be able to read it later. I think this will be nice for her even if I am around into my oldest years.

My heart goes out to you L.. I said a little prayer that white healing light will fill and surround you. Amen.

With love, C.

I am so, so sorry for your loss. What overwhelming feelings you must be experiencing. There is no easy way to grieve for any of us. You are at one of the hardest parts of this process. I would encourage you to look for a support group of some kind. This is one of the most painful losses a person could experience. I understand the extenuating circumstances and those will also come into play I am sure. I could not imagine what you are going through, but please know there are people who are having similar experiences and those of us who are not still care deeply. Find some support! You need it!!! My best, M. P.

Hi L.,

I'm so sorry! Please get in touch with a therapist who specializes in grief counseling.

I'm also a single mom, so I know the extra expense can seem like too much, but you owe it to yourself and your girls....I wish you all the best.

Hi L., I'm so sorry to hear about your lost. I know that you have probably heard this a million times, however I just feel the need to say, that, "What happens to us in our lives is not as important as to how we respond" please don't feel guilty about not being ready to marry your boyfriend. You truly loved him, I'm certain, and I'm sure that he knew that. Not sure what your spiritual beliefs are, but pray and ask God for the strength and thank him for blessing you with a wonderful relationship. Being able to experience true love is a blessing. Like they say, its better to have loved and lost than to not have loved at all. You will be in my prayers, and everything will be ok. God bless

Moni

Hi L.,

First my sincere condolences to you. I can't imagine how painful and difficult this time is for you. First please know what happened to your boyfriend IS NOT YOUR FAULT. I know the logical side of you believes that, but the natural response when things go wrong in our lives is to somehow blame ourselves. One of the things that makes life so precious and valuable is that for each and everyone one of us it eventually ends and because we never know when or how we have to make the most of each moment. Just because you couldn't marry your boyfriend (you were doing what felt right for you at the time) doesn't mean your love for him was any less meaningful. Believe me he is in a better place (this doesn't matter what your belief system is...it's just something that your spirit knows- there IS more than this life). Your boyfriend knows how much you love him and he wants you to go on and be strong. It won't be easy, but you have to for yourself, for your daughters and for him. You won't feel this crappy forever (promise) but some things that might help in the meantime are support groups, therapy, and possibly some medication. I think you'll find that talking to a professional who can help you process the grief would be extremely help. If you have medical insurance you should see what you're eligible for. If you don't try calling 211 and ask for referrals for therapists in your area (there are some free or very low cost services available). Also if you live in Orange County look up Family Resource Centers which are all over OC and offer counseling services. You have to grieve the loss, but because you are a mom you also have to be present for your children. I wish you the best and urge you to celebrate his life and the love you two had...I know it's hard but there will be a day you can do that!

Please find a grief support group.
When my Dad died a few years ago, my Mom got depressed and this helped her immensely. She still goes sometimes when she feels she needs to.

You need to be around supportive people, and if not, a grief support group can help fill this void.

Since this is a huge adjustment, if you can, get someone to come over, and help with your kids, and you too. It can help you in the meantime.

Does your work have an HR person you can talk to, and explain that there has been a death in your life? Thus, you are away from work? Some offices also have a "mental health" day off thing, so you can take advantage of that until you feel better.

Also, keep in mind that sometimes turmoil in our lives are ACTUALLY a way to tell us that there will be light in our lives coming up... just hang onto anything that can bring you "happiness" in this hour of darkness.

If you were close with his family... maybe you can talk with them or his Parents. I'm sure since you were with him for a long time...they must be feeling for you too? But all will have a lot on their plate to adjust too.

Take care.... I know, this is immensely difficult... I wish I could fix it for you. Big hugs... and remember that grieving is a normal process... find some kind of closure... and don't beat yourself up over it... but I know that is hard. And yes, LET yourself cry, and cry all you need to.

All the best,
Susan