Okay, my husband and I have lived in our home for 13 years. We had no kids when we bought it and it felt large. But now, with two tweens, it's feeling tight and will only get tighter as they get bigger. We love our neighborhood and to buy larger is very difficult and expensive here. But we unexpectedly found the perfect house this week. It went on the market Weds., we toured it Thursday - and I walked in and immediately felt like this was my home. I haven't felt that since I left my childhood home - it just felt like the right place. It was so like the house I've literally been seeing in dreams - the lot is perfect, it's a mile away, so schools don't change, church doesn't change, friends don't change. Houses don't stay on the market long here and this appears to be undervalued (according to our realtor). Yesterday, we got a realtor and got pre approved to make an offer. So our ducks are in a row financially. But it will take at least a month to get our house on the market (the house is in a great place and has a lot to offer and houses move fast here, but what if it doesn't sell?) and my kids were sobbing at the prospect of moving. They don't want to lose this house because it's all they've ever known and they can't see the benefits of the new one. We're seeing the house again today and possibly making an offer.
So, I know no one can use a crystal ball and tell me with certainty the right move. But opinions? How to deal with reluctant kids? How do you manage the anxiety of preparing to move and sell a home (we've never done it). Oh, and my husband has a huge and stressful deadline at work in September, so I will get little help from him. Thoughts?
My only question is if you kids are tweens how many years until they move out? Will this new house feel too big or be more then you want to care for when it is just the two of you again?
Take a step back and be more objective. You're in love with a house that you haven't even had inspected yet. It's great when a house clicks with you, but that's also when it's really easy to make mistakes and take on too much risk (I speak from experience here) because you want what you want and you want it now and you think that there will never be another house as perfect as this. Just slow down and do your due diligence. Make sure you have a really thorough inspection. Make sure you have someone not vested in this process (like your realtor) do a fair market evaluation to make sure that it really us "undervalued." Look at this house with a very, very critical eye. If you have a friend or relative who is a critical negative nellie, bring him or her through for an opinion as well (I should have listened to my mother with our first house).
I would also caution you on risking buying this house before yours is sold. We did that in 2006, every assured us it was fine, everyone does it, it will sell in a month or two, etc. We sold 10 months later for $50K less than we needed and it's been a financial nightmare for us ever since.
I hate to be negative, but you sound like me when I bought my current house and while the house is good, we paid too much because we were very convinced of how perfect it was.
How big will your current house be when the kids grow up and move out?
Our concept of space is a lot different from prior generations.
Our first house had 3 bedrooms and we used one as an office.
I found out that a couple who had an identical house to our own had raised 6 kids in it.
We just have a lot more stuff than people ever use to have - and how much stuff do we really need?
A lot of the time, down sizing the possessions creates more than enough space.
If you really really want to move, and the market is not stagnant in your area, your old house will move fairly quickly.
It will still help to downsize the stuff so you have less to move when the time comes.
If this is the perfect house, and it feels like home to you, and you can afford it -- go for it. Those houses don't come around very often.
Your kids will get over it, and will be fine. Really, you can't base a decision like that on your kids wanting everything to remain the same. It's not like they are moving to a new town, or country, which other kids do all the time. They will have to cry, and move on. Life is full of such events.
Also, studies have shown that a certain amount of adversity in childhood creates happier, healthier adults. So if this is the worst thing your kids have ever faced, it will be good for them.
How to deal with them? Tell them, "I know it's sad to leave your old home, but you will grow to love your new home in time."
I admit that I have never bought a house before selling one. I saw too many people get stuck with two mortgages and I couldn't deal with that idea.
My children have always known that if mom and dad say we're moving, that we are moving. It's a little harder for you because you haven't moved them before. There always has to be a first time...
I think about the fact that your kids wouldn't change schools, church, friends, and quite frankly, having moved states and countries with my kids (yes, countries), the idea that your children would sob about a change of houses is kind of foreign to me. I would not allow your children to make this choice for you. That gives a child too much power. Instead, make the decision based on what your overall family needs are.
I doubt that the homeseller would accept a contingency offer from you based on selling your own house. You could see about that... You could also ask to lease their house with purchasing after selling your own house.
Good luck making your decision here. It's a stressful decision, mom, I know, having bought and sold homes many times.
Don't fall in love with something if you are not guaranteed you can have it. I would be cautious about putting an offer in before your own house is even on the market.
I agree with SwimSally - you don't want to be stuck with 2 mortgages. But if what you say is true, that houses don't stay on the market that long up there, then you might not have anything to worry about, right?
If you guys are risk takers then go for it. Your kids will be fine. Kids are displaced from their beloved homes all the time - divorce, military, tragedy like a fire or tornado, downsizing - in your case upsizing - and they survive. This won't be the worst thing to happen to them.
I say go for it. You can put a contingency that you sell your house but if this is "the house" go for it. Housing costs are on the move upward again and this house will be gone in a short time. It's an opportunity to move upward.
I do understand what it's like to have 2 mortgages and understand the fear with that. You've been approved, make an offer, if it works out you have a month or so to start packing and getting your stuff into storage so you can stage the current home. Think of this as a speed game, go in a room and carry a trash can and a tub. Throw as much give away stuff as you can in the tub and throw as much away as you can. Get a flat of mid size moving boxes and get packing!
Some people find out on Friday they have lost their job, call some friends that say "Hey, we've been trying to figure out a way to get you here for a year to work for us. Be here Monday or Tuesday to start work, we'll put you up in a hotel for a few weeks til you find a place too".
They pack up their stuff in a Uhaul and are moved by Sunday night.
The point is, people move in a hurry all the time. It can be done. I think the kids will find the new place to be home in a short time too.
I'd go for it and if it worked out we'd be packed up with everything that wasn't being used within a week then have the Realtor give us a list of what had to be done to sell and get it on the market. As you continue to move stuff into storage and get into the other house you can do more improvements.
I will say that sometimes a Realtor is wrong. I hate the current color scheme. The god ugly light brown they are painting everything is so revolting that I can only think of how much it's going to cost to repaint before I move in when I see that theme as the decor.
My friend moved out of her extremely nice home and her Realtor told her she had to paint the accent wall in her kitchen from a dark green to a bright rust color. She told them to change the carpet in the whole house. The $5000 they would spend on the wall to wall carpet would increase the house value by $10K. This was several years ago. This company actually carpeted the stairs very well so they did do a nice job.
It didn't.
The rust colored wall was hated by every woman that went into that house. The carpet had rust in it but not a lot. It was a nice Berber carpet too. Since it was carpet and not wood flooring it wasn't what people wanted.
The Realtor gave them good ideas but the colors she liked weren't anything like what people really wanted.
So if your Realtor gives you a list and it's not what you want to do really think about it and make a decision based on what you're seeing, what you like to an extent, and then just do it.
Paint a neutral color that is not so strong, if the carpets are in good condition try a good professional cleaning first.
Take your kids with you to see the house. Since this potential move is more of a want than a need, I think you should consider their feelings too.
If your purchase is contingent upon selling your home and your house isn't even on the market yet, there is a good chance the seller will reject your offer. If you can't support both mortgages indefinitely, think hard about what this could do to your financial stability.
Also consider that since your kids are tweens, you're more than halfway through raising them and they will be gone in a handful of years. Then your new house may be too big.
do it.
my kids were really unhappy at losing their childhood home and friends, and rightly so. but they also fell in love with this place, and as young adults can't wait to come 'home.'
assure your kids that they'll get to visit their friends, and have them to your new place to play. it's terrific that they don't have to change schools.
do NOT base decisions this big on the emotional reactions of your kids. of course their feelings are important and should be considered, but they don't have enough life experience and big picture decision-making vision to have the final say.
khairete
S.
MY kids are tweens now, and I find I need less room now than I did when they were little. When they were babies and toddlers our house was crammed full of playpens, Exersaucers, Jolly Jumpers, riding toys, high chairs etc. That was when we felt the need for a bigger house. We toughed it out and now that the boys are 8 and 11 we are rid of all that big stuff, and we fit nicely. All they really need now are bikes, some Lego's, some Nerf guns, video games and ipods. The last 11 years have flown by, so I expect the next 11 years will also fly by, and by then the boys will start leaving the nest. So, if your kids are tweens I don't see the point of upsizing, because before you know it you will need to downsize.
Personally, my rule of thumb is I don't buy a house until I sold my other house. I refuse to have two house payments. That is a financial disaster waiting to happen. Nope not me
Can you really afford 2 mortgages and for how long? More than likely you can sell your house very quickly if it is priced right. I have noticed that people tend to overestimate what their house is worth and then it sits on the market, some times for years, simply because it is priced too high. My neighbors needed to sell because they bought another house and their house sold in about a week but it was priced $50,000 below the other houses in the neighborhood.
I say go for it as long as you can afford it.
