B.,
I was very happy when I lived in Jackson Heights, Queens. When I worked in Manhattan I had a 30-40 minute commute and there are several subway lines in walking distance. Most apartments are rentals or co-ops and in my experience (I grew up there) the apartments have large spacious rooms and the rental prices are very reasonable. There are lots of young families, playgrounds and schools. Great shopping nearby, lots of different poeple, restaurants and grocery stores. Most buildings have parking garages, if you have a car. I always felt safe there and never had any problems.
I moved to Westwood, NJ when I was pregnant and I HATE it here! You might like it if you are not a city girl like me, but let me warn you that anything in Bergen County will be subject to something called Blue Laws. All retail stores are closed on Sundays. Its a creepy ghost-town like scene at the malls and down the main streets. Only grocery stores are open. I've never commuted from here, but I understand that the trains run to the city in the morning and back from the city in the afternoon. There is very limited weekend service. I've seen busses that go to the city, but I'm not sure if they run on reasonable schedules.
Welcome back to NY, there is something for everyone here, so I'm sure with some research you'll find a neighborhood that's the right fit.
R.
PS- You can research a lot of neighborhoods online, if you're interested in Jackson Heights, try Googling "Jackson Heights Historical District".