Moving, Husband and I Can Not Agree on a House!

How old are the older children? If they are close to junior high it might be better to go smaller. What about college? Have you started any funding for the extra schooling? These are questions that should be answered as to how large a house you get.

Buying the biggest is not always the best. Find something in between. Can any of the kids share a room and have their personal space? What size square footage are you looking at like 1800 to 3500? Could you add on to the house if you had extra property? How much are utilities going to cost in the hot summer? They could make or break a house payment.

Good luck to you.

the other S.

PS Florida is nice but you have to come to a happy medium and go from there. We don't always get everything we want but what we need.

My vote is the smaller house. I've been in the mortgage business for many years, I've seen way to many people buy big and then lose big. If you think the bickering is bad now, just wait till you are struggling to pay a bill or racking up credit card debt.

You even said the smaller house has "overall more space". This is a choice to potentially be house poor or have more monthly cash flow for incidentals.

Good luck with this tough decision

Disagreements on what house to buy today can turn into bigger arguments tomorrow when you are stressed for cash. What is your moving timetable? Perhaps you can save all your "fun money" for the next few months to give your family some cushion in the move and to replace some of the income until you get a job in your new location. Good luck! It sounds like you really need the bigger house to make it worth your while to move. I hope you are able to work something out. What about his job? Is he going to be down there without a job or has he already found employment in the keys?

Location, location, location. That's what buying a house should be about. People WANT houses near good schools. You will be much more able to sell that house down the road.

Your husband isn't thinking this through well. Your transportation costs will be less, your house will run smoother and you will have plenty of incentive to get a job.

I wouldn't put myself into the situation you're describing farther out and a smaller house.

space is awesome, and so is resale value and everyone having their own bedrooms etc, but none of those are the most pressing issue.
you should own your house, your house should not own you and all of your disposable income. if money's already looking tight, that's a huge issue. kids do NOT get cheaper as they get older. and since your income is variable, and you don't know what you could get if you move, i'd (reluctantly) take this one off the table.
both of you have to compromise, but neither of you should be miserable.
we are VERY spoiled in this country. everyone thinks each child is entitled to his own room, and often even private bathrooms. this is not the norm the world over, and since you have a very large family (and hurray for you! i came from one that size!) then the suggestions that kids shouldn't have to share is very privileged and unrealistic.
and with lots of kids come lots of activities, and most of 'em cost money. if every penny is tied up with a fat mortgage, the entire family's quality of life suffers.
resale value is something to consider, but not the most important thing. i'm always taken aback by how focused the responses are on resale value. it's going to be your HOME. future hypotheticals should be factored in, but in no way should they be the main issue.
keep looking. there's a house out there that will suit both you and your husband if you don't get too deeply entrenched and inflexible in your must-haves.
khairete
S.

We bought a house on the top end of our price range...a 4 bedroom house. And I regret it. I feel like we always have to pinch pennies and be careful with money. I did enjoy it immensely for a few years...then we noticed we were starting to pile up some debt which completely freaked me out. We got rid of the debt and now we are super super careful with spending. It worries me though...we should be doing more upkeep...maybe some little upgrades/remodeling in our house. And we really don't have that much extra money. I regret that we did not buy a smaller house so that we could just feel comfortable. We do save heavily each month....but I refuse to save less. We both loved this house when we looked at it, but I thought that it was too much. My husband however assured me it was fine and we can afford it. Yes, we can. But we have to be frugal all the time. It sucks! Just think of it this way ---in 2 years one of your kids will be off to college. In 3 years 2 of your kids will be off to college! In 4 years then 3 of your kids will be gone! As you can see, I am with your husband. I'd go with the more frugal house and make the kids have bunk beds. Also - having a larger house means a lot more cleaning. It's really starting to get to me. I am dreaming of moving to a small, cozy little cabin!

I am with your husband on this one. The older the kids get the more they cost. That together with a bigger, more expensive house, seems like it would be stressful. I like some wiggle room in a budget.

From my experience, it's one thing to fall in love with a house. It's another thing to scrimp and save to afford that house, For. The. Rest. Of. Your. Life. Really, this gets very un-fun very quickly, and it gets harder and harder as kids get older. I also don't recommend basing your budget on a best-case scenario -- namely a wonderful job that you don't have yet. What if someone loses a job? What if ... what if any disaster? It's better to buy a little smaller, and to invest in some peace of mind.

In terms of real estate, I recommend the following priorities.

1. Budget (be realistic)
2. Location (especially a good school district, not only for your kids but also for the resale value)
3. Quality of the house itself, including but not limited to size

So, sorry! I guess my thinking is more in line with your husband's than yours. IF everything goes really well, then you can scale up. But my personal experiences have taught me not to expect only best-case scenarios.

Anyway, not matter which house you buy, you're moving to an absolutely beautiful part of the country. Enjoy!

I would never purchase or build a home unless both hubby and I were on the same page.

If one of you "gives in" to the other, it just sets up long term resentment which is not good for your relationship.

Maybe this is not the perfect time for you to move.

Now, if you were both on the same page..... it depends on the SF you are talking about, ages of children, locations of ALL the schools and your personal financial situation. You have 5 kids, that is 5 college educations and college education is not cheap... I have a 19 yr old in college now and I thank God everyday that we started saving before she was born so we don't have to deal with the issues so many of the students deal with today in college.

Keep in mind (with any place) the cost of upkeep and maintaining a home which can get very pricey. So don't buy so close to your high end number that you will have no money for the routine and unexpected expenses which WILL pop up, your children's education and your retirement.

Here a simple but good rule: will mortgage, property tax and insurance be less than 25% of your income? If so, then you can afford the house. If it's more than that, the house will own you. Remember, homes require lots of upkeep..the bigger the house,the bigger the upkeep expense. You need surplus money every month -I put aside about 450 a month- for upkeep. This includes remodeling, etc. But to sell the home in the future, you will need to maintain it, and this means keeping it up to date.

So, hubby and I were having the same argument. We were apart in terms of how much we wanted to spend by what I consider a large sum of money -250k. We decided to meet in the middle. I know our budge and expenses, and this middle place puts us at 25%. I'd like to sick to 15%, since we are at 9 now, so going to 25 will be a big difference! 25% is a David Ramsey rule, and I think it's a good one. It will make sure you don't become a slave to your house, which will only cause arguments between you and hubby.

We have 3 kids and had a 4 bedroom house. Decided to let go of the physical office so hubby works from home. Got tired of the huge desk and all the file cabinets and office supplies in our bedroom so we found a larger home. We went from 4 bedrooms 1900sf to 5 bedrooms plus an office and 2700sf. We have 3 living areas (one of the bedrooms is another tv room), a full eat in kitchen with a large table and a separate dining room with another large table. Needless to say...WE LOVE ALL THE SPACE!!! One of our kids is spec needs and will always either live with us or her mom so she will always need a bedroom with us. My dtr has Asperger's and will likely live at home into her 20's until she is able to live more independently. Our son pretty much will be out on his 18th bday. lol So we are not going to downsize again until either we buy a house after the last one turns 18, or inherit my moms who is in a senior community. So my advice, after all this, is to go for SPACE for sure! Maybe you can find one with the space you need but isn't top of the line costing so much? That's what I would look for. Good luck!

D.,

You need to go with what you can afford. You state the bigger house is within you budget but funds would be tight. Does this mean IF you can't find a job in a reasonable amount of time, you could risk losing the house???

I've never lived in Key West, so I don't know what to tell you about location, etc. however, if this were MY situation - I would write down a list of pros and cons about each house.
Will EVERYONE have space? if you have 5 kids, are you looking for a 6 bedroom home? or one that has big enough bedrooms for everyone to have their own space.

What is your husband's priority? Saving money or space?

The island is 4 miles long - so it's not like there really is a "bad" area, right?

Make a list of priorities.
Make a list of pros and cons.
COMMUNICATE about why you want this bigger house and why he wants this smaller house...

Maybe neither house is right for you. Maybe you should wait until you both have jobs there or have enough money to pay cash for a house. I don't know...I'd have to have more information and know what you both are looking for - not just in the move - but in a home.

Good luck!

Think about after the kids move out. Are you planning on this being the home you and your husband stay in after the kids grow up? If so, are you going to want 5 rooms to clean and maintain? Sometimes you have to find a balance between what is ideal right now and what will be ideal later on down the line.

The only thing I will say is that when my hubby and I bought our home in a little bedroom community 35 minutes from where i work (and now where the kids go to school) the gas was cheap.
It costs us so much to get back and forth. I have finally convinced him to move back into town, now we have to try and sell a house where property values have dropped and nobody wants to live anymore because it is 35 min away.
So my point is that centrally located saves you money where you don't think it will.
Anyway good luck to you and many blessings

We moved recently and had to decide between a larger house with a larger payment, and a smaller house with a smaller payment. We chose the smaller house, but we only have 2 kids, and the size of the house was offset by a huge yard (so we can still get away from each other as needed! ;)

I guess if I were in your shoes, I might choose the bigger house, but only IF you are confident that making the payments won't break the bank. For instance, what if it takes you 6 months to find a job? Or a year? Will you be able to continue making the payments? What if your husband loses his job? Would you be able to sell the house quickly? Ultimately, you don't want your house to be a source of stress - only you know what will cause you more stress: being piled on top of each other, or making a big mortgage payment?

Think of resale value and go for the house you love-it sounds like he's just concerned about the price and it doesn't mean he doesn't like the house.

Don't be house poor. Too many people think "I'll just get a job that pays more, or we will just be careful with our money". Debt creates chains around our necks in life, and having to constantly watch pennies creates issues in families. I agree schools are extremely important, but a solid family is just as important. My husband and I have lived through both sides of the debate. We bought a house in a certain county for our daughter to go to a gifted school(#3 in the country), and at the time, we could have afforded a huge house, but I decided, since we couldn't sell our other home, that I wanted to go much smaller. I'm so glad we did, 7 months into the purchase, my husband's company was bought out, and they didn't need his position anymore. 4 year later, we are now looking for something bigger because we saved up enough money to put a hefty down payment down, so the mortgage will be the same. Good luck with the decision. It's hard!

I would either go with the smaller, cheaper house, or keep looking for something more suitable that you'd both like. You have to factor in repair costs. Yes, you may be able to make the mortgage payment and the taxes, and insurance, but let's say your plumbing has issues, or you need to repair your a/c. My parents had to pay about $2,000 to replace their central a/c unit. Then, they also had leaks in the ceiling as a result of the faulty a/c, and the plaster is all ruined. They will have to replaster the ceilings of several rooms, and they also had to pay for a duct cleaning and pay the man for his labor (the $2,000 is only for a new unit, I have not factored in the cost of repainting the ceilings in that figure, the duct cleaning, or the labor for the new unit's installation!).

I'm not trying to be pessimistic, but realistic, by pointing out that lots of things CAN and DO go wrong. Factor in the cost of landscaping, pool maintenance (if you have one), and you may find yourself sacrificing your fun money to make these payments. What if your car breaks down and you need to buy a new car?

Would you rather have a smaller payment and be able to enjoy vacations, or would you rather have the bigger home but have to forgo some of the vacations and fun stuff to have enough money to cover these additional expenses?

You could always save up some and later on sell the current home and move to a more ideal home. I'm somewhat confused though, I am not really sure how you'd be able to have 6 children in 4 bedrooms (3 bedrooms really, since you'd be taking one of them) and without the use of bunk beds?

Hi D.,

Well, I am a financial advisor so I am answering from that perspective. The best thing to do is to buy the small house in the nicest neighborhood you can afford. However, as I live near the beach in Fort Lauderdale - I am going to offer a caveat. Look at the cost of your windstorm and your flood insurance at both locations! This is a major expense and can be more than your mortgage in the keys (all of them).

Cheers,
C.

PS The schools down there are NOT great. Have you thought about that?

I agree, you two have to be on the same page. That's a recipe for disaster if someone's unhappy - and 2 adults have to keep 6 kids happy while they adjust. That's a lot if one person is resentful.

Moving teens is dicey so they have to make new friends - so being close to activities is a good thing. However, around here, most high school students don't actually walk very far at all - you'd think they couldn't move without a car. However, with a bunch of kids, having them able to walk home from activities/practices or go back for an evening event might be ideal. And they'll be en route for new friends who do have cars, so they can catch a ride easily.

You want them to have good space, but then again, the 16 and the 15 year old will be leaving, perhaps for college or jobs, in a few years. So you won't need as much space, and you may have tuition payments to consider.

As you know, most Florida homes don't have basements (particularly not at beach communities) so there's no room to expand for a teen play room in the basement. Many have other rooms though, that might work - they're called lanai or Florida rooms. Maybe you have that where you live now. So if they have smaller bedrooms but can expand into the bonus room, that might work out fine.

There are always added expenses that you don't anticipate, so factor that in. Kids will want new accessories and decor for their rooms, new essentials and school supplies, new school spirit wear, and so on. Then there's the stuff that goes wrong with the house the day after you move in! But 3.5 baths sounds great for your full brood!

Just remember that it's the family that makes you all happy - and if anyone is really miserable or has added stress, it's going to spill over to the whole family dynamic.

Good luck!

I would NOT go with a house where anyone would have to be sharing a room with anyone that doesn't want to share. Some kids like sharing a room so they can be together. Others just don't want to be around the kiddo the same age.

Those older kids will/should be going off to college in a couple of years and they will be leaving bedrooms for the younger kids to fight over....lol.

I can see both points. There's no way I would want to move into the same situation again. With 6 kids and 2 adults even 4 bedrooms is not enough bedrooms.

Depending on gender of kids, for instance, if the 2 year old and the 6 year old are different genders they should not be sharing a room, same with the older kids. If they are different genders they should not share.

That would make the decision for me. If the are old boys or all girls then it doesn't matter who shares with who or who sleeps next to who.

Sit down and have a visual aid. Guys are more visual. Show him a diagram of the big house and who would sleep where and how they'd be stacked up again if you did the same in the other house.

Showing him the hard facts might sway him.

Updated

I would NOT go with a house where anyone would have to be sharing a room with anyone that doesn't want to share. Some kids like sharing a room so they can be together. Others just don't want to be around the kiddo the same age.

Those older kids will/should be going off to college in a couple of years and they will be leaving bedrooms for the younger kids to fight over....lol.

I can see both points. There's no way I would want to move into the same situation again. With 6 kids and 2 adults even 4 bedrooms is not enough bedrooms.

Depending on gender of kids, for instance, if the 2 year old and the 6 year old are different genders they should not be sharing a room, same with the older kids. If they are different genders they should not share.

That would make the decision for me. If the are old boys or all girls then it doesn't matter who shares with who or who sleeps next to who.

Sit down and have a visual aid. Guys are more visual. Show him a diagram of the big house and who would sleep where and how they'd be stacked up again if you did the same in the other house.

Showing him the hard facts might sway him.

When my husband and I look for a house (which we currently are doing - we are moving out of state), our number one consideration is schools (they must go to great schools). Our next consideration is space. If the area your husband wants has great schools, then maybe you should consider that because you will get more for your money. But if that area does not have great schools, I think you should choose the house/area you want. Good luck! p.s. schooldigger.com is an excellent website that shows all of the testing scores, etc.

If the larger house is 4 bdrm, how big is the smaller house? How does the smaller house have more space? 8 people in 4 bedrooms is tight, in my opinion.