Moving Out? - Lewisville,TX

WHY is he not close with them?

This is huge. My STBXhusband wasn't close with his family, either. Come to find in ADDITION to the drugs and alcoholism that I knew about and understood early on, after about 6 years, the REAL reason came out. The non druggie side? Pedophiles. His family isn't close because they are toxic people.

A girlfriend of mine? Not close because of a DIFFERENT kind of toxic family. Kids are tolerated as a necessary evil and shoved out on the 18th birthdays. Unloved annoyances their parents can't wait to be rid of.

Another? Totally loving family, but with expectation issues and boundary issues. The kids all either 'buy in' to the family business (politics) or run like hell.

Another? The list goes on.

WHY he's not close with them is more meaningful than who they are.

Tell him a month in advance, M.. Move out anything that is sentimental or expensive, your legal papers (taxes, bank statements, etc) and the clothes you would hate to "go missing", BEFORE you tell him. When you sit down and talk to him, be kind. Be honest, but don't say everything that comes in your head. Tell him that you want to be with a man who loves his family, and this isn't him. Tell him that you want to marry and have a family who will be close to both your family and your husband's family. Tell him that you are sorry that it won't be him. You know you want the moon, and the moon isn't perfect, but the moon you will have.

And don't move in with the next guy - especially if he is the moon. That's the best way to get the ring.

Be strong and don't cave. Get all your ducks in a row for where you will live, and make it far enough away from him that you won't be running into each other in a bar...

Dawn

You have sort of jumped to a conclusion - that you are not good enough to meet his family.
But it could also be true that his family is not good enough to meet you.
I suppose if his family is toxic, it's a good reason for him not to have too much contact, but it's confusing when he goes off to visit them on his own.
It's his evasiveness about it that bothers me.
Moving on / moving out might be a good thing.

We can't say it for you. If you can't say to him that you want to meet his family, then maybe the relationship isn't ready yet for live-together status.

Is it possible that he is protecting you from his family?

I tend to steer clear of much of my family because they are narcissitic, toxic people who wish nothing but hurt on others. Because of this my husband has met very few of my family members.

I am so thankful he doesn't judge me and that he trusts me to decide if it is OK to spend time with certain family members.

I don't buy it. If he's not close with them, then they wouldn't contact him, and he wouldn't be visiting them. Let's call a spade a spade - he's hiding something. I don't know what it is, but the fact whatever it is is big enough for him to act like you don't exist when it comes to his family, is enough for me to think the relationship is a waste of your time.

It's possible that there's some type of family secret that he doesn't want to share with you, but if he doesn't feel comfortable sharing that with you after +2 years, then there's no hope for this relationship. It's time to move on.

Maybe he is ashamed of his family or maybe they are strict in their beliefs and he thinks they would not accept you. Either way, this is something you can not accept. Unless he wants to change his mind, tell him you will find another roommate unless he wants to foot the bill and will release you from the lease....and YES MOOve out, you have already wasted too much time on a relationship going no where.

Well, what does he say if you say "Well, close or not, they're part of you and who you are and I'd like to meet them. No judgement."?

If you're sure you're leaving, get yourself some money put aside for a new place first. Are things in your name? (Utilities, etc.)

Be smart about this, then make your move.

Oh--Welcome to Mamapedia!

Have you considered that he isn't close to his family? I know it is kind of a stretch with him saying he isn't close to his family and all but I really think I may be on to something here.

I love my dad but I don't like being around him too much. It is tiring. For every twenty times he calls I will actually take him up on it. This is someone who is actually close to my family, ya know?

This isn't about cow's milk this is about you don't seem to trust what he is saying is the truth. Maybe work on your trust and see where this goes.

Start looking for your own place so when the lease is up you are gone. He is not into you for the long run for whatever reason. You have wasted enough time on him.

Sit down and figure out what you want in life and go for it. Do have your standards and stick to them. You deserve better.

The other S.

I would ask him why I wasn't good enough to meet his family. I don't know if they are super religious or something but if they are they may not even know about you yet. He may not be able to tell them he is "living in sin". He may also not want to deal with the whole mixing it up either.

I think I would ask him and expect, in my heart,that hopefully to God he reacts loudly with a "NO, they aren't good enough for you!".

I have to say that I understand where you are coming from. I have never met my husband's 2 brothers or they wives and kids. But, I have met the rest of his family, and I understand why....they are toxic people, and I spend a lot of my time protecting him from them. They live about 5 hours away and his dream is to live by them and I keep saying no. He hates it because my family is by us, but...he moved away from his family before I met him for a reason!

But, if you haven't met them at all, then I think you should do some thinking. I agree that you should have a safe plan for leaving if that is what you decide to do. But, if you want the skinny, call his sister that you have met and ask her. Or, invite his mom to lunch over the phone. Some men are just shy about introducing a woman to his family and need an extra push. Or, you might just find out what you want to know by calling his mom and talking to her.

As for the living together before marriage, well, you have been together quite a while, and it was an ok amount of time if you don't have a problem with living together. (I personally don't, and I think its a good idea, especially before kids).

Ask him what he wants for the future and what his plans are for your relationship. But, be ready in case he says that he doesn't really have any. Then, you can decide what to do. I would probably leave, so have that ready to go.

REMEMBER...HIDE or take away the breakables or important to YOU stuff and the important papers before you confront him. I know this sounds like too much, but it comes from A LOT Of experience on here and in life.
Welcome and good luck, let us know how it turns out please!