My 13 Month Daughter Is Soooo Attached. Why?

My oldest was like this and I just caved. I can honestly say, it was hard to get anything done, but now that he is 10 and has become more independent I miss it. It is such a short lived thing, you can choose what works best for you and how you want to handle it. I just carried my son and loved on him all over all the time (probably until he was 3 or so, then he was too big to carry), my girlfriend chose the let 'em cry it out method. I really don't think there is a right or wrong way, only what works for you and enjoy!

First, I'd make sure she isn't overtired or teething - both of those make my kids more clingy. My first was constantly "at" me. It drove me up a wall. You can try to busy her in the same room as you are in with whatever is available. You may sometimes just have to let her cry b/c you physically and mentally just can't do it all day long. My sister told me, and it turned out to be very true, that one day you'll realize "yeah, she's not doing that anymore." How long does it last? No one knows, but I promise it does end.

It's a common phase for this age! Do you stay home with her? This usually makes babies very used to and dependent on mommy! Using a baby carrier is a good idea, I like the Ergo also. I try to encourage my daughter to hang onto my leg if I'm preparing lunch, explaining that if she needs food, she has to let me use both hands! I do insist that she sit in her chair, not on my lap to eat. As long as there's food visible and I stay and eat with her she calms down after a couple of seconds. I play peekaboo or grab at her feet to keep contact. You could also try bringing her to a play group or visit friends and family. Let her interact with other kids and adults and see if you can hang back for a while and then make contact with her. Give her lots of hugs and let her know that you are always coming back. Play peekaboo from another room for a few minutes so she knows that even if she can't see you you are still there and will be coming back. These types of things will build her confidence and eventually (amount of time will vary for each child!) she will be a little more independent.

You don't "HAVE TO" let her cry. She will grow out of this phase, too. She needs your reassurance right now as the world is an expanding and sometimes scary place. Sitting on a lap to eat sometimes is not spoiling her. I carried my daughter until she was absolutely too heavy, and then sometimes I "piggy-backed" her when she needed me to. She is the most independent girl I know, because she knew that when she needed (needs) me, I was there for her. And I learned to do a lot with one hand.

Here is a slightly diferent take - perhaps she has a retained Moro Reflex, which can turn into a startle reflex as she gets older. Unfortunately, a retained Moro means a future of being very sensitive, both inside and out, anxiety (separation and eventually test), hypoglycemia, allergies, and trouble fixating on an object with her eyes. My child had this until an OT helped her in 6th grade; I had this until a couple years ago.

My suggestion is to ask your doctor if she still retains the Moro reflex. If the answer is yes, play games that will help her integrate it - peek-a-boo, blowing in her face, putting a blanket over her and drawing it off suddenly. There is an exercise called starfish which will help, but she may be too young to practice it, as it is fairly complicated.

Meanwhile, play with her on the ground, on her tummy and on her back everyday so that she gets her other reflexes integrated too. Not only does she develop physically, but also her brain develops at this point in time, so that she can process sounds and visual stimuli correctly, maintain attention, develop a good memory, etc.

It is an exciting time in her life. If she continues to be anxious - more than others her age - you can ask for an OT evaluation.

Good luck!

K. Johnson, MS Ed

She is attached because she is 13 months old. She is not insecure she just loves her mommy. Enjoy this phase because soon enough she will be 15 and she won't be hanging on your every move.

L.

She's starting to realize you 2 are seperate people and she doesn't like it. It's scary to be away from mommy.

I know how you feel. My son was the same way (and still is sometimes). Sometimes I just had to sit him down and let him get mad about it. Sometimes I could get him distracted with a toy or a show on TV long enough to get something accomplished.
Now that he's older (21 months), when I have to put him down and he fusses, I look at him and say "Mommy cannot hold your right now. I have to _________. I will hold you in a minute or two."
Sometimes he will go on about his business and sometimes he will lay down in the floor and scream.
It will get better. I've never seen a kid graduate from high school being toted on mama's hip!

I think it goes in waves and the more you fight it the longer and worse the clingy phase(es) are! My sons almost 3 and I thought we were DONE with the cling-- but it's started again. I think this is our 3rd or 4th go round. My FAVORITE phases are when he runs into daycare happy to see everyone and then runs out happy to see me! I hate it when he clings and cries at drop off and I REALLY, REALLY, REALLY hate it when he throws a fit and does NOT want to LEAVE day care. But they're ALL phases and come and go!

Make special cuddle time. A sling or carrier you can but her on your back in might help too, but most of all, just remember that this too shall pass

It's part of her job description. My little granddaughter has been that way, too. Daddy's OK, and Gran is sometimes tolerable (I'm thankful for that), but she has to have Mama! I have a wonderful photograph of her from last spring, sitting in the midst of some beautiful Texas bluebonnets, and howling because her Mama actually set her down! Thankfully, this clingy business will diminish in a while, so... patience, patience!

You HAVE to let her cry. This is part of growing up. Let her know you're still there for her and make sure to set aside special time between just the 2 of your each day, but she needs to learn sooner rather than later that the 2 of you are separate people and Mommy has to do things without Little One right there.

If you're willing to do a baby carrier and your daughter likes it, I used the Ergo for the longest time. When my guy needed lovin and I needed to do stuff, I'd put him on piggyback and do what I needed to do. She'll get over it. Sometimes it's because they're going through a developmental milestone (or several) - I read that milestones can be a bit disorienting - imagine your whole world changing cause you learned something major. The Ergo's a bit expensive, but if your kiddo likes it, you can carry them in it till they're 40lbs or more.

Maybe you should try to reassure her that even if she is not at your side everything will be fine. Talk baby steps. For example, be in the same room with her and playing a game with her but not right next to her. Good luck!

L.,
Babies are this way. Plan on it for 7 years unless you decide to do what most families do - break the attachment by letting her cry.

A wrap/sling/carrier would be best for you and her to have t his time together and still be 'productive'.

Nothing will be 100% perfect, but you can be there for her now. You can email me for more ideas too.

It won't last forever, that's for sure!

Good luck,
M.

PS: check out attachment parenting international if you want/need more ideas. just google them.