My 13 Mth Old Wants to Sleep in My Bed

lol, maybe i look at these types of things differently because i'm single, but why is it so bad to cosleep with older children? i have 3 sisters, 17, 8, and 6. my 17 and 8yr old sisters and i slept with my mom until we were 7. my 6yr old sister is now making the transition from sleeping in her bed half the night, to the whole night.

i don't see anything wrong with it. my 2yr old goes to sleep in her own bed and gets up in the middle of the night to get into my bed. it works out GREAT because she is not allowed to get in my bed unless she goes pee on the potty, lol. so she gets what she wants, and i get what i want (an overnigh potty trained 2yr old!)

im very anti cosleeping. I feel that your bed is for you and your husband. you two need to have time to yourselves without children in your bed. It is vital to your marrige that you two have time alone together. I think this is a question of wills with your daughter. if you want her to sleep in her bed you cannot even once and a while let her sleep in yours. if you do this you will confuse her. Tonight before she goes to bed keep telling her "tonight, you are sleeping in your big girl bed" Tell her a bunch of times before you put her down so she is prepared. When she wakes up and comes into your room, bring her back and tell her she is not permitted to sleep in your bed. Keep on doing this, over and over. You may be tempted to lay in bed with her. i would advise against this. You want her to learn get to fall asleep herself. I have a 12 year old stepson that co slept and or only feel asleep if someone slept in bed next to him. it was only around the age of 10 and 1/2 that he actually was able to sleep by himself. I have thriee children ages 3, 2, and 5 months who all sleep in their own beds and through the night. trust me, you might have a tough few nights but it will eventually sink in. Do not give in because if she knows you will eventually fold and let her come in your bed, then she will be persistent. Concistencey really is key here. anytime you are trying to train them in anything ie: potty trianing ect you would have to demonstrate concistency. if you waver it will just take longer.
As a side note it has been proven that co speeling does not promote a better sence of well being or security as it was once thought.
Good luck

Hi M., This is a tought one for us mom's, we love having our children in our beds. But we sacrifice our husbands in the process. My son also woke every night to come into my bed. He did this until the age of 5yrs old, when we finally had a 2nd child. I think he just didn't want to sleep alone. All the books we read said keep bringing him back to his own bed, no matter how many times per night. I know it is very frustrating. Who can sleep? We ere exhausted! She wants to be with you no matter what, so you gotta keep trying! My sister has the same problem but did nothing about it. Her daughter is now almost 7 and she still sleeps with her. What is the alternative? L. R

Hi M., I know what you are going through. My daughter was always a bad sleeper from the day she was born. My husband and I tried everything. She never slept in a crib. She was always in our bed. When she was 2 we got her her own bed, and we got a full size, so if needed we would sleep w/ her in her bed. That has worked. I do know that throughout her 3 yrs, she has had some times at certain ages where she would wake up throughout the night screaming, as if she was having bad dreams. I think the restlessness is due to her growing and her brain working on overload processing the events that took place during the day. As far as her in her own bed, give it some time. She may just be done with the whole crib thing and ready for a real bed. She prob doesn't like the toddler bed b/c they are really uncomfortable. She has gotten a taste of what your bed feels like and she likes it. The way I look at it she will need a reg bed any way, so try that. Good luck, sorry I don't really have any quick solutions.

Hi M.,
I know how hard it is to keep children out of our beds. I have always had my children sleep with me until they are two. Then I make a big deal out of them getting old enouph for their own bed. Having said that, I have also never had my husband leave for the couch because we have a King size bed. Often times I have had to wake up in the middle of the night to ward off my older children from my bed when they have bad dreams ect. What I tell them is "I know you are sad and want to sleep with me, but you have your own bed and this bed is mine and daddys. Their is not room for you because you are a big girl now." I have to be persistant and never make exceptions. If I feel that I am going to give in I tell them that I will cuddle for a bit on the sofa and talk about why they are sad, but then we have to go to our own beds because we are tired.
I hope this gives you something to work with.
Your Friend,
~J.

M.,
I laughed when I read your letter because I came up with the same idea. LOL My son who is 23 months old still climbs in my bed at nighttime. I also turned his crib to the day bed and pushed it right up to mine so it is an attachment. I even put my mattress and box spring on the floor so they are equal height. lol I tried putting just the crib mattress next to my bed but that was not as successful. Now, I put him to sleep in my bed and switch him to his bed when I come up to bed. He will sleep for at least 1/2 the night. I am thinking my husband and I will never have our bed back either. I think of it this way one day he will not be in my bed. LOL I don't have a solution for you but I want you to know you are not alone!
T.-

Hi M.,

I am having the EXACT same problem! Our baby slept in our bed from birth to about 6 months, then we transitioned her to her crib. Took her a week or so, but then she was fine. She'd fall asleep in our arms, then we'd put her down in her crib & she'd sleep through the night. When she woke up, she'd play with some toys and talk to herself for a little bit even! Well, about 3 months ago, she started waking up within an hour or two of putting her in her crib. Once in a while we get lucky and she'll sleep through the night...but those seem to be flukes! More often than not, she gets up. I have 2 other kids who go to school so I can't be fighting with her in the middle of the night trying to get her back to sleep in her crib, while disregarding and disrupting my other kids' sleep. On top of that, I"m exhausted, so I just don't have the stamina to stick it out w/her. When she wakes me up shortly after I've gone to bed, I'm literally dead on my feet, so it's just easier for everyone for me to bring her to our bed. But I experience the same thing you do. She's a restless sleeper, and she PERSISTENTLY has to curl up against me. I wake up several times during the night to push her back toward her side, where the bedguard is. I can't take much more of this...and I didn't have this problem with my other 2 kids. The baby just recently got over a double ear infection, sinus infection, and horrible diaper rash which was a result of diarrhea caused by the amoxicillen she was on. Now she's teething! I don't know if all of these things are contributing to her disruptive sleep, or if it's just a bad habit we've established...but I need to break it, or I'm going to break! If you get any good ideas, please let me know...I'd love to hear them too!!! Thanks!

-W.

Wow, reading this I thought I had written it. My son was the exact same way. He possibly slept in his crib a total of maybe 15 minutes for a nap and that's pretty much it. I had tried everything with him. I waited until he fell into a deep sleep and tried laying him down, he then too would wake up instantly. I tried letting him cry it out, that didn't work either. He'd just get so upset he'd make himself almost sick. I eventually gave up trying, so my husband and I could get some sleep. We ended up buying him a toddler bed at 14 maybe 15 months old. We'd get him to sleep then put him in it from time to time, but he never really would sleep in it. There were those few selective times when he would stay there for a few hours(we had his bed in our room). Recently after moving into our new home about 4 months ago, we gave him his own room. I started off with little things like naps in his bed. Then I noticed that they had his favorite character as a bed, so I went out and bought a new one. IT HELPED A LOT!!!! Now he wants everything to do with his bed. After getting him to sleep in his bed at naptime, I tried sitting in there with him at night until he fell asleep, but it was really hard. For his second birthday I bought him a tv and dvd player for his room that matched his bed (same favorite character!). This is what has done it, along with a new schedule. I start dinner around 430 and then once he's done eating he has a tubby or gets right into his pjs (which signals bedtime is coming). I turn his movie on in his room and let him play for a bit. Then it's bedtime. At first he needed me to stay in there with him but now after about a month of me starting out at the side of his bed, to sitting away from his bed, to not being in there anymore. He gets tired, I take his bedding (same favorite character, and I tuck him in. It's wonderful. I forgot what it's like to have a bed to my husband and myself without a toddler in the middle of us. Now that he's been sleeping wonderfully in there and going to sleep on his own, doesn't mean he sleeps through the night : ) He used to or should I say would had he continued to be in our bed. First thing in the morning (anywhere from 3-5am) he'll wake up and come into my room with his pillow and his blanket. I end up letting him come up and go back to sleep. It all works out! My second child loves her swing, so I alternate with that and her crib and she likes both. She can actually be placed in her crib and stay sleeping unlike my son.....THANK GOODNESS! Good Luck and she'll get the hang of it!

I had, and actually still occasionally have, the same problem with my 3 year old daughter. She loved her crib, wouldn't sleep anywhere else, and then decided all of a sudden that she had to be in my bed with me. We let that go on for a while and then decided when she was 2 that it had to stop, especially since I was pregnant with our son. We have a spare mattress in her room that we would sleep on so that she knew we were right there with her, and put all of her favorite things on her bed with her. After a while we would only stay in the room with her until she fell asleep, and in the morning made a really big deal about how much of a big girl she was sleeping in her own bed. She still from time to time wants to be in my bed but I tell her it is only for that night...actually she has a spot set up on the floor next to my bed just incase she needs it. I say just be patient, and use ots of praise when she does sleep in her own bed. Eventually she will sleep on her own, you just have to show a little tough love sometimes. If you can put up with it wait until she is a little older and can really understand what it's like to be a "Big Girl!!!" :)