My 14 Month Wont Let Me Read to Her

J.,
This is quite normal. I had the same problem with my son who is now 4 when he was around that age. I bought a baby reading program that used flash cards. He would take the cards and try to flash them to me, which I found quite frustrating. This phase eventually passed and now he sits and allows me to read several books at a time.

For her to be interested in stories at 14 months, I think is great! My son didn't sit and actually let me read him a book until he was 2! :) Don't worry, she'll come around. Just keep trying! What ended up working for us was pop-up books. He loves those!

My twin boys are 16 months old and are very similar. We have "book and milk" time before bed while sitting on the couch. I announce "it's book and milk time!" and everyone comes running (my 3 year old son also). Everyone picks the books and I sit and read them on the couch. The twins attention span isn't too long but I sit and read all the books. They get off the couch and run away and then come back to listen more or they get another book and "read" it while I read. If they're anything like my 3 year old, they'll eventually be more interested and sit and listen better.

In regards to books, reading and listening both count! So, perhaps after he has had his fill of reading to himself, trying reading him a story as he plays... he will still be listening to you and may even come over to see what you've got occassionaly! Read to him as if he is watching and listening... because he probably is... turn the book his direction so he can see if he turns your way! It's the love of books no matter what the form!

Hi,

Have you tried the dialogic reading technique? Check out:
http://www.ala.org/ala/mgrps/divs/alsc/ecrr/workshopsab/w...

It's what I used with my son until he was about two. Basically, you just talk about the pictures.

It is amazing--the books that are the most fun to read--like Dr Seuss--didn't really work with the dialogic technique (although he is crazy about Dr Seuss now, at 2 1/2). But books where the story was kind of boring, but the pictures were lush and complicated were the best.

It sounds to me like that is basically what she wants to do anyway--obviously, she is looking at the pictures when she "reads"--

Just keep trying is the best advice I have--and "read" the pictures, not the words.

Good Luck, R.

She is young and if she wants to read to herself then that's a good sign that she's interested in books, at least the pictures. Encourage that, as long as she's treating the books nicely. You can always read to her as she's playing. As she gets older she'll do the traditional lap sitting, but for now, take what she's willing to get and keep it positive. She loves her books it sounds like so let her read on her own and read while she's eating or playing or taking a bath. Hearing the words can also help with speech as well.

K. B
mom to 5 including triplets
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/HarrisburgPAChat

Let her choose the book, and just keep trying each night. Bed time is a great time to approach this. I had this happen with my son at bed time. On the nights that he refused to be read to, I just said okay it's bed time then. Good night! That stopped the behavior after two or three times because he didn't want to go to bed so soon. Reading became something he wanted. Now when my boys are misbehaving, I threaten to take away a book before bed time. They see it as real punishment because they love to read and be read to. Good luck!

Hi J.,

I think it is great you want to read to her. I have a 15 month-old and he loves books. We read the ones we own over and over and over and over again. We read them so much that I became bored with them. Last week we went to the library and I picked out some new books. When I brought them home, he was interested, and after reading a page or two, he wanted to get down and play. For my son this was abnormal. I let him play and continued to read them aloud. Occasionally he would glance over. I read each of the books aloud several times and by the next day he was more interested. As the week has passed on he would sit all the way through some of the books and stop in the middle of others. I think he has favorites, but that is what happened when he wanted to read the books we own. He was most familiar and most interested in one or two and so we read them to him. Gradually we have expanded.

Here are some of my suggestions:
-read a book aloud while she is playing.
-choose shorter books with only a few words on the pages to start. Maybe even start with one book.
-let her turn the pages, even if you are mid-sentence, and read the page she turns to.
-if she seems to be upset, stop.
-try a mix of books that are made of card stock and books with paper pages. My son loves the way the pages turn on the paper page books. We have had a few rips though, so I suggest letting her "read them" with you watching.
-be patient, she will get there eventually. It sounds like she is already interested in books! It will be soon that she has the attention to sit through them

Good luck

J., I would let her "read" to herself in the corner, but still sit and read to her as well even if you are a bit away from her. Also, are any of the books the ones that have them feel something, like the skin of the elephant or the softness of the rabbit? Saying to her, "Wow! Feel this!" could intrigue her, but if she doesn't come around at first just keep giving her time.

My children were all adopted as toddlers so when I began to read to them, we weren't even speaking the same language! Just keep doing it; she'll come around.

N.

Hi J.,

I've never heard of this ! My 4 enjoyed reading, and they are all good readers these days. It sounds like there's something going on "up there" in her head that she's not old enough to explain. So, I have some questions, instead of answers:

#1: Does your 11 yr old like to read?

#2: Does she somehow think she's supposed to be able to read, and is upset that she can't do it herself (like the 11 yr old)?

#3: Does she think somehow that this is a punishment? (fusing, crying, sitting in the corner ?)

I'm clueless on that end, and it sounds kind of like you are, too. But do not despair. You can TRICK her into reading with you. You have a secret weapon. Two tricks.

#1: You can sit down on the couch while she's playing on the floor and you can read the books aloud without her. All it takes is sparking a child's curiosity to get them to start learning. When she finally climbs up to look at the book with you, you can ask her what she sees on the page, and talk about the pictures. (Of course, she may think, "MY BOOK!!! Grab it, take it to the corner, and read it herself. In that case, I'd go buy a book that is yours, so you can sit on the couch and read it aloud. And she can maybe get HER book and sit and read with you. (Or you could sit on the floor and read your book aloud from the corner, too. See what happens.)

#2: The secret weapon. You have an older child. Enter the 11 yr old, duly prepped to want you to read to him/her. You two sit on the couch together, and you read a book to him/her. As long as it looks like fun, and you two are enjoying the book, my guess is your little angel will come over and want to be part of the party. So, pop her up on her sibling's lap, and you read the story to both of them. (Again, if it's YOUR book, instead of hers, then she can't run off to the corner wtih it, and you haven't been stealing her book to read to her sibling. MINE is that concept that could get in the way here.

You have a 10 yr stretch between the kids, which is kind of interesting and fun. (We have 2 and 2, and the sets are 10 yrs apart-- 27, 25, 15 and 13, in a blended family) If you launch the subject with the older one, then it can be a game you guys play just to "see what happens", and it may help you guys bond some around the younger one. :-)

P.S. Did you know that most step-families become suddenly more cohesive when there's an "ours"? ? ? For the first time, EVERYONE in the family is related to SOMEONE. It's kind of cool.

the other thing I noticed with my tween and teen when the 1st "ours" was born was two was that the older ones were definately siblings and not "babysitters", or jr adults. It was really funny to enter the room and note that the oldest was actually having a verbal duel with the 2 yr old ! I let it go until it was done, and then called her aside. I said, "One rule: If you are disciplining a 2 yr old, you have to obey this rule. never, Never, NEVER argue with a 2 yr old. They make mroe sense. The 2 yr old will win. Every time. I learned that from you when you were 2. State the reality, and then enforce it gently. Do not argue over it."

It was the funniest thing I've ever seen, because I had thought the age difference would make it less like siblings. Even now, the older 2 are launched and gone, but they are DEFINATELY siblings. When they come home, they will set a night aside as "girls night out" and go to a movie, or something. This summer we went camping with the 4 of us and the eldest. the second eldest couldn't come due to a job. If it weren't for our eldest the younger two would have done "nothing". But Beth was interested in the national park we were at, decided to join the "ranger" program, and convinced the two of them to beceome junior rangers while she worked her way to senor ranger. It made the entire camping trip a whole lot more fun. We went on "big explores" like Winnie the Pooh (we didn't say that!), and learned a whole lot ourselves.

Bottom line (since I went off on a tangent) Have fun with your kids. Enjoy the age split of having an almost independent child whom you can do "big kid stuff" with, and returning home to a dependent child whose problems are generally all self-contained within the family unit. I think it makes both ages more enjoyable when you have the contrast ! And the other thing? Don't let this reading thing become a hassle. It hurts to get your hopes up and then be defeated by a little tyke. Try it a few times, if it doesn't work, let it go. Maybe she isn't ready. What's most important is that reading not become an antagonism between you two, because at some point she's going to need to be able to read, and you don't want that to be a reminder of a big frustration, and therefore be something she doesn't want to do. School will be MUCH easier if she enjoys reading.

We haven't watched PBS for a long time, but they used to have a show called READING RAINBOW. It's over her head now, but when she's 3, it'd be a good show for her to watch, or play with her toys while the TV is on. I would avoid tv for the young, but PBS shows tend to be slower moving and have less images per second, so they would be better for the developing brain than playhouse disney or the other "KIDS" shows. No evidence to agree with me, but I think TV and young children contributes to ADD because the scenes change so quickly it's hard to concentrate on one before its gone, and children learn to shift focus and attention at the speed of light. Then they get to school where they aren't supposed to do that.

Now THAT's a real tangent. Sorry !

If I recall correctly, when my son was that age, we would only look at the pictures and name objects, describe the pictures. If it was an object he knew, I would have him point to the objects to encourage his interaction and actively engage his attention. Perhaps to entice her, sit near by and start looking at a book and ohhhing and ahhhing over the pictures. Ohh look at this _____ and what else do I see.... ____ .

We did this for a few months and at some point - maybe 18-20 months old, we were able to actually read stories to him.

Bottom line: try and make it fun and not a "task"! :) Good luck!

J.,

I think at this stage of the game, their attention span just isn't long enough for books. My daughter is 12 months old and while she'll bring me books to read, she often yanks them away from me, or crawls off after 15 seconds. I just go with whatever she wants.

We have board books of nuresery rhymes that are extrememly fast to read. Also a santa board book that is about 4 pages. These books work best for her. And with the rhymes, I can finish reciting them no matter what she's doing with the book.

S.

Reading aloud to your child is important. My daughter loved to sit on my lap and look at the book as I read. But when I tried to read to my son he wanted nothing to do with it. He was more interested in playing with his cars, but there was one book he did like. I would read it while he was playing on the floor. He didn't need to see the pictures in the book to get a lot out of it.
My advice is to read to her while she is doing something else, even when she is "reading" to herself.

Hi, my son is 13 months old. He has about a 1 minute attention span (which I think is normal). He will bring me books to read & I will pick him up, put him in my lap, we will get through about 2 or 3 pages & he will wiggle off me & either play or find another book to bring back. He would NEVER sit still for 20mins at a time right now. I have a bunch of board books on a low shelf that he can reach in our living room. He loves to pull them off the shelf. Sometimes he just throws them down. Other times he "reads" to himself & sometimes he brings them to me. His favorite books are ones where he gets to do things. The Little People lift the flap books are great! He has 4 and they are ALWAYS his first choice. He loves to open the flaps on each page. He also loves "Where is Baby's Mommy" and "Where is Baby's Belly Button", they have flaps too, but the flaps are paper and not holding up well. When we "read" all I do I point out things on the page and say their name. I don't actually try to read the stories. With the little people books I only name the things that he lifts the flaps for. I figure its what he's paying attention too. With the belly button book I'll touch his eyes, my eyes & the eyes in the book when we are on that page. On the belly button page I tickle his belly. I try to make the books as interactive as possible.
I think it is a great sign that your child is trying to "read" to themselves. It shows an independent interest in reading. That's great. Don't try to force too much right now, you don't want to crush that interest. Oh...I started out with my son by sitting near him on the floor & opening big board books on the floor & pointing out the pictures. Then one day he climbed into my lap while I was pointing things out. A few days later he started bringing me the books he was "reading" so I could read them to him. Then he started bringing them to me in the chair. Also, he is more likely to bring me the book than my husband. (I am a SAHM, so I am around more.)

Hi J.,

The most important thing is that she enjoys books. So, if she prefers to "read" by herself at this time, that's okay. As she reads her book, you could read another one aloud. She'll be listening to it whether it looks like it or not (at least somewhat). It would be detrimental to try to force her to sit for a book reading. Throughout the day, just pick up a book, sit in the room where she is, and start reading aloud. She'll most likely come over to where you are to see what you're reading. Chances are she'll take the book and start "reading" it to herself. That's okay. At least she's showing interest. Please visit www.joyfulconnections.net, go to the sidebar on the left, and about half-way down the page you'll see a button for an aritcle on reading. It doesn't exactly cover your question, but I think you'll find some good ideas in it.

Bless you for being a concerned and loving parent. I commend you for taking the time to interact with you precious child and give her your time and attention!

Blessings,
K.

Reading time doesn't need to be super structured with little ones. Remember, the goal is to get them to love reading and language. You want this to be relaxed and enjoyable for both of you - that is more important than reading a certain number of minutes or number of books. If she seems to not like sitting on your lap in a chair to read, try just picking up a book while sitting on the floor and reading as she plays next to you. Some days she might show an interest and come join you. At this age, you don't need to finish a whole book. Books that basically label items or have a single short sentence per page are great. Developmentally they are learning to label items in their environment so books that show them pictures and the word are perfect. They are also easy to stop in the middle and return to again if they lose interest. Although, reading on the floor while my kids played never bothered me. Also, remember that songs and fingerplays (think Itsy Bitsy Spider) are also wonderful language activities. Maybe she'd have more interest in those right now. Another idea is taking a spin on the labeling style books I mentioned before and picking up a bright poster with different pictures on it. A teacher's store will have lots of options. I used to teach Pre-K, K and 1st grade. I have lots of different themed posters with pictures of different colored items or number of items or animals. It doesn't really matter - find one that has some familiar pictures that your child knows. Hang it up on the wall down low and you can do lots of language activities with it. Talk about the colors, label pictures, match toys with the pictures on the poster, sing songs about the pictures. Your child will still benefit from the exposure to language, but hopefully it will be more enjoyable for both of you.

One last thing - while 20 minutes a day is a great goal, remember that a 14 month old isn't going to have that attention span. Spending 5 minutes at a time 4 times during the day reading while she plays, doing fingerplays or singing songs will get you to your goal is a less frustrating way for both of you.

Good luck and enjoy!

Hi J.,

My daughter will be 13 months tomorrow and she went through a period a few months ago that she did not want me to read to her and preferred to hold the book herself and would get upset if I tried to read the book to her. She grew out of the "holding the book" stage in a couple of weeks. She is back to enjoying the reading right before bed. I let her choose the book from her collection and she turns the pages as we go along. While she was in that "holding the book" stage what I did start to do was give her one book to hold and also grab another book to read. She did well with that. I also make sure to let her have her own time with the books that she can look through them at her own pace and when I am reading to her I try to use a variety of voices and noises as I go along that keep her interested in the book. Hope this helps.

I wouldn't make her listen to her..she may lose interest in books all together....when she does this take the time to read a bit of a book your reading...by example is the best thing...she may see you read and then come and ask you to tell her the story... that is an appropriate 20min reading session.... she is looking at the pictures and figuring out the story for herself and may use her imagination to make up her own story....
another idea is ask her to "read" too you..kids need their imagination to stay interested .... let her make up the stories by the pictures themselves....

Hiya! I didn't exactly have the problem you are having, but my son, who is now 2, took NO interest in books when i tried to read to him. From about 1 year old, he just wanted to play with the books. So we just let him flip the pages and do whatever he wanted to do with them. Then one day, almost a year later, he just started walking up to us and shoving books in our faces!!! Just like most things kids do, they will do it whenever they are ready!! Hope this helps!!

Renee B.

Hi J.,
I would let her take the book and go off and "read" by herself. She's displaying her independence. However, I would take another book and go off and read (aloud) within her sight. She just may become interested in what your reading and come and join you.
Good luck.

Let her read alone if she wants to. Shes still learning something. Somethings I've done in the past when I've known my little one needs to calm down and doesn't want to read to do it, is I've opened the book myself and started saying things like wow that's amazing, or laughing and saying that's so funny. You dont have to read the words you can just look at the pictures. We love the I spy or Can you see what I see books. She is still very young. My kids couldn't sit through a book till they were 2. To her right now its probalby a toy. Let her explore!

My 11 month old is the same way. I started keeping special teething toys next to our book shelf and let him grab one or two to amuse himself while I sit and try to read a book to him. He seems to have the most interest in the touch and feel books, so those might be worth a try too. I usually try to read a few books before naps & bedtime, so he knows what to expect. It's true that their attention span isn't long, but the consistency of our "ritual" has helped. Good luck!

Let her read to herself .. and keep trying to read to her. Someone else mentioned bedtime. This was our ritual with our girls. They still want to be read to at bedtime and they're 9 & 11 .. we just read books that are a bit beyond their reading capabilities .. things they would have difficulty reading themselves. They both read independently during the day, but at night they enjoy the closeness and bonding that reading to them fosters. Maybe you could let your daughter hold the book and point to the pictures while you read the text. Enjoy this age .. it just flies by!

Way too long for a kid to sit when you want them to. Take 5 min here and there. Also don't worry, the fact that she grabbing at the books and looking at the pics is really great.

Hi J., Wow, 20 minutes (at one time) a day for a 14 month old is a long time to sit still and listen, or look at anything. You don't have to do the traditional sit and read thing...you can pull out a book or story anytime, anyplace. My girls loved listening to books on tape (or cd's) whenever we went on a long car ride or road trip. I made my own "books on tape" of their favorite stories for them to play "on their own" as they got older, but they could also listen to them at bed time alone in their rooms. Think outside of the box, and as she gets older you'll have more story time with her. Best wishes

Hi, J.! Have you ever been to a "story hour" at your local library? It would probably make you feel better about your daughter being "normal" for her age. Anyone who can get up and move does! Enjoy your sweet little girl!

Dear J.,
My son was like that, too. It was a big change from my daughter who let us read to her all the time! He's nine now, and learned to read in Kindergarten . He also has already won young author's writing awards for his school and for our county! So, don't worry - she'll let you read to her eventually! It's actually a good thing that she is so independent! Try having your older child read to her! Good Luck!

My daughter really enjoyed the Sign Language board books. She even started actually "reading them" we noticed one day when she flipped to the "kitty" page and said (and signed) "keeee!"

Check out SigningTime.com - you can buy the books from Amazon too, or some libraries have them. I'm not pushing Sign Lanugage alone. Because of her success with THOSE books, I think it explains why our daughter still loves to read and look at pictures so much. She DEMANDED the map the the Arboretum for our entire visit last weekend.

Good luck!

assuming you don't already do this, how about having your reading time at bedtime? when my son was still in his crib, we would plop him in there, sit on the floor, and read 3 or 4 short books to him before bedtime. the first few days he didn'nt like it, but once he got used to it, he loved it. he'll be 5 next week, and we still do stories at bedtime. during the day, he "reads" to himself, and occasionally we'll read to him, but story time is always at bedtime. it may help!

I think you are expecting way too much for a child of her age. My daughter is 5 and in Kindergarten they suggest to read to them for about 20 minutes per day. Her teacher said that she believes she read that the attention span for young children is close to their number of years but in minutes. Therefore, your daughter will most likely not sit that long and let you read. She is into the discovery stage. Looking at the books, often times upside down and even still "tasting" them. Follow her lead. Point out simple things in the book, such as cat, dog, maybe say what noise they make. She will get more interested as she gets a little older. And videotape her "reading". It will be a treasure to watch as she gets older. :)

Hey there! I think you got a ton of great ideas here...as a teacher just wanted to reiterate the fact that since she's soooo young, her attention span is barely at one minute (that's if you're lucky:)).

I'd do it in small spurts, involve the 11 year old if possible, and allow your daughter to choose the books you're going to read with her.

Good luck!!!

At 14 months she is exerting her independence, so let her choose to join in when you are reading to yourself... When she is nearby, get one of her books and walk by her to go and read it to yourself. Try talking aloud about what you are doing (I really want to read this book) then sit down and read the book to yourself in a little more than a whisper. Hopefully she will get closer to see what you are doing. try it a few days in a row and see if it changes her behavior - just make sure she sees you, but don't look at her just pretend you are interested and talking out loud...

good luck =O}

I would say just be happy she is interested in books and support her interest. eventually she is gong to want your help- after she feels she has mastered her own skills. Sounds to me like she is just very independent- pushing her to do it your way may push her away from books in general. Give her time- she will eventually include you! It sounds like you are a fantastic hands on mommy- so she probably has a bit of that in her too!
good luck!

ps- my sister-in-law was like this and taught herelf to read before she was four- sounds to me like your child is very intellegent! Now, my sis in law has three college degrees and is working on her masters! Don't fret- everone learns differntly!

Do you emphasize things when you read to make it sound dramatic?

Did you try incorporating reading into her bedtime routine?
This way she is a little more relaxed.

J.,
I remember that when my son was that age he would sit near a pile of books and look through them for an hour or more! It was soooooo cute. He was perfectly content to look at them himself--whether they were upside down or not! :)
Keep trying. Try to key in on what she really loves and just start by showing her the pictures of, say, Elmo (or what/whoever) she'll come around.
I also used to lie on the bed beside my son and hold a book UP over our heads and he loved that. Good luck!

She just might want to be in control of the book. My daughter is also 14 months old. She prefers me to read her a book when she is holding it and we interact together with the book. She even turns the pages for me....of course she may skip a couple but that's ok. Just an idea.

Mom- 2 things here, 1st, be glad that she likes books...actual books themselves, that is a great gift you have already given her.
2nd, try a little reverse psychology....make sure she has access to some of her books, then you grab another little book she likes and start reading it in the same room where she is where she can see you. Read the book out loud to yourself, have a great time and make it seem like you are having a blast!!! She will probably come around.
In general, let her turn the pages when you read to her, and don;t be super fussy about where you have her sit...don't make her sit on your lap if she wants to sit next to you or across from you. She is just trying to assert some independence...what little a 14 month can get, so respect her attempts at independence.

Reading to them early is an excellent idea. I started young with my soon to be 6 year old and I feel she is way ahead because of it. She also loves books and reading.

I think what she is doing is perfectly normal behavior for that age. It sounds as if she is very interested in the books if she is sitting and 'reading' them herself. I think it is all a natural progression and she will eventually come to you to read the book to her. Right now she wants to explore the book on her own.

My only other thought is this, would she be more receptive if you handed her a book to hold or look at while you read a different story to her?

Keep trying because there will come a day when she brings you book after book to read and 20 minutes turns into an hour!!