Hi.
My 14 year old son is in 8th grade this year and has changed dramatically. He use to be an easy going and laid back kid. His grades were always good and I never got a call from the school about his behavior. Now, it seems I'm getting calls almost everday about him not doing what he is told to do and disruptive behavior. The teachers are telling me that he is insubordinate and may result in him flunking the 8th grade. I have had meetings with his teachers to try and resolve this and tried numerous things at home for punishments. Nothing is working. I'm looking for any ideas on how to handle this situation. Is there something I'm missing or what? He is a good kid, but just has this chip on his shoulder and it's really messing up his 8th grade year.
T. P,
Teens today all seem to go through the tough times with the loving parent try to talk with him. Find out what is really on his mind right now. Sometimes the kid is just trying you. So lets be strong parents. Show them that we really care about their well being.
I agree with another poster who commented on the "recently engaged" bit. I would bet that your teen is not so happy about some changes and this is his way of communicating it with you (i.e. acting out at school). I would start with the school social worker. He/she would be happy to help. It may be a phase or could develop into something much worse. His age, combined with changes at home, is unfortunately a perfect recipe for this kind of behavior.
Good luck!
Your son needs attention
I know because i was your son at some time in my life YOU NEED TO SHOW UR SON THAT you love him yes you have a full time job and yes you are tired but you have a son that is going through something and even if he say he doesnt want that and that noting is wrong you need to help him tell you whats wrong maybe write it down to eachother ... Like ask him to give you 2 things he would change about you in writing (its easier) and then you give him 2 things have a family meeting and make everyone do it at the same time
You will see that there are things that will make sence and start doing family activities even if its cleaning the house together or board games
I wish I had some advice for you. It sounds like you just described MY Son. I say all the time that it seems like my son has just completely Lost His Mind, since he turned 14. I'm eager to hear what responses you get. Hang in There!
It sounds like something has changed for him. My vote is to take him to therapy. If this is a drastic change then there should be a specific cause. You could also look into food alergies if its not an emotional issue. Good luck
T. -
Stop repeating the accusations, negative remarks and punishments. Sit down and talk with him, as the caring, loving mother you are - interested only in re-connecting and offering support. You need to find out what is going on with him, as you have been "disconnected".
If he avoids any conversation, plan an activity that you used to share with him - a movie and a pizza, out for ice cream, watching a fave TV show together, a household task you used to work on together. That will help you to resurrect the memory of some good times - even if you have to surprise him with it.
DON'T WAIT. Make this a priority today! Your fiance will understand and praise you for it. He certainly will benefit by you tackling this sooner rather than later!
Good luck!
Hi T.,
When our kids struggle, it can raise so many fears and test our feelings of helplessness. Try to push past these and remember that you know him best; and are his best shot at helping him navigate his way.
Eight grade is tough. He may feel like king of the hill now but high school is looming on his horizon. Who are his friends? How does he feel about your fiance? How well do they know each other? Do you both agree on parenting?
Take him out to dinner, just the two of you. I do this with my 19 year old. You will be surprised what a change in environment will do. He has you all to himself, no distractions, he may feel safe enough to open up. There is much change on his horizon, knowing he is still your #1 is critical for him.
I made sports a requirement for my kids. If he isn't involved now, recommend it - strongly! He will be part of a team, and he will need to belong somewhere, and I can think of no better spot than on a team! He will belong, make friends, will need to work REAL hard, and it will occupy a tremendous part of his time. He'll be a part of something bigger than himself.
This is a trying time as parents, it is tough on them too. You'll find your way to him, try the dinner thing.
L.
I am in a similar situation with my 14 year old. He has recently became moody and definate. I am very thankful this behavior has not carried over into his school performance but I am worried it might happen. Does your son have friends or do any activities? I don't have any answers but do realize you are not alone. My guess is raging hormones.
HI T.,
talk to your child school and ask about an alternative school for a temporary choice. I HAVE READ SOME OF YOUR OTHER RESPONSE. or call SOUTHEAST @ ###-###-#### this school has help me with my child for 2 years now and it was an execellent choice i made. My child has been on the dean list for over a year now. and she can't leave the school until its time to go home.
I have one myself. He is just defiant. Im told by my counselor that it is the teenage stage. He is doing well in school so I dont worry so much. However, change in mood, change in grades, too many changes "and dont get me wrong, Im not accusing" but the first thing that comes to mind to me is drugs. They say that all those changes could lead to drug use. No parent wants to think it, but I have myself about my son. Its just an idea. My counselor says unless I really really believe he is doing drugs, I shouldnt take him for a drug test, I may lose his trust. I'm sorry but that is the problem today. In my day, parents where in charge and did what the heck they wanted to. The kids are the ones who have to earn our trust. This may sound a bit overboard, but these are our kids, anything we try is not overboard. We have a responsibility to raise them the best we can and to protect them. Hope this helps.
Ok, what just popped out was "recently engaged". Maybe that could have something to do with it? Talk to your son about your fiancee...Find out if something is bothering him about you two getting married, or just the guy. Make sure your son knows he can trust you and be honest with you.
Good luck
