My 17 Year Old Daughter Was Victim of Domestic Violence...

Hello S.,

I am a victim myself. I was also a teenager at the time ('80s). He was very abusive and I was very terrified of him. I have learned a lot from it and moved on with my life, with a much mature AND better person all together. So, there's hope for your daughter. She needs to set out some goals for herself when it comes to the opposite sex. It took 5 years for me to have a relationship with a man. I had to figure out for myself what type of person I would want around me and my daughters. I must say, girls need to kept busy doing something....positive and constructive things.

I know all too well that, What your daughter is doing, is protecting him, if you can see it that way. Sounds like she may be fearful of the reprocussions (spelling???) that may come her way from her EX, if you choose to report him. I agree and disagree with some of what the other ladies are saying.

Beings that your 17 year old daughter is still living under your roof and not a legal adult, it is your responsiblity and duty to call the police, make a report, take pictures of her arm, etc. You need to be the navigator, the leader. Show her that you care. Actions speak louder than words. There's no time for thinking about her feelings, cause more than anything, her recovery and learning to deal with this will pay off in the long run.....it doesn't happen over night either.

Her safety is possibly at risk (even though she says she's friends with him). Your daughter needs to be staying away from that guy for sure. She has been through a lot and she does need counselling. It would be beneficial that you go with her, if she is willing to allow you. I'm not quite sure how that works. She also needs to tell herself to not ever get with a male with the same type of personality as her EX. I had to do just that. Today I am with a wonderful man. Talk about being in a very positive situation compared to my teenage years. Your daughter really needs to evaluate herself. Plain and simple. We all live and learn from ALL experiences, wether it be good or bad. We have to learn somehow.

I am writing to let you know that my heart really goes out to you and your daughter. I hope that all goes very well and that things will go your way regarding the safetiness of your daughter. I also hope that your daughter will understand your cares and concerns for her well-being. We all ONLY have one life, and it shouldn't be lived on a daily basis with fear, manipulation and oppression. There's no need for that in 2008.

I wish you and the family well!!!
Take Care and Take Action!!!
M. \''/

My advice is just to be there for your daughter. You cannot push her into pressing charges. That is a decision she needs to make for herself. You can tell her your opinion, but I would not hound her about it. It will do no good.

It sounds like this boyfriend was abusive and assualted your daughter (a minor) with a deadly weapon. She was probably hiding the incident from you because it is hard to deal with, but more than anything she needs your help to deal with it. Explain to your daughter that it is not OK in life to let people do things like that to her. Explain to her that she has some choice in this matter, but so do you as a parent because she is still a minor. While it will be her choice to cooperate with the prosecutor, it can be your choice to contact couseling, consult with a lawyer, file a police report and /or get a restraining order. Get your fiance to help you with all of the above. If your daughter still doesn't cooperate after couseling, at least you have tried everything you could do, and she will have gotten that message loud and clear. This individual may hurt her again or someone else if his behavior is not corrected.

she needs counseling.. i will be praying for you both..

S....I understand you're feeling like you want him to pay (believe me, I would feel the same way). But at 17, girls are still going through SO MUCH just trying to find their identity and self esteem, etc. Sounds like she made a great decision to get out of this relationship and to move forward (probably with an amazing life lesson in tow and a scar to remind her of it). Personally, I would not force her to go backwards to that dark place. I'm sure she is still very scared of him which is probably why they are still "friends" (keep your friends close, keep your enemies closer). If it were me, I would just focus on telling her how proud you are of her for making the decision to get out of that relationship and that you feel bad that she didn't feel that she could talk to you at the time and reminding her that you are ALWAYS there for her. If you force her on this, she will probably regret telling you and won't come to you the next time.

Take care S.!

L.

PS...sahm to 9 and 5 year old girls.