My 17 Year Old Step Daughter?

Where's her mom? If Mom is around, DH should talk to her about it. What my DH did was schedule SD for her routine physical (she needed shots for college anyway) and asked the pediatrician to talk to SD about such things. DH was there for part of the chat but also left to give SD and the doctor time to address her specific questions. If the doctor she sees already doesn't do that kind of exam, then he or she can suggest someone who is good with adolescents.

Call Planned Parenthood they do teen counseling for birth control, pregnancy, STDs all the time. She might be more comfortable talking to someone there or they can give you advice on how to best procede.

(Thank God I have a boy!)

Yes.
Birds & bees Talk 2.0
Healthy body appointment, not optional.
Tell her she will have private time with doc to discuss/obtain b.c.
When you make the appt, tell them she'd like b.c. Counsel/options.
Good luck!

I would be very nonchalant and mention health, taking care of herself/her body, possible birth control, regularity of periods, breast examination and the whole thing. It really is a health issue and more discussions may be had during and following the appointment.

I think you should bring it up in the context of just wanting to make sure she's healthy. Prior to meeting with the doctor, you can let him raise the sex questions privately with her. If you know this will happen at the appointment, you can use this as the basis for discussing the sex topic with her after the appointment. If she perceives the appointment is strictly for birth control, she may think you are suggesting that because she has a boyfriend, she should be having sex with him. Sexually active or not, meeting with a gynecologist at this age is a good idea.

Also, I am not sure what the rules are in Illinois as far as mandating certain vaccines. Given that your step-daughter is 17, it would be appropriate to make sure she is vaccinated with the recently developed HPV vaccine (Guardacil?). This may also be something to discuss with the doctor if she has not already received this.

Honesty nearly always works. You're concerned about her having sex and needing birth control. At a quiet time just tell her this is something that you want to discuss. Be prepared for her to be embarrassed and perhaps say no the first time. Tell her how important being prepared is. Offer to tell her your experience. Give her information without requiring that she give you any.

It's not a matter of mistrust. It's a matter of being sure that she knows the facts, both physically and emotionally. It's the "birds and bees" talk with more information now appropriate to her age and activity.

I would tell her that she is now old enough for an exam and let her know that the doctor will probably bring up the topic of birth control and that if this is something she is thinking about that you would support her decision to be responsible. Make the exam non-optional, but the birth control she can decide with the doctor. She may want to go on it, but is too embarrassed to ask, or even embarrassed to admit that she would want to if asked. Chances are that if they aren't having sex yet, she's at least thought about it, or has a future date (hopefully far off!) when she would consider doing it. Make sure you actually tell her you don't want to be grandparents and that it can happen, so if she doesn't go on birthcontrol at this appointment, she should have a backup plan for when she is ready! --Also, if she fights you on it...at the very least put the number for planned parenthood on a sticky note in her room, so she can go in secret and at least be prepared, even if she doesn't want to tell you. Good Luck!

I didnt read the other responses but...she is almost grown, she is not a baby. Dont sugar coat anything, be real and honest. Tell her that you are setting her a GYN appointment. Ask her if she's having sex. If she says yes, then tell her how your body changes when you start having sex. And that its important to go to the GYN to keep yourself healthy. Then put her on some sort of birth control. If she says that she's not having sex, then just tell her that she's at the age that women have to start going to a GYN. The GYN will cover the sex and birth control part. Honesty is the best policy.

She can't read your mind and neither can the Gynecologist. I think you need to be straight up with her in order to ensure you get the desired effects of the appointment.
Tell her you want to make sure she's healthy and prepared.

Make sure her mom is on board with whatever you are going to speak about and suggest.

We started these talks very early with our daughter.

Once she started her period, I took her to the doctor just to be checked.. Then before she left for college, they require a full physical.. I had her speak about birth control and the HPV shot. My business partner died from this earlier this year.

When my husband and I were teenagers, I remember his father gave him a CASE of condoms, we were 15. We could not figure out why.. We were so far from having any type of sexual behaviors. It just seemed odd. If they had just asked, it would have been very apparent, that was not where we were at.. I look back on this and think it was a good idea...my mom always said, she preferred we not have sex, but if we did, to please let her know so she could take me to get birth control.. Took the fun out of it. Hee, hee

We also always talked about teen pregnancy and how it would change all of our lives forever.. A good photo of a woman's body right after giving birth.. And baby sitting an infant or really young child for long periods of time.. Is also a good natural birth control.

I explained to my daughter long before she started dating all the practical reasons why sex before you were really ready was not a good idea, and told her that if she and her boyfriend decided that they were ready, to let me know and I would get her on the pill. She did, and I did.

When is yours? Ask your GYN about setting one for your daughter, and then ask your daughter if she'd like you to schedule one for her when you schedule yours. Matter of fact approach to self care, recognizing that she's a woman and needs to start taking care of herself.

Why are you taking her to the gyno? To find out if she's still a virgin? Don't think he can tell you if she asks him not to. She does have a right to confidentiality with her doctor as long as it's not life-threatening.

Are you going to suggest birth control?

If you are taking her for the purpose of finding out if she's still a virgin, she WILL think you don't trust her and that will start to erode away at the relationship.

Why don't you sit down with her and simply ASK her if she's sexually active and if so, if she would like to go to the doctor for birth control. If she says she's not sexually active, make sure she knows that you are willing to take her for birth control should the need arise and that you would much rather do that than take a chance on an unwanted pregnancy. Make sure she knows where you're coming from and it should all be good.

Don't be sneaky. No one likes feeling like they've been conned!

I remember that the mother of a highschool boyfriend of mine had a two gallon fishbowl type of thing full of condoms on the shelf in an upstairs bath. She had had the birds & bees and yucky disease talk with the kids young, and reminded them often that sex was great, when and if you were ready, but she wasn't ready to be a grandparent as yet. She would top up that bowl from time to time, that's the way she handled it. All 4 of her kids were really close in age, and all in high school at once. The big bowl insured anonymity, and a ready supply.

Our DS is two, so I haven't had to navigate those waters as yet.

Might try something similar to what that old boyfriend's momma did.

Good luck to you and yours,
F. B.

Not trying to scare you here, trying to help. I had uterine cancer. Regular gynecological appointments can catch any regular female problems besides even the most severe and thank goodness that was caught in early stages. But we women have to take care of that precious part of ourselves so let her know that this is just a good regular habit she should establish.

I like Leslie g a answer. Be honest, an yes she needs a healthy body appt anyways. Has she ever been to the gyne since she's had her period? If not then get her in and yes me took when u make the appt to tell them to go over bc methods etc and just over all health. My daughter has a deformity and luckily we found it when her sister kicked her in the privates by accident. She could t urinate because we thought the sister kick but luckily found it and she has to have surgery before her first period. She is only 8 but will start going at ten and monitor from there. Just be healthy about it. That's all this really is. She can make her own decision to have sex o not and you are giving her the right means for that decision. You send them to the right school to learn with all the right tools. Keep giving her the right tools.
Good luck. I have two girls of my own and well this should be interesting! They are good and tell me everything now but lets see when my 12 yr old turns 17!

You don't have to make it because of her having sex, just say that you read that girls who have started their period should have an gyn appointment and you realized she hadn't had one yet. Go over what will happen during it. Then give the doc a heads up that she is going to be sexually active soon so he can discuss this with her.