My 19 Month Old Boy Is Hitting and Pulling Hair.

Oh, dear - yes, boys are surely different ( and in their teen years they are often sweeter and easier for Moms' to deal with than girls are--- I said often--- no guarantees)

1. Boys are WAY slower to learn to control their impulses
2. Boys need WAY more physical intervention ( I mean you may want to pick him up and remove him from the area -I'm not suggesting you strike him) --
3. Boys need you to be even more consistant than you needed to be with girls--- so EVERY single time he hits you ssay '''' you hit-- you sit'' and then you pick him up and put him in the naughty spot-- or even take him out of the room and put a baby gate up--- Boys learn really well from our body language---less well from our words -- so your body says ( by picking him up and removing him from the ''victim'' - '''no- you can't do that'' -- your words won't get the message across---but what you DO -- will.

Blessings, dear heart-- it makes perfect sense to me that a 19 month old boy finds a 4 year old and a 6 year old sister frustrating and looses it- they TALK and use their language skills SO well - that he may feel completely left out- so he tries to get ''back in charge'' by being physical-- it needs to not work for him.

Take care of YOU -- you have a delighteful and difficult task-- you'll do it - -I guarantee it. ( any chance you could put him in a one-day-a week co-op preschool where he could be around more babies his age???

Blessings,
J. - aka- Old Mom

Hi K.,

Yes, this is normal for his age, and Yes boys are more problematic (in a good way) that girls most of the time.

From my days working in a daycare I saw this often in the kids that were older in the 1 year old room, and frequently in the 2 year old room. Most often the hitting and pulling hair is due to a frustration that he cannot verbalize.

I'd suggest watching him in the minutes before one of these episodes to see what is triggering his behavior. From there all of you, preferably the parents, can then be his voice and express the anger/frustration/whatever that is triggering this. It can be: Hey! That's MY toy and Sissy just took it away from me! It can also be: I'm so MAD that this toy isn't doing what I want it to.

I've done this with my 6 year old, and am still kinda doing it with my 2 1/2 year old and it completely deescalates the situation in seconds. And, your little one has his feelings labeled and validated at the same time.

Hope this helps,
Melissa

Continue to put him in time out, but put him in a place that removes him from hearing or seeing the family. When he hits or pulls, take his hand and without emotion, say firmly, "no pulling or hitting" then put him in time out.

Observe him for just a minute. He is too young for more than that. Don't let him see you. He will probably cry. When he is crying don't pick him up if it is a mad cry (you can tell), until he is calm.

This is a phase, but you have to help him through it.

This behavior is normal for a child this age, and research suggests boys are more "irritable" than girls, overall. I think Judy C's advice is right on.

Check out responses to a similar recent request here: http://www.mamasource.com/request/15274166048060932097

There were lots of good answers. Good luck. I wish you plenty of patience.

Boy, I hear you on boys being handled different than girls. When I had my son it was like being a first time mom all over again. I learned from a good friend of mine, (and from my own experience) that boys are very trying when they are little. They do seem to want more attention and have more of a difficult time expressing themselves verbally. There are some great ideas below posts. I have always told my kids that what they are doing is not nice and try to figure out why they are acting that way. Of course at this age you need to see what is going on to trigger his lashing out. So if you see that he is pulling his sisters hair because he wants the toy, then you tell him that is not the nice way to ask for a toy (telling him he hurt his sister and made her sad always worked for me)and then show him the right way (also it helps if big sister can tell what he is trying to say). Now if he is throwing I would take away whatever it is he is throwing. I dont know why but boys respond better to being showed what to do instead of told. My son has always gotten upset when he realized that he upset mommy (still does and he is 12). I hope this helps, I know every kid responds differently!