My 19 Month Old Is Not Sleeping at Night

Have her tested for autism... I hope she doesn't have it, but better safe than sorry. If she does have it and you find out now it is going to be easier to help her at this age than later!

This sounds like night terrors. Instead of picking her up just try rubbing her face or back until she comes out of it. My son has these, and when they are screaming and flailing around they are usually still asleep and when you pick them up it seems to startle them even more then they are already. So you want to soothe and then when they calm down try picking up and comforting and then put back to sleep. Also for putting her to be in the first place. Try staying in the room make no eye contact and slowly every night move a little closer to the door and eventually you'll be able to walk out the door and she'll calm herself to sleep. I couldn't do the cry it out with my son either it didn't work. and I felt horrible...

I have three daughters. The 5 1/2 year old usually sleeps in her own bed all night now. The 3 1/2 year old ends up in our bed by morning at least half the nights. The 2 year old almost always ends up in our bed by morning. My husband often moves out to the couch to have space to sleep and we have a king sized bed! As the girls are getting older we have started being more strict about them staying in their own beds. The only time the oldest stays in our bed is if she manages to sneak in without one of us waking up. If we wake up we just let her cuddle for a few minutes (of maybe a sleep cycle ;) if she has had a bad dream, then send her back to her own bed. She doesn't even complain about it anymore. Sleep is so critical to me in order to be a functioning mother that we have decided to sacrifice some space in our bed in order to have a little more sleep. They do all go to bed in their own beds, and will all be in their own beds all night within the next few years. We occasionally have a night with nobody but us in bed. I usually wake up wondering if they're all okay!!!
Our 3 1/2 year old has night terrors. Sounds like you may be dealing with them too. They usually happen at around the same time every night -- or after a certain length of time she has been asleep. Lizzie (our terror-ble child) would sometimes have these fits for an hour or more. They were awful! The seemed to happen every night just as our heads hit the pillow. We tried several things, and finally found one that works for us. We gently wake her up (!!!) a couple of hours after she has gone to bed, usually just before we go to bed. You don't have to get them all riled up, but we just sit her up and softly say "Are you tired? Would you like to go to sleep now? Here, let's find your pillow..." I know it sounds dumb (and maybe someday she'll catch on and ask why the heck we woke her up if we know she's tired and wants to sleep!!! She wakes up just enough to maybe respond a little or peek through one eye, or roll over and push my hands away. At any rate, it seems to be enough. As an added benefit, when she wakes up with a normal nightmare or just normal night-time wakenings, we use the same phrases and she quiets down much faster and easier. It has worked when she has stayed overnight at Grandma's house too since she stuck with the usual calming phrases.

Please don't listen to your husband night terror is real and serious talk to your doctor immediately about it. One of mine did that I can't remember which one but I do remember I held them tight wrapped up in a blanket cuddling them until they came out of it. It was a faze and they eventually grew out of it but it is tough. Falling out of the bed is serios and could hurt her I would go get her before she does that to avoid that. Most likely she is having nightmares and not doing it on purpose thats the craziest thing ive ever heard. If she wanted to do something on purpose she would just wake up and stay up or wouldn't sleep unless she was with you. Try a nightlight my 2 year old won't sleep without a light she wakes up screaming if it's dark hope this helps.

J., it sounds like pretty classic night-terrors. My son went through it too. He would look at me like he didn't know who the heck I was, hit me, roll around on the ground, etc. I finally got the confirmation I needed one night when I just waited and watched him through his crib, trying to comfort him with my words, and saw him "wake up" even though he had his eyes open. He just stopped crying and looked around. At that point, I picked him up, kissed and cuddled him. He was asleep in seconds. Luckily, his night terrors didn't last very long. Hope the same is true for your daughter.

As far as sleep beyond the night terrors goes, I've always errored (sp?) on the side of being gentle on myself and my son. I need sleep. He needs sleep. We both need rules and boundaries. However, we can't really know what's going on with our little ones until they can express themselves better (and even then?). I think staying firm about a bedtime rountine is healthy and good, but it's not a failure to "break the rules." Listen to your gut. As long as your child knows what to expect on a normal day, just relax. Good luck!

She needs a sleep study. Night terrors are real and can happen at any age. They will be able to decipher if there really is something going on or just behavior issues. Talk to the ped., if for no other reason than getting it on file in case you have more issues later. Sleep disorders are just now coming to focus with modern medicine and it's astounding the facets of ones life that are affected by sleep! Then again...kids are manipulative when they know you'll give in! LOL
~L.

If she is having night terrors (and it sounds like she is) you need to get her to wake up completely so she can "reset" herself. Otherwise they may come back later in the night. The best way I have found to do this is to take the child outside. This works particularly well in the winter because the cold air will shock them awake. They usually have no memory of the terror and should be able to go back to sleep again. Make sure she is getting to bed at a good hour and is getting plenty of sleep. Lack of sleep is a common cause of night terrors.

As far as not wanting to go to her own bed, make sure she feels secure. My daughter used to really struggle at night with going to sleep on her own and waking up in the night because she was so fearful. We always made sure we comforted her to sleep and came immediately when she woke up. By the time she was two she was confident that Mom and Dad were there and would always be there to make sure she was okay. At that point she would go to sleep on her own and stay asleep at night because her fears were gone.

Hey J.. I am a mom to 4 girls, 12 to now 3. I can say from experience that once they know you will give in and take them into your bed it is all over with. Stand your ground put your pillow over your head or send in your husband and it may take a few nights or maybe even a week and alot of screaming but usually you can nip it in the hinder by then. As far as I have read and talked to other moms night terrors are not common at 19 months old. That usually happens around 4 or 5 and the "terror" is usually breif and happens at about the same time each night. Children with night terrors do not usually remember them the next morning and can be soothed back to sleep. If all else fails talk to your pediatrician maybe there is something else going on or a technique they can suggest that will work for you. Your kids are lucky to have your presence even when you have to work. Stop beating yourself up you obviously love your babies. Good Luck!

T.

I don't want to scare you but this sounds a lot like what my niece went through a couple years ago. She was almost two and suddenly she started having these terrible episodes at night. She would wake up and scream for hours. Nothing would comfort her. Sometimes, during the day, she would zone out for a while and stare into space. Eventually, after about a year, she stopped. However she also digressed mentally. All the words she used to know where gone. She also struggled with large motor skills which are tied to speech. My sister went to countless doctors but because it stopped they really have no idea what was wrong. They have all agreed that she was probably having seizures. These would, of course, terrify her and cause the night terrors.

My sister believes these seizures were caused by her immunizations. There's a lot of controversy about immunizations and how some of them can actually hurt more than they help. Particularly the MMR and TDaP. These problems are rare, so doctors won't normally tell you about them.

Eventually we discovered that the seizures caused a speech processing disorder. Her ears work just fine, but the mental bridge between her ears and her brain was destroyed. She wasn't processing what she was hearing which is why she digressed. Her brain found other ways to get where it needed to go, but information was lost in the process. My niece is in speech therapy to try to build the bridge again, and is doing wonderfully. They figure she will always be about 2 years behind verbally, which sounds big now but it won't be a big deal when she gets a little older. She is smart! and she loves to read. She's a very normal 8 year old inspite of all she went through.

This may not be the problem with your daughter, but perhaps you should see a doctor. And ask specifically about the possibility of seizures and/or immunization problems.

If you want to know more about my nieces issues to compare with your experiences, email me. Then I'll forward it on to my sister and you can hear it straight from her.

Good luck,
C. K
____@____.com

Hi J.!
I agree with everything Tara N said and wanted to add my experience for you to ponder. Between the ages of about 3-7 years, my son had night terrors (which are different than nightmares). He would cry for awhile, which then turned into screaming (sometimes hysterical fits, thrashing around, etc.). When I tried to ask him what the matter was, he would look right at me with a terrified expression and just cry and scream LOUDER (so I thought he was totally awake, but he was not awake at all). He would not wake up or calm down when I responded by talking to him. It would wake up everyone else and got to be a problem. My husband didn't know how to deal with it either. I guess it just comes through time and experience. You just try everything you can think of! These "sessions" would last anywhere between 20-40 minutes typically (like you said). (Luckily, my son has grown out of it now ~ he's almost 11.)
The only things I found that worked (most of the time anyway) is to gently, slowly, softly, rub his back, arms, shoulders, head, and face, and get him to lay back down without saying a word, without trying to wake him up, and without turning on the lights (he did have a soft nightlight, however). As soon as he calmed down and stopped, he was fine and would sleep peacefully. Not once did he ever remember any of these terrifying episodes the next morning. We dealt with these "sessions" sometimes every night for a week at a time. Some nights were worse, sometimes it lasted for one night one in awhile, sometimes off and on for a few months at a time, etc.
I did find it helpful if I had him on a regular routine, especially right before bedtime. And yes, I think the child having their own bed to sleep in is ESSENTIAL to their independence and well-being as they are growing up (and not to mention YOUR sleep and mental health). Once you allow them to come to your bed, they know all it takes is a little more effort/energy from them (cry, scream, fits) and a little more time before you finally give up out of desperation (which is what we do ~ and I found out the hard way, also). But just know that it may get a bit worse before it gets better, but it will be worth it if you can get better sleep eventually. I know I don't sleep NEAR as well if there is an extra little person in the bed (no matter how little)! =) Just try to be as consistent as you can. Everyone is different. Just find what works for you and be consistent.
Also, have you thought about maybe switching her to a fun little "toddler" bed (or maybe "big girl" bed)? It's the same size of a crib, but much lower to the floor, so they don't get hurt if they fall out. Just a thought.
One other VERY important thing ~ kneel down by, sit, or lay down on their bed by them at bedtime as they go to bed and just LISTEN to them ~ visit with them ~ as briefly or as long as you can. I found that no matter how much time I spent with them during the day (which sometimes isn't a lot), this special time really helped me (and them) know that I love them and it gave me a chance to reconnect with them. That is my children's most favorite part of the day. They appreciate the one-on-one attention they KNOW is coming. SCHEDULE IT if you can at the same time each night if possible! No matter how busy we get during the day, they look forward to that special time alone with mom (or dad) just talking about their day and I even talk to them about MY day! =)
These can be frustrating subjects (night terrors and children staying in their own bed, etc.), but it CAN be dealt with and will eventually go away on its own (hopefully sooner than later). If anything, it sure taught me PATIENCE!! Remember how many cheeleaders you have out here ~ including me! Good luck!!!

~ S. ~

As far as the night terrors go, I think that may be what she is experiencing. All 3 of our boys had those, and they were inconsolable for 20 - 30 min. Our youngest has had them the longest, and will actually wake up afraid of things on his wall, so we have taken down curtains, pictures, anything that he could see from his bed. Strange as it seems, it has helped him to sleep not having things on his walls. My other thought is that maybe she isn't tired when you put her to bed? She may be ready to give up one or all of her naps and that's why she's fighting you. Two of our boys were done napping at 18 months, which is horrible for the day, but they did go to bed earlier, and much more willing, at night! Hope this helps.

Hi, sorry you have to go through this. In my opinion you need to get her a toddler bed and make sure her room is safe if she gets out of bed at night. Also put a baby gate across her doorway with the door open. Once you get in the habit of her coming to bed with you - it is tough to break! She already knows she will get her way with you,so instead of putting herself back to sleep when she wakes up - she wants you. The whole thing that she does when she doesn't 'recognize' you sounds familiar. My son has done this a few times (and it is so scary!) but it has always been when he has been running a fever. It's like he is delirious or something. Maybe you should take her temp. under her arm when it happens so you know if it happens when her temp. is high - like maybe she is breaking a tooth through and happens to have a slightly elevated temp. that this behavior coincides with?

Have you tried putting on a CD for her? I did that for my youngest child, I had a portable CD player with two little speakers that I put near her but not in with her, I put it on a dresser. The key is to have a CD player that loops (keeps playing all night) put it on just enough so she could hear it. At two months she started sleeping twelve hours. Classical, Jazz and Lullabys are the best, if you have a variety switch the CD's every couple of weeks.

Even though I have not been able to have children of my own, I do help with the care of a little girl whose grandmother passed away three years ago, so I look into advice about children from time to time. One of my sources has been an Indian spiritual teacher named Sri Sri Ravi Shankar, the founder of the Art of Living Foundation. In advice to parents of young children he often recommends to let children sleep with their parents for the first few years of life. This is different from conventional western views; but I notice that in more traditional cultures, children who receive this sort of care seem to be exceptionally secure emotionally.

Also, I don't know your religious persuasion, but many traditional cultures believe in reincarnation, and parents with this belief would probably consider the possibility that a child with night traumas may be releasing some past life (or past death) trauma.(A more western interpretation might suggest that some experience during pregnancy could have traumatized your child's psyche.) In either case, it might be helpful to you to realize that it is better for such stress to be released from the system, than to stay in the unconscious mind and cause unresolved anxiety and distress later in life. In this interpretation, the fact that the child's unconscious mind is relaxed enough to let these terrors come out and be released would indicate that she feels secure in her current situation and can psychologically afford to allow buried material to surface - which could be taken as an indication that you are providing her with good quality nurturing. The traditional advice to the parent would be to be loving and attentive to the comfort and safety of a child going through this, and not let it upset you personally, as much as possible - providing an emotional and physical environment that reassures her that she is safe now and everything will be alright. Also, children often do not remember even seemingly traumatic night-time experiences during their waking hours, so just be in the moment with her in the day and only refer to it if she somehow seems to bring it up from her side.

I'm sorry. It is sad if she's having nightmares. In that case, I wouldn't know what to do. You should probably comfort her, but if it's happening every night, that must be rough. Is she taking naps during the day? Sometimes when a child isn't taking long enough naps, they won't sleep good at night. I would call your pediatrician and see what to do. I can recommend a great sleep book called HEALTHY SLEEP HABITS, HAPPY CHILD. Good luck!!

Ok ladies. This is going to be weird, but it might be worth a try. Every Wednesday Montel has a psychic appear on his show by the name of Slyvia Browne. She should be on today. Tune in to see what she is like.

I got a newsletter that she puts out 6 times a year so i ordered the free one. She has a question/answer column and one of the questions is: Is there a prayer we can say to help our children with night terrors? Her answer is this. Just go in and talk to them when they're asleep and tell them that it's a past life.

Like i said it is weird, but what have you go to lose? Please let us know if you tried it and if it helped or not.

thx. Marciab

Hi J.,
Have no idea if this is what is going on for her, but I took my son off artificial colors and flavors. He used to have tantrums and when he was old he said his parents became strangers. I took him off all of them when he was 7, glad I finally made the decision. He also slept with us when he was 19 months and was still nursing so I have don't have that reference. Best of luck with this, must be kind of scary for both of you.
Peace,
S.
http://www.YesToSuccess.net/S.
Helping families create health and wealth for over 11 years

I just wanted to respond with that night terrors are normal. My daughter is almost 6 years old and has night terrors about once a month. She has had them since she was a baby. My husband thinks that there is something wrong with her. I talked to my docter and she compared it to a person that sleep walks at night and not aware of it. The most you can do is be there and make sure he is safe. I know it is hard when you can not comfort your child but you are by being there. This to will pass.

M.

Not sure if this will work but I read some stories about other children who wouldn't fall asleep and stay asleep. The website (www.arbonne.com read the testimonies under Product) suggested adding Unwind salts to a bath before bed then spray Unwind mist either on them or on their pillow. These families now call the Unwind mist as their magic sleeping spray. Some only use the spray and not the bath. You can only get this product through an Arbonne consultant. Let me know if you want me to send some to you. I give 35% off all products. ____@____.com
Hope things get better! J.

Dear Jodi,
There are many things you can try that will help your daughter. I would first look at the environment she is in, especially before sleeping. Children are much more frightened from TV and movies than they sometimes let on. I would encourage you to look at the TV and movies you and your family view with a critical eye. What may be "G" rated can still have disturbing scenes in them that can affect children's sleep and cause them to worry about things they can't verbalize.
I would recommend you read "The Family Bed". It's an older book and may be out of print, but it discusses the need children have to be cuddled at night even when it is inconvenient for the parents. We would have our children start out in their own bed at night when they got beyond the infant stage, but would welcome them into our bed as they awoke in the early morning hours. They eventually gravitated to their own beds through the night, but it is a real comfort for them to feel like they can come to you at night. There are other books that encourage children sleeping with their parents.

Look at your daughter's diet. Is she eating stimulating foods in the day and before bed? For example, chocolate, sugar, pop? Try foods that are bland, without sugar or any form of caffeine for your evening meal- and try to not eat late. Eating late can really make for restless sleep.

You may consider some calming teas/herbs for the nighttime. Catnip is soothing, "Sleepytime" tea is also. A warm bath, a nice book before bed - try to establish a routine that is soothing for her and your family.

Also, children can wake up in an altered state. There are many funny and strange things my children have done while asleep. If her behavior persists, then consider seeing your Pediatrician for an evaluation, but most of what you are experiencing will probably resolve with time.

And of course, while it is mentioned last, it needs to be first. When I have concerns with my children, kneeling in prayer is not only the balm that heals, but it is a comfort for them to pray or hear you pray for them and their peaceful sleep, though she is little, she understands.

Best of wishes,
H. B.
MOM...Mother of Many...9!

My cousin has had night terrors since he was 3. My aunt has even had the police called on her because the neighbors thought she was doing something to him. She has 3 other kids who are all just fine. The police had never seen anything like it. It looked like he was awake, but he was screaming non-stop for over an hour, blood curdling screams. He finally calmed down and went back to sleep. There's nothing you can do about it. He's eleven now and doesn't have them quite so often...it used to be 2-3 times a week. He hasn't had one in almost a year. Ask your doctor about it...many doctors have never even heard of it or think it's bunk. They exist and you just have to let it be. She'll grow out of it.

Sounds like you may be being too hard on yourself. We all struggle with the guilt that they're not getting enough of our time - whether we work or not. Some SAHMs say they feel guilty not working too! There's no way around that. My daughter did something similar - she told me she didn't like me and only wanted Daddy. She's 3 now and it happens less, but you can't help but be a little hurt when you love someone so much. I don't think she does it on purpose, I just try (I'll emphasize TRY) to keep my calm, let her know it's OK to feel whatever she's feeling. I've had to stand like a sentinel outside her door for hours some nights. She was collicky too - wonder if that has anything to do with it? As long as she's not hurting herself or anything or anyone, I just let her be and keep trying to comfort her. Eventually she crashes and is ready for Mommy to comfort her. The only advice I can give is - hang in there, it won't last. When I was little and had my tantrums (my Mom says I had holy terror ones too), I didn't know how to handle it and I simply knew how I felt and wanted to be left alone but didn't at the same time :-)

J.,
It sucks, doesn't it? You want to try to help but you don't feel as if you are. Let me tell you that I agree with the above poster. The problem started when you started to give in. Now that doesn't mean I am placing blame with you! We moms have that personal guilt down to a science, don't we? Trust me when I tell you that all it took was that one time...just that first time when you gave in...and she had your number. So now you have to stand firm. Having your husband go in was a brilliant idea, but you need to go in once while, too, so that she sees that you aren't going to be a pushover. It's going to take awhile, and she will throw fits like you would not believe. You see, she already thinks she controls you with her tears, so she's going to lay them on and loud and as long as she needs to to get back in bed with you. Stand strong! This too shall pass.

PS Dont you dare feel bad because you don't think your children are getting enough attention from you. You CHOSE to work from home, many women don't have that option, so consider it a blessing. You are THERE. Just set some "work hours" and "home hours" and stick to it. Your kids will realize that at some times of the day they don't have all of your attention because you have work to do, but they know that when work is done it's "their" time. They really will.