My 2 Year Old Son I Feel Is Out of Control

my 2 year old is pretty horrible to animals, she just needs to learn - just yesterday she was holding as baby chick, and without any warning threw it about 6 feet in the air while saying "wheeee!" she will also hit me if I say no to her. she draws on everything including all over herself if she gets hold of a pen, I call her destructagirl, she has broken so many things - its a 2 year old "thing," their forte.
time outs are not working for me yet, a spanking works though. also firmness - plus people are used to kids throwing tantrums, if you are out and he throws one, dont even worry about it - just strap him in his stroller or the shopping cart and let him howl for a bit, try distraction "look at that bird up there, look at the santa"

Ummm... medication of what kind? He's 2!!! My 4 year old still destroys things when I am not in the room. He will poke and prod me all day with his fake rubber sword. Preschoolers are just mischievous little critters. He'll grow out of it.

I have a 2.5 year old son so I feel that I know what you are dealing with right now. My first question is how much exercise are you allowing your son to get. Running around the house doesn't count. I mean at a park, walking around the block, walking in a mall etc. My son is crazy until he gets his exercise. We walk at least a mile together every day.
Also what kind of diet is he eating. Is it mostly whole grains, vegetables, protein, low sugar etc. I can tell a difference in my son with one piece of candy. Also be aware of hidden sugars in otherwise healthy foods. Fruit juice is actually not good for a young child.
My son likes to hit the dogs and cats mostly b/c he can. At this age I do not allow him unsupervised time with the animals. I have a baby gate that I leave my dogs behind during the day and I only let them into our living space when I am ready to play referee.
2 is such a crossroads age. They are realizing that they have all this independence and they want to test you as much as possible. I think that most 2 year olds are hyperactive but I wouldn't risk hurting his development in other ways by medicating him. I would try to run the energy out of him and give him a low sugar, high protein/veggie diet for a few weeks and see where you are. Also be aware that some children have sensitivities to food preservatives so if you are feeding him a lot of gerber graduates or prepackaged food like that it could be contributing.
I want you to know that most parents of kids (especially boys) your age are dealing with these issues. Also I am a personal chef so if you are interested send me a personal message and I will give you some of my sons favorite (easy and fast) recipes. Also keep us posted.

The best advice I was ever given about tantrums was to IGNORE them. Unless they hurting themselves (or something else) you walk away. That includes when you are out. I knew a mom that walked around the corner of the aisle while still peeking back at her toddler while she was in full tantrum. When the toddler realized she wasn't around to 'watch' the tantrum and she didn't have an audience - she stopped throwing the tantrums.

One thing to remember at this age - you don't reason or compromise with them - you tell them what to do or better yet, tell them what is an option and what is not an option in their behavior.

I have been chastised on this site for saying, 'you are the parent and they are the child' and 'children only act the way they are allowed to act' and that these behaviors are not an option - but you know what, my kids have never had behavior problems b/c they know what is allowed and what is not allowed. I am very, very consistent, not strict, and have a very terse tone and look when a ugly behavior pokes it ugly head up. So, this is what works for us and it works well. I have strong, smart, curious and confident boys.

It is very beneficial to set the tone for what is acceptable behavior now.

Good luck!

Wow this sounds like my 2 year old (August). Whenever I try to reprimand me he either will chase me and try to hit/bite me or the pets. Or he will just say I am kicking the dog now. Thankfully he is not like that all the time but when he acts this way it is really difficult. Even though he is verbal I think he has difficulty expressing himself.

I notice he behaves this way when he is especially tired/bored/not feeling like I am giving him a lot of attention such as when I am cooking, etc. My husband and I continue to be consistent with him. We do Magic 1-2-3. He does not like us to take things away so we do that. He only gets a time out if he has hit someone/pet or something. I have noticed being consistent does help and when he is acting up he will say am I going to get a time out or something taken away and I will reply yes. I think that if he is offended at getting things taken away/time outs then you should continue with them. I feel that occasionally my husband will count but not follow through which makes him less likely to listen. Of course I am writing this in a calm state without any hitting today but I understand how frustrating it can be.

The other thing I do is try to talk about proper behavior when he is not acting that way. I emphasize how to nicely treat the pets and mommy.

Good luck, I look forward to the other replies.

Some of these are a little harsh lol! Im sure your doing the best that you can and Im sure you are loving to your son. The terrible twos can be horrible!! Believe me, I have a two year old son and some days I think this can't be normal, other mothers can't be going thru this, something must be wrong but in the end it is just the stage he is at. If you are extremely concerned you can find professionals that can help you know what to do when he acts out and can help him understand what he should do instead of acting out. My two year old refuses to do EVERYTHING! Once I was cutting his hair and he was throwing the biggest fit I have ever seen and he actually hit me and made me slice my finger open. There will def be days when you want to pull your hair out or just break down and cry but remember this is a stage and it will pass. Try to stay consistent with your routines, schedules, punishments. Kids need stability and routines. I think naps are very important, if my son doesn't get his I know I will pay for it in the end. I was a strong believer in spankings but I recently switched to time outs and they seem to be making a huge impact on him. Try to find what works for your kiddo because they are all different! Good luck, you will make it thru this!!

Two year olds do this. They don't understand the world from any other perspective than "ME". They don't get that it hurts you when they hit. They don't get that it's offensive. They don't get that something destroyed remains that way and it would take time, effort or money to repair it or replace it.

Give him exercise - pillow fights, sock grabbing games, running - anything to get that energy out in a good way.

"Toddler-proof" your house and keep things he will destroy out of reach for awhile. It will save you frustration and also the need to watch him closely to protect your things.

He will grow out of it, but it's possible that it won't be until he's even 4 or so. Check out "Your Two Year Old" from the library and look thorough the age level behaviors that are typical of this developmental stage. It's NORMAL and also it DOESN"T LAST.

p.s. Timeouts won't work because he doesn't understand his cause and effect yet. Takeaways won't work because his attention span isn't long enough for it to matter.

UPDATE: M., you could check out the book "Raising Boys" by Steve Biddulph. In some ways they really are different than girls. This or other well-researched books on boys can give you new insights and ideas. (p.s. Stay away from Dobson. He's outdated now. Again, look for writing that draws heavily from research.)

I'd rule out medication!!!!!!! He's too young. Work with him. What does he like to do? Plan a few days around his interests, include story time, and big piece puzzles - fun stuff you can do as a family and one-on-one with him. Give him something to look forward to. Make sure you keep his nap time (if he settles down to take one) as scheduled. Why is he so aggressive? Is he being hit? What is your discipline system? Are you consistent? Firm? Are you and your husband in sync? Try establishing daily routines, give him some responsibility that he can look forward to like pushing in the chairs at the dinner table, something that he can own and you know he will be eager/happy to do.

Seek medication? HA! I hope you were joking. Sorry, but it's life, it's a stage your just going to have to get through. No Dr. in their right mind would even medicate a 2 yr old for that. Have you heard about the terrible two's? My little guy is turning 2 in a few weeks and acts this way, maybe not as severe. I understand it's fustrating, but this where you have to start instilling Rules & timeouts. He will learn, but you have to stay consistant. There are days I want to pull my hair out or just cry. He doesn't know any better it's up to you to teach him. Also, how about diverting him to play with toys or coloring? If you have to take him somewhere, limit the time that your gone. I know myself I get about 30-40 mins of pleasant time before the whining begins, then I bust out the lolipop, or snack for that extra 10 min push. Maybe he's getting his 2 yr molars and that's why he is biting you.. This is a stage, but if I will say that if it continues to age 3 then have an evaluation if your worried. Give him time. Your not alone, good luck!

I wanted to point out that red food coloring made my son hyper and wild and I swore I would have put him on medication if I hadn't figured that out at an early age. I have also ran into other parents who have discovered the same thing with their kid. It's in so many things, but read labels and you can learn to avoid it.

Does he have constant ear infections, have headaches, or is he constipated? The pain could be causing him to act out.

Lastly, I wanted to mention EFT (emotional freedom technique) which is a tapping technique on acupuncture points that is great for soothing kids. It can really calm down their nervous system. www.eftuniverse.com - click on Learn EFT on the left and sign up for their newsletter so you can get the free guide on how to do it. You can always unsubscribe from the newsletter later if you want.

Here's a good article on how to explain it to children and use it http://www.eftuniverse.com/index.php?option=com_content&a...

Here is the children's section - http://www.eftuniverse.com/index.php?option=com_content&a...

Here's a great nightly EFT procedure - http://www.eftuniverse.com/index.php?option=com_content&a...

I post about this all the time and I don't think anyone ever tries it. It's so sad because it is so simple and effective and drug-free! Good luck!

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hes 2 he doesnt need medication! anyone who looks at you like your crazy in public doesnt have kids! this is just 2 year old behavior he is looking to you for the right thing to do. if he hits a dog say no and show hoim how to pet the animal. if he tries to hit grab his hand and say dont scream no hit. if he keeps trying put him in a time out where he cant get out we use a bar stool where the kids cant get down. our 3 year old still tests us so we will buckle her in to the high chair for 3 mins since shes 3 keep trying it will work!

Is your home a warm, loving environment for your son?

I don't think it's normal for 2 year olds to be hateful to animals, and I highly suggest you and your husband stop trying to punish him and become a lot more loving and attentive to him.

Think of your typical interactions with your son on a daily basis. I bet you any money most of them are negative in some way.

Kisses, hugs, playing, PRAISE. THAT is what you need to give your son. Not meds.

M., I so feel what you are going through. I have 2 boys! Although only the oldest went through the terrible 2's. He started at 15 months and was still acting that was when he started school! And the bad thing was, we started him in karate and it seemed to help alittle bit because they teach discipline! Well then he started Kindergarten and we had a problem he used it on a boy. Once and that all it took when his father and I told his instructor,he didn't like getting into trouble by him. SO no more karate in school! But he was still acting up in school and at home with being hyper! Finally the summer between 1st grade and 2nd grade with the help of his 1st grade teacher he was tested and was found to have ADHD! I was not happy and really didn't want my son on meds but all of 1st grade we had tried everything with the help of his teacher and Dr. Even trying change of diet everything! We even changed from white bread to wheat bread because white bread has sugar in it! I am not saying your son has it, but what I am saying is even if your son does have it,they won't put your son on meds because he is way to young! I am with some of the other moms. There are so many "hidden" sugars in foods that you will have to start being an investigator and looking at all the foods for how much sugar is in them! Also change to 100% juice like Juicey Juice! Good Luck! If you need help there are tons of things online to help you with low sugar foods.

Hi! I don't have an answer for you but I too have a 2 year old and he does the same thing. He was really bad with our puppy and I thought there was really something wrong. :( Then after awhile and lots of time outs and reminders he finaly started to get a little better. As for the tantrums it really is just their age and I feel like sometimes his tantrums are out of control as well. I have a hard time taking him anywhere so I try not too lol:) I can't do that all the time though. My husband is away 2 weeks at a time for work so it is just me and the kiddos. I totally know where you are coming from. I don't think that medication is needed. It seems like these bad times are gonna last forever and never get better but then one day you will notice they have lessend and then stopped entirely. This too shall pass:) I read a great book called the "the happiest toddler on the block" and it was very helpful. My son has hit me, pinched me and pulled my hair. A few times I have strapped him in his high chair and put him in a corner for a time out. I have only done that a few times when he was especially hard to control. I stay in the room but don't engage him and when he has started to calm down I take him down and get on his level and explain why he was in a timeout and that he needed to to apologize to me for hitting, biting and/or pulling my hair. I give him a hug after that tell him his apology was accepted. I have spanked a few times out of frustration but it really doen't do any good. Sorry I couldn't offer any more help.
A.