My 2 Yr Old Is Driving Me Nuts!

Please take a look at the website www.loveandlogic.com. I really wish I would have had these strategies when my kids were younger (now 6 and 9). The approach really lessens the stress in raising kids and lets you enjoy them so much more! Best of luck!

I wish I could send you the picture I took of my 2.5yo DS sitting on our bathroom counter covered in toothpaste from head to toe - all while I was putting my daughter to bed...

I read 123 Magic, recently, and I've found that it's really working for us. Most of the time, now, I don't get past 1 before my little guy straightens up. And on the occasion that I do make it to the count of 3, I consistently take away (or do) whatever I was threatening.
The key part of that book that I read was that our frustrations and yelling as parents are really just our own versions of temper tantrums.
I try to remember that when I get wound up myself. DS responds best when I'm calm, anyhow.

It's a quick read. I highly recommend it.

Some good suggestions from the people below. I'll add my helpful items.
My hubby and I had to do the following with calm voices (the hardest part):
1. Tell him to "use his words". A lot of the times my daughter was frustrated and throwing a tantrum was because she was having a hard time communicating. The have just begun to master English. ;) My husband and I were constantly saying, "use your words, tell me what you want?"
2. Offer choices. Two shirts, two pants, two pairs of socks to pick in the morning. Do you want turkey or pb&j sandwich? Do you want to take a bath now or read a story first? Let him make small insignificant decisions like which head of broccoli to buy at the grocery store. He starts making some decisions and feels like he has some choice. Then, when you say, "do you want to go to bed now or stop crying and (fill in the blank) ?" He might make a better decision.
3. He may need time to regroup. I have wanted to throw a fit before, scream at the butthead at work that made me mad, and I needed to take a walk and regroup. Pick up screaming kid and put him in his bed. Tell him when he is done crying he can come back out and join the rest of you. Eventually, I could look at my daughter and say, "do you need to go to your room and cool-off?" She would give me the look of death, but she would say yes. 5 minutes later, she was the delightful child I remembered.
It takes time for them to realize that they have to go with the program and you are in charge. Tell him you don't like when he is in a bad mood. He will understand that. Don't forget to reward him with hugs and words when he uses his words or walks out of the room in a better mood. Good luck, and eventually he will grow out of this and into some new more ridiculous phase. YAY PARENTHOOD!! ;)

I got through it by remembering it what pretty much what I signed up for, and then investigating every possible way to make it better. And of course we KNOW our toddlers absolutely need our companionship, love and support in addition to the guidance they seem so resistant to. Backing away a bit is healthy if it keeps us from screaming, and a little open space for the child to explore for himself is probably more helpful than harmful.

But we do well to remember that the ages of 2 through 4 are extremely difficult and frustrating for kids. They are not well equipped yet with impulse control or emotional alternatives, have poor language skills to express longings, have virtually no power to change anything, and are typically tired, hungry, or over-stimulated and/or over-manipulated. They even have trouble manipulating objects that they find attractive because their motor skills still have a way to go. And they can't help any of that. It's just where they have to live.

So we can help the dynamics a great deal with our big, adult brains: to anticipate situations that we can't avoid. You are learning when your son is most likely to go into whining mode or have a meltdown. To whatever degree possible, provide calm and cheerful distraction and redirection. Give some advance warning when you'll need him to stop an activity. Be sure he's fed and rested before trips out. Be aware that everything he sees is an attractive curiosity, so give him supervised chances to pick up and examine things (this will also boost his IQ). Talk about what they're for, what they do. Keep a "special" toy for shopping trips – something he gets to play with at no other time, to hand him when he's getting bored or frustrated with all he can't have.

And empathize with him when you have to tell him "no." Often, just having an adult help put words to his wishes, and knowing you care, can completely shift the energy into something more positive and playful. Check out how Dr. Harvey Karp, author of The Happiest Toddler on the Block, accomplishes this miracle here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fJ1428uYs2g&NR=1&f...

Congratulations!
He's right on track, becoming his very own self.
He's no longer attached to you,
oh great font of all things . . . food, comfort, warmth.
You'll survive this and so will he.

I hear and understand your frustration.
What you will need to do, imo, is reframe your reaction to
and response to his expressions of his self-hood.
Do NOT give him any (or very few, anyway) opportunities to say no.
Do NOT set up any situations in which his NO is an option.

In all situations, present the situation as (something like)
THIS is what we are going to do now (or in a few minutes).
And then, DO it.
If it's time to pick up toys, you begin picking up toys,
offering a race or some other incentive to get it done.
If it's time to get into the bathtub,
offer an incentive for getting in there quickly.
Pick your battles.

Some here may say swat his bottom
or give him a (oh my gawd) finger flick.
Do not do that.
Continue to have the loving, mutually respectful relationship
you have been fostering up to now.

There is a light at the end of this tunnel.
I promise.

I can completely relate to this one! Our boys are the same age and whoa... temper temper temper. On Saturday night, my husband had to carry him out of Mass b/c he was screaming over the fact that he couldn't take Communion... (or "eat crackers" in his words). The hubs took him into the front hallway where the youth group was setting up a bake sale. Awesome. The wailing got louder and now instead of crackers it was "I WANT CAKE"...so hubs took him outside and I found them out there. Sweet little cherub was in a puddle b/c he wanted to go back into church.

Sometimes you just can't win and remember that that's okay. He tantrumed all the way home and promptly found himself in a time-out until he calmed down and could say that he was ready to come out without screaming. It makes you want to pull your hair out!

Just be consistent in your reactions to his behaviors. Don't be afraid to leave somewhere if the behavior is poor; use time-out liberally, and remember that walking away rather then escalating is ALWAYS okay!

When I taught at a preschool I had a morning from H*L* and the kids were completely wired. I was at the point of yelling and realized that they wouldn't hear me anyway, so I put myself in time-out. Slowly they realized that I was sitting in the "reflection pond" and came over to find out why. I explained that I was getting very angry and was going to start yelling, which I did not want to do. Instead I was electing to take a time-out. We ended up turning it into a conversation about good choices and taking a break when you need one. As long as he's safe, walk away if you need to.

Laugh, call a friend or your mom and share the story (she will probably tell you one about yourself) and always have good wine in the house!

I reiterate everything Honeybee said! A 5 minute time out in his room seems to help tremendously. Also make sure to use the positive reinforcement.

I have also read 123 magic and still working on it but bottom line I find is the time out so they can cool off.

I don't have any advice to give, only here to say THANK YOU for posting this question! My little girl will be 2 1/2 around Christmas, and there are some days where I want to give her away to the highest bidder. No, only joking. But seriously, she will push every last one of my buttons some days and I am pulling my hair out by the end of the day. She is an amazing little girl, and I absolutely adore her and love her to pieces. But, she is testing testing testing all the time. I know she's just testing her limits, testing me as the leader, testing everything. But it makes ME testy! Hee hee. Well, all I can say is you're not alone. And I was so glad to read your question and know that I'm not alone either!

I'm in the same boat, Mama! My DD turned 2 in October and DH and I were just talking about how her tantruming stage seems to be peaking (or growing to the point of no return!). I'm having a tough time too.

I did pick up "1,2,3 Magic" at the advice of another mom from a post I wrote asking for advice on dealing with 2 y/o antics at dinner time. It's helpful, but I haven't gotten the knack of it quite yet. I'm stuck on what to do when I'm trying to get out the door and DD is throwing a tantrum over getting dressed (no time for proper time-out). I think I need to try it out for a longer period of time though (I'm only half-way through it). She does respond to the counting part, and I think it might be partially because she loves counting.

I see you are from Mpls. Go to groups.yahoo.com & join TwinCitiesAPI. They're local, active, well read and GREAT to commiserate with.

p.s. You don't need to agree with the API tenets. There is a wide range of lifestyles.

p.p.s. Just as a general tip, learn to approach things from fun and humor. There's a book Playful Parenting that can get you started. You can't deal with toddlers like they are adults. They are all about what is fun and interesting to them.

TIME OUTS! My son is 2.5 and when he starts to throw a fit I put him in his room and walk out. I set a timer for 2 minutes and tell him I'll be back to see if he has "found his happy." I shut the door and walk out. When the timer beeps I go in and ask him if he has "found his happy." If he has, I ask for an apology and then we hug and get on with our day. Usually that's the end of it. If he hasn't found it yet, I walk out and give him another two minutes on the timer. He's never gone past the 4 minute mark but I suppose if he did I'd just give him another 2.

This is a life skill not a punishment. Adults can't act that in public - it's not okay. Kids need to learn that when they act like that people don't want to be around them. But that doesn't make the feeling less real. He's free to throw a fit in his room if he wants to. He can vent his anger and frustration in there screaming, kicking, etc. (even as an adults we need to vent a little too - but not at someone) You will be teaching your child how to express those feelings in an appropriate place.