My 21 Month Old Son

Our son had 6 words at 2 years (not even really words - except for mummy and daddy and no - wruuum for car..) He is now 3 and I confess I would often love him to talk less and ask less questions!

After his 2 year check-up, as his speech had not progressed since his 18 months, our pediatrician referred us to Early Intervention. They come to your house with a bag full of toys, play with your child for an hour or so and ask you a few questions. Then, they give you the results of their evaluation. If he is eligible, then services are free. They evaluate and help with every thing, not only language but fine and gross motor skills, behavioral issues...
y son received services for about 3 months with great results.

I guess the big fits are due to the difficulty to communicate. I would strongly recommend teaching hi basic sign language. Our son was the sweetest boy, even though he could not speak. Check with your library for books about baby sign language and ASL. I highly recommend the videos "Signing time" with Rachel Coleman. Even without the signing, they are wonderful for toddlers.

I would have both children checked out by your pediatrician to make sure there isn't anything physically wrong, and have him also check for lead poisoning. I would also find and join a parent support group, there are numerous ones. Some of the churches have MOPS (Mothers of Preschoolers) groups where mothers get together (childcare provided) usually once a month and have programs, crafts, discussion times, social activities, etc. My daughter was a single Mom struggling to keep her head above water with her 2 young children. She heard how other Mom's handled situations and was able to realize what was normal and not normal behavior from her children. There are other support groups, please find one ASAP. It sounds like you're overwhelmed to the point where your children are reacting to your stress and making things worse.

I strongly urge you to have your son's speech evaluated by a specialist. My 7 yo grandson wasn't talking at that age and we thought he was just a late talker which had been the case with a relative on his father's side of the family. When, at 2 1/2 he still wasn't talking his pediatrician recommended he get an evaluation. My grandson was diagnosed thru the Early Intervention office of the local school district. Federal law requires that they evaluate and provide treatment if needed to any child, from birth on, who may have a condition that would prevent them having success in school. The service is free.

My grandson was eventually diagnosed with apraxia of speech which means his mouth, tongue and lips are not able to form correctly to make the appropriate sounds. At 7, he is still unable to speak clearly, and will remain in Special Ed classroom for the 2nd grade even tho he's intelligent.

He's had behavior problems that the school district diagnosed as Oppositional Defiance Disorder (ODD) and ADHD. When he became more oppositional in the classroom even tho he'd become more easily managed at home his teacher recommended making an appointment with a developmental pediatrician. He had to first see his pediatrician who said that my grandson was showing signs of several different disorders but the prominent one is ADHD and the most easily treated and referred him to the developmental pediatrician who has now tentatively with a certain amount of confidence said that he is on the Autism Spectrum Scale. He has been seen by school district specialists, been in a therapeutic preschool as well as Kindergarten and first grade and no one thought he was autistic. After doing my own research I thought autism was highly possible. I'm so disappointed that he hasn't received all of the help that he's needed.

Which causes me now to suggest getting evaluations completed by both the school district and a developmental pediatrician. I also learned on this sight that if the school district recommends a developmental ped that they would have to pay for it. The school district is doing the best that they can with not enough money. If at all possible do not rely only on them.

If you are receiving health coverage thru the state, insist that they approve having your son be seen by a developmental pediatrician. Your son's future is dependent on you being his advocate. The field is new which requires that parents be informed and assertive.

Big fits may be his frustration at not being able to say what he wants to say. My grandson was able to gradually, over a period of years, learn how to get what he wanted without throwing a fit. I give the social worker who visited weekly with my daughter and grandson in their home much credit for this. She taught my daughter a different way of disciplining her son. Both of them learned much about patience. If your son is diagnosed with a speech difficulty you will receive help in several areas that will make it easier for you to deal with him.

This could also help you and your daughter. You don't say how old she is. Have you discussed her crying with her pediatrician? What does he suggest? Without knowing her age, I don't know what to suggest.

If nothing else, get an evaluation thru the school district. You have nothing to lose. If he's just a late talker then you can be less concerned about his speech and focus on his behavior. If he does have a physical cause for not speaking you will be able to get the help that both of you need.

We had similar problems and our doc told us to give it a few more months. We waited with very little change. Eventually he referred us to a therapist and it came out that he did need help however it wasn't "bad enough" for our insurance to cover it so we called Birth to three through the county social services. Luckily your tax dollars are paying for this service so it should be free to you. It's a great program-they come to you and help you focus on teaching him. The sooner the better! Good luck. We are seeing amazing improvements from our little guy. You should also know that the second borns usually don't talk as early and boys don't either so you and I both have a double whammy on this one! Take care.

I don't know if this is accurate, but from noticing other kids and my own, I use the rule of thumb for words as this. 1 yr old = 1 word, 2 yr old = 2 words and at 3=a sentence. If he grunts most time, continue talking to him to expand his vocabulary. The big fits are normal for his age, tantrum = fight for independence. If he is naturally stubborn, it just takes more work. Be patient, give and take and remember, this too will pass.

Sounds like you are really stressed out... time to lean back, take a deep breathe and relax. Having a 2 year isn't fun and when they throw tantrums it is even worse. At this age they are testing the waters with what they can get away with. If you know he can speak, has words that he uses then when he wants something I would encourage him to repeat the word after you without the tantrum. I never gave in when my kids would throw a tantrum and it didn't take long for them to learn that a tantrum wouldn't get them anywhere. Try and ignore the behavior. You didn't say how old your daughter was but if she is younger than it might be a sign of pain and I would seek Dr's advise. If older than again, ignoring the behavior would be the best route. This is old fashioned advise but one that has been used for a hundred years and always worked. Good Luck! De-stress...take some time for yourself.

Also...just read some of the other answer and they are all talking about baby signage, while that might be great when they are in your home it is very difficult for others to interrupt. My oldest granddaughter was taught signage and it was not a pleasant evening to babysit because I don't know the baby signage. Remember to use both words and signage together so that children can communicate.

I would try some baby sign, and some prompting...don't allow a grunt to be a request. When he grunts and points at the refrigerator, for instance, ask him "do you want to eat (sign "eat" as you say it)? " Tell Him "say "EAT" ?" and see if he will start responding with the sign or an attempt at the word, when he does, give him a snack. Do the same for drink, toy, play, hug, etc. Anything the he requests by grunting, tell him the name and possibly the sign, and ask him to repeat it before you give him the requested item.

I would say the big fits are partly because he doesn't have the words to communicate everything he wants to, and also normal for this near to 2, it is asign of wanting to show their independance,and of us not "getting" what they are telling us in one way or another. When he throws a fit, do your best to ignore it, and tell him when he calms down, you can help him if he trys to ask nicely, when he calms, and you know what he wants from his grunts and gestures, give him the words/signs to use to ask nicely - "OH, you want 'milk, please?'" When he attempts to repeat it, "Good job, here is your cup!". Even my 17 month old signs please and thank you after requests "more please" or "drink please", at first, you have to tell them to say it, but eventually it becomes automatic.

If you little girl is under 1, it could be reflux, or colic....but you haven't given us much to go on on that account....she could just be a needy baby - my first had reflus and a lactose overload form my milk oversuply which gave her gas and pain - only thing that helped was to be held almost all the time - slings and other carriers were my friends - and I spent her first 9 months up 5-6 times a night to nurse her smaller amounts more often. She also loved motion, and would sleep inthe stroller or swing, but not in a stationary object for naps.

Good Luck, I have done the baby signs with my 2, and have found that they sem to have less tantrums and communicate very well, first through signs and then later through spoken words and signs, transitioning easily to all spoken, with no issue and large vocabularies.

My personal opinion is that it is not normal to have a child not talking at this age. I know, you will get a bunch of moms telling you their kid didn't say anything and then one day said a speech at 3.

I can only give my personal opinion based on my own family, my observations and my studies.I have done years of medical research because of illness with my own children. I wanted answers.

First I will tell you that the "normal" of today is so far left of what normal used to be. 20 years ago a child that wasn't speaking at 2 was NOT COMMONPLACE and it was certainly considered an ISSUE and developmental problem, even in the child/family medical books of the day.

Today, the perameters have become very lenient. What would have been considered illness 20 years ago is considered in the 'normal range' today or not really worried about at all. Doctors and even some mom's who don't know any different don't question it. And just about every family has an unwell or developmentally delayed child. Anyone who has been around long enough and has a good enough memory can remember growing up and maybe knowing ONE, only one ill or "different" child in the whole school. Now they are everywhere and in every family. Something is wrong. Why are all these children getting illnesses, diseases, not hitting milestones, and being put on drugs and in therapy?

Toxins, heavy metal poisoning and bacterial/fungal overload paired with major nutritional deficiencies and vitamin poisoning are at the heart of the issue. Did you know that mercury poisoning has the same symptoms as autism- line item for line item? I appeal to those willing to lend an ear that the poisoning of our children has been "covered up" with a clinical name of autism. There is no reason that standard medical doctors should not be testing each and every autistic child's mercury blood levels! But they don't. Delays are a possible pointer that there is something affecting the central nervous system. And the central nervous system is very sensitive to toxins, bacterias, yeasts and metals.

Research to find out how to detox heavy metals. I know that Magnesium and Alpha Lipoic acid help chelate metals out. There are other substances also, but they are very hard on the body. Waioria NCD Zeolite is also especially good for lead/mercury and is said to be safe even for children. Iodine helps chelate metals out and protects the thyroid. Vaccines are loaded with toxins, bacterias, and metals. If you decide you want to keep vaccinating, at least make sure that you give the child magnesium (citrate or malate) and vit C a few days before to the day of the vaccine. Then dose with NCD zeolite and magnesium after the vaccine for 5-7 days to remove mercury.

From my research of clinical trials and medical papers, I also consider the Iron supplements inside of formulas too high. Doctors are telling mothers to add an iron supplement on top of that. Iron is a heavy metal. It does not leave tissues easily, but builds up to toxic levels in small children. 30% of pediatric death is due to iron poisoning, and many of those were being dosed under the supervision of a doctor. Much of the constipation of today in babies/toddlers in from the extra iron, but instead of removing the iron supps, the docs will give a prescription for Mirilax- the same compound found in antifreeze.

Vitamin D dosing has also become a lenient and dangerous practice. Vit D can be toxic as well. And people are taking supplements like they are going out of style. Only people with severe illnesses who don't process it normally, removed thyroids, and the like, should be taking vit D, and with a doctor testing calcium blood levels while on it. Indeed, many of the early clinical trials (which helped form public acceptance of putting vit D in dairy products) were done on people in sanitariums who never saw the light of day, unbeknown to most. We get our entire need for vit D in 10 minutes out in the sun, OR 2 cups of dairy products. Plus we store vit D. So all the irradiated lunchmeats, nuts, and produce that now also have vit D are overload. Then people take vitamin D supplements on top of that!

I say this to make a point- do not give multi vitamins to your kids. They are severely lacking in what you really need (magnesium, b vits, iodine, EFAs) and are high in stuff the average person should not be taking. (iron, calcium, vit D, folic acid) in which extra amounts can contribute to disease.

I think intervention to chelate metals could help some children to talk and I think it is worth a go.

How old is your daughter? Just wondering. My oldest dd is 5 and my 21 month old mimics nearly everything she does to a "T." Most of it is physical mimicing, which is easier than trying to get the tongue to do what it should, but she does say "Momma," "No," "K" or "Day" (for "okay"), and "Na na" in the appropriate places for most social interactions like "Bless you," "Thank you," "You're welcome," etc. She even repeats what I would think is just a grunt or a babble, so SHE thinks she's saying something, at least. Does your son understand YOU? You can know this if you ask him to go do or get something and he does it. I have to be VERY aware of how I respond to her grunts though. If she only has to grunt for something or whine (grrrr!) then I give it to her, then that's all she'll do. If I say, "Say cup," and she makes some sort of vocal sound attempting the word, then I will give her the cup or whatever. I have to be conscious of it though. So hard to do when a lot of the day is spent on auto-pilot! I'm dealing with a lot of jealousy issues right now (at least I think that's what it is) with the 21 month old pinching, hitting, and biting her big sister over toys, attention from mom and dad, etc. It also has to do with lack of vocabulary because with a bigger kid you can say, "Use your words," or something and work from there. Ask your daughter why she's crying all the time and what are some things you can do to help her. She may come up with some ideas like time alone in her room or putting some favorite thing up away from her brother that might help her cope. Good luck!