My 28 Month Old Will NOT Stay/sleep in Her Bed Throughout the Night. HELP US!

I feel your pain! You need sleep!!!

I am not an expert....but I say, let her sleep with you so you get some sleep. There will be a day where she doesn't even want to look at her parents, so let her be close to you now when she needs to. Give her what she seems to be needing, and perhaps the need will go away.

It could be anxiety about the new baby.
Is she still napping? Maybe her naps are too long?
Have you tried music in her room? We did this with my 31/2 year old. The music cues her to fall asleep. Now when she wakes up in the night, I can hear her put her music on, and sometimes she still climbs in bed with us. I think she does it only on nights when the day has been big- Halloween was a big deal, so we found her in our bed this morning.

GOOD LUCK. Many many people let their kids sleep with them. If it works for you family, it works for your family.

I know you will get a wide range of answers on this one. But, in my opinion your daughter needs you. She knows a change is coming, and rather than fight with her about it, you may want to look at what she needs right now. It is really hard to be two years old. There are a lot of changes going on in her body and brain, and she is affected by the pregnancy as well. My son, who was always a pretty good sleeper in his own bed, decided he needed some extra comfort in the night when he was this age as well. We didn't have multiple night wakings often, but if he needed it, one of us would sleep with him. I would recommend doing what helps you all get sleep at this point. If that means bringing her in your bed for awhile, do it. She could also sleep on a mattress on your floor. This phase won't last forever. Try to enjoy the moments she wants to cuddle with you and be close. Pretty soon you'll miss these times.

In most countries, it is the norm to co-sleep.

We fought our daughter when she was about 1 1/2 and I was pregnant with our 2nd too. After a couple weeks of sleeping on her floor, NONE of us were happy. My husband brought her into our bed and she has never left. We are ALL HAPPY!

From time to time she chooses to sleep in her bed but that is rare. She is now 3 1/2 and our son is 1 1/2 and we brought his crib in our room also. There are some nights where we have all 4 of us in our queen size bed. But our son seems to sleep better when I put him back in his crib when he's done nursing...

My husband and I sleep better because the kids are right there and we don't have to walk down the hall to check on them. The kids feel more secure and seem to sleep better too.

YOU NEED TO DO WHAT WORKS FOR YOUR FAMILY!!! DON'T LET YOUR DOCTOR RUN YOUR LIFE. THERE ARE EVEN STUDIES THAT SAY CO-SLEEPING REDUCES THE RISK OF SIDS. (Just don't co-sleep if you are under any influences.)

I just remember hating sleeping away from my parents when I was younger....They always made us go back to our bed when we came to their room and I remember how lonely I felt. I don't want my children to feel like that. And even now, I LOVE having my husband (or once he's in the barn, even having my children) in bed to cuddle with. Children like that too!!! They feel loved and secure.

GOOD LUCK!!

There is nothing wrong with letting your child sleep with you. You need your sleep! If she sleeps in your bed without the long hours of being awake, then you know there must be a reason for the waking.
If it is just insecurity, then it is important for her to feel secure. It WILL eventually prove to be a wise move becuase she will become extremely secure in the long run! If a child knows that mom and dad have her back when she is scared or uncomfortable she will learn to be more brave and fell much more secure in the future. (I learned this with personal experience with 7 kids)

You are pregnant and your daughter knows something is up, but she has no idea WHAT, and you can't really explain it fully at her age. It makes sense that it is disrupting her sleep.

She will eventually get out of your bed. I promise! My 19 year old doesn't sleep with us anymore! Actually, only our 2 year old sleeps with us, and not that often lately.

You will feel much better after a few good nights of sleep.

If you read Dr. Sears' website on co-sleeping you will find so many great benefits that you may want to take it on with your new baby, too. (I am not an attachment parent ideals pusher, I just LOVED what I found out about it, and I think parents really should be able to make the choice either way without guilt!)

All 3 of our kids (now 2, 6, 7) had this issue. With the first, we let him crawl in bed with us. AFter a while, we were tired of that. Your kiddo is old enough to understand choices. This is what we did from that point on: I made a bed of blankets (not too comfy) on the floor next to me since they always wanted mom anyway. If they didn't want to sleep in their bed, they could sleep on the floor in our room. Not in bed. Period. They all did it for a while and the mess on the floor gets annoying, but eventually, they all decided that their bed was just fine.

To offset my guilt, though, we would let them crawl in bed in the morning once mom and dad were awake and talking (weekends) and we'd just hang out, they'd bring a book, or a couple toys and play in our "presence". It worked great. Good luck! L.

We had this very same issue. My son is now 41 months and still wakes up 1-2 X and comes in our room. I get up and take him back to his room. We got him a twin bed so that we could lay with him until he falls asleep. I have even thought about getting him a full size bed. At least you would have room to sleep comfortably and hopefully get a bit more sleep. I totally feel your frustration. Keep your ground and try not to let her sleep with you in your bed. My son actually wakes me up now and says will you lay with me in my bed. So it does get better. And he does sleep ALL night without waking once in awhile! So there is hope! Take care!

I second the recommendation of Mary Sheedy Kurcinka's book, "Sleepless in America." I took her class in St. Paul years ago to help with my boys' sleep problems. I highly recommend Mary and all of her books. Good luck.

Hi S.,

I believe that the reason your daughter does this is because she wasn't taught good sleep habits as a baby. Children need to learn to go to bed and go to sleep at night when they are babies. Sometimes it is harder for some than others, but it is a lot easier to teach them this when they can't climb out of bed. You can still do it, but it will take a lot more patience, and time. Always put her back to bed, and let her fall asleep on her own. Once you get this habit instilled you probably won't believe how much happier your child is, and how much happier you are because if you are worn out, she probably is, too.

C.

Hi S.
If your daughter has anxity in my personal opion the best thing you can do for her and you is let her sleep on a mattress on the floor in your or if you have the room just move the whole bed in there. This will probably elimanate the middle of the night wakeing you up. Good Luck I hope you get some good sleep before the baby comes.

I would not recommend letting her sleep with you because you will not sleep very good. Kids move around so much! And as you get bigger and more uncomfortable it will be harder to get her out of your bed. I'd start her off every night in her own bed, and then if she is scared at night and needs to be close to you just let her fall back to sleep on the floor next to your bed. Our 4 year old has been having nightmares occasionally, not that often, but he has gotten in the habit of waking up and coming to our room at night. My husband handed him a pillow and blanket once about 6 months ago and told him to lay down next to him on the floor. Now he comes to our room, grabs the pillow and blanket off our hope chest, and just lays down on the floor in the middle of the night without ever waking us. With all of our kids we would put them to bed and keep putting them back in there if they got up from a very early age, and our other two have never slept with us. We used to just sit in the living room which was within eye and ear shot of their rooms and watch a show while they went to sleep. They knew we were right there, but we were not in the room with them. At this stage with your daughter, I would try a variety of things. A nightlight in her room, a safety gate on her door with the door open so she can see out, some kind of security stuffed animal or blanket, a sippy cup of water or milk, sharing a room with the four year old so she is not alone, and I would cut down her nap time during the day so her main source of sleep is at night. Our four year old shares a room with my ten year old, and when our ten year old is not home, that is usually when our four year old wakes up and comes to our room.
I hope you get your rest soon. If anything maybe you could hire a mama's helper during your pregnancy to babysit while you take a nap during the day. Babysitters rates are $2.50 per hour per child so for $5 to $10 bucks a day you could get an hour or two of quiet rest time. Good luck!

Does anyone really ever actually SLEEP after they become a mom? I feel like after becoming a mom, I have never really got into a deep nights sleep. I have a 19 month old who only sleeps through the night at my grandmas! EVERYWHERE else he wakes up. I have tried using the exact same pack'n play that he sleeps in there and even the same blankets and sheets. The problem is he knows I'll get up with him. We live in an apartment so I feel like if I let him cry through the night, he'll disturb the guy that lives next to us. I know your pain and your need for sleep. I'm sure its even worse because of being pregnant. I don't really have any advice, but I do know how you feel and wish you good luck... and "good nights"

The longer you let her sleep in your room the harder it will be to break that habit. I highly recommend getting the book Good Night, Sleep Tight by Kim West. It is a great book and it won't take you long to read the section on your daughters age. It has been a life saver for our two kids. It helps you create a good sleep schedule and how to teach your daughter to fall asleep on her own. It sounds like your 2 year old is overly tired. When they get sleep deprived they wake up more and more. Does she still take a nap? At that age we moved our daughter to a big girl bed and I too was pregnant. We then put a little gate in her doorway so she could still see out but couldn't get out to get into anything bad. She then was able to play in her room till she felt tired and then would climb into bed. So, I would get that book and get started before you new little one comes. Hope this helps.

S.,

I feel your pain! I was miserable until I read Dr. Sears Night Time Parenting. It saved my life. We have two girls and sometimes it is musical beds, but the bottom line is sleep. Both girls, now 4 and 7 are in their own beds, but more often than not the 4 year old will end up in bed with us and I have to say I love the closeness. She is there now and I am delighted. I love to cuddle with her and my dear husband has to get up so very early. He is able to sleep without interruption and then we get some time in the morning before school to snuggle as well.

Another good read is Three in a Bed. Regardless how you feel about co -sleeping, the bottom line is what works for your growing family. Do know, that the areas of the world where co sleeping and breast feeding are the norm, the incidence of SIDS is nearly unheard of. Parents and children where meant to be close and this is such a fleeting time in the big scheme of things.

It is hard when you are in the middle of the experience. Someone said the days are long but the years are short. I already miss so many of the things that my girls no longer do.

Go take your baby to bed and get some sleep with your little one. Enjoy this era, it will be gone far too soon and congrats on the arrival of your little boy!

J.

I feel for you. My son was the same. The only things that helped:

Making sure he ate a snack right before bed that was heavy - usually oatmeal (but not the prepackaged kind with tons of sugar) or a banana.

A couple of the tiny homeopathic medicine called Chamomilla (yes it is just the natural, safe flower herb called chamomile that is popular made into tea). It is about $8 and available at natural food stores or online, like at Amazon.com (The brand is usually Boiron, but I have used several brands and they all work. All are natural and have no side effects. They taste like sugar so he will love them.) You can actually give them it pretty mush as much as you want- like every 15 minutes, or every time he wakes at night.

You are pregnant, you need your sleep! Do what you have to in order to get it. Up until the past 50 year or so it was common for children and parents to sleep in the same room, so maybe it is actually more natural than we think.
I fall asleep on an air mattress in my 4 year old son's room. Then later in the night I wake up and go back to my bed. Some nights he sleeps through the night in his room some nights he wakes up and comes and gets in bed with me. One thing I feel sure of is that he will grow out of it eventually and I'm not losing sleep over it.

I am so sorry! I really don't have great advice but I wanted you to know that you are not alone! Our daughter (although she is only 17 months) has never slept consistently well. I too am pregnant and it makes it even harder! We too have tried EVERYTHING! I don't think there is anything wrong with letting her sleep on a mattress in your room. Every child has different needs/ personalities, and your little girl may just be extra sensitive to needing mom and dad around during night. Its so hard when its considered "normal" for children to sleep alone, in their crib, all night long, since birth. Its a very American idea. Each of my friends who has children has a different parenting philosophy on sleep/ co sleeping. I just keep telling myself that someday my daughter go away to college and then I can finally get a good nights sleep! You just need to figure out which way gives you the most sleep and do that! Good luck!

I highly recommend starting with a book by Mary Kurchinka called "Sleepless in America". She has helped tons of families identify and solve the source of sleep problems in their children. She is from MN so she also does lots of seminars/talks in our area.

Especially since you are pregnant, do what you got to do to keep her in a bed asleep and you get the most sleep as possible...be it in your room, or you both sleep in her room, couch etc...My girl is a bad sleeper too...she does not consistenlty sleep through the night...we started putting a sleeping bag on the floor in our room and she would come in (she got so used to it that she just came in without waking us)...we then started putting her on the floor in her sisters room, and then finally pulled the mattress in there. most nights we let her fall asleep in the living room on some blankets and then bring her into the bed. she has a hard time settling down at night and doesnt need as much sleep as her sister. She likes her back rubbed at night and likes snuggling so some nights i am on the floor or in her bed doing this to get her to sleep..i dont mind most nights because time as a little one is short. She still comes in our room too, but most times it is after 5:00am so this isnt so bad either. She is 3.

I have a son just like her. We are going to resort to a dutch door on the bedroom so we can lock the bottom half at night so he can't get out. It becomes a safety issue when a child this young is wandering around the house at night. And he's learned to get sneaky and be quiet about it.
Best Wishes,
J.
PS what we have done til this point is cut a few inches off of the legs of the crib so that it was low enough to the ground to be able to take the spring off the bottom and just drop the mattress on the floor inside of it. I hope this makes sense :o) Cutting the legs off brought the frame down far enough to the floor so that there wasn't a gap between the mattress and the frame. This helped for a while because it made it about 6 inches further to get over the top.