My 3 1/2 Year Old Doesn't Change His Own Clothes......

Agree w/ the other mommas-he is still pretty darn young.
My daughter is 5.5 and every once in a while I still have to help her.
She is just completely uninterested in doing it.
I don't remember exactly, but I would guess at 3.5 I was still completely getting her dressed.

we started aroud 31/2 on dressing himself for mine, my son is not "typical" and has challenges with it. What we did was once a day when we were NOT in a rush and it was not do or die on getting dressed practiced undressing and dressing a few times. It has been a year now and he still struggles and there are times when we slacked off and have to rush and I just dress him myself and there are days where he has it. It is not going to happen overnight and I would work on pull over shirts and comfy sweat pants first, then add socks, jeans/button up pants then zipper jackets etc ... it will take time and sometimes I would pull out simmilar clothing items and we would get dressed together so he could mimic me.

Just help him.

Comparing my daughter and son... my daughter started dressing/undressing herself very early.
My son, did not.
For my son, it was his coordination/fine motor skills. Even if he is really athletic and coordinated that way, per dressing/undressing he was all thumbs.
So I just helped him... while "practicing" with him.
Showing him how.
I made it fun.
My son is very independent... so him dressing/undressing himself had nothing to do with his 'independence." It was just a thing, he hadn't 'mastered' yet.
Plus, my son LIKED to wear the SAME thing, everyday. He had his favorite t-shirts.

In any case, don't force him or scold for it. It is just a basic skill... but for some kids, they just do not know how, yet nor have it fully mastered.

Just help him.
Show him how.
Practice.

There are so many different ways, to put on or off a t-shirt. Just show him the easiest way to do it.
My son, he will take his arms out first. By pulling on the sleeves and slipping his arms out of it. Then he will pull his shirt off over his head. Versus for ME... I simply from the hem of the t-shirt, will just pull it completely off over me and off. All at one time. My son, couldn't do it that way. No biggie.

My son is 4. We first practiced with him about pulling down his pants. When he got that, we practiced pulling UP his pants. That was harder for him. So we took more time with that. Only when he was about 4 (he is 4.5 years old now), he could pull off his own shirt.
So you see, it was in stages. Of accomplishment.

My son however, has great coordination and fine-motor skills with so many other things. Just with dressing/undressing, he was all thumbs.

Its really not a big deal.
Don't go by his 'age.' Go by HIM.
Just practice but don't make it a pressured thing.

Kids that age still need help, with dressing and getting ready.

all the best,
Susan

My son really only started dressing himself for school last year--first grade.
There seems to be two camps of kids on this O.--those refuse any help that are dressing & undressing at 2, and those who will happily let us help them into their prom tuxedo. I have the latter.

He is still on target. Those fine motor skills need to be worked on.. Look up some therapies.. they are easy to do and he will think it is just play.

He also may forget you have to take off your shoes first,, then the pants.
Also taking a tshirt off can be difficult for some adults especially as they age, for kids it is the same thing, they get tangled in it.

We used to have our daughter dress and undress her stuffed animals. She was really not into dolls. They she got excited about dressing and undressing Barbies.. Ah the fashion shows,,

I think it helped a lot that our daughter also loved dress up. We had a huge box for her to change in and out of all of the time..

He's still very young. I would pick your battles and just help him for now. I still have to help our 4 1/2 year old daughter sometimes.

I wouldn't be too worried if he is doing other things indepentently. Does he feed himself well? Does he color? Is it really a motor still thing or just that he'd rather have you do it? Is he potty trained? My 4.5 year old is on the other end of the spectrum- she wants to do everything herself and it's a huge battle when I want to help or even add input. Try adding insentives for good attempts and even better incentives for sucess. I've found that boys especially like to work towards a prize.

I make it a race...I will be changing my one year old and challenge my 3 1/2 year old. "Whoever finishes first gets 5 M&Ms!!" Sometimes we just race for the fun of it, no prize.

I think 3 1/2 is too young to expect him to do this, at least consistently. I helped my daughter get dressed/undressed way past age three.

I think it is OK and you are not a bad parent. I still dress my 5 year old in the morning for the same reason. No matter how much I want it, he just doesn't have the same sense of urgency in the morning as I do. He can change his clothes and he changes into pajamas or changes his clothes when they get wet, but it is at his pace, not mine.

If i'm in a real rush now, I'll tell him that he needs to get dressed on his own or I'm taking him to school in his pajamas, but at 3 1/2 he would not have cared about that.

A few weeks ago, his teacher sent home a 'what does your child do for himself at home' check list so I played the 'I'm going to tell your teacher you can't change your clothes because you don't in the mornings' card and he has started to cooperate more, but our kids are smart enough to know that getting dressed in the morning is our agenda, not theirs. Just work with him at night so you know he knows how to do it and when the time is right you'll find a creative way to get him to take charge of getting dressed.

Well then I'm a bad parent too... My 4 year old can dress himself and wants too some times, however, I find it easier to do it myself. He's my baby, and I should be making him more independent. It doesn't bother me to do it, but after reading your posting I'm feeling like I should make him do it more. When he does do it, I praise him and tell him what a big boy he is... Sometimes he'll take the clothes from me and tell me he's going to do it, not mommy. When it's bath time he'll get butt naked in a minute...
To me it isn't something that is bothering me or him... I guess I should be more like you and think of making him more independent...do it himself, it's just not a big deal to me...

I think it's to soon to expect him to do it readily on his own at this point. I say relax, go with it and just be glad he doesn't argue about what you put on him!

Well, I have to agree with your friends on this one. Honestly, if he knows that by holding-out you'll just do it for him then he's going to hold out. You're not a bad parent, he's just a really smart kid who has figured it out!

I would suggest that you make the time to teach him how to dress and undress. Start with something easy like sweatpants and a shirt w/o fasteners. Do it step-by-step and then have him practice. You could also try "timing him" and challenge him to "do it faster than mommy can" by timing yourself one day and then him the next.

If he really gies you a hard time, then let him sit there until he's dressed or misses an activity- and be prepared to miss the activity or for him to go to preschool/daycare in his jammies. Pack his clothes in a bag and bring him in- I bet he'll change quickly for them b/c he won't be allowed to play until he does!

I just did a teast w/ early interventin for my DD (2.5 years old) and they were concerned that she needs help w/dressing/undressing herself...so u might talk to eary intervention about it...they sounded like kids should be able to do some dressing/undressing by age 2 and do all by age 3.

One of my 3 1/2 yo sons prefers to be independent in dressing and undressing, unless he is in a whiny mood. Then it is (whiny tone) "Mama I want help." My other son, who has some sequencing issues and speech delay can do it all by himself, but gets passive and whiny if even asked to get dressed or undressed. Then he'll do something like pull his pants on OVER his pajama pants, or sit there crying with his underwear on his ankles, and I am thinking "Is that a motor sequencing issue or is he just being defiant?" So annoying. I can talk him through each step which helps but really I'm not sure he needs this as he has shown that he KNOWS the skills. I want to just be able to tell him "get undressed" or "get dressed" and have him do it from start to finish, but there are constant reminders needed throughout the process and he gets distracted. Sometimes it is quicker to do it for him but then I know that isn't helping his independence. My twins dressed themselves at a later age anyway, because if we had any hope of getting out the door on time, I just found it faster to do it myself!

I have 1 of each.....a Mr. I can't and a Mr. I want to do it. I can't came 1st. I also am always in a rush. We'd call him out when he wasn't truly trying. If he still didn't try we'd out him in time out, then calm him down, then tell him if he tries really hard & still can't do it we'll help him. Sometimes help consists of step-by-step verbal instructions, sometimes it's helping w/the specific piece he's having problems with. Example:pants around the ankle-I'd start to take 1 pant leg off by getting it around the "ankle jam", then tell him to do the rest of that leg. Praise him when he succeeds, then "let's see if you can get the other one all by yourself". Usually that's enough, but sometimes we have to help w/ the 2nd leg.
I stress HELP-not do it for him. After the pants issue is over, do the rest yourself (b/c you'll be late if you don't). The goal is to show him he CAN do it if he tries. Focus on the pants until he gets it himself. Once he's comfortable with the pants move on to the shirt-1st getting the head in the hole, then focus on getting his arms in the sleeves. Trying to do it all at once can be overwhelming for the child & way too time-consuming for you. One step @ a time. Good luck!

You've gotten a lot of great answers! I just read this b/c my son is almost 8 and doesn't want to dress himself and I've been wondering if I'm a bad mom for doing it for him or if it doesn't really matter. His motor skills are fine w/ everything else (aside from tying his shoes!!) so I figured it was no big deal. Just him being lazy and me being too nice and rushed! Now I feel bad that most 3 yr. olds can do it themselves! I do think there is a big difference in girls vs. boys. Just in my experience... girls want to do it themselves by the age of 3! Boy don't really care!

This is just from my own experience with my daughter who will be four in May. I, too, was discouraged that it seemed like she didn't really want to put her clothes on, but slowly, little by little she started to want to do it herself. This happened about a month or two ago. Before that, every once in awhile she would do her underwear or pants or shoes. I would just get her dressed any other time and then she told me she wanted to do it herself. She still struggles with some clothes and socks. I think if you just let it go, he will get to the point where he wants to do it himself.

I made a pictorial chart for a friend who was struggling with this issue. I can email it to you if you like. Send me a privite message with your email and i will send it to you.

Basically its a visual for them to know what they need to get out and put on. He would get a sticker reward for his chart and earn a reward at the end of the week for doing it all week. :)