Hi Parents!
I would like some advice on how to ease my daughter back into school.
The last year has been eventful for her and because of some major changes she has become much more fearful of people and new experiences. (in the last year she was in the hospital for about 5 days with a kidney infection as well as many follow up check ups and procedures, my daughter spent most days my grandmother and my grandmother passed away shortly after my daughter was in the hospital, and we tried preschool last fall shortly before she turned three and she was in a class of children that were just like her. VERY afraid and cried a lot. She will tell me that she doesn't want to see the crying children that threw up again. It was an experience!)
I won't lie, she is not a good self soother. When she is upset, she tends to wind up so tight it takes more than an hour to calm down.
She had always been very warm and friendly with new people and children and I hope to get her back to that comfort level.
How much should I push preschool if she is truly upset? My husband and I speak to her about the experience of school and what to expect. we are positive and excited when we are talking to her about it.
I am signing her up for a mommy and me class with the park district in the hopes that it will help. Any other ideas?
Have any of you experienced this with their children? How long did it take to acclimate them to preschool and being left alone?
*some of you had very good ideas, thank you! and good questions too. She does not need to be in a daycare setting because she stays with my mom while we work. because of that, we wanted to have her in a preschool or class to help with socialization and what not. she spends almost all of her days with adults but is otherwise on track developmentally. I think right now I'll just keep her in mommy and me classes until next year and see how she is then.
Why is a three year old in school? Find her a day care provider. I hate pre k and I am a teacher! It is a mill!!!
I would try again next year. In the meantime, keep up the playdates and classes for socialization. Remember she can learn a lot outside the classroom too :)
Does she need to go for daycare purposes? Because at the age of 3, she doesn't NEED to go to school. Sounds to me like she'd be better off at home this year. If she must be somewhere during the day while you work, look into an Au Pair to come to your home versus sending her to a classroom setting...at least until she starts feeling better, and better able to cope with stress. Consult with your pediatrician about this, just to be sure she doesn't need any further treatment such such as a therapist. Not likely, but you never know. Sounds like she just needs some R & R and TLC.
B., I'm sorry your little girl has had such a tough time. Those are all difficult experiences for her and it actually makes a kind of emotional sense that she would be afraid at this point. I am really feeling for her, and for you.
You are doing just the right thing with the mom and me class. Do a couple of sessions of it if possible. Talk a lot less about school; you mean well but right now I wouldn't keep it in the forefront of her mind; she is not ready for it yet. If she thinks of the mom and me class as "school" and gets worried, I'd reassure her that it's just a fun time and other kids will be there but you'll be there too.
If she was just turning three last fall, she'll be three and a half by summer, right? I would spend the rest of this spring doing mom and me classes and also having lots of play dates, even play dates at the park with several kids and parents there; this may help her slowly get used to being around other kids who are happy and other adults too. Meanwhile, find time somehow to start investigating preschools in your area; you'll need a way to have her cared for while you visit them without her, because visits are critical. Ask if you can see a class in operation; talk to the director and/or teacher about your daughter's fears and tell them what you're doing to ease her into things over the spring.
Ask if preschools have summer programs -- some are closed all summer but others might have summer sessions where a child can go for a very few hours a week, or for a special themed program over a week or two. See if she's ready for that by summer.
I picture the ideal situation for her as being a spring of lots of time with you -- that is fine and shows her she can rely on you! Don't worry that she is clingy just now, focus on being there with her! Combine with mom and me classes and lots of playdates. Then see if there is a summer program where the parents bring the kids for one day and stay, then drop them the next day for a short time, then the next day for a longer time. But not a whole summer of preschool yet, please -- just a short program where she can get a positive taste of it.
Our preschool started new kids with just one hour, two days a week, the first week; then went up to two hours, two days, the next week, then finally went into the full three-hour-a-day schedule in the third week (for three to five days of the week, depending on the options parents chose). That kind of gradual introduction to a preschool would be great for her in the fall.
I do think she could use a good preschool. I am a big advocate of them as places to teach children essential behaviors they must have in kindergarten -- how to get along OK with other kids, how to stop one activity when asked and move to another, how to listen to and obey adults who are not mom or dad. I'd just use these months from now until fall to ease her into the world slowly and at her pace, and I'd find a preschool willing to work with me on her fears and on being gradual with her.
We have my daughter in a ballet class for 3-5 year olds. She is three, most of the little girls are 3 turning 4. It's only once a week, so it is not overwhelming. We mostly did it for socialization, as did the other Mom's who take their girls there. She sees the other little girls at her class, and we run into the other families around town as well. It is kind of an easy, relaxed way to have our daughter be around other kids her age. I am in the other room and can peek in and see how she is doing and I don't have to be right there with her so she can get comfortable around the other girls. She is usually too busy to peek out and to see what I am doing. (Although lately she will run into the waiting room and shout "I LOVE YOU MOMMY!" then run back... not sure what that is all about! *LAUGH*)
I think you are making the problem worse by continuing to talk about it. Give it a break.
When you are ready, sign her up, but plan to stay at school with her for the first day or two so she can feel comfortable. Hopefully this will be a new class with "seasoned" students who will not cry. All you have to do is get her over the hump of going that first time. If it's a positive experience, she will probably be fine after that. It's just like falling off a horse; if you don't get back on, you'll be scared forever!
Mommy and Me sounds perfect for right now.
I would not push her. She is only 3! Next year, or in the summer, I would find a mothers day out or send her 3 days a week. Something like that. 1/2 days. Increase slowly.
Gentle pushes. Tell her it's okay to be afraid, but do it anyway because you think it will be fun!
I think all the school talk, even though it's positive, is actually making her more anxious. Leave it alone for a while.
Preschool is YOUR choice, not hers. Many children will say they don't want to go to school, especially if their initial experience is a bad one. I never asked my kids if they wanted to go to school, I just signed them up, took them for a visit and left them on their first day (only one out of three in tears, lucky for me!) They LOVED it, it was such a wonderful experience for them.
If you want her to go to preschool I think you need to find a quality part time program with caring teachers and a nice group of children, that will help her ease in to the school setting. Remember, preschool teachers are trained to do this and will help your daughter more than you can with the separation anxiety.
One of my friends had a daughter who was super shy and afraid of school. The most extreme case I have ever seen. She went to the same preschool as my son (age 3 to 4, and 4 to 5). Basically her mom went to school with her every morning M-W-F and that made her happy. She was still painfully shy and afraid of things but she was there doing things with the other kids. She slowly and slowly became less afraid and near the end her mom could leave some mornings. Then when she started Kindergarten at age 5 she did just fine. I was amazed at how much work she was for her mom and I also was impressed. She is in 2nd grade now and you would never guess how afraid she used to be! Probably you daughter is not that shy/afraid. I guess my advice is to get your daughter out socializing with groups of kids with you along...at a preschool or at toddler classes during the day. Or get her used to being away from you for short times. My daughter is about to turn 2 and a half and she hates for me to leave her. This year I have hired a "nanny" to watch her one morning a week (along with another little boy). I also have just started taking her to the YMCA child watch room a couple times a week. The woman there happens to be someone I know and my daughter has really bonded with her. It took her a couple weeks but now she enjoys her "nanny" too. I also take her to toddler classes around town as well to get out and socialize. I am hoping that by next year at age 3 she will be ready to go into a part time preschool.
If you don't need her to go as childcare, I'd let it go for a month and then pick one that is small and will let you stay with her initially. That's how I did it with my kids. We'd start small and I was with them until they got used to it and comfortable. It's odd unless all the kids were new that they were all crying at your last school... Likely at age 3 you can find one that lets you come mid-year where all the kids are happy and she'll get sucked in. But I never just dropped off the first time so maybe that helped.
