My 3 Yr Old Is Biting at Daycare What Do I Do?

V.,
maybe the simplest solution would be for you to make a great income at home and stay home with him.
If this sounds like a great idea let me know
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Thank you S.
I am a stay at home mom with 2 small children. I work for a wellness company opening personal accounts. I make a great income and get to be with my children.

Oh V., I feel for you! Our son who is now 3 and a half was the serial biter at daycare. Several things happened that ultimately landed me quitting my job and becoming a SAHM. Of course to save financially, we removed him from daycare immediately. The thing is...he never bit or hit at home - it was only at preschool. So I figured that after 6 months, he was cured. I recently joined a gym and he loves going to the preschool there - but after 2 days of perfect bliss, he bit and hit on the third day. Apparently he was not cured. I took him home and used our most strict discipline regime that day with him (which I will not disclose due to many not agreeing with it) and followed each day with a discussion about biting and hitting...and hugging and sharing of course. He has not done it since that one time. It's important that even though the daycare teachers won't (because by law they are not allowed to) demand obedience, that you demand it...in whatever way your child best responds. Your child will very soon learn what the consequence of disobedience is. Your three year old is VERY smart. Do what you feel is necessary for him to learn that biting and hitting are unacceptable. And good luck!

This may or may not sound appropriate to you, my apologies if not. When my son was 3, he was biting. Another Mom told me that she put a small spoonful of vinegar in her sons mouth and it only took a few times before he quit. It sounded a bit cruel to me, but after drawing blood on my daughter, I knew it was time. I'll tell you what, the next time he did it, I sat him down in the bathroom on the toilet (lid closed, heehee) and put the spoonful in his mouth. He bit 2 more times, I vinegared 2 more times, and that was the end of his biting. I used the same technique when he picked up a few swear words from some not-so-good day care kids. Good luck Mama.

Biting and violence (ie hitting/scratching/etc) by preschoolers is usually related to the need for attention. I would be concerned that the teachers at your son's school may not be paying close enough attention to what the children are doing. Are they down at the child's level, actually playing with them instead of just standing up supervising? (Or worse, talking to each other!)

It sounds like your son has discovered that acting out gets him attention, although it is negative attention. Make a plan of action with his teachers. Say no firmly and give him a time-out. Then give lots of attention to the victim. If your son gets very little attention from biting, he will stop. Especially if he gets lots of extra praise and attention from his teachers when he is playing nicely and behaving appropriately. At home, do the same. Try to reinforce good behaviors, and role play what to do if someone take away a toy or does something we don't like. Sometimes preschoolers react a certain way because they have not been taught the right way to react. Good luck with your son. This may take time, but with patience he can overcome this.

Hi V.,
I work in schools (not daycare), but something I've noticed over the years with teachers of younger children: they often know how they want to handle a situation, but are waiting for permission from the parent(s) to be "tough" with their children.

Ask the provider how she suggests discipline for your son, and spell out specific actions she is allowed to take with him.
t

My experience has been that my son started biting when he was having difficulty communicating (he ended up needed speech therapy to address his needs). I know that there are usually other reasons, but this is a possibility.

I know also that I see a lot more aggression out of my son when I am not getting much time to spend with him.

Hi V.!
I know this is very frusterating for you but have you considered putting him into an in home daycare where the ratio is anywhere from 3-4 children? The reason I am asking is I have been a caregiver for the last 9 years and the children Ive cared for over the years I can honestly say Ive never had a child bite another child. But I went back to work for 6months with the school district & I still keep in contact with any of the children I have cared for that have grown up & moved on to preschool I had one little girl who left here when I went back to work & she was put into a daycare & became a serial biter! I truly believe it is the attention that children actually want & need. I am with the children I care for all day, we ran all over the living room today playing, we danced, i pushed the kids around on this bus we have they get the attention they really need. Its just something to think about. I hope this is helpful to you & things get better for you & your son.

I know how difficult it is to figure out toddlers! Biting, hitting, and other not so pleasant behaviors are all normal in childhood development. They are sometimes triggered by something else, though. Has there been a big change in his life recently? Does he have a new teacher or new student in his class? A friend of mine had this problem with her toddler and they moved him to a different class at his preschool and the behavior stopped! They just don't always know to articulate their feelings so just work on giving him the words to say how he feels. Good luck!

My son bit on and off from age 1 to age 3. It is fairly normal actually! We worked on him expressing himself, teaching feeling words, because in my opinion, they bite because they are mad, or upset in some way and don't know how to say this so they bite. Often my son bit when another child took a toy from him, we worked hard on talking to him about telling his teachers instead of biting. There is also a great book, "Teeth are not for biting" and we read that a lot! We would pick it up and read it when ever he would start up again. He is 4 now and no longer bites! You as the parent need to work on this at home but I also got the book for the daycare as well! My son was not by far the only biter!
//www.amazon.com/Teeth-Biting-Board-Book-Behavior/dp/157542...
K.

Hi V.,
Have you changed his routine lately? Any changes to a toddler's structure can be very difficult for them to handle. Perhaps the daycare has changed something - schedule, teacher, new kids or a playmate leaving? Maybe it's a simple as a new activity they have introduced that is overstimulating him? Who knows, it would be sooo much easier if they could just tell us! :o)
Looks like you have a busy a schedule, but if you could take time over the next 2 weeks to get him to a park or playgroup (or even the jungle gym at McDonalds) and watch him with other children, maybe you can see a little of how he's handling his interaction with kids his age and younger/older. If you see the same biting, hitting, scratching at least you would get a chance to deal with it on the spot. It's so hard to discipline a 3 year old for something that happened hours ago.
Good luck to you and your little one!
D.