My 3Yr Old Son Hitting His 16Ms Sister... What to Do????

Continue to dicipline him so he learns it is not acceptable behavior and know that it is normal sibling rivalry. Try to take some time out each day for one on one time with each child if you can. Don't stress too much, all children go through it.

Remember that whatever you decide to do, you have to do it consistently AND the consequence has to mean something to him that makes it worth it to stop the behavior. For example, if you take a toy away, he may think in his head "so what- I have other toys" or "so what, I know she'll give it back to me eventually anyway". And time out doesn't work for every child because of the way it's done-- no offense, but some kids get a kick out of time out because their parents put them in it but then continue to pay attention to them while in it so they are getting the attention they crave and then the parents wonder why time out doesn't work. (My sister puts her daughter in time out and then when her daughter tries to talk to her, she'll say, "I can't talk to you right now because you're in time out"... but just saying that to her is giving her attention so she doesn't mind sitting in time out)

I read a book a long time ago called Siblings Without Rivalry. See if you can find it and read it. I remember one thing that stood out, which was that most of the time a child picks on a sibling for attention-- so don't give them the attention. No, you can't ignore it if he pushes his sister, but instead of making a big deal out of punishing him (which gives him attention-- he is thriving on that negative attention) it said in the book what you should do is pay attention to the "victim" instead. Make a big fuss over your daughter. Even if you know she isn't really hurt, if she gets pushed or hit, fawn over her and make a huge fuss over her. Pretend like she fell down rather than that she was pushed-- "Oh my goodness! Are you OK?? Do you need some ice? It looks like you might be hurt. Do you need a cookie??" And make a big deal about how you can't pay any attention to him right now because when his sister is hurt she needs mommy. Don't even give him a consequence. He'll eventually figure out that there is no pay off for him to hurt her because it just gets HER the attention. He won't get it the first time, but like I said in the beginning, the key is to be consistant so he figures out cause and effect works the same every time-- if I hurt her, this is what will happen.

In the meantime, make sure you have special rituals that you ONLY do with him and be sure to point out that it's only for him because he's older or because he's your special boy. It could be helping to pick the side dish for dinner, helping with any chore around the house, carrying your keys from the car to the front door, pushing the garage door opener, helping you get the mail, etc

My children went through the same stage. What finally worked was immediately grabbing him and firmly saying," Did you hit her? We do NOT hit people!" Make sure you have a VERY angry face. and put him in the high chair. then in front of him, immediately cuddle and speak softly, comforting to his sister. This not only lets her know that you empathize with her pain, but will start to teach him that it really hurts to be hit by someone. At this age, children, especially boys do not have a concept of others feelings or that the world does not literally revolve around them. They need to be taught. Hitting them will only make them angry. He has learned that hitting will cause a reaction, just like pushing a button on a toy, makes it light up, it's just a mechanical reaction to him, and the reaction might be to make her squeal, to get attention from you, or to just make her let go of something he wants. His new lesson if going to be that everytime he does this, he will be placed in the baby seat for three minutes...and the three minutes starts when he is quiet, not kicking and screaming. Get an egg timer and set it for three minutes. Tell him that you will start the time when he is quiet. If he continues to fit, just leave the room...with poor sister. He will be very angry at first, but will learn quickly that he got himself into this mess and he can get out of it. When he is done with three minutes of quiet to think about why he's there. Take him down and hold him, hug him and ask him why he was in time out. You may need to remind him. Tell him that when you hit your sister, it really hurts her, remind him of a time when he was hurt, like a skinned knee or bumped head. Tell him to look at her face, did you see her cry? She was very sad. I know you are SO MAD when she takes your toys. etc. But she is a baby and doesn't know how to share like you do. You need to use your words to tell her no or to leave it alone. If she doesn't listen to you, because she's a little baby, come tell me and I will help you. I will make sure she doesn't take your toys. You don't need to hit her. Just use your words, ok! Then ask him to show you how he could use his words. Tell him to oretend she is taking away his toy, what woudl you say to her? You can offer suggestions, like, "Katie, NO, don't touch my truck...NO Katie, that's mine!" Mommy, she taking my truck! " Tell him mommy will say, Good job using your words Johnny! Katie, no no, you need to leave his toys alone, did you hear his words? You need to listen and not touch his toys, ( then just remove the baby). This will show him that you are his helper and will come to his rescue if he is having a hard time. If he is having bad day, just separate them until he chills out.

i have lots of kids. lol. so this is not new territory. my opinion is that he is feeling left out and wanting attention. he is old enough to put a reward system in place. you can use whatever you want for it. cut up pc's of paper with a dollar sign, stickers, whatever. let him know that he can earn a "sticker" for any good behavior he does towards his sister. and he will get a sticker taken away for bad behavior. and then let him know that (your choice) 3 stickers earns him... an icecream trip with just you or a nice walk through the neighborhood with just you, or a trip to the park with just you. i always called it a date with mom with a $5 limit, for my kids. they loved it! and then he will associate being sweet to his sister, with alone time with you. it worked great for us. be creative. :) good luck!

I agree with Noel C. Please spend one-on-one time with your son. If possible have your husband do the same. I think you should each pick a special thing that you do with him every day as well as a each of you taking him on weekly outings. Maybe your husband always reads to him at night. Maybe you always give him his bath while your husband has daddy-daughter time. Make it fun with bubbles and games in the tub. Don't fret and go on outings with your kids for as long as you can. Enjoy!

Try a couple of things: If you're able take him out and spend some time with just him. Maybe a weekly date so that he knows he's still important to you.
Also, include him in anything you can when you are concentrating on her. Let him be mommy's helper. Make it the biggest deal you can. Get him a shirt or a hat or even make a badge that says mommy's helper.
Now, tell him that you also need his help to make sure she's safe and nothing hurts her. Tell him the things that he needs to watch out for. Then if he does hit, remind him that hitting hurts.

The advice both ladies gave is great and is something I'm going to try out. I have a 3 yr. old daughter that does the exact same thing but with her 18 year old sister. We have a little one on the way and I often wonder how that's going to work out. Sorry I don't have any advice, I'm learning from the responses just as you. Just wanted to let you know you are not alone.

Does he know it hurts? Maybe a little of his own medicine would help and held learn that things do hurt. I worked on my bitting baby boy. NO major thing maybe a smakc on the rear.

I hear you! My son was 2 years 3 months when my daughter was born. We used to call it "Rough Love" because he would disquise his aggression by acting like he was loving her up. The main thing is to remain calm. Speak to him in a clear quiet voice and let him know he is not allowed to hurt her. You must then gently lead him from the room and tell him he cannot join you (and her) until he can behave himself. Also, figure out where he lives which means, what can you take away from him that will really hit home, then remove that from him when he deviates from your expectations. Also,, he may be getting too much attention by hurting her. If you think this is possible, when it next happens, don't say anything. Simply take his hand and lead him to a room to be by himself. Then quietly tell him you do not want to play with him when he hurts his sister. Give him a few minutes alone, then give him another shot at behaving. Try to never shame him and tell him he is a bad brother. He needs to feel as though she needs him to be good to her and help her grow up right. Give him some responsibility for helping you teach her how to behave. Just hang in there. My son is now almost 17 and my daughter is 14 and they are very close and I am so grateful!!!!!

A spanking goes a long way. It causes temporary pain in order to let the little one know that his behavior is unacceptable. Do it in love, but make sure it is quite unpleasant for him. :-)
Mom of 4

I know where you are coming from! My three year finally got the message when we changed teh way we did timeout..tomuch negative attention with the continued talks etc.. we now have him standing and face his nose in the corner, we had to start with having a small chair for you to sit behind him and act like a chair just to hold him in place (You have to turn off the mommy gene - no responses, you can tell him to face wall the first few times- if he tries to slide down, simply put your hands under his armpits - don't hold him up, but he will not like the 'crutch' feeling in his armpit, and will stand, we would ask 'are you ready' and then he would turn and do his time)- once he was quiet and turned to face the wall we started with simple 20 seconds and went up 10-15 secs each week after that. I just started this in Mid December, and now hardly ever have to put him in timeout. We made 4 rules- no aggression of any kind - immediate time out - no arguing with mom or dad - count to 3 - no disrespectfulness - count to 3- and no saying 'NO' - count to 3 - afterwards always remind himu love him and give hugs. I know it sounds extreme but it really isn't, it has helped so much. I used to do just sit in timeout, but it just didn't seem to bother him, but the nose to the wall seems to work great.