My 4 y.o. Won't eat...EVER

I say if you haven't already, get him in to see a G/I doctor and have him evaluated. My son was very skinny too and didn't like to eat and we got him on Prevacid for reflux and he started eating so well. Some kids have "silent reflux". Just a thought.

If he is truly underweight, then for health reasons I would try to find something that he likes that will give him some calories and nutrition. Does he like the pedisure shakes?

If it's not a health concern then absolutely do not fight with him about it. My daughter is a grazer. She eats very little for meals but periodically throughout the day she will have healthy snacks/mini-meals. By the end of the day she has eaten about as much as any other 6 year old but she'll eat it in 6-7 different sittings rather than 3.

As long as he is not passing up healthy food for junk later, it seems completely normal to me and you'll just be prolonging the agony by trying to fight with him about it. To be honest at 4 all of my kids probably would have been satisufied with a few grapes and some bacon for breakfast. That doesn't seem that bad for a 4 year old to eat and all of my kids were big!

Good luck,
K.

A counseling specialist told me recently that in the past, children would naturally eat when they were hungry so when they would pass up food, you didn't have to worry because they would eventually get hungry enough to eat what you put in front of them. She said they have done recent studies, however, that show this does not seem to be the case anymore. They are not sure of the reason for the change, but children can nutritionally starve themselves now, particularly when it comes to foods they don't like, so it's important to "make" your kids eat a healthy balanced diet, without it being a struggle.

The reason I got into this conversation with this counselor is because my son is slightly underweight and a very picky eater. She recommended that I require him to eat at least one bite of whatever it is on his plate that he won't touch at each meal and that eventually, he will do it on his own. What is happening now in the process is he won't eat most of what I put on his plate, but he'll ask for a snack, like graham crackers or a glass of milk to fill him up. We tell him that he can't have those things because he didn't eat his dinner. Sometimes he'll eat some of the healthy stuff and then we'll give him a little of what he asked for. Sometimes he doesn't eat any of it and he doesn't get what he wants.

We do give him an Ensure nutritional drink every morning, which is something that he loves, so I'm pretty confident he is getting at least some nutrition every day. We also try to make sure there is something that I know he likes on his plate for every meal so I know he'll at least eat some of that one thing. With your son and the grapes, that's exactly how I would have handled it. If all he ate was three grapes, that would be just fine. He wouldn't get anything else until his healthy mid morning snack or he'd go back and finish what he had for breakfast.

My daughter is a big veggie eater and always has been. My son won't touch a veggie unless you make him so that's what we do. We don't make it a test of wills though. He just knows he won't get anything else until he takes at least one bite of everything that is on his plate. I can tell when he's hungry because he'll do it without having to be told twice. Other times, he just waits until his before bed snack and seems to have no problems. Just now he told me he wanted to give his lunch to his sister because he was full. I told him no, that he needed to eat his own lunch. I know he won't eat it all right now. But I'm willing to bet in about an hour, he'll get hungry and he'll go back and eat the rest. If not, he'll have something different to choose from at his afternoon snack time.

I think if your pediatrician is not too concerned by your son's current weight, and you're following his suggestions, he is probably fine. You might want to ask if you can add something like Pediasure or Ensure or a vitamin supplement. I know that makes me feel a lot better knowing my son is not getting all his nutrients in his food. I also think it's ok to make rules about kids having to at least take at least one bite of whatever is on their plate, without it being a power struggle. The main rule in my house, at least for my older kids, and it will eventually be the same for my youngest once he understands the concept, is you don't have to eat anything else on your plate but your vegetables, but you have to eat all your vegetables if you want anything else. I don't care if they leave everything else on their plate, as long as they finish their vegetables. They have never actually not eaten at least a portion of the entree and the other side(s) 'cause I tend to make things my family likes, but it's an option if they want. That is a way to share the power and control so they don't feel like they are being forced to eat everything, but at the same time, I'm making sure they get the most nutrition they can at each meal.

Blessings,
N.

Hmm, your use of the phrase "turning every meal into a battle" is a sign that your techniques are probably not beneficial to your son's eating habits. If anything, battles and punishments, or even bribes, are variations on "force," and could work against his long-term relationship with food.

Karen B. has good advice on grazing, which is probably more nearly the way humans ate before we began to depend upon agriculture. Some children are natural grazers.

My grandson, 4 years old, isn't much of an eater and tends to run on the low end of the weight percentile. He claims to be done eating after a few bites, too, and I think he could truly feel that way. But then the adults in his life poke bites of healthy food into his mouth after he's gone back to playing after a meal. When distracted by other interests, he accepts it pretty readily until he is truly full.

Eventually, we won't do this for him, and have gradually been dropping the practice (well, he just visibly lost weight because of a week-long tummy bug, so we may step it up again for awhile). But you might want to see whether that will work for you, and give you the confidence that your child is being reasonably nourished.

A couple of perception-altering techniques might be helpful. Put a small amount of food on a large plate, or a helping of milk in shorter, wider glass
to give your son the impression that there's a consumable amount in the meal. Too much food in front of him will seem hopeless, the inevitable battle will ensue, and he may lose his appetite before he even starts.

Good luck. This is a common problem.

smoothies are great. you can even hide spinach, carrots, and kale in them. I haven't tried other veggies yet, but I definately plan on it. Also, try giving him probiotics. They will help his body to absorb the nutrients that he is eating. My daughter was constantly hungry, but ate small meals. She would even wake up in the night hungry. We figured out that she wasn't absorbing protein correctly. Since putting her on probiotics she is now eating like a normal kid.

The more you battle with him, the more control he has. It's a thing he knows works the two of you up. If you let it go, he will eat more on his own. He won't starve.

Get him to drink a glass of milk or buy him Boost Essentials for breakfast. It has vitamins and protein in it that is made for kids. My daughter has one of these for breakfast nearly every morning because she doesn't like to eat right off the bat. So at least I know she has something nutritional she can drink while she does her morning thing. A few hours later, she will have a snack. I do not require she eat leftover anything... I don't like leftovers myself.

Also get him a vitamin to take after dinner or before bed, if you don't already do this. Giving a vitamin before bed is better than in the morning because if the vitamin has a tendency to cause tummy issues it will happen while sleeping. This will give you peace of mind that his body is getting nutrition his body needs even if he isn't eating the way you think he should.

GL!

My first thought is, does your pediatrician say he is underweight? Because if your pediatrician is already concerned about his weight then you should at least go in and try to come up with a plan with the peds. If he's just a skinny kid, then my opinion is that arguing and fighting will only make it worse. If he took bacon and grapes and only ate a small bit, save the rest for next time he is hungry - tell him ok you don't have to eat more now, but next time you are hungry you have to have more from this plate until you can chose something else eat - such as "snack food." This works with my son who is picky and wants to battle over food...

Making it a battle does not help. IIf he doesn't eat is he hungry again right away - does he eat lots of mini-meals? If so I would make sure to hold him to 3 meals and no more than two snacks (every opportunity to eat should be at least 2 hours apart and no milk or food in between - also watch juice which can be filling). IF you are maintaining good meal habits, he really doesn't eat ever, and is actually underweight and not growing as he should - then your doctor should be looking into what makes him not want to eat. Your first referral should be to a nutritionist who will have you keep a log to see what he actaully does eat over a couple of days. Are there patterns? After that you would see a GI doctor to see if there was some kind of physical reason he doesn't want to eat.

There are two ways I can see this. I have a 4 year old as well. Some days he eats more than I do, and other days he does exactly like you say: a few pieces of fruit, and he's finished. He knows there's no snacking all day so if he doesn't eat, he won't eat until the next meal (or the mid-morning/mid-afternoon snack that is set each day). He's a little above average on weight, though. It could be that yours is doing the same thing. It's really important to not make this a battle. Food is one of the only things a preschooler can control. As long as you keep a strict schedule on when you all eat, he'll come around (if that's what the problem is).

However, there could be health issues, and his huge drop really raises red flags. Does he have any other health issues? Like asthma or chronic ear infections or anything like that? I only ask because I have a friend who has two sons with EE. It's so misdiagnosed, but it's really really common in some form or another. For everyone I've met that has it, though, they also have problems with asthma and get sick at the drop of a hat (like cold sick). I have another friend who has always cleared his throat not realizing that was a symptom. If anything like that sounds familiar, find a GI specialist, and just get him tested just to find out. It's nothing fatal, but it is something that needs to be diagnosed and taken care of ASAP. If it does sound familiar, and you need a good GI specialist, PM me, and I'll talk to my friend to see who she recommends. They've been to almost every doctor in the metroplex before finally finding out what was wrong. Good luck,a nd I hope you do figure it out. I see that the sister is doing the same thing, and EE is genetic among siblings. BTW EE is Eosinophilic esophagitis