A friend of my son's since birth has recently been diagnosed with a likely fatal brain cancer (Glioma). I am struggling to cope with this news myself, as we are very close with the whole family. The boys are both 5 years old. I would like to hear from anyone who has gone through anything similar and might help me with this situation. How much information do I share with my son about his friend. What do I say to my friend? Obviously I have made offers to help with her children, cook, etc. but I am struggling in our conversations as it is such a dire situation. I guess I want something to make things better but there isn't anything. Another close friend lost her younger son 6 months ago at just over a year old. My son has dealt with that fairly well-this was his other good friends younger brother- and he brings him up in many conversations. How will this new news affect him? My heart is so heavy right now.
First, I want to thank everyone who took the time to give me some kind words, encouragement, or advise. I found all of it helpful. I began to read Donna's Story which has been really hard but also very insightful about the world of cancer and children. We are going to the Pumpkin Patch this weekend with the little boy and I'll be taking lots of pictures and enjoying our time with him. He starts Chemo in November so please help us to pray for a miracle.
Some gliomas are fatal and some are not.
My brother in law had one removed when he was 18 and he's in his mid 40's now and fine.
Try to not jump to conclusions.
Just take the information as it is offered and take it day by day.
Hello D.,
I am sorry fo read of the devestating news you and your friend have received. I am writing to let you know that a Glioma is NOT always fatal. My ex-husband had a Glioma and was essentially fine for 18 years PAST the date the neurosurgeon gave me of expected date for him to survive, and that was at the "outside" edge of expectancy. He only did one round of radiation and surgery initially and nothing further. The worst side effect he suffered was the loss of taste for 2 years or so.
I hope that this news will give you hope and your friend hope.
As for what you can do for your friend; yes, helping with cooking, childcare, a listening ear with a non-judgemental open heart as she is likely to run the gammut of feelings. Also, just letting her know that you are there as much as you can be, for whatever she may need, will help. Don't forget to ask hwo she and the rest of the family are doing as generally speaking everyone sufferes when one is so sick.
I wish you and your friend all the best. Keep hoping!
Kind regards,
T.
I am so sorry for all of you. I hope that there will be a god outcome, if not at least no pain. We had a young man at our elementary school , 1st grade, that had Thyroid Cancer.
The children made cards, sent books, and DVD's to him.. The adults collected money for gift certificates to a food delivery service in town and up in Houston He had some of his treatments at MD Anderson.
The teachers spoke with the students about what cancer was, what the little boy was going through.
The parents were given some titles of suggested books on children that are sick and about death.. They had no idea how it was all going to end. So they were encouraged not to speak specifically about his child, but about illness and death in general.
The young man survived! I think he may be graduating from High School next year.
Our daughter always did best with books. I would read them and then answer any questions. Sometimes it was days later.
We always have hope, until there is no hope.
It is ok to be sad, and to cry. The important thing is to show how people care for other people when they are ill, sad or frightened. Death is very sad, but everybody goes on and never forgets.
In our family deaths is never a secret. It is just part of our lives.
Maybe you can call your local children's hospital and see if they have any support groups. Call them up and see if they can offer suggestions on what to say, what to do.
Do what you can to help them make memories together. Ask them ifyou can snap photos of him/the family - at home, in the hospital, in the car - daily things like reading a book together or watching TV together. Try and record the little boy on video saying something, eating his favorite dessert, or singing, or just talking about his favorite things or better yet, talking about his family.
Don't treat the boy like he's dying when you are around him - treat him like the interesting human being that he is.
I understand your heart must be so heavy. None of us want to see any child suffer.
What the hell is it with five years olds and brain cancer!!! My son, who is now 23, lost a friend to cancer. His friend was five when they found it. :(
What I found worked best for both my son and the little boy was continuing to play and be normal in the times he could play and be normal. It helped Tommy to see that although it is happening it didn't change who his friend was. I don't really think Tommy thinks about it so much anymore. I found out at the funeral that Tommy was the only child who wasn't scared to play with him. I didn't know it at the time but him mother was soooo happy he had a friend to play with.
The best thing you can do is be normal. Let the two play together and take lots of pictures of them together. Make a scrapbook of them so that when and if he should leave your son will have them.
My son lost two friends one was 6 (drowning in the winter) and another at 8 to cancer. The first one was devastating in that he lost a hockey puck that they played within in the snow and he cried for about 5 hours. I gave him a warm bath, made his favorite dinner, spent extra time with him. Hubby came home and wanted to know what happened I told him "we lost the hockey puck". And he said Oh! When the snow melted he found the puck and I have it to this day. But that was the only tangible memory he had of Robby. There was a write up in the local paper about the loss of Robby in the river (in French) and I translated it into English for him and put it in his memory book.
The main thing is just be there and listen. Answer questions when asked and let the conversation flow and go. She will need you when things do get bad.
When I found about the cancer (Kelly) I told my son that he was sick and that his hair was going to come out. All the other kids in school made fun of him because he wore a wig for a bit and then he just wore a cap. But my son never made fun of him and missed his terribly when he moved.
To this day at 38 he still mentions them once in a while.
My best to you and your family and your son's friend's family. Hang in there and make sure everybody gets rest.
The other S.
I'm so sorry to hear about your family friend! I recently read through the 31 "installments" of Donna's Cancer Story--over at the Mary Tyler Mom blog (you can easily find it by Google). It was intended as a "one-a-day" posting for Childhood Cancer Awareness in September, but I read it over a weekend. It was moving, emotional, and really touched my heart. You might want to "swing by" there and hear the story from mom's point of view. If nothing else, it made me more aware and empathetic towards families going through it. It also made me stop and hug my little girl and cound my many, many blessings.
May God bless your family and theirs.
This just breaks my heart! And here, I was worried about how to tell my daughter that her little friend across the street was moving. I wish I knew what to tell you. I had cancer last year and went through it with my kids, but mine wasn't terminal, so I'm sure those conversations would have been different. I would just tell him that his friend is sick, but that it isn't something he can catch. Will they be doing chemo or radiation? If he will lose his hair, you will have to explain that. My kids took it pretty well....my daughter laughed at me when she saw my bald head for the first time. It didn't hurt my feelings, but you might want to talk to your son about it so that he doesn't have that reaction to his friend.
As for how to talk to your friend, I think you just need to let her know that you are there for her and let her lead the conversations. I'm not saying to ignore the elephant in the room, but she will talk when she feels like it if you open that door and let her know that you're okay with talking about it if she wants. I think it is okay to be honest with her and tell her that you don't know what to say, but that you are heartbroken for her and her family. She will appreciate that you are there and the things you are doing are more help than you can imagine. I'm not sure how I would have gotten through the past year and a half without the help of my friends and my church family, so bringing food and helping with kids is a practical way to help her cope. I'm so sorry this has happened to your friend.
Please research the Gerson Therapy. It took people who were told there was no hope and cured them.
I found the book at the library. There is also a movie about it, its called 'dying to have known'- I rented it on Netflix. It has testemonies of a lady who was in a group of people with the same stage cancer,all of those on traditional chemo died, and she, the only one who used Gerson Therapy, is still alive (many years later).
I have been a medical researcher for 10 years because I have a daughter who was ill. It took me 10 years of research to find out she has Addisons dsease (adrenal disease). During this time, I found out ALOT about how the body works, especially the endocrine system and the electrolytes. I vastly studied yeast/candida, LYME disease,mineral /vitamin imbalances and thier affect, cancer, the nervous system, and the endocrine system.
The Gerson therapy doesnt just cure cancer, but many of the endocrine diseases. cancer and endocrine disease ocur when the cell is full of sodium and it gets locked in and potassium gets locked out. Hormones get disrupted in the process. The cell is SUPPOSE to be full of potassium, not sodium. Its a lot to explain in detail, but because I was studied in endocrine medicine, when I read the Gerson Therapy I uderstood exactly why it worked.
The powers that be will not allow you to take a child OFF of traditional cancer therapy, but at least as much of the Gerson Therapy should be implemented....taking iodine, potassium, stopping ingestion of salts and sodium, juicing...etc. Juicing gets high amounts of magnesium and potassium into the body, and can help switch back the electrolyte balance in the cell.
Prayers with you all,
Gail
My heart goes out to you. What a difficult situation to be in. Your friend is fortunate to have you. So many people would be paralyzed and unable to do anything. I wish I had some words of wisdom besides continue "be there for" her.
I wish your son did not have to know about this at such a young age. You may want to consider grief counseling for him. Stephens Ministries offers some very good resources.
You are in my prayers.
Victoria
I am so sorry. I pray he wil be ok. I also read Donna's Cancer Story and it'll make you cry (again I assume) but as someone else said, it's probably a good thing for you to read to give insight on what they might go through. I'm not sure your friend should read it as it's so heartbreaking and I'm sure different people react differently, need different things etc but it's quite thorough and of course insightful.
I am so sorry to hear of your son's best friend. When I was five years old a very close friend I played with was killed by a car. I saw it from my window but it did not register. I could not reckon with the fact that she would not be coming back. It took two years before I stopped looking for her.
Let him see his friend getting treated and see what happens to him. It will make it all the more real.
There is an excellent book called "When Children Grieve" that talks about how to best help children when they have experienced a loss - the loss doesn't even have to be death, it can be loss of ability to play with a friend who is too sick to play. It is research-based and talks about how children grieve very differently from adults and grieve differently at different developmental levels, and the book gives great strategies to help children with the grief process.
Best wishes,
D.
