She is 7 and was a good girl from the first few weeks of school, then all of a sudden i was getting phone calls everyday for weeks now telling me to come and get her to the point of one outburst they are callin me to get her once 40minutes into school just starting. I have been working with them all along and my daughter is now seeing a child mental health therapist, i take things from there to her school that she has worked on at the therapy session to give to the teachers and principle. Doesnt work. :-( I have told her lots of possitives and she gets punished for bad behavior everytime, I tell her she dont have to get a 100% but try to get close as you can for that day and i dont tell her to be my good girl but i tell her be my happy girl cause she seems very unhappy about things and i dont know what it is she says diff. things each time we talk just me and her she has opened up to her thereapist more and i know kids do that. not mad at all bout that i just want her to be my good girl again like last school year! she does act up at home too but not to that point, i have followed up with the answers she has given me about what the issues are and some of what she says is false. I told the principle well i will just keep her home a few days and just go and get her work, and the princple dont want to keep her home and yet they call me up as soon as she acts up. She does run through the halls, and runs from the teacher and she gets explained to that is not safe for anyone to do she knows and she will tell you and still do it. Maybe some one could help me would be nice to read what you have to say. Thanks for reading! and she is not on any meds or in special ed. but will be if i cant help her I dont want that and she doesnt either as well as the school.
she has not been diagnosed with anything, and nothing has changed except that her brother was going through the same thing since he was in school he is a year older than her, and his has significatly changed, she said that his bad behavior has gone into her head. which is heart breaking when she told me this. she also says i dont konw alot and i cant help it. and i have no idea how to respond to the answers i get from you.
Does she get enough quality time with dad, after work or relaxing weekends? My daughters (more so than the boys) thrive on that. If he is working late one week, I see a difference in their behavior. They simply respond better to him and listen to him better. There is a level of respect that goes a long way toward helping them in school and beyond.
I would look really hard at what changes happened in her life those first few weeks of school. Did she change daycares? Did someone in her life die? Is there any way possible she was abused or inappropriately touched? Traumatic events (even if just traumatic to her) can trigger sudden behavior changes like you've described.
You might have the teacher begin sending home notes daily. Give her a goal of 5 stars. Have the teacher give or erase stars based on her behavior. If she comes home with all 5 stars (or 4, or start at 3- you decide), she gets ___. It can be extra computer time, an extra bedtime story, picking out what's for dinner, etc. You have to find out what's important to her. The idea behind this is for everyone involved to start looking for things she's doing right.
Her comments about brother's behavior going into her head is interesting. Is there something she found appealing about his bad behavior? Did brother receive any special attention that she is looking for?
You don't say how long you've been seeing the therapist but you might consider finding another one if you aren't seeing improvements.
As for responding to answers, you can also write the responder a private message.
Good luck to you.
edited to add - T., you can add to your original question (don't delete anything - just write at the bottom ETA (edited to add) OR put it in the So What Happened, like you already did. It's the only way to respond here on this thread (it's not like facebook). You did it right...
Original:
If I were you, I'd get an appointment with the school district's child psychologist. Every district has one - he or she works out of the main admin office rather than in one of the schools. Ask if there is an elementary school in the system who has special classes for children with problems. There usually is one.
Most parents don't want their kids in a program for troubled children. BUT, if the school is sending her home every day, then something has to be done. She can't learn if she isn't in school. The teachers who deal with specialized classes are specially trained to deal with these kids, and they are typically brought in from area schools after being identified as children who cannot cope in a traditional setting.
This doesn't mean that your child is retarded or mentally impaired. Hopefully your district doesn't put these children and behavioral problems together. Talk to the district psychologist and ask questions - listen to what she says.
I'm sure that one thing that they would want to do is have her evaluated. Has the person she's working with done an evaluation? Do you have a copy? Have you given it to the school counselor? The school can do their own evaluation (you don't have to pay for it.) Write a letter to the school asking for a formal evaluation, mail it certified, and they have a certain amount of time (maybe 10 days?) to answer you and set up a date for evaluation.
Keep on this, both with the school and with her therapist. I agree with the principal to keep sending her to school. She mustn't think that bad behavior makes it so that she doesn't have to go. I do think that getting her transferred to a place that deals with students like her will help her learn that she doesn't get to go home in the middle of the day. When she learns to behave better, whether it's with medication or behavior modification (or both), getting to go back to regular school where there is more "freedom" will be a reward for good behavior. Right now, she has nothing to compare to and doesn't understand.
Good luck.
I agree that she needs an evaluation. Sending her home each day cannot be an option. She has a right to an education. She may have even learned that bad behavior gets her home so she will continue to misbehave. There are many options to help her at school from behavior intervention plans, one on one aids, special classrooms, or special ed schools. The school is required to place her in the least restricted environment that works for her. If things can be put in place in her regular classroom to help her, they have to do that. If her needs are more than they can accommodate, it would be best for her to be placed in a different setting so she can be successful. I would request a meeting with the teacher, principal, and school psychologist to determine what should be done to help her. You can even ask your daughter's therapist to attend.
Do you discipline them in the home?
Did she get in trouble at home for misbehaving at school?
She needs to be evaluated by mental health professional or at the very least, the school psychlogist. You need to write a note, and you MUST write it, do NOT depend on verbal request. Write a note saying that your daughter needs to be evaluated for learning disabilities and emotional disturbance. Make sure you date the note and give a copy to the principal and the school psychologist. Keep a copy for yourself. The school district has a limited time to comply with the request, that's why the date is so important on the note - that's how you can track WHEN they have to have done the evaluation.
My GD was just diagnosed as being on the autism spectrum. Until now, school has been a nightmare. Like with your child, they were calling my DIL to pick her up, but then they would mark her truant! They didn't want her at school, but they didn't want to lose the money for her not being there. So, like with you, they played this back and forth game. My DIL had no idea what to do. We ended up in COURT because of the truancy even though the school was calling and saying take her home!
Your daughter is suffering. Please get her some help ASAP
Our 9 year old was having problems at school since she started. Our 7 year old was sweet as pie. However, as time went on and the 9 year old got better (diagnosed ADHD and ODD). The seven year old started acting up. She sees her sister get A LOT of attention and even though it's not always positive (discipline, etc.)-she feels left out. Because we have one child in home based therapy we now have a therapist that comes to work with the whole family. It seems to help. It took a lot of legwork from me to get here, but that's what us moms do, right?
What? You say she's suspended and then you say the principal doesn't want you to keep her home. Suspension is when you keep her home.
I suggest you aren't understanding what the school is doing. It also sounds like you're trying to reason with your daughter instead of setting clear boundaries with immediate related consequences. You have to be clear with her that even tho these thoughts are in her head she must follow the rules.
Does the school ask you to take her home when they call you. If so, take her home where she is not allowed to do anything fun. No TV, no computer and no discussing why she acted out. Say, in a firm but kind voice, this is what you did and this is your consequence. Then enforce it. Make being home instead of in school boring.
Good that she's seeing a child therapist. If you're not also talking with this person please arrange to do that and talk about what you can do.
If the school is suggesting an evaluation to see if she would benefit from being in a special ed class, then do that. If they're not asking, you ask for it. She will get extra help in a special class. When a student acts out this often they need more attention than a teacher in a large classroom can give her. Special ed classrooms have aides and specialized training.
Being in special ed classroom can be short term. Once the student is able they will put her back into a regular classroom. My grandson is in special ed. Their goal is to get him into the best classroom for him based on his abilities.
Later: if the school isn't suggesting an evaluation, you ask for one. Federal law requires that the school district evaluate any child who is having difficulties that interfere with learning
Call the school district administration office and ask for the phone number for the special education office that does evaluations. Call that number and ask them for help.
T., in my opinion when a child becomes a "troublesome child", he/she is actually dealing with REAL circumstances at home or at school. Your daughter is not necessarily affected by a mental disorder or so.
Please pay attention to the following:
She is too tired (rethink sleep and even meals routine)(?)
She feels ill or uneasy (?)
She feels angry (who, what (?)
Changes at home (?) (moving, divorce, parents arguing too much, teacher or classroom adjustments,etc), or a major change that is disrupting her stable routine.
Parents are too disconnected from the kid on an emotional level.
Whatever it is try to react, respond to her in a positive way, talk to her nicely and firm and get her to open her heart and mind. How do you know that she is telling you false things? ("....what the issues are and some of what she says is false...."). She doesn't need punishment, she needs to be re directed , and you need to be calm and firm. Pay attention to every detail at school, what does the teacher say? is she only complaining about your daughter? What is the teacher actually doing to deal with your kid's behavior? (details). Do not rely on medications without knowing exactly what is happening and after getting a second and even a third opinion.
A. :)
It does sound like she's got something going on...they just haven't found it yet. Have you considered home schooling...just for now until she can get a little more self control.
There are exercises she can do and games she can play that help with self regulation (like the freeze dance). Also, try to get her into a sport like gymnastics. It's very physical and it requires quite a bit of discipline as well.
I assume this is a public school? You need to see the school psychologist ASAP and get your daughter in to see him/her a few times a week. DEMAND an evaluation be done. You can get advice from the pediatrician as well. Then you need to tell the psychologist and the principal that your daughter is not doing anything to warrant a suspension. Go to the Superintendent if you must. She is entitled to an education and help through the state. You are her advocate - help her get the help she needs. Sometimes it can be a big battle - and it's up to you to do the battling - but it's worth it. Stand up for your daughter's rights.
Ask the school if you can shadow your daughter for an entire day. This will help you see things from both sides of the fence. I did with my son when he was in 1st grade. We then had a meeting about what I observed, what were triggers for him, possible solutions I could bring to the table.
I will tell you I was exhausted after a day of shadowing. I work full time outside my home and thought it would be a piece of cake. I didn't realize how many transitions they expect kids to make during a day. They really cater to the shorter attention span, which was a big learning for me. My son likes to finish one task before starting another or needs a heads up that it is okay not to finish. We also implemented a reward system at school to keep running down and other behavior challenges for him. His teacher and reinforced the same messages so he was getting it from both places and he knew that I would be talking to her frequently.
We turned his 1st grade experience into a very positive situation. He actually sad when the school year ended because he began to enjoy school so much.
I wish you luck. It is hard to be called constantly from the school and feel helpless.
If you would like more suggestions, please email me.
G.
Your child really needs an evaluation and you have to recognize that you can't reason her or logic her out of her negative behaviors. She could be having problems for any number of reasons; developmental, emotional, cognitive, mental health, etc.
Your daughter is only 7 years old and of course some of what she tells you is wrong will be "false." She probably doesn't cognitively recognize what's wrong. That's why she needs an evaluation with your permission with a child psychiatrist (not just a "child mental health therapist")AND the school. She could be suffering depression from an incident or series of incidents. She could be suffering with a sort of anxiety.
If anxiety disorders run in either side of the family that might offer you some insight. If her father is't part of her life, or isn't around much, that could offer some insight. It could be anything and that's why you need an actual mental health specialist ie. Child Psychiatrist.
I truly believe you need to do some evaluations on her. Ask the school to do this for you. They are supposed to provide this service. That does NOT mean they are 100% correct but if my kid was acting like this at school they'd be on a 504 plan and on meds.
Has anything happened this past year to cause her change in behavior? At home? Has she been diagnosed with ADD? Main thing is what has changed from last year? Would need to know that in order to try to help you and your daughter more! A.
I would get her in with a child psychiatrist. They're doctors and can assess her for any underlying medical conditions causing this type of behavior. Therapists can't diagnose, so you may be missing out on this critical step in all of this.
I am trying to figure out why she has been suspended. That is usually reserved for some pretty bad behavior (typically hurting/threatening another student or a teacher).
It is challenging to sort out the key points here, but it sounds like she used to be a good listener in school and now she isn't. The cause for the change is important here.
Has anything changed at home like a new baby, a divorce or breakup, a new significant other?
How does this teacher interact with her compared to past teachers? My son reacts very differently to different personalities?
Is she having trouble with the schoolwork? The expectations increase as far as reading and writing and if she is struggling she might be embarrassed. She may be deflecting attention away from her struggles by acting out.
I agree with Doris Day.
It sound to me like the school is bullying your daughter. If I was getting calls daily to come get my child from school before the day had really begun, I'd be in the principal's office raising all kinds of hell.
She's acted up a few times, and now she's got a target on her back. That's HARD to get out from under.
Remind her of the rules every morning as you drop her off. Remind her of your expectations every morning as you drop her off too. After you drop her off, head straight for the office and tell them that you DO NOT want to hear them calling you every hour and tattling to you about your child. She NEEDS to be in class learning, and sending her home an hour after school starts is NOT conducive to her learning.
Man oh man, I'd be SO pissed at the school right now.
